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A practical, four-step guide to help replace sorrow (Grief) with hope. Did you know that everyone grieves differently? Grief is a natural and deeply personal response to losing a precious loved one, facing a divorce , or the death of a beloved pet. We all must face this brutal reality and need to know how to navigate it or help others going through the same valley. The journey of healing can feel overwhelming. But by employing cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, you can find comfort and strength to move forward and take back control of your life. I call it your “realignment for a new assignment,” which means a rich, resilient, and fulfilling future that becomes a lasting legacy of your loved one. Following are four steps to empower you to heal. Read each a few times. Then, read the “thought shifter declarations” aloud several times to read and hear yourself saying it–key to the recovery process. You might consider recording each self-talk declaration on your phone so you can listen to it repeatedly to make it feel more real. Step 1 : Admit, acknowledge, and vent your feelings–all of them. You’ll want to avoid, bury, and run away from the tidal wave of emotions that hits you. It happens to us all and is normal. But if you allow that automatic reaction, you’ll only delay the healing process. It’s like throwing up when you’re sick. The freedom comes in letting it all out. Allow yourself to experience–and express–the full range of these powerful emotions accompanying grief, including sadness, anger , confusion, fear, hopelessness, or even wanting to give up. Thought-Shifter Declaration. "Even if it’s hard, I choose to do the healthy things. I’ll release all my feelings and permit myself to go with it, let go, unload it all, so I can open myself up to thoughts that heal and restore me.” Step 2 : Choose to be kind, gentle, and compassionate with yourself. This is a harsh and painful road you are forced to go down. More than any other, now is the time to give yourself a boatload of TLC (tender loving care). Be gentle with yourself and prioritize self-care activities that promote healing. Choose to do things such as exercise, journal, get your hair done, take long walks in beautiful places, go to the spa, or listen to soothing and comforting music. Even though your feelings will vehemently protest and throw fits, do it anyway, do it for your self-care. Thought-Shifter Declaration. "I am special. I am unique. I deserve to have a good life, a full and happy life. A life with things I always enjoyed. My loved one would want me to be happy and take care of myself for them. The best is none too good for me, especially during this challenging time, and I refuse to let negative feelings rule my life.” Step 3 : Don’t go at it alone. You’ll feel like isolating and going into your shell. You may think this protects and allow you to hide from life. Choose not to give in to those negative feelings. Notice I said “choose” because your emotions might not cooperate with what’s best for you. Don’t go at it alone. Instead, surround yourself with a loving, nurturing, and caring support network of family, friends, clergy, or a trusted therapist or coach who can provide empathy and understanding and help you get a grip on a whole new perspective. There are many grief support groups where you can meet with kindred spirits going through the same avalanche of sorrows you’re facing now. Yes, it’s time to let somebody love you and encourage you. And you will find added strength as you encourage them and bring them hope. Iron sharpening iron. And again, do it even if you hate the thought, do it anyway. It’s all about choices, not feelings. Thought-Shifter Declaration: "I am not alone; I have people who care and will support me through this journey in the valley. It makes others feel better when they see that their help lifts and comforts me. I can help them by allowing them to help me. Isolation only prolongs my sorrow, so I’ll not listen to those dark feelings, and I’ll reach out, maybe even look into a support group or get into counseling. I’ll choose to do at least one thing like this every day.” Step 4 : Stay connected to your loved one. Express your thoughts, feelings, and special memories by writing a letter to your loved one. Talk out loud to them, sharing what you write. Share your innermost thoughts as if they were right there with you. This practice can help you process your emotions and maintain a positive connection with them. Thought-Shifter Declaration. "I will find peace and comfort in writing to my loved one, knowing that our bond of love transcends physical presence. We’ll always be a special part of each other’s life, so I’ll tell them so.” In choosing to go through these steps, you'll see dramatic results even if your feelings resist. Wouldn’t your loved one want only the best for you, especially now? No question about it. Charles Browning, Ph.D. - website - book

We might think grief is all the same. But there are many kinds. There are numerous types of grief other than common or "normal" grief. Anticipatory grief can happen before an impending loss. If multiple losses occur in a short amount of time, it's important to grieve each one individually. For the past few years, we’ve been researching grief for a book we’re writing. When we started out, we were aware that you could experience grief for various reasons caused by loss. These can be as diverse as the death of a loved one, a relationship breakup, the loss of a job that was part of your identity, the loss of your home due to natural disasters – and everything in between. But along the way we learned that aside from what we all know as common or “normal” grief, there are many other types of grief. We’ve homed in on nine that you or someone you know may experience at some point in your lives: Abbreviated grief is a shortened response to a loss. It can occur when the void that was left by the loss is immediately filled by someone or something else; or when one has experienced anticipatory grief (see below). Absent grief is when a person shows only a few, or no, signs of anguish about the death of a loved one. The cause may be denial or avoidance of the emotional realities of the loss. It may also happen if the deceased was ill, especially for some time, and the person who lost their loved one experienced anticipatory grief. Other reasons this may occur are if the loss hasn’t sunk in yet, or if the relationship wasn’t close. Anticipatory grief occurs before an impending loss. Usually, the loss is the expected death of someone we’re close to due to illness. It can also be experienced by the dying person. However, life-altering surgeries (i.e., a mastectomy, the loss of a limb, or heart surgery), the likelihood of the end of a relationship, business downsizing, or war can also cause anticipatory grief, which does not generally replace post-loss grief. Since grief is different for each of us, the grief experienced before the loss doesn’t necessarily reduce the grief after death. That said, for some, there may be little post-loss grief due to anticipatory grief. In fact, they may feel relief. It’s not unusual for anticipatory grief to cause additional stress and a decrease in physical and mental health. For this reason, it’s helpful for those affected in these ways to seek support from each other as well as any professionals involved, i.e., hospice, social workers, and nurses. Collective grief is experienced by a group of people, such as a community or nation, due to a natural or man-made disaster, terrorist attack, war, the death of a well-known person, or an event resulting in mass casualties such as COVID-19. Collective grief can include feelings of loss of not only control, but also justice, identity, and predictability. In some instances, such as a global pandemic, the losses are ambiguous: We don’t know how or to what extent we’ll be affected, or for how long. In times like these, it’s healthy to grieve about what’s been lost so we can adapt and move forward. Like common grief, collective grief can cause periods of mourning and sadness as well as periods of acceptance and even happiness. Moving in and out of these feelings is more than okay, and it’s actually good to distract yourself, experience joy, and laugh. In effect, doing so helps cope with grief and loss. Complicated grief If grief becomes debilitating and symptoms such as painful emotions are so severe that you don’t improve in time and have trouble resuming your life, you may be suffering from complicated, chronic, or prolonged grief (see below). This heightened state of mourning interrupts the healing process. Some signs of complicated grief are: Intense sorrow and reflection on the loss, usually of a loved one. Inability to focus on little except the loss of the deceased. Intense and persistent longing for the loved one. Problems accepting the death. Numbness or detachment. Bitterness about the loss. Feeling that life holds no meaning or purpose. Lack of trust in others. Inability to enjoy life or think back on positive experiences with the loved one. Although the following are common during grief, if they continue for an extended length of time, they may indicate complicated grief: Difficulty carrying out normal routines Isolation from others and withdrawal from social activities Depression, deep sadness, guilt, or self-blame Belief that you did something wrong and/or could have prevented the death Feeling that life isn't worth living without your loved one Wishing that you had died along with your loved one While we don’t know why some people suffer from complicated grief, it might entail environment, personality, inherited traits, and the body’s natural chemicals. Cumulative grief can occur when the grieving process isn’t complete before another loss happens, or when multiple losses occur at one time. It can also happen if a loss years earlier wasn’t adequately dealt with (see delayed grief, below) which may cause the new loss to be overwhelming. Experiencing multiple losses in a short time can cause complicated grief. Avoidance may increase as well as self-medication (alcohol, drugs) to numb the pain, which then also delays grief. When such substance abuse is reduced, or ceases, cumulative grief may become staggering. To integrate multiple losses into our lives, it’s important to individually grieve each one, taking into consideration the relationship with that person, as well as the circumstances of their death. If one is religious or spiritual, cumulative grief can test one’s faith. It can cause people to question why such a thing would occur or even to strengthen their belief in a higher power. Either way is normal. Delayed grief is when common grief is suspended but reappears later. Delayed grief isn’t unusual after the death of a loved one due to the numerous things that need to be accomplished. Many people who’ve lost a loved one feel they must appear strong for others and tamp down their emotions to be a sturdy shoulder for others in their family. Keeping busy with projects and work is another common way for people to delay their grief process. Trouble is: If we suppress our emotional pain and ignore it, it doesn’t go away. It can work its way into other aspects of our lives. Delayed grief can have a negative impact on our health and cause headaches and stomach problems, as well as a myriad of other concerns. It can also ruin previously healthy social relationships. We’ve been trained in our culture to hide our emotions of grief and sorrow. We’re told to buck up, to smile through the pain and sadness, to be “strong.” It isn’t any wonder that many of us find ourselves suffering from delayed grief. Disenfranchised grief occurs when a loss is ignored or minimized by others, and is often linked to cultural, societal, or religious beliefs. In these instances, grief is minimized, experienced out of public view, and often disregarded. The societal stigma of suicide and drug overdose, whether intentional or not, may cause a mourner to experience disenfranchised grief. The mourner then feels they are not acknowledged, validated, or supported by society. If the griever’s relationship with the deceased is, for some reason, not recognized, the mourner can also experience disenfranchised grief. Prolonged grief is a recognized disorder (PGD) with distinct symptoms – intense longing for the deceased, difficulty accepting the loss, flattened affect and emotional numbness, confused identity, bitterness, an inability to trust others, and feeling trapped by grief – which remain intense and are disabling for six months or more after the death. Mental health assistance is a necessity for those suffering from PGD as destructive behaviors and suicidal thoughts can develop. If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. Rosemary K.M. Sword and Philip Zimbardo - Website - References Rando T.A. (1986), Loss and anticipatory grief. Lanham, MD: Lexington Books. Roy, K. (2019). Disenfranchised grief: When grief and grievers are unrecognized. West Dade, FL: The New Social Worker.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel so wonderful. It's OK to say no to things that don't feel right for you this year. Participating in fun activities can help to boost your mood and distract you from your pain. Consider limiting your exposure to social media, TV shows, and movies that might make you feel worse. The end of the year is a time that is complicated for many people. It can be a time of celebration, spending time with loved ones, engaging in traditions, and fun events. However, for many, it can also be a season of loneliness and isolation, and triggers of grief and loss can also accompany some of those traditions and meaningful moments. If you are struggling during this season, here are a few tips that can help you cope. It is OK to set boundaries and to say no . There may be different events, like parties/events or family gatherings, that occur that you do not want to participate in this year. It is OK to identify your needs to attend an event, communicate those needs with others, or choose not to go to an event. Even when you feel pressured to attend an event, it is healthy to advocate for your needs, and you can choose to say no. Or you might choose to attend an event but leave early or only participate in parts of an event. Try to focus on identifying how you feel about the event, what would make the event feel good or OK for you to attend, and then deciding based on advocating for what you need in this season, even if it differs from what someone else might choose. It is also OK to say yes and participate in fun events . On the flip side, you might experience feelings of guilt for wanting to attend an event. It is OK to give yourself permission to say yes to an event and allow yourself to have a good time. It does not dishonor the loss you have experienced or your grief to allow yourself moments of positivity throughout the season. Loneliness and isolation can be a difficult trap that is easy to fall into when grieving, and it can often make things feel worse. It might be helpful for you to try to challenge yourself to identify which events might be worth attending and say yes to those while also saying no to the ones not right for you this year. Listen to your body and respect your needs. You are the expert on yourself and your needs. You alone can know what decisions feel right for you. Listening to your body and emotions can help to guide you through this season, honoring what you need at any moment. And it is OK, and even likely, that what you are feeling will change throughout the season, the day, or even to feel multiple things at one time. It can be helpful to create a space to allow you to feel whatever feelings are coming up and have time to honor all your emotions this year. Monitor your exposure to media . This time of year can be challenging for many reasons, partly due to the media messaging we receive. The commercials on TV all show happy families all gathered, and music in stores tells happy stories and can invoke memories of seasons past. All of these messages can tell the story that everyone else is having a picture-perfect season. It can be helpful to set up some boundaries around the media you are experiencing to protect yourself from these stories if it feels like it adds a sense of pressure or grief. You can also remind yourself that just because marketing tells a certain story does not mean everyone else is having a picture-perfect time. Many people struggle during this season; you are not alone. Invest in healthy coping strategies. It can be easy to fall into unhealthy coping strategies to try to get through the season. Things like drinking to feel numb or isolating and disengaging from your social support network to avoid potential grief triggers can feel helpful at the moment but ultimately can make things more difficult for you. Instead, try to invest in healthy coping strategies. You might want to talk to a friend or family member; you can reach out to a support group of others who are struggling as well; you might try a mindfulness practice, you could volunteer and give back to others, start a new tradition, or honor other traditions that are important to you, find ways to move your body, and take time to feel your feelings. These strategies can help both in the moment and the long term. Involve your loved ones . When you have lost someone you love, it can be difficult to face this time of year without that person. While they are not physically present with you this year, you can invest in finding ways to have them continue to be a part of your celebration. Maybe you continue their favorite traditions, make sure to have their favorite dish for dinner, donate to their favorite charity in their name, tell stories of favorite memories, have a photo or memento in their spot at the table, find a moment to visit or decorate their grave or memorial, or any other way that helps to keep your loved one as part of your holiday. There are millions of ways to find a way to include your loved ones. Take the time to find the way that means the most to you. Embrace the messiness. Grief and happiness can coexist. Honoring one feeling does not mean that the other emotion will go away. There is space in life for both the hard things and the bright moments. It will undoubtedly be a bit less straightforward, but working to find ways to experience all of the moments for what they are can help you navigate this season while grieving successfully. Amy Smith, Ph.D., LMFT, CFLE, - Website -

Here are some simple tips to help you through the grieving process. Grief is a complex and highly personal process that can be overwhelming at times. Coping with grief can include self-compassion, acceptance, embracing social support, and prioritizing rest. Awareness of using unhelpful coping strategies that help one avoid grief is important. Losing a loved one is one of the hardest experiences a person can go through. It can feel like your whole world has fallen apart, like nothing makes sense anymore. You can’t understand the concept of the person not living anymore; it doesn’t compute in your brain because they were just here, and now they are not. Sometimes, there can be a shutting down that happens: a numbness that protects you, at least temporarily, from the acute pain that losing someone can cause. At other times, there can be a huge wave of different emotions that hit you all at once. When you have lost someone, you learn quickly that grief is highly individual, unpredictable, and incredibly hard to cope with. How to cope with grief Grieving is a long process of coming to terms with and accepting the reality of the loss and gradually learning to live without the person. In this article, we outline some practical ways to cope with the grieving process following the death of a loved one. Acceptance and self-compassion Grieving is messy. It involves so many different emotions that can feel intensely overwhelming, especially in the first few days and weeks after the loss. There will be times when these emotions can feel like you are immersed and sinking in the pool of grief; at other times, you might feel like you are frantically trying to keep your head above water. Accepting that intense, painful emotions are part of the grief process can help; so rather than judging yourself for experiencing them, thoughts like “I should be coping better,” try and take a self-compassionate approach—tell yourself it is OK to feel this and allow them to come and go. Find your anchors When you are experiencing the painful emotions of grief, one way to cope is to find an anchor to ground yourself. This can be as simple as focusing on your breathing and slowing it down slightly. Or bringing your awareness to something external in your environment—this could be the tea cup in front of you or a tree in the garden—and then describing to yourself all the details of that scene: what you see, what you hear, the colors, the textures, etc. The importance of rest Grieving is an active process that takes energy and can make you feel exhausted. What can compound this is disturbed sleep, where you may be waking early, having vivid dreams, or feeling unable to get to sleep. All of this can make you feel like your mind is full of cotton wool; perhaps you are unable to think clearly, or your memory isn’t good. It can also feel like your head is full and empty at the same time. All of this is depleting, and it is important that you respond to this appropriately. Compassionately ask yourself: What do I need to help me through this? Rest and taking things slow are key when you are exhausted from grief. So, taking time off work, getting help with childcare, and delegating your usual tasks or responsibilities where possible will help. Dealing with death admin Something that doesn’t often get talked about is the stressful nature of dealing with the practical side of someone’s death and all of the admin that goes along with this. For example, how to inform the different agencies and organizations, such as pensions, income tax, banks, phone companies, etc. If you are named as an executor in the will, this becomes even more complex as you then have certain legal responsibilities to manage the person’s estate. The added burden of death admin can compound the painful feelings and sense of overwhelm in the grief process, and if you are experiencing memory difficulties and exhaustion, such as described above, it is incredibly difficult to navigate this part of the journey. One way to manage this is to simply get help with it . Whether that’s other family members, friends, or external agencies such as a solicitor, having someone help you organize how to approach the death admin is going to help. Use your support system . You may want to isolate yourself when you are grieving, shutting down, and becoming lost in your thoughts and memories of the person, but too much of that is ultimately going to be unhelpful. A healthier approach is to use your support system: Tell them what you need and ask for their help, whether that is practical in nature, like helping with the laundry or meals, or needing a shoulder to cry on. If you are grieving alone, reach out to the many organizations out there that have phone lines and people you can talk to . Watch out for unhelpful coping strategies. It is natural to want respite from the pain of grieving; at times of intense distress, human beings tend to try and reduce the impact of this distress by various means. For example, you may find yourself drinking more alcohol, eating more, or isolating yourself. If used a lot, these behaviors can get in the way of healthy grieving because they prevent actually feeling and processing painful emotions. If you notice that you are avoiding your grief by engaging in unhelpful behaviors, consider seeking professional help. Having therapy or grief counseling can be transformative for someone’s grief process, enabling a safe space to process difficult feelings and learn coping skills. Liz White DClinPsy, CPsychol - website

As you navigate through your grief journey, you may need some help. How long does grief take? Grief takes as long as it takes. There is no time limit. Everyone grieves differently: men and women, children and teens, older adults and younger adults. It is important to know that it is okay not to be okay. Please do not let others tell you how you should feel. Trying to navigate through your grief is not an easy thing to do—but I am sure you might know that by now. I have many people who ask when they first come into my grief groups, “How long is this going to take—weeks, months, years?” My answer is always the same. “Grief takes as long as it takes.” Now that may sound like I am trying to avoid the question—but I am not. Grief does take as long as it takes. Everyone grieves differently. For example, men and women grieve differently, as do children , teens , younger adults , and older adults . There is no set time limit. What works for one person may not work for anyone else. You see, when you have lost a piece of your heart, there is no time limit. There is no right way to grieve, just yours. If it works for you, that is great. However, if it doesn’t, perhaps you might try something different. It might help you to do some journaling, to seek out a grief group or an individual grief therapist—remember, not every therapist works with grief, so be sure you find a grief therapist. You might even look back into your life when you had another loss or something tragic happen and how you made it through that experience. What did you do then that you are not doing now? It is important to know that it is okay not to be okay right now. There will be friends, neighbors, and family members who may try to rush you through your grief—because they are uncomfortable with how you are acting and how you are feeling. Please ignore them. They are not grieving, you are! The way you grieve also depends on the type of death that occurred—medical, accident, suicide, death of a baby, child, teen, pet, grandparent, etc. It also depends on how close you were to the person who died. Was this a sudden death, a lingering illness, or a shooting/stabbing? Were you with them when they died? Did they live out of town and you got a phone call about their death? All of this makes a difference for the grieving person. You will enter a “new normal,” which means you cannot go back to the way things were in the past because your loved one has died and is no longer here. However, you can still communicate with them. In this “new normal,” whatever you are feeling is ok. If you are crying a lot, feeling guilty, angry, not wanting to be around people, it is ok because that is where you are now and that is what grief is about. Mentally, you may not be able to focus on what you are reading or doing at home or at your job. You may lose things, forget where you put things, go to the store and not remember why you went, or drive down the street and not remember where you are going or how you even got there. This is your new normal for a while—but not forever. Grief can affect your life physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. Please seek help if you think you might need it. Don’t let others tell you when they think you should get help; only you know when you are ready. Physically, you may feel very tired or have chest pain, headaches, as well as other physical symptoms. Socially, sometimes it takes a village to help you navigate through your grief, and that is okay. Just remember, it may seem like you are alone—but when you're ready to talk to someone, need a shoulder to cry on, need someone to listen to you without giving you unsolicitous advice, or need someone to just give you a hug, there are people ready to help. There are people in your life that you trust or even those you didn’t expect to be there for who will be there. You may take one step forward and two steps back, but that is to be expected when you are trying to navigate through the muddy waters of grief. Spiritually, you may not feel comfortable with how you are feeling about God, because you have been praying for your loved one and they died anyway. When you are ready, it may be a good idea to make an appointment to talk with your clergy. This might help you in some way. You may not want to go back to your place of worship, because you may be afraid of crying around others. Perhaps going to a different service time might help you as well. So, don’t give up, don’t let others put expectations on you and your grief (I am sure you may have already done that to yourself), take a deep breath, and talk about your loved one. Allow others to do the same, and your loved one will never be forgotten. It can be a wonderful feeling to hear stories about your loved one that you never heard before. It is okay to tell your story because it is in the telling of your story that your healing will take place. Blessings to you as you navigate through your grief journey. Dee Stern, Psy.D -

Navigating loss, identity, and the silent ache of miscarriage. Loss of identity and role confusion are common grief responses to miscarriage. Some women may feel betrayed by their own body, questioning their sense of control and personal worth. Family and friends often don’t know how to respond, leaving the grieving person feeling isolated. Miscarriage is not a choice. It is something that happens to you without permission. The loss of the imagined life and joy and the plan for what was to be creates a journey into the unknown. It is like walking a labyrinth facing a maze of emotions that you want to escape from yet are right there in front of you. Anger , anxiety , shame, regret, shock, despair, numbness, guilt, and depression are some of the most prevalent emotions women report in the aftermath of their loss. These deep emotions are felt differently by each woman who has gone through a miscarriage. Think of grief like your fingerprint. No one has the same one. The emotional terrain of miscarriage is unique to each woman, yet many women report a kind of loneliness that is followed by an acute sense of isolation. Too often women will hear from family , friends, and even their doctors, "You're young, you'll have another pregnancy." What's missed in this insensitive response are the profound psychological impacts miscarriage has on personal identity, the loss of trust in the body, and the silent shame carried within the psyche. Consciously Grieving, Consciously Silent "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story within you." —Maya Angelou Consciously taking time to grieve this loss is necessary, yet hard to engage with. The loss often brings a complexion of grief that may be misunderstood by those who are close to you. What they don't seem to understand are the two issues you face: The toll that miscarriage has on your body and the nonlinear path your grief follows after this loss, not simply fading after the body heals. The grief takes its time, it lingers, challenging the mind and spirit in ways that aren’t always visible. The experience of miscarriage grief can cause you to feel that your mourning response is invisible or "should" have a time limit. Miscarriages can create a ripple effect for the family, your partner, other children in the home (and their grief, depending on their age), and close relatives. For many, miscarriage loss is often intertwined with a lost sense of identity, especially if the role of mom was part of the imagined future with the new baby. If this was a first pregnancy, you might be thinking, "I'm not going to be a mother. Who am I now that I've lost this baby?" Post-miscarriage, women often report a lost sense of identity. Partners may feel a profound sense of helplessness, and children who were expecting a sibling might not understand why their parents seem sad or distracted. Family members sometimes struggle with the right words to offer comfort, creating distance even when they mean to be supportive. What they don't understand is how to identify their own grief around your loss. Addressing these impacts requires patience, open communication, and self-compassion. This is especially hard when the self you knew prior to this loss is less online, thinking is cloudy, and your brain may seem chaotic or shut down. Family members who acknowledge each other’s unique grief and hold space for it can help bridge the gaps that loss creates. In these moments, it's about allowing each person’s grief to be recognized as the battleground you are all facing. Taking a family breath and knowing that you are in this together can be one simple way to lean into the loss as a community. It is important to continue to acknowledge that there isn't a timetable for miscarriage grief. The emotional impact will echo longer for some and shorter for others. Loss of appetite, sleep difficulties, and lethargy are just some of the ways the body responds to the emotions present in grief. Breaking the Silence Within Begin a notes-to-self grief diary. Whether in a formal journal or simply as notes on your cell phone, recording your thoughts and feelings can help you process your grief and connect with your emotions. Community is part of breaking out of the shame and silence. You define what community means for you. It might be one person or a trusted group of friends. Identify personal goals and a self-care routine to master your own healing journey. Make your process more concrete by determining what is immediately attainable and what you can attain in the next two months on your path to the wished-for goals. Self-care can easily be an adjacent ritual you create in parallel with your personal goals. Make a list of the types of self-care that you believe are necessary for your mind, body, and psyche. Navigating the Loss of Identity Miscarriage also has a way of shifting one’s perception of the self and the body. Some may feel betrayed by their own biology, questioning their sense of control and personal worth. This frustration or anger toward the body is a common, deeply emotional response—one that can evoke guilt or feelings of inadequacy. From a psychological perspective, processing this internalized anger is essential for helping individuals reconnect with self-compassion and come to terms with the body's unpredictability. Relationships are also shaped by miscarriage. Partners, family members, and friends often don’t know how to respond, leaving the grieving person feeling isolated or misunderstood. Those close to the loss might inadvertently avoid the topic or offer misguided comfort, intensifying feelings of loneliness. Open communication and supportive spaces are vital in bridging this gap, allowing each person to process their grief in their own way while still feeling connected. Understanding these responses through a psychological lens emphasizes the need for nuanced support systems. By acknowledging the emotional impacts of miscarriage—on identity, the body, and relationships—those affected can find ways to cope that honor both the loss and the resilience that follows. Edy Nathan, MA, LCSWR, - Website - Blog - References Liron Rozenkrantz, Reut Weissgross, Tali Weiss, et al. (2020) Unexplained repeated pregnancy loss is associated with altered perceptual and brain responses to men’s body-odor. eLife 9:e55305. Huff, C. (2024, June 1). The hidden grief of miscarriage. Monitor on Psychology, 55(4).

New discoveries upend the conventional wisdom about adolescent sleep. Teen sleepiness has been described as a critical health problem. Many solutions and interventions to address the problem have been proposed and tried. Pruning of synaptic connections during adolescence may prevent them from fully benefiting from more sleep. It is generally assumed that if you are sleepy during the day, more nighttime sleep will make you less sleepy. I don’t think anyone, from sleep scientists to the general public, would disagree. At least, I didn’t think I would disagree until recently, when I read about some surprising discoveries about adolescent sleep. Sleep researcher Mary Carskadon and colleagues have characterized biological changes coupled with psychosocial pressures as creating a “perfect storm” leading to an epidemic of sleepiness and associated negative consequences for post-pubertal adolescents. Biological changes prevent them from being able to fall asleep early enough to get sufficient sleep, given early school start times. Further, social media use and the anxieties it often induces are frequently blamed for stealing crucially needed sleep time. The serious consequences of sleep loss include lower school achievement; emotional, behavioral, and health problems; and a greater risk of accidents when driving begins. All of these have been well documented in the sleep research literature. Many remedies have been proposed, including better education about the importance of getting enough sleep, closer parental monitoring and regulation of sleep, and convincing school districts to start school later. The evidence of effectiveness for these remedies has been growing, with mostly encouraging results. If teens and preteens get more sleep, multiple aspects of their lives will improve. Despite all the encouraging research evidence, definitive proof of the long-lasting positive effects of these remedies is difficult to obtain. Randomized control studies such as those required for medical and pharmaceutical treatments are not possible for many sleep interventions, aside from those for sleep disorders such as sleep apnea and narcolepsy. Measuring outcomes of sleep interventions aimed to improve adolescents’ sleep and well-being often rely on self-reports—asking study participants how much they are sleeping, how sleepy they are, and whether they are feeling more or less anxious and depressed . Obtaining objective measures of these outcomes is more difficult and costly, so fewer studies have been done. Objective measures of other outcomes, such as school attendance, tardiness, grades, and standardized test scores, have shown some promising results. A series of studies by sleep lab researcher Ian Campbell and colleagues at the University of California, Davis, has produced some surprising and counterintuitive results. The research designs are as rigorous as any I have seen for the study of sleepiness in adolescence. In one study, participants' ages ranged from 9 to 20 years, and each person was studied annually for up to three years. Younger children were assessed annually by pediatricians to determine Tanner stage—the method for determining pubertal maturation. Participants kept three different sleep schedules in their homes: 7, 8.5, and 10 hours in bed for four consecutive nights. During the second and fourth nights, EEG during sleep was monitored at home. After the fourth night, they went to a lab where they were administered the multiple sleep latency test (MSLT), an objective measure of sleepiness, at four different times: 9:30 a.m.; 11:30 a.m.; 1:30 p.m.; and 3:30 p.m. Results showed EEG changes (decline in Delta power) with increasing age during adolescence, likely related to the synaptic pruning of neurons that has long been found to occur during that developmental period. During early periods of growth, the brain makes more and more connections. The pruning process that occurs during adolescence is said to make the brain more efficient while decreasing neuronal “white noise.” These structural changes, in turn, are proposed to be related to changes in gonadal hormones associated with puberty. In the study, sleepiness increased steeply until around age 14 and did not increase more into late adolescence and young adulthood. The surprising finding—the paradox—was that there was a declining benefit of more sleep to decrease daytime sleepiness as participants got older. That is, older adolescents and young adults remained just as sleepy, even when they were getting more sleep. The authors suggest that synaptic pruning decreases the brain’s waking activity and produces lower arousal, leading to more sleepiness. The implication is clear that even with the best attempts to reengineer the psychosocial environment for adolescents through better education about the need for sleep, instruction on how to attain it, education about the deleterious effects of social media and how to control it, starting school later, and any other methods, many teens may still be too sleepy to have optimal health and performance we all wish for them, even when they get what is thought to be an adequate amount of sleep. Joseph A. Buckhalt, Ph.D., - Blog - References Ian G Campbell, Jessica G Figueroa, Vincent B Bottom, Alejandro Cruz-Basilio, Zoey Y Zhang, Kevin J Grimm, Maturational trend of daytime sleep propensity in adolescents, Sleep, Volume 47, Issue 1, January 2024, zsad263,

Performance anxiety is commonly experienced but can be managed. Concepts of self-efficacy, visualization, normalization, and disidentification can ease performance anxiety. Renowned psychologists such as Bandura and Yalom offer valuable advice for coping with performance anxiety. Performance anxiety is experienced by celebrities and laypeople alike. Remember back in school when you had to get up in front of the class and give a presentation? In that situation, most of us experienced anxiety not only about our actual performance but also about how we would come off to our audience, if things would go smoothly, and whether we would receive a good grade. But it often went deeper than that—many of us would even experience anxiety within anxiety: racing, unhelpful thoughts like “What if my voice gets shaky? What if I stumble over my words? What if I lose my train of thought? What if everyone can tell I’m nervous?” You can see how this can begin a spiral of worry that can distract us from the actual task at hand. Fast-forward to adulthood: We are often still required to give presentations, to speak in front of others, and to, in essence, make ourselves vulnerable to an audience of our peers. Though we are at a different point in our lives, we can and often do still experience that old, adolescent anxiety. What can we do to fight this natural discomfort that occurs when we have to speak in front of others or perform for an audience? Outlined below are four ways based in psychological concepts that can be used to combat the anxiety that often comes with performance. Self-Efficacy The psychologist Albert Bandura formulated the psychological concept of self-efficacy, which, in summary, is the way we judge our personal capability. If we judge ourselves as incompetent, we are likely to struggle and to fall short of our goals. If, however, we view ourselves as competent and capable, we are more likely to succeed and to allow our personal sense of competency to carry us through difficult tasks. Bandura points out that “it is difficult to achieve much while fighting self-doubt.” What if, instead of an automatic assumption that things will go poorly we look at challenging tasks through a lens of competency? This simple yet radical mindset change, and valuation of the self can go a long way toward feeling that we can rather than that we cannot. Positive Visualization In his seminal text, Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control, Bandura posits that “numerous studies have shown that cognitive simulations, in which individuals visualize themselves executing activities skillfully, enhance subsequent performance.” The next time you are experiencing anticipatory anxiety related to an upcoming performance, visualize yourself executing the task well rather than fixating on visions of it going poorly. In a 2020 study (Watkins et al.), student athletes were asked to positively visualize themselves lifting weights during their training regimen. The results of the study revealed that “a directionality analysis demonstrated that, compared to athletes who did not, participants who positively visualized had a significant increase in weight moved during a lift. The positively visualizing group demonstrated a 10-15 lb. increase in weight moved, while the control group only demonstrated a 5 lb. increase.” Normalizing and Humanizing A 2015 article in The Guardian ranked “The Ten Best Stage Fright Sufferers.” Among them were such global talents as Adele, Ewan McGregor, Carly Simon, and Laurence Olivier. Viewing performance anxiety as a relatively commonly experienced feeling rather than as a mark of individual weakness or incompetence can be helpful in humanizing and normalizing occasions when we feel anxious about performance. When we feel humanized and our experience feels normalized, we are less likely to believe that we will fail or reveal our perceived incompetence, as we no longer feel alone and isolated with the discomfort. The psychological concept of humanization has the goal of making something less unpleasant for people. For example, a recognition that even a global superstar like Adele experiences anxiety before a performance can help make our unique experience less unpleasant as we feel less judgmental and unaccepting of our own emotional experience. Disidentifying Psychologist Irvin Yalom wrote of the idea of “disidentification,” wherein the anxious individual works to separate the feeling of anxiety from the perceived threat that it poses. According to Yalom, “many individuals become inordinately stressed…at threats to their career…they believe in effect, ‘I am my career.’” Yalom then describes that it is important for the individual to recognize that “you are your self, your core essence. Draw a line around it: the other things, the things that fall outside, they are not you; they can vanish and you will still exist.” In a way, this way of viewing a performance allows us to detach the anxiety that we feel from the event itself. The presentation or the performance is not you; it is something that you do. Therefore, to fixate or to ruminate on it is to give it an undue level of importance, which, in turn, increases our belief that it is a “do or die” situation. Through disidentification, we recognize that it is neither risky nor threatening, and this can calm our anxiety. Phil Lane, MSW, LCSW, - Website - Blog - References Bandura, A. 1997. Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control. W.H. Freeman & Company. Irvin, Y. 1980. Existential Psychotherapy. Basic Books. Clapp, Susannah. “The 10 Best… Stage Fright Sufferers.” The Guardian, 26 June 2015. Watkins, Janette & Turner, Zach. (2020). Positive Visualization and Its Effects on Strength Training. Impulse.

The reinforcement of passivity as a theory of depression-like behavior One theory of depression is when bad things happen, people lose significant reinforcers in their lives. As a result, their behavior dwindles, and they become more passive. Social media may play a role by reinforcing passivity and increasing depression regardless of external events. As I look from my office window, I can see over the roofs of the campus buildings, the labs, the offices, and student accommodation, to the roads below that connect them. On the roofs sit small, huddled, ugly-looking balls of grey feathers—waiting, pathetic. When an adult gull arrives, the small, ugly feather balls erupt into a frenzy of begging behaviour, until the adult delivers the food. Once the adult departs, they return to their huddled, passive state. Below, on the campus roads, stand students, illuminated mobile in hand, waiting, pathetic. Once the pizza delivery person arrives, they—I don’t exactly say erupt into activity—but grab the food and slope off to wherever it is they go to eat. I have wondered why the adolescents of two species, subject to very different environments and contingencies of reinforcement, show such similar behaviors. Is it possible that, in the one case, it is because they do not have technology, and, in the other, because they do? If we focus on the humans, for the present, it may be that we are seeing the reinforcement of passivity through mobile devices, creating a depression-like state. It is almost a truism to say that depression is associated with higher levels of social media usage. When people discuss this relationship, they usually focus on feelings and emotions , such as a low mood . They sometimes analyze alterations in thinking style, such as negative orientations towards self, the world, and the future. However, they rarely mention the behavioral issues associated with depression, such as the reduction in the speed of responses and the range of activities with which the individual engages. This is unfortunate, as one of the best methods to overcome depression is through behavioral activation. This involves getting the depressed person to identify something they used to enjoy, which they think they could still manage to do, and then getting them to commit to doing that soon. The resulting reinforcement can re-engage them with the world, especially with a bit of support. It is this lack of action that is reflected in the students standing and waiting, and not just that, but also in their reaching out for somebody to help them at the first hurdle. A very much neglected, wrongly so, theory of depression was outlined by the great behavioral thinker, C.B. Ferster. Ferster is perhaps best known for his work with B.F. Skinner on schedules of reinforcement, and his work developing some of the first behavioral interventions for Autism Spectrum Disorder . However, after these contributions, in 1973, Ferster wrote an article called “Functional Analysis of Depression,” outlining what he thought the roots of depression may be. His main thesis is that when bad things happen to people, they lose significant reinforcers in their life—their spouse, their job, their friends. This reduces their sources of reinforcement, and, when the reinforcement stops, the behavior dwindles. Individuals who experience this reduced behavioral repertoire cannot overcome future challenges thrown at them by life. They become angry and resort to passive forms of coping, such as requesting help from others. Of course, like the chicks on the roof, this requesting behavior has limited opportunities for usefulness, as even the most devoted parent or friend can only take so much and will eventually withdraw. This causes even greater reductions in reinforcement, and the social and behavioral withdrawal becomes complete—the depression is severe. One part of Ferster’s theory fits the students-with-phones waiting, somewhat pathetically, to be fed. They appear to have no active food-searching strategies beyond ringing for food to be delivered. That is, their behavioral repertoire seems diminished. However, in another regard, the theory does not fit. This passivity does not seem to have resulted from the experience of a series of bad things happening to all of them—at least, I hope it hasn’t, for if it has, then the world is a much nastier place than even the most jaded of us can imagine. The lack of active behavior must result from some other reinforcement contingency than a lack of positive reinforcement. Here is where social media may play a role, and, as usual, it’s not a positive one. It may well be that what is being observed is not the result of the removal of reinforcement, but the application of a powerful reinforcer, dwarfing any others that could have been experienced, that teaches (conditions) passivity. When being passive and just calling for food is so effective—and so easy—then that is what is going to be reinforced. This is what leads to learned passivity (zookeepers have long known this and don’t just throw food into the enclosures but encourage foraging to keep animals healthy and interested). There is little in the way of cost associated with this passive calling response—certainly, it takes less effort than walking to the local shop (which, if located across the nearby park after dark, is fraught with other dangers). It also brings fairly immediate positive consequences—the pizza arrives quite quickly, or your money back! It is then little wonder that such passivity is learned through social media use. The problem is, once passivity has been conditioned, it tends to generalize to other situations. In fact, it becomes a go-to response, and passive requesting of help becomes the norm, rather than active seeking. However, unlike the adolescent chicks, whose parents finally get tired and drive them from the nest and roof, social media platforms never turn off the supply—so long as the person keeps paying (in money, or time, or both). Unlike the gulls, social media users never get the chance to learn to fend for themselves, and they remain passive, becoming increasingly demanding as frustration takes hold, when asking for help doesn’t always bring positive responses from other people (who, unlike the pizza delivery person, do not necessarily get paid for offering their help). If any of the above turns out to be more than mere hypothesis—a flight of fancy, if you will—then it seems to have identified a new way in which depression can emerge. Not from failing to be able to make anything happen, as in Seligman’s theory of Learned Helplessness, nor from the absence of reinforcement, as in Ferster’s functional theory of depression. Rather, it may also arise from direct reinforcement of passive behaviors. In the case of many young people, this reinforcement of passivity arises from their use of social media to solve their pressing problems. Phil Reed, Ph.D., - Website - Blog -

Kindness is great, but every good thing can be practiced excessively. Kindness is great, but not when excessive. Being overly kind can lead us to under-delegate. We should reframe our mindset to equate kindness with empowering our people to be better in the long term. Being kind to others is celebrated everywhere: In kindergarten classrooms, across cultures , across genders , you name it. However, when it comes to leadership, it’s important to note an important truth: Being too nice can have serious drawbacks. It’s not because kindness is bad—it’s because, devoid of context, kindness can easily turn into people-pleasing. Often, we think of people-pleasers as brown-nosers who try to cozy up to the boss. But believe it or not, the desire to please others does not necessarily depend on hierarchy. People-pleasers who project their preferences and attitudes onto their subordinates are equally common. Meet the subordinate-pleaser Picture this: You’re in charge of a team. Your calendar is bursting at the seams. Some tasks should be given to others for various reasons: Skills, availability, and opportunity cost. Yet you hesitate to assign these tasks to your people. The trouble is that these tasks are very boring. You know this because you think these tasks are boring. And what you think is obviously what others will think, right? Plus, you’re a nice person. “Nice,” according to this analysis, means: You will never burden your team You’ll never be a “boss from hell” You’ll never be the leader who will make your people feel resentful. You roll up your sleeves and take on the workload yourself. Surely this is the right way to inspire loyalty and harmony in your team. Right? Kindness is great, but in measured doses Not delegating due to kindness often comes from three errors: You assume that what is boring to you is also boring to others You prioritize kindness above all other traits You give into the emotional halo that kindness provides First, taking others’ perspective accurately is hard. Studies show that people repeatedly fail to understand what others are feeling and thinking. A lot of people project their own preferences onto others. The most reliable way to understand others is to ask them. Just because something is boring to you does not mean it will be boring to others. As a leader, you have likely developed and upskilled more than your people; this is why some tasks are boring to you now. This was not the case in the past. Do not rob your people of potential development opportunities by projecting your own distaste for certain tasks onto them. Second, kindness is indeed important—it's one of the two most important traits people care about in others. But it is not the only one—competence is the other. Studies show that kindness is a hygiene factor—people want you to be decent but are not looking for you to maximize kindness. Competence, on the other hand, is something you should maximize. In people’s eyes, it matters whether you are extremely competent or moderately competent. It matters a lot less if you are extremely nice or moderately nice. Beware of prioritizing your image as a kind person to the exclusion of your image as a competent person. Third, being kind feels good in the moment. This is great—it makes us act kindly to others. But taken to an extreme it means making decisions based on emotion and trying to win a popularity contest. This is not the goal of leadership. What makes you feel good in the short term is not necessarily what will make you feel that your and your team’s work is meaningful and impactful in the long term. Delegation = kindness in disguise? Delegating need not be selfish or lazy. It can be an act of kindness. When you trust someone with an important task, you’re saying: “I believe in your ability to handle this.” This creates space for skill-building, ownership, and innovation on the part of your team. Here are some tips on how to rethink kindness: Reframe your mindset: Kindness doesn't mean taking things off other people’s plates. Instead, it’s developing others to be better over time. Give others tasks they can handle or that stretch them appropriately. Take away tasks that are not within reach given their current skillset. Start small: Handoff one task you’ve been clinging to and see how it goes. Explain: Explain the “why” behind the task and what success looks like. Ask: Monitor the situation and ask your people whether they are thriving doing it. Track: See whether task engagement leads your people to develop capabilities and skills that make them more valuable and competent. A final word We don’t need to be everyone’s best friend. When we lead, we must focus on organizing people in effective ways to get things done. We must inspire and sometimes push them to be better, for our own and their benefit. Just like exercise, being nice is great in measured doses but counter-productive in extreme quantities. You may want to ask yourself: “Am I being nice?” Instead try, “Am I being a jerk?” The latter question aligns more closely with how people evaluate you—they care about decency, rather than extreme kindness. Nadav Klein, Ph.D., - Website - Blog - References Ames, D. R. (2004). Inside the Mind Reader's Tool Kit: Projection and Stereotyping in Mental State Inference. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87, 340–353. Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1–49. Casciaro, T., & Lobo, M. S. (2008). When competence is irrelevant: The role of interpersonal affect in task-related ties. Administrative Science Quarterly, 53, 655–668. Eyal, T., Steffel, M., & Epley, N. (2018). Perspective mistaking: Accurately understanding the mind of another requires getting perspective, not taking perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(4), 547–571. Klein, N., Grossmann, I., Uskul, A., Kraus, A., & Epley, N. (2015). It pays to be nice, but not really nice: Asymmetric reputations from prosociality across 7 countries. Judgment and Decision Making, 10, 355-364.

Personal Perspective: Struggling with the pace of high-tech living. Feeling overwhelmed is related to too many things happening at too fast a pace. The pace of modern living can leave us feeling as though we are always lagging behind in our processing. We can find solace in slow time cures, deliberately withdrawing ourselves from the 'race of days'. Do you know the story about the Native-American chief and the airplane? Once upon a time, a chief lived in the Western plains, wise and deeply connected to his people’s traditions. He was invited to attend a conference on the East Coast, which was vital for his tribe’s future. He had to get there fast, at short notice and was forced to travel by plane. He did not look forward to this. Though the chief marveled at the technology, soaring through the sky at unimaginable speeds, completely untethered from the earth, troubled him deeply. When the plane landed, the chief disembarked and went straight to the conference venue. For three days, he negotiated. When his business was done, everyone expected him to fly home immediately. Instead, the chief withdrew to a hotel room, where he stayed for three weeks in deep meditation. Asked why he didn’t hurry home, he responded: “My body traveled too fast. Now I must wait for my soul to catch up.” Why is this story relevant? It illustrates a very modern condition, overwhelm. Jon Kabat-Zinn defines overwhelm as the all-too-common feeling that "our lives are somehow unfolding faster than the human nervous system and psyche can manage well." The technologies we have created have resulted in days in which way too many things are happening way too fast. Many of us struggle with a sense of constant urgency and a feeling that there is simply too much going on in our lives. We feel increasingly unable to keep up with the pace and volume of events. We could also say that our bodies and psyches can no longer catch up. We lack the time to process, marinate, digest, and ponder. As poet John O’Donohue puts it in his beautiful poem “For One Who Is Exhausted, A Blessing.” You have traveled too fast over false ground; Now your soul has come to take you back. You have been forced to enter empty time. The desire that drove you has relinquished. There is nothing else to do now but rest And patiently learn to receive the self You have forsaken in the race of days. Gradually, you will return to yourself, Having learned a new respect for your heart And the joy that dwells far within slow time. Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D. - Website - Blog - References John O'Donohue, 'For One Who is Exhausted, A Blessing'.

There comes a moment in every relationship when things begin to feel heavier. Conversations become short. Time together feels distant. Resentment creeps in like a slow fog, and before you know it, you're standing across the room from someone who used to feel like home. But here's the truth, spoken plainly and gently— it doesn’t have to end that way . In studying vulnerability and courage (and narrating the great human journey), we’ve seen one truth rise to the surface again and again: connection is the heartbeat of every lasting relationship.  And therapy—especially early on—is one of the most powerful tools to protect that connection, deepen it, and help us come back home to each other. Let’s explore how therapy can help couples not just avoid divorce—but build something even stronger in its place. 1. Connection is the Foundation of Love Connection isn’t just a feeling. It’s a practice. It’s late-night talks, checking in during lunch breaks, and laughing at the same inside joke for the 100th time. But when life gets chaotic—kids, careers, illness, bills—we can lose sight of each other. Therapy offers couples a safe space to slow down and reconnect , to ask the deep questions: How are you really doing? How are we really doing? Connection doesn’t disappear overnight. It frays in the spaces we forget to tend. Therapy helps you stitch those spaces back together, one intentional conversation at a time. 2. Empathy: The Antidote to Conflict Most of the time, we’re not really fighting about the dishwasher or the late texts—we’re fighting because we don’t feel seen, heard, or valued. Empathy is not about agreeing. It’s about understanding the story behind the reaction . A skilled couples therapist helps you and your partner learn how to listen without defensiveness , to hear what’s beneath the surface. You begin to see each other not as enemies in battle, but as two humans—brave, flawed, and doing their best. Empathy changes everything. It turns “You never help around the house!” into “I feel overwhelmed and alone, and I need your support.” When we feel safe enough to be real, we give each other the gift of being known. 3. Forgiveness: Letting Go to Move Forward Let’s be honest: forgiveness is hard. It’s not a one-time act—it’s a daily decision to release the grip of resentment and make room for healing. Therapy helps couples process past hurts —the things we carry that build silent walls between us. Whether it's betrayal, unmet expectations, or old wounds from childhood showing up in our adult lives, forgiveness becomes possible when we understand the why behind the pain. This isn’t about letting someone off the hook. It’s about choosing freedom—for yourself, for your partner, and for your future together. 4. Quality Time: The Small Moments that Matter In a world of endless to-do lists, quality time often becomes the last thing on the list. But it’s the one thing that keeps love alive. Therapy helps couples reclaim intentional time together . Whether it’s a weekly coffee date, a walk in the neighborhood, or simply cooking dinner without screens—it’s in these quiet moments that connection is restored. Therapists can guide you in creating rituals of connection —small, meaningful acts that anchor your relationship, even in hard seasons. Start Therapy Early—Not as a Last Resort Here’s something we don’t say enough: therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis.  It’s for couples who want to grow. It’s for couples who want to communicate better, laugh more, argue less, and feel safe again. Reaching out early is an act of love, not defeat. It's like going to the gym for your relationship—building emotional strength before the storm comes. At Resilience Center of Houston , we believe in the power of early intervention, proactive growth, and safe connection. Whether you’re newlyweds, partners of 20 years, or somewhere in between—our therapists walk with you toward wholeness. 1. How do we know if we need couples therapy? If you’ve asked that question, it’s probably time. You don’t need to be fighting every day to benefit from therapy. If communication feels off, intimacy is fading, or you're just "roommates" instead of partners—therapy can help you rediscover each other. Start your journey here: Couples Therapy at Resilience Center 2. Can therapy really prevent divorce? Yes. Studies show that couples who attend therapy early and consistently are more likely to stay together and report higher relationship satisfaction. Therapy helps build tools—like communication, empathy, and conflict resolution—that are essential for lasting love. Learn more about our approach to healing relationships 3. What if my partner doesn't want to go? It’s common for one partner to be hesitant. Start by sharing how important it is to you. Sometimes attending an initial session alone is enough to inspire your partner to join. A compassionate therapist can guide you through the conversation. Need guidance? Contact us today Final Thoughts: We Are Wired for Connection In the words : we are hardwired for connection.  Love is not about avoiding hardship—it’s about choosing each other, over and over, even when it's hard. Therapy is not a sign that something’s wrong—it’s a sign that something is worth fighting for. So if you find yourself drifting, don’t wait for the breaking point. Reach out. Begin again. Choose courage. Choose each other. And remember, there’s no shame in needing help. The real strength is in asking for it.