How to Increase Your Child’s Happiness

Six tips for creating an environment where your child finds support and love.

• Long-term happiness can be affected by early childhood experiences.

• Accepting children’s differences in positive ways helps them feel happy.

• Parents should model being grateful and helpful.

Happiness can be defined as a feeling that comes from achieving pleasure, including through short-term activities such as having fun with friends, and long-term achievements such as personal growth, developing meaningful relationships, and contributing to something bigger than oneself.

A stable and safe environment is the most important key that can contribute to a child’s long-term happiness. In such an environment, which ideally includes family, teachers, mentors, and good friends, a child can learn to love and trust others. This serves as a foundation for being able to become productive, grateful, and happy.

As Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, said Happiness is not a goal. It is a byproduct of a life well lived. Focusing on the good things in life allows people to feel better and therefore accomplish more and become more successful—which leads to happiness.

Other keys include learning to become resilient, self-reliant, and developing the ability to self-regulate emotions.

How is Long-Term Happiness Affected by Early Childhood Experiences?

Children learn essential emotional abilities during early childhood that impact their happiness later in life. These abilities include learning how to self-regulate emotions, attach securely to other people, and social skills.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, overuse of technology in early childhood may stunt our children’s emotional development. For instance, a young child might stay at home quietly in front of an electronic device, rather than throwing sand at another child in a sandbox. In the latter case, the child learns that controlling the urge to throw sand is better than causing another child to become upset, retaliate, or to refuse further interactions.

Without such sandbox experiences our children’s emotional development is impeded.

Genetic factors that can affect happiness include those underlying temperament, adaptability, and hormone levels (such as dopamine and serotonin). Infrequently, because of hormonal imbalances, children develop depression that necessitates evaluation by a medical professional for possible use of medications.

However, it is essential to understand that in most cases the environment plays a much larger role in determining happiness than a genetic predisposition. Environmental factors can even affect how our genes express themselves. For instance, if one is genetically prone to the development of hypertension or obesity, healthy lifestyle choices can often prevent the occurrence of either condition.

Environmental factors such as a stable and safe home that foster healthy emotional development, and positive life experiences promote the development of happiness.

What Kind of Environment Can be Created to Promote Happiness?

Parents often wish they could give their children happiness, but it’s an emotion that must come from within. What you can do is create an environment where your child can find refuge, support, and love. Each of these steps can help:

Accept children as they are. Accepting their differences in positive ways helps children feel happy, so be careful not to compare your child to others—especially siblings, friends, or yourself. No parent wants to hear their child use the argument, “My friend’s parents let them do whatever they want.” Likewise, don’t tell your child, “Your friend does better at school than you do. You should keep up.”

I meet far too many children who’ve learned they only get their caregivers’ attention when they make mistakes—a situation that can encourage more bad behavior. Instead of focusing on failures and shortcomings, acknowledge and offer respectful admiration for something good your child has done to gently encourage that behavior.

Show support, respect, and affection. How you talk with your child is one of the most important ways you impact how they feel. When you speak with your child, give them your full attention. When you have concerns about their behavior, say, “I believe in you, and I know you can do better,” instead of, “I’m disappointed in you.” If your child has a passion you don’t find important, support them anyway, and encourage them to pursue their interests.

Stay in the moment. Being present in both time and attention is essential to happiness. With this in mind, don’t dwell on the past or the future when you interact with your child.

For example, once you have reviewed what your child can learn from a previous mistake, don’t keep reminding them what they could have done better. And avoid repeatedly discussing what might happen in the future if your child makes a wrong decision.

Instead, help them focus on issues they can control now. Encourage your child to think about making good choices, and share your confidence that they’ll be able to handle what comes their way in the future.

You can’t buy happiness. Giving your child lavish gifts in the hopes they’ll become happier (or more cooperative) is unlikely to have a benefit. Instead, you can help improve your child’s happiness by giving them some undivided attention, by becoming involved in their passions (such as athletic competitions, debates, reading, or creative arts), and by showing your love through positive words and supportive actions (like a high five, a hug, or your assistance in accomplishing an important task).

Support requests for outside help. If your child asks to receive counseling to help improve their mood, be open to this possibility. It can be hard for children to talk to their parents about issues they consider deeply personal, or about topics that might upset their parents. However, to be happy, children must be able to deal with worries, fears, or other feelings that are weighing them down in a safe, supportive environment.

Be a happiness role model. Model being grateful and helpful. Take care of yourself, starting with getting sufficient exercise and sleep, and eating a well-balanced diet. Challenge yourself and demonstrate that you’re always learning. Be kind to others. These are all things you can’t make your child do, but if you do them yourself, your child will notice and remember the healthy ways you pursue your own happiness.

Takeaway

A safe, stable and nurturing environment during childhood serves as an important foundation that helps children find happiness throughout their lives.

Ran D. Anbar, M.D., FAAP, - Website - Blog -