Why you can't focus or function when something is pending, ADHD or not. Key points Waiting mode is the inability to function or focus because something uncertain is pending. The pattern is common in ADHD but may also be a trauma response in disguise. Perfectionism and how safe you feel in the world may be at the root of the freeze. The shift begins when you believe you can survive what comes without needing absolute control. Waiting mode describes the inner experience of bein

Building a meaningful life is more motivating than reducing symptoms. Key points Values shift the focus of therapy from reducing suffering to building a meaningful life. Clarifying values can strengthen identity and increase motivation for change. Behaviors are best evaluated by whether they align with your values and goals. When people begin treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD), the first conversation is often about what's going wrong. Therapists ask about emo

Supporting non-sporty boys in a culture that glorifies athleticism. Key points Boys who don't like sports are often marginalized and/or teased by their peer group. There are specific behaviors in school that suggest a boy is having trouble socially because he avoids sports. Non-athletic boys need adults to recognize and validate their non-physical traits and talents. It is important that parents talk about their son's relationship to sports rather than avoid it. Raising non-s

How a hopeful mind lowers inflammation, even when life is hard. Key points Optimism is linked to living four to eight years longer and a lower risk of premature death. Optimism benefits the body by reducing inflammation and strengthening stress resilience. Optimism is a trainable skill, not a fixed personality trait. Three simple habits—gratitude, future visualization, and using your strengths—can boost optimism. Optimism and Longevity Optimism has long been dismissed as litt

What "panic pouches" get wrong about panic attacks, and what works instead. Key points Many people are using safety objects to help "protect" themselves from their panic attacks. Although it feels good to have a safety object, it can actually make panic disorder worse in the long run. Cognitive behavioral therapists work with people with panic on effectively addressing the roots of the fears. An element of CBT for panic is eliminating reliance on safety objects. Recently, the

Studies are uncovering the associations between hoarding disorder and suicide. Key points Hoarding disorder involves compulsive accumulation of new items, keeping old ones, and clutter. Those with hoarding disorder report suicidal thoughts and behaviours, and 13 percent have attempted suicide. Hoarding disorder associated with depression and suicidality may be linked to isolation and poor functioning. Approximately 2 to 6 percent of the general population meet criteria for ho

Exploring the psychological costs of nutritionism. Key points Nutritionism reduces food to nutrients, overlooking the broader context of health. Social media and wellness marketing often fuel anxiety by promoting nutritional optimization. Rigid food rules can contribute to anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and eating disorders. Psychological flexibility around food is an important part of overall health. Most of us have heard the message that food is medicine. Res

Your body, your environment, or your future could be the source of suffering. Key points Chronic illness is considered the number-one predictor of depression. The people and places that surround you can cause depression. If you expect bad things to come, you can become depressed. Suffering is hard enough to deal with, but not knowing why you’re suffering is even harder. Depression can feel like an unpredictable storm of hopelessness, but just like the weather, there are patte

The emotional breaking point that changes how people define hope and loss. Key points Fertility treatment can shift over time, as does hope. The emotional weight starts to build quietly. Stopping is not giving up but recognizing your limits. I have to confess, the idea for this blog post was inspired by a song playing on the radio. I stopped to listen, as it happened to be one of my favorite bands, Fleetwood Mac. I know the song well, "Never Going Back Again." This is where I

The meaning we ascribe to an experience may matter more than the experience itself. Last week I did an intensive and worked with a young woman whose life was transformed by a story I shared with her. Although discussing childhood experiences is not the focus of my work with couples during intensives, Sharon talked a great deal about how she was raised. To say that she had it tough would be a vast understatement. Both of her parents were drug addicts and unable to properly nur

Relationships with family and friends are crucial for happiness and well-being. Key points Emotional pain may cause withdrawal, isolation, and loneliness. Investing in friendships and having a shared purpose can boost happiness. Focusing on something bigger than oneself increases emotional well-being. Gray divorce refers to marriages that end after age 50. Currently, 36% of U.S. adults getting divorced are 50 or older. Kathleen, 60, has been divorced for nine years and strugg

How to determine which evidence-based OCD treatment is the best fit for you. Key points ERP, ACT, and I-CBT are all evidence-based ways to change your relationship with OCD. There isn’t one “right” treatment, there are different ways of approaching OCD. You have options in OCD treatment and can advocate for yourself. Be mindful of not getting into a compulsive loop of picking the "perfect" treatment. If you’ve started exploring therapy for OCD, you’ve likely come across diffe

Personal Perspective: You’re not letting go of your child—you’re accepting the reality of losing them. Right now, you might not feel like you’re at the beginning of anything, much less the beginning of the rest of your life. After losing a child, it’s not like we can completely start over and pretend that what has happened never happened. We can’t alter the past, but we can change how we choose to move forward. Don’t worry, your grief isn’t going anywhere. Little by little, y

How to build identity, environment, and coping skills for lasting recovery. Key points Sobriety reshapes identity, habits, relationships, and environment, not just drinking behavior. People who integrate sobriety into their core identity are more likely to sustain it long term. New coping strategies replace old patterns and support psychological growth beyond abstinence. Interest in sober living has grown steadily over the years. What once carried a clinical label is now a ge

World Misophonia Awareness Day highlights an under-recognized condition. Key points Misophonia is a condition in which certain trigger sounds, like chewing, produce extreme negative reactions. Spreading awareness about misophonia can help those who experience the condition feel less alone. It can also help everyone to be a better advocate and avoid triggering behaviors. Misophonia is still not a very well known term, despite the substantial prevalence of the condition. Nearly

From skill-building to addressing the deeper emotional needs driving connection. Couples frequently come to session focused on communication tools. They want worksheets, the 'I' statements, active listening scripts, strategic timeouts when conflict escalates, and concrete, actionable steps. They often assume therapy centers on skill-building, arriving ready to practice, prepared to share how their partner has erred, wanting to know what they can do differently, and wanting sp

Approaching a child's gender transition with mindfulness can ease the process. Key points Many parents have trouble when a child decides to transition to a different gender. Children often do not get the support they need from family and community. Mindfulness can help both parents and children accept change. The entire family can benefit from compassion. “What the hell are you doing?” my patient Dan screamed at his 4-year-old son, who was dressed in his wife’s floral apron a

Healing happens when you get out of the way of your nervous system. Key points Thoughts interpret our physiology and are driven by it. Stress physiology creates unpleasant thoughts. Modern self-help processes are ineffective because they keep the body attentive to threat. By calming down and nurturing safety physiology, your body heals on its own. Quit fighting your thoughts; instead, nurture joy. Like the caterpillar, you will wonderfully emerge. The harder you fight your un

Current messaging about productivity is worsening burnout for many people. Key points "Hustle culture" makes an already-complicated daily existence busier and less open to mindfulness. Current social media trends promote an unhealthy attachment to productivity. Longstanding norms of hyper-productivity are leading to increased rates of burnout. The irony should not be lost on us: optimizing and maximizing, two words we are hearing more and more in the current life-advice socia

Kids with chores tend to be more independent, feel happier, and do better. Key points We're in the midst of a worsening crisis in teens' mental health. Public policy and school changes can help, but parents can also use chores to support their troubled kids. Kids who do chores at home tend to be happier, healthier, and more successful at school and beyond. Parents of troubled kids should start small, emphasize the positive, and stay on top of chore completion. There is so muc