Anger and Adverse Childhood Experiences
- Glenn R. Schiraldi Ph.D.
- 7 hours ago
- 5 min read
Festering anger that damages us and those around us can soften.
Strong, chronic anger from childhood adversity damages us physically, mentally, and interpersonally.
Anger can be resolved by softening angry memories and cultivating affirmative emotions
This post is part of a series on adverse childhood experiences. Read the other parts here.
Among Doreen’s six adverse childhood experiences was a cynical, angry, and emotionally abusive father. Today at 55, Doreen’s father has passed on, but her anger persists. Although her anger at present irritations seems justified to her, it leads to a number of troubling problems. What kind of problems does festering anger cause, and how is it resolved?
Biological changes
Research has shown that in young adults, spending 8 minutes recalling memories that evoke anger (but not sadness or anxiety) impairs the ability of blood vessels to relax for up to 40 minutes. Such changes have been shown to increase the risk of arterial plaque buildup, which hardens and narrows the arteries and increases the risk of heart attack and stroke. Chronic anger also causes inflammation, which is linked to many medical conditions.
Reason hijacked
Strong, chronic anger impairs the brain’s ability to reason, make decisions, and problem-solve. It overactivated the amygdala, the brain’s alarm center, making us more prone to act impulsively, overriding rational thinking, and keeping stress arousal high. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, which manages planning, judgment, impulse control, empathy, and decision-making, goes offline, and blood flow is diverted away from areas involved in rational thinking. Thus, the chronically angry person is easily overwhelmed by emotions, finds it difficult to calm down and relax after becoming angry, and feels threatened more easily. Even minor triggers can lead to disproportionate emotional responses and aggressive behaviors.
Ruminating over past offenses can also impair moral judgment, prompting aggressive behavior, harsh punishment, and retribution toward perceived offenders.
Damaged interpersonal relationships
Hostility is off-putting and pushes people away. In Doreen’s case, her anger manifests in explosive, angry outbursts that seem disproportionate to offenses. She is often sarcastic, distrusting, highly critical, and hypersensitive to criticism—verbally attacking those who disappoint her, seem to be acting unfairly, or try to offer constructive feedback. Such behaviors cause friends, family, and co-workers to avoid her. In addition, excessive anger is often passed on intergenerationally to children, whose developing brains form pathways similar to those of the angry parent.
Resolving Strong, Chronic Anger
A number of rapid, well-tolerated, effective therapies can help people identify and resolve the hidden wounds from childhood that drive anger in adulthood. These include accelerated resolution therapy (ART), instinctual trauma response (ITR), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). Before therapy, Doreen discounted the impact of ACEs in her life (“I’m an adult; I’m past all that”). Now she is grateful that a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. If seeking professional help is not feasible, there are many self-managed strategies that can be tried (see Schiraldi, 2021).
The brain is plastic. Venting (such as angry outbursts, rage, and hurting others) reinforces neural pathways associated with anger and aggression. However, actively cultivating positive emotions—like humility, compassion, and happiness—can offset these neural pathways in the brain.
Let’s take a look at some strategies:
1. Compassion
Compassion is sorrow for your and others’ suffering and the desire to hold that suffering in loving-kindness. Before arising, you might start your day by placing your hands over your belly. Ground yourself by gratefully watching your hands rise and fall as your body draws nourishing oxygen into your lungs and expels CO2 without conscious thought. Now imagine that you gently draw soothing compassion into your belly on the next inbreath, and on the outbreath, sense compassion settling in your belly.
During the day, whenever you feel threatened, frustrated, or irritated, pause to kindly acknowledge and settle your hurt. Take a few soothing breaths, and then repeat silently or aloud: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I bring kindness to this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”
When you think of others who have offended you, you might think: “No one in their right mind enjoys causing others pain. There is no happiness in causing suffering. Hurtful behavior is more a reflection of the pain they carry.” Rather than nursing resentment or a desire for revenge, try to compassionately view the offender as a suffering person who doesn’t really know a better way to live.
Without condoning serious offenses, compassion helps us to forgive offenders, including ourselves. And when anger is tempered by compassion, anger can be constructively channeled to finding solutions to problems.
2. Happiness
Happy people tend to be less angry, in part because they shift their focus from ruminating about the past to finding things to enjoy. Research has found that happiness increases by taking as little as five minutes each day to recall a few things that you are grateful for. Savor the feelings that arise and contemplate why you appreciate these things.
During the day, be on the lookout for things that are pleasant—good people, nature, little kindnesses, a smile, and so forth. Taking just a few minutes each day to recall a happy memory in detail, including what you sensed in your body, has also been found to increase happiness.
3. Humility
Healthy humility, which reduces self-focus while valuing and empathizing with others, has been found to reduce anger. Healthy humility says:
“I am not perfect. I have much to learn. That makes me just like everyone else—no more or less worthwhile as a person than anyone else!”
“My mistakes are a wonderful opportunity to grow. When others offer feedback, I put my ego on the shelf and consider if that feedback might help me improve.”
“When others disappoint me, I can humbly acknowledge that I, too, have fallen short. Instead of scolding, criticizing, and punishing (which does not inspire long-term change or cooperation), I kindly and respectfully encourage them and work with them to find solutions.
“I realize that I’m not the central character in every drama. I am open to the idea that not all people are hostile and out to get me. Maybe their behavior is coming from their own unresolved hurts.”
Perspective-taking
The wounds from ACEs hurt but hurts that are acknowledged can be healed. They are not a weight we must carry through life. Many have learned to rise above their childhood wounds, and that the anger that was imprinted in the developing brain can be patiently transformed with loving-kindness.
And this is very good news indeed.
References
Schiraldi, G. R. (2021). The Adverse Childhood Experiences Recovery Workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Shimbo, D., Cohen, M. T., McGoldrick, M., et al. (2024). Translational Research of the Acute Effects of Negative Emotions on Vascular Endothelial Health: Findings from a Randomized Controlled Study. Journal of the American Heart Association, 13 (9).
Sacao, A. (2025). Your Heart and Mind Keep Score of Every Angry Moment. Epoch Times Mind & Body, July 9-15, B1-11.
