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When it comes to mental health: Label the symptoms, not your child. There is a youth mental health epidemic, but powerful effective treatments exist. Parents hesitate to label their child's mental health problem, but no-fault names can protect self-esteem. Names for troubling symptoms can help to shift the narrative and put the child in charge. The other day a colleague shared a story with me about one of her young patients who had been having terrifying intrusive thoughts of hurting other people. Understand that this was the sweetest, gentlest kid you could ever imagine. Afraid that she was going to act on those frightening thoughts, she told her parents. Her parents were terrified—what’s wrong with my child? What do we do? By the time the parents got in to see my colleague, they had figured out through google searching that the issue was probably obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) —but they didn’t want to tell their daughter because they were afraid it would upset her and make her feel “labeled” and scared that something was really wrong with her. Fortunately, my colleague advised the parents to tell their daughter what was going on, explaining that not knowing what was happening in her own mind and personalizing it was so much worse. When the daughter found out there was a name for what was going on with her, that it wasn’t her fault, and that there was a highly effective treatment for it—she was immediately relieved. She had felt hopeless like she was just a terrible person and there was nothing she could do about it. Instead of feeling diminished by the diagnosis as her caring parents had most feared, the daughter felt like she was given her life back. She started treatment and is well on her way to freeing herself from OCD. No parent wants to make things worse for their child, and certainly not when they’re already struggling with mental health symptoms but explaining what is causing a child’s inner havoc and distress or outer symptoms can be a relief. It can separate the child from the symptoms. It can offer hope and a new narrative—they aren’t a bad kid, or weird; there is a reason for their struggles. It’s not their fault, it’s not who they are, it’s what is happening to them now. Additionally, given the highly effective treatments we have for many mental health disorders—knowing that your child’s symptoms are not mysterious, but rather are known and have been studied, means there are likely solutions. Names Make All the Difference There’s a line in a Talking Heads song—from my college days— that plays in my head often while working with kids: “There’s a name for it; Names make all the difference in the world.” Names do make all the difference. Whether it’s the disturbing intrusive thoughts of OCD, the frightening sensations and catastrophic worries of anxiety , the spirals of negative thoughts of depression , the jarring flashbacks of PTSD , or the wandering focus of ADHD , having a name for uncomfortable and unpleasant emotional experiences can help children feel a sense of control and perspective. They don’t have to search themselves to know—why is this happening to me? What is wrong with me? Questions that often lead to a feeling of shame or a sense of fear that something is so wrong that it is beyond hope—that they are different or unacceptable or that their symptoms are life threatening—leave kids feeling like they need to hide their symptoms rather than learn how to take charge of them. When children and teens are given a name for what’s going on for them emotionally, it can feel less personal. It’s like giving them an aerial view of the situation instead of feeling stuck. They can begin to reclaim the microphone in their mind away from their symptoms: It’s not the worry or anger or OCD who is in charge, they are. They can externalize thoughts in an Inside Out way and say “That’s my OCD,” or “That’s my busy brain,” or “Those are my big feelings.” Kids can learn that they are the executive in charge and decide what to do with these messages. It Doesn’t Have to Be the Formal Name! Be Creative and Descriptive When I work with a family , I ask parents what their comfort level is with using clinical terms. It really doesn’t matter what word is used to describe what’s going on, as long as it is empowering to the child. A diagnosis doesn’t have to be the formal name—OCD, or depression, or panic disorder each of those can be made into more friendly descriptive terms: OCD becomes “sticky thoughts,” depression becomes “sad attacks” or “negative spirals,” panic becomes “the pressing of your inner yikes button,” or “that adrenaline surge thing,” The clinical name isn’t important, in fact even if kids just refer to their symptoms as “that thing” that’s happening, there is a shared understanding that “that thing” is not their fault, is something that millions of others experience, and it can change. With a name that the child feels comfortable with, you then have a way of referring to the symptoms when they are happening: “It looks like Checker Guy is really bothering you right now, making you feel like you have to keep checking that the light is off. What do you want to say? Can I help?” Contrast this with a well-meaning parent asking—“Why are you flicking the light off and on?” Importantly, even if a child has been given a diagnosis, there’s still room for essential “editing” to preserve their sense of self and agency. It’s not that they “are OCD,” they “have OCD.” It’s not that they are depressed, it’s that they have depression, or even they are having a lot of depressed thoughts right now. A Sample Script for Talking to Kids About Mental Health Challenges The way we introduce a name or diagnosis sets the tone for how a child feels about themselves: are they the problem, or do they have a problem. Here are some ideas to get the conversation moving in the right direction. You have a wonderful brain, some thoughts and ideas that you don’t want to have, and aren’t true, are getting stuck and making it hard for you to think and making you feel bad. It’s not your fault, you did nothing wrong for this to happen. Millions of people in the world are having the same kind of experiences right now. The really good news is that there are lots of things you can do to retrain your brain out of those patterns. But first, it’s going to help to have a name for this—what would you like to call it? That way, when you notice those thoughts and feelings you can remind yourself—that “thing” is happening again—what do I want to do next? Just noticing and naming helps you stop after a few thoughts instead of being barraged with so many it is overwhelming—it gives you choices. You can say, “That’s my negative thinking, or that’s Disaster Man." You can ask, "Are these thoughts important, are they true, or are they just stuck?” There are solutions that really work to respond differently to these symptoms. You will get better! We live in a time when mental health challenges are pervasive for our young people. And that is a heavy thought. At the same time, we’ve never had more effective treatments. Your child is not their diagnosis. Those are patterns the brain gets organized into and we can—by having the power of knowing what those patterns are—help our children navigate to a better place. Out of compassion we may be afraid that a diagnosis reduces our child to a problem—but in the best of situations, handing children a name for what is going on for them provides a roadmap, it opens the door and points to the path of freedom. Rather than limiting them, having a name for your child’s mental health symptoms can help them to pinpoint and compartmentalize the problem, rather than feeling like their symptoms define them. That leaves all the room for your child to follow their path of growth unencumbered. Here’s to less worry, earlier intervention, and greater understanding all around. Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., - Website - Blog -

Why do rising prices take a toll on your joy? Higher prices for everyday items leave you with less fun money. People may feel it's unfair to pay more money for the same good. Rising costs disproportionally hurt low-income people. In the past few years, you might have noticed the price of basic goods increasing (technically called inflation). Inflation is defined as the rate at which the general level of prices for goods and services rises, leading to lower purchasing power. In other words, consumers’ money goes less far than it used to for an identical purchase. If you have ever heard a grandparent, say, “A bottle of soda used to cost 5 cents when I was your age,” that’s inflation for you. Over long-time horizons, the price of everyday consumer goods tends to go up. This is sometimes, but not always, supplemented by increased wages. Certain product categories like the average price of new cars and college tuition have outpaced average increases in income. In some states like Iowa, where I grew up and worked in high school, the minimum wage is currently $7.25 per hour, which has gone unchanged since 2008 even though the cost of living has substantially increased1. Here are three key reasons why increasing prices on necessary everyday purchases makes consumers less happy. Higher prices for needs leave less money for wants Consumer psychologists find consistent evidence that spending a little more money on experiences and a little less money on material items tends to boost happiness2-3. If you are stuck paying more money on rent, food, and insurance, you are simply going to have less cash available for vacations, dining at restaurants, and experiencing live shows or concerts. Since unique and interesting experiences add tremendous richness to our lives and our happiness, people on a budget are going to take a hit in terms of their well-being if their wages do not match or exceed the price of necessary purchases. Paying rent/mortgage, car and insurance payments, and buying groceries are necessities that we must have even though they don’t necessarily give us the most bang for our buck in terms of enjoyment. We need them to avoid being unhappy, yet spending money on rent and groceries does not significantly boost happiness. It feels unfair to pay more for the same thing One of the reasons we hate it when prices increase is because we are forced to pay more money for an identical good that was lower in price just last year. The item has not inherently become more valuable, yet it costs more. It feels unfair, and that can diminish happiness. Shelter costs have increased 5.1% in the last year and food prices 2.2%4. Paying $200 a month more for the same apartment you have lived in for the past year or $0.50 more for the same carton of eggs you’ve been buying every week for the last year feels like a punishment. Increased prices hurt lower-income people more An unfortunate fact of increasing prices for necessities is that the biggest impact is felt by those at the bottom of the income ladder. If the price of daycare increases 10% next year, this is simply more difficult for parents who earn less money to cover. Increasing costs of necessities make it disproportionately more difficult for lower-income consumers to pay off debts, fund a retirement account, or save up for a down payment on a home compared to people bringing home more bacon. Conclusion Increased prices can be a killer for our well-being. We have less money for happiness-inducing purchases, we experience frustration paying more money for an identical item, and increased strain is felt by low-income consumers. Understanding the psychological effects of inflation is crucial for policymakers and individuals alike, as it shapes our overall well-being. The best way to tackle the problem and build financial success is to make a budget and stick to it. Experts recommend the 50-30-20 rule, spending 50% of your pay on necessities (housing, transportation, insurance, food, bills), 30% on fun (travel, restaurants, entertainment), and 20% on wealth creation (paying down debt, saving for retirement, college fund for children)5. While inflation may be eating into the 50% of necessities, tracking expenses and making sure you have enough to build wealth and have some fun in the meantime will help you achieve your goals. Max Alberhasky, Ph.D., - Website - Blog - References Van Boven, L., & Gilovich, T. (2003). To do or to have? That is the question. Journal of personality and social psychology, 85(6), 1193. Gilovich, T., & Kumar, A. (2015). We’ll always have Paris: The hedonic payoff from experiential and material investments. In Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. 51, pp. 147-187). Academic Press.

The landscape of mental health care is undergoing a considerable transformation with the rise of virtual therapy. Traditional counseling methods have been shaken up, providing new opportunities for patients and professionals alike. Virtual counseling has made therapy more accessible and convenient while ensuring that essential support is just a click away. As we further explore this new era of mental health treatment, we'll examine its various facets and implications. What is Virtual Therapy? Virtual therapy, also known as online therapy, teletherapy, or telehealth, allows individuals to receive counseling services over the internet. This can be done through video calls, phone sessions, or even chat rooms. Its primary aim is to provide mental health support in a way that is flexible and reachable. Despite being a newer practice, many licensed therapists have adapted their methods to suit digital platforms. With the advent of technology, therapists can now reach clients regardless of geographical boundaries, enabling a broader range of options for those seeking help. A study conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that 75% of people who engage in teletherapy reported a similar or improved quality of care compared to in-person therapy. A modern workspace designed for virtual counseling sessions. Advantages of Virtual Therapy The benefits of virtual therapy are vast, offering unique solutions to common barriers faced in traditional mental health care settings. Accessibility : For many individuals, getting to a therapy appointment can be challenging due to mobility issues, time constraints, or lack of resources. With virtual therapy, there is no need to travel. Patients can connect with therapists from the comfort of their homes. Flexibility : Scheduling can become complicated, especially for those who are working or balancing family commitments. Virtual therapy allows for more flexible appointment times, accommodating a variety of schedules. Anonymity : Some may feel more comfortable discussing personal issues from a familiar environment. Virtual therapy offers a level of privacy and comfort that can help break down the barriers of stigma surrounding mental health. Broader Selection of Therapists : With virtual therapy, individuals are no longer limited to local practitioners. They can choose therapists from various regions, increasing their chances of finding someone they connect with. Effectiveness of Virtual Therapy The effectiveness of virtual therapy has been supported by numerous studies. Research indicates that online therapy can be just as effective as face-to-face sessions. For instance, a study published in the journal "Psychological Bulletin" concluded that online interventions had comparable effects to in-person therapy. One crucial factor contributing to this success is the use of digital tools that enhance the therapy experience. Platforms often provide resources like worksheets, progress tracking, and text support. All of these tools can help clients become more engaged and proactive in their mental health journey. Screen showcasing a one-on-one teletherapy meeting. Challenges of Virtual Counseling While virtual therapy has many advantages, it is not without challenges. One of the primary concerns is the potential lack of a personal touch that in-person sessions can provide. The nuances of face-to-face communication are sometimes lost in a virtual setting. Non-verbal cues, such as body language, are vital in therapy and may be more challenging to interpret over a screen. Additionally, technical issues can disrupt sessions. Poor internet connectivity or unfamiliarity with technology can lead to frustrations for both clients and therapists. Furthermore, there may be legal and ethical considerations surrounding confidentiality and data protection when providing services online, which require ongoing attention from practitioners. Trends Impacting Virtual Therapy As secular trends influence various aspects of our lives, they also play a significant role in the evolution of virtual therapy. Key trends driving the change include: Increased Demand : As mental health awareness grows, so does the demand for therapy. More people seek help, especially during crisis periods like the COVID-19 pandemic. Virtual therapy has stepped up to meet this demand efficiently. Quality of Services : Many therapy platforms are now offering specialized services tailored to cope with issues like anxiety, depression, and trauma recovery. Providers are adapting their skills and training to cater to online formats, making services more effective and targeted. Integration of Technology : Continuous advancements in technology are facilitating richer therapy experiences. From mobile apps offering mindfulness exercises to platforms enabling group therapy sessions, innovations are enhancing the ways therapy can be delivered. A peaceful and inviting environment for online therapy sessions. Looking Forward: The Future of Virtual Counseling As we move forward, it is essential to recognize that the future of mental health care is likely to embrace a hybrid model that combines both virtual and in-person therapy. This approach can offer the benefits of both worlds, allowing clients the flexibility of virtual services while still taking advantage of face-to-face interaction when needed. Moreover, teletherapy will continue to evolve, using emerging technologies such as Artificial Intelligence and Virtual Reality. These innovations have the potential to revolutionize how therapists interact with clients, making sessions more engaging and personalized. Additionally, greater focus is being placed on training and accreditation for therapists to provide virtual services. This will help to ensure that mental health professionals are equipped with the right skills and resources to effectively support their clients in a digital environment. In this new landscape, individuals seeking help can explore various options. For those interested, consider the resources available for virtual therapy in Texas, such as virtual therapy Texas . Embracing Change in Mental Health Care The change brought on by virtual counseling is reshaping mental health care for the better. While some challenges persist, the potential benefits it offers cannot be overlooked. By increasing accessibility, flexibility, and options, virtual therapy is breaking down barriers and encouraging more individuals to seek the help they need. As the knowledge and understanding of mental health continue to grow, so too will the methods by which we deliver support. Each innovation in virtual therapy paves the way for a brighter, more connected future in mental health care. By staying informed and exploring available resources, individuals will be better equipped to navigate the changing landscape of mental wellness. The future looks hopeful, and the continued integration of virtual therapy into mental health care is a testament to our commitment to well-being.

Highway driving can be stressful, but there are simple ways to reduce anxiety. When situations and environments are hectic, the nervous system goes into a state of high alert and overdrive. Instead of avoidance, people can tap into various skills to help them travel with reduced anxiety and fear. Learning that speed and busyness do not equate to catastrophe can help individuals cope with highway anxiety. I live in New Jersey, where it would be a significant understatement to say that driving can be challenging and chaotic. We have a lot of highways, and traveling in certain areas can feel overwhelming and even frightening. New Jersey is certainly not the only state where driving can induce anxiety . The reality is that the highways in our country move fast, are often as wide as five or six lanes, and are traveled upon by myriad drivers, not all of whom abide by the safest driving practices. All this is to say that experiencing anxiety while driving on the highway is neither uncommon nor neurotic. When situations and environments are hectic, our nervous systems go into a state of high alert and overdrive (no pun intended), which produces physical responses such as sweating, accelerated heart rate, dizziness, and feelings of losing control. Experiencing these somatic symptoms while driving can feel really frightening. So, what can you do if driving on highways causes you to feel anxious? While a common response is to simply avoid them altogether, this can be problematic and limiting, as many areas of the country require some form of highway travel to reach destinations in a timely manner. Short of complete avoidance, we can tap into various skills to help us travel safely and with reduced anxiety and fear. Meeting Anxiety With Rational Thinking First and foremost, as is always the case with challenging anxious thoughts, we need to restore a sense of safety for ourselves. This begins with meeting anxious and catastrophic thoughts with more rational and logical thinking. While the worst-case scenario thought in an anxious moment might be, “I will get in a fatal accident,” a more rational thought might sound like, “This is a very busy road, but I am a safe driver.” Notice how the rational thought is much more in tune with the reality of the situation: It acknowledges that the highway is busy but avoids drawing a catastrophic conclusion. This type of cognitive challenging can help us to remain in a state of calm even as we travel upon busy, fast-moving roadways. Certain statistics support this type of rational thinking: According to the Federal Highway Administration, “the majority of fatalities take place on rural roads,” not on interstate highways or freeways. So, while driving on the highway may appear or feel more dangerous, the statistics do not bear this out. Again, a rational, logical, or even statistic-backed thought can effectively challenge a more anxious or catastrophic one. Recognizing That You Are Not Trapped A common feeling reported by individuals who experience highway anxiety is that they feel trapped when on a large, busy highway. Much like challenging anxious thoughts, a recognition that we are actually not trapped or “pinned in” by a highway can be helpful. There are, in fact, always exits on any highway, and while some may be a few miles apart, they are still opportunities to exit the situation if we so choose. If we felt as though we were in a room with no exit, we would understandably feel suffocated and trapped, but when we recognize that there is a door through which we can leave, we might immediately feel a sense of relief. The same goes for highway travel: We are not trapped. Knowing that we are not trapped can help us to feel safe regardless of the speed or busyness of the highway itself. Breathwork in the Moment It is a common myth that strategies like deep breathing can only be done within the confines of a candlelit room or in the lotus position. Breathwork can immediately calm and soothe the nervous system and can be done anywhere and at any time. We can be driving and feel overwhelmed; we can take a deep, cleansing breath and feel immediately less anxious. It does not require us to stop, change our location, or even our physical position. When we recognize that this type of self-soothing can be done at any moment, we feel we carry with us an invaluable tool no matter where we are. When we are able to slow down our nervous system’s response, we experience a sense of calm and a return to a state of equilibrium. Remembering Your Competency Anxiety almost always causes us to believe that we cannot trust ourselves and that we will allow something horrible to occur through our own incompetence. Remembering and acknowledging our competency can help us to feel less at the whim of the situation and, therefore, less susceptible to catastrophe. Chances are, you are not only a competent driver but also a good one. You understand the rules of the road, you know how to operate your vehicle, and you have likely taken many trips where you arrived safely from Point A to Point B. When we allow ourselves to pay attention to our competency and our ability to function, we fixate less on anxious or catastrophic thoughts. Many aspects of our modern lives are fast-moving and stressful. Learning that this does not equate to imminent catastrophe is important in being able to live with the busyness of life rather than being constantly at war with it. When we travel on a busy highway, it can help us to remember that we can always do the following: tap into rational and logical thinking, remind ourselves that we are safe and are not trapped, use our breath to help calm our nervous systems, and see ourselves as competent and capable. Phil Lane, MSW, LCSW, - Website - Blog - References “Local and Rural Road Safety Program.” Local and Rural Road Safety Program | FHWA, Accessed 9 Oct. 2024.

The digital age has transformed many aspects of our lives, and mental health care is no exception. Virtual mental health services are becoming an increasingly popular option for individuals seeking help. The convenience, accessibility, and flexible scheduling of online therapy have made it a favorable choice for many. In this blog post, we will explore the benefits of virtual mental health services, helping you understand why they could be the right fit for you or your loved ones. What is Online Therapy? Online therapy, also known as e-therapy or teletherapy, involves delivering mental health services through digital platforms. This can include video conferencing, phone calls, or even messaging. It allows patients to connect with therapists from the comfort of their own homes. This method eliminates geographical barriers and has gained increasing acceptance, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic. Recent studies indicate that 80% of participants found online therapy to be effective, equating it to in-person sessions in many aspects. Additionally, it caters to various mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties. A virtual therapy session being conducted online. Accessibility and Convenience of Online Therapy One of the most significant benefits of virtual mental health services is their accessibility. Online therapy can provide services to individuals in remote areas who may otherwise lack access to mental health care. Flexible scheduling is another major advantage. Patients can often choose their session times, fitting therapy into their busy lives alongside work and personal commitments. For some, the convenience of not having to travel to a therapist's office alleviates extra stress commonly associated with seeking help. Studies show that 45% of individuals cite accessibility as a primary reason for choosing online therapy. Moreover, with an increasing number of platforms providing virtual mental health services, the ability to find a suitable therapist has never been easier. A comfortable home office where online therapy sessions can take place. Increased Comfort and Privacy Many individuals feel more comfortable discussing their mental health in a familiar environment. Online therapy allows people to engage in therapy without the usual anxieties of going to a physical location. This comfort can encourage openness, leading to more effective sessions. In addition, online therapy can provide a greater level of privacy. Individuals who might feel self-conscious visiting a therapist's office may feel more at ease connecting from home. Research reported that 67% of users favored online therapy due to this increased sense of privacy, allowing them to discuss their emotions and challenges candidly. Moreover, as more people become familiar with technology, they may find that engaging in therapy online aligns with their lifestyle and communication preferences. This alignment can lead to more engaged and motivated patients, enhancing the overall therapeutic process. Cost-Effectiveness of Virtual Mental Health Services While traditional therapy sessions can be expensive, online therapy often comes at a lower cost. Most online platforms offer competitive pricing, and many insurance plans are starting to cover virtual mental health services. According to a 2021 survey, 55% of participants reported that the cost of online therapy influenced their choice to seek help. By choosing online therapy, patients can save on travel costs, and in some cases, it allows for monthly subscription packages that can further reduce expenses. This cost-effectiveness makes mental health services more accessible to a broader range of individuals – especially those who might feel financial strain. Additionally, the ability to choose from a wider array of therapists across various pricing structures allows patients to find someone who fits their budget, making it easier to start their mental health journey. Variety of Therapy Methods Available Online Online therapy services often provide a wide range of therapies, allowing individuals to find an approach that resonates with their needs. Whether it’s cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness practices, or solution-focused therapy, virtual platforms offer various methods that can suit different mental health issues and personal preferences. Some platforms even provide specialty services like couples therapy, family therapy, and support for specific conditions such as PTSD or both child and adolescent therapy. Having such a variety readily available can help patients select the most appropriate therapy type for their unique situations. If you're considering virtual options, it's worth exploring different therapeutic methods and discussing them with potential therapists. Finding a therapy style that matches your personal values can enhance your commitment to the process. Building a Strong Therapeutic Relationship The therapeutic relationship is crucial in any type of therapy, and online therapy is no different. It may take some time to build this rapport remotely, as forms of communication differ from those in face-to-face settings. However, many therapists are skilled in fostering connections through technology. With tools like video calls, therapists utilize non-verbal cues much like they would in person, helping to maintain that essential connection. Practicing active listening and demonstrating empathy can be equally effective. In fact, many users report feeling just as empathetic towards their therapists through video conferencing as they would in a traditional session. Once rapport is established, online therapy can provide a great platform for discussing deep-seated emotions and complex issues. Patients often find that their therapists adopt a personalized approach that resonates well, regardless of the medium. The Future of Virtual Mental Health Services The rise of online therapy has changed the landscape of mental health services. As technology continues to integrate into our daily lives, we can expect virtual services to evolve further. This includes improvements in platform usability, increased options for personalized therapy, and possibly even advancements in artificial intelligence to support therapeutic practices. For those considering mental health services, exploring options like online therapy in Texas could be a beneficial step. The future holds promise for a more digital, accessible, and convenient approach to mental health, which will likely appeal to broad demographics. Many therapists are embracing technology, adapting their practice methods to enhance client support. This shift emphasizes the importance of mental health awareness in our digital world, contributing to an overall positive attitude towards seeking help. As we learn more about mental health and its importance, the trend toward virtual therapy may only strengthen. Last Thoughts on Virtual Mental Health Services Navigating mental health can be challenging, but online therapy provides solutions that fit a modern lifestyle. With benefits ranging from accessibility to cost-effectiveness and privacy, individuals have more opportunities than ever to seek help. Understanding your mental health needs and recognizing available resources is essential. If you're considering taking that step, online therapy could be a significant option worth exploring. Whether navigating anxiety, depression, or simply seeking support during difficult times, virtual services ensure you’re never alone on your journey to wellness. Embrace this new era of mental health support, and empower yourself to explore the possibilities that lie within virtual mental health services.

Fantasy sports and video games can be a surprising way to combat the stigma around men's mental health. It’s Tuesday, July 9, 2013. "NCAA Football 14" was just released, and gamers across the United States couldn’t wait to bring it home and spend hours playing as their favorite college football team. Times were simpler then, perhaps—but although much has changed, what remains the same is the excitement of competition and connection. Us gamers didn’t know it then, but over the next year, it became clear that we would not see another NCAA Football game anytime soon. The economics of fair pay and fair play in player image and likeness were unfamiliar to many of us who just wanted to play a video game, but it would be eleven years before we would see the next edition. "NCAA Football 24" was released on Friday, July 19, 2024. For me, playing it for the first time that weekend was textbook nostalgic—the boys of 2013 realizing their evolution into the men of 2024. Many of us were disappointed with the game, as anticipation rarely matches reality. But most of us continue to wax poetic about it, perhaps not living up to the hype but certainly living up to the hope. Why Games Matter for Mental Health Conversations surrounding mental health have gained significant traction in recent years, particularly regarding the role of leisure activities in promoting emotional well-being. Both video games and fantasy sports have emerged as popular pastimes that can offer a myriad of mental health benefits, especially for men. It’s no secret that men today face more social isolation than ever. Society is often unclear as to what makes "toxic masculinity" different from masculinity, and some men have decided to check out of society altogether, choosing not to partake in the ambiguity. Video games and fantasy sports can help foster social connections that are scarce for men these days who have few friends. Fantasy sports, the most popular of which is fantasy football, can create a sense of belonging through healthy competition. This social engagement can help combat feelings of isolation and loneliness, which are common contributors to mental health experiences like depression and anxiety . Many video games—whether "NCAA Football 24," "Fortnite," or "World of Warcraft"—allow players to interact with one another in virtual environments, creating a sense of community that can be especially important for men who may be facing societal pressure, discouraging them from expressing their emotions and showing their vulnerability. This safe space could foster connections with peers, share experiences, and build friendships without the constraints of face-to-face interactions. Fantasy sports and video games can thus help men strengthen their social networks, which is crucial for emotional support and holistic health. Fantasy sports and video games can also serve as effective outlets for stress relief. Engaging in gameplay allows individuals to escape the pressures of daily life and provides a reprieve from stressors such as work, relationships, and financial concerns. Research indicates that gameplay can help reduce anxiety by allowing players to immerse themselves in a different world, thereby distracting them from their worries. The excitement from video games and fantasy sports and making strategic decisions through logic and intuition can provide a sense of control, accomplishment, and engagement that is quite rewarding. This form of constructive escapism and competitiveness can release endorphins, which are natural mood lifters; this boost may be particularly beneficial for men, who may feel societal pressure to remain stoic and not express their emotions openly. An underrated benefit of fantasy sports and video games is the cognitive development tied to strategic critical thinking and complex problem-solving. This stimulation can enhance cognitive flexibility, attention control, and information-processing skills. Both video games and fantasy sports call for complex logical and statistical analysis to make informed decisions. This can sharpen cognitive skills and improve overall cognitive function. For men who may often engage in competitive environments, these skills can translate into improved performance in both personal and professional settings and provide a sense of achievement to boost self-esteem, which is a vital component of mental health. As society continues to evolve in its understanding of mental health, it is essential to recognize the positive aspects of leisure activities like video games and fantasy sports. Encouraging men to engage in these pursuits can help combat the stigma surrounding mental health and promote a more supportive environment for emotional expression and connection. Nafees Alam, Ph.D., References Kowal, M., Conroy, E., Ramsbottom, N., Smithies, T., Toth, A., & Campbell, M. (2021). Gaming your mental health: a narrative review on mitigating symptoms of depression and anxiety using commercial video games. JMIR Serious Games, 9(2), e26575. Laderer, A. (2023, July 5). Video games and mental health: The good and the bad. Charlie Health.

Understanding the unique challenges of body dysmorphic disorder during pregnancy. Pregnancy is often celebrated, but for those with BDD, it can feel isolating and overwhelming. Hormonal changes, societal pressures, and grief over body changes intensify the struggle. Guilt and fear of parenting challenges add to the emotional complexity of pregnancy with BDD. Pregnancy is often celebrated as a transformative and joyful journey, but for individuals with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), it can be a deeply challenging experience. The combination of physical changes, societal expectations, and personal guilt creates struggles that are frequently misunderstood or overlooked. These challenges often leave individuals feeling isolated, with little acknowledgment of their experiences. By fostering open and realistic conversations about this complex condition, we can reshape the narrative of pregnancy, motherhood, and mental health into one that is more inclusive and compassionate. BDD and the Pressures of Pregnancy BDD is a condition marked by a preoccupation with perceived physical flaws that may seem minor or unnoticeable to others (DSM-V) Pregnancy often amplifies these concerns as the body undergoes rapid and dramatic changes. Physical transformations like weight gain, swelling, and stretch marks are often unavoidable, yet they can trigger intense feelings of panic for someone with BDD. The societal narrative of pregnancy as a time of glowing beauty compounds the problem. Women are expected to embrace their changing bodies, marvel at the miracle of life, and exude happiness. When this ideal does not align with their reality, individuals with BDD often experience profound shame and inadequacy. Adding to this pressure is the lack of representation of diverse pregnancy experiences in media and culture. Popular portrayals rarely address the struggles individuals face with their self-image during this time. This absence reinforces the idea that difficulties in accepting one's changing body are unusual or even shameful, further alienating those who are struggling. How BDD Differs in Pregnancy What sets BDD during pregnancy apart is the complex layering of emotional, physical, and hormonal changes that heighten distress. Hormonal fluctuations can amplify feelings of anxiety, making it even more challenging for individuals to manage their emotions. Pregnant individuals with BDD often find themselves acutely aware of medical interventions, ultrasounds, and the frequent monitoring of their bodies. These experiences can intensify their fixation on perceived flaws (Veale & Neziroglu, 2010). For many, these changes bring a profound sense of grief and loss. Pregnancy often symbolizes the loss of a body they meticulously worked to maintain in alignment with their idealized standards. Whether or not this body was realistically achievable, it frequently formed a core part of their identity. The inability to retain control over their appearance during pregnancy can trigger despair, as individuals mourn what they see as the loss of their former selves. Research highlights that this grief is not solely about physical appearance but also about the psychological role their pre-pregnancy body played in providing a sense of stability and self-worth (BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 2024). This fear of change often stretches beyond pregnancy. Many worries about the long-term physical effects, such as weight retention or changes in skin elasticity, which fuels anxiety about how they will perceive themselves postpartum. The grief surrounding their previous body is deeply tied to both its physicality and the identity it symbolized. The transition into pregnancy and postpartum becomes an emotionally fraught experience, layered with uncertainty as individuals face what they perceive to be permanent changes to their sense of self (Veale & Neziroglu, 2010). The Intersection of Infertility and BDD For individuals who have struggled with infertility, the road to pregnancy is often fraught with emotional and physical challenges. Fertility treatments are invasive and physically taxing, and their side effects, such as bloating, weight gain, and fatigue, can exacerbate body image concerns. The emotional strain of repeated failures, combined with the physical changes imposed by treatments, can magnify the symptoms of BDD (Zimmer-Gembeck & Skinner, 2016). Moreover, infertility often comes with its own societal pressures. Many individuals are told to “stay positive” or “trust the process,” creating additional stress. When these reassurances fail to match the reality of setbacks and struggles, feelings of isolation and inadequacy grow. BDD adds another layer of complexity. For some, the process of infertility treatments reinforces a sense of disconnection from their bodies, which they already perceive as flawed. The constant medical scrutiny can feel invasive, turning their bodies into objects of analysis rather than sources of empowerment. Guilt and Emotional Complexity Pregnancy often brings a heightened sense of responsibility, not just for oneself but for the life growing inside. For individuals with BDD, this sense of duty can feel overwhelming as they grapple with the worry that their focus on appearance may detract from their ability to fully embrace their pregnancy. This inner conflict often fuels feelings of guilt, leaving them caught between societal expectations and their internal struggles. The guilt does not stop there. It can extend into how they perceive their future as parents, with fears that their self-image battles might hinder their ability to model healthy behaviors for their children. For those who have undergone fertility treatments, these concerns are often magnified by the additional pressure to feel grateful and joyful after such a hard-fought journey to conception. The weight of these expectations can make the already complex emotions of pregnancy even more challenging to navigate. Seeking Help and Building Resilience Professional help is invaluable for individuals navigating BDD during pregnancy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) , particularly forms tailored to BDD, has been shown to reduce symptoms and improve emotional well-being. Therapy provides tools to reframe negative thought patterns, address feelings of guilt, and build healthier coping mechanisms (Veale & Neziroglu, 2010). Support groups can also be beneficial. Hearing from others who have experienced similar struggles can provide validation and reduce feelings of isolation. Practical steps can also make a meaningful difference (The Bump, 2022): Focus on Function Over Form: Shift your perspective to appreciate the incredible work your body is doing in nurturing life. Set Realistic Expectations: Challenge societal ideals of what pregnancy should look like and set personal, compassionate goals for yourself. Curate Your Environment: Avoid triggers like social media accounts that promote unrealistic depictions of pregnancy, and instead, seek out body-positive content. Develop Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness or meditation to cultivate a deeper connection with your body and reduce anxiety. Seek Support Early: Do not wait until distress becomes overwhelming. Reaching out for help early can make a significant difference. Breaking the Silence BDD during pregnancy is a deeply isolating experience, often overshadowed by society’s romanticized portrayal of this life stage. By creating space for honest conversations and raising awareness, we can begin to dismantle the unrealistic ideals that perpetuate stigma and silence. Pregnancy is not a one-size-fits-all experience. For some, it is a time of profound joy; for others, it is fraught with conflicting emotions, physical discomfort, and mental health challenges. Recognizing this complexity and supporting those who struggle is not only compassionate but necessary. Together, we can create a culture that values emotional well-being alongside physical health, offering every parent-to-be the understanding and care they deserve. Fenella Das Gupta, Ph.D., MFT, - Website - Blog - References American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Association. Veale, D., & Neziroglu, F. (2010). Body dysmorphic disorder: A treatment manual. Wiley-Blackwell. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth. (2024). Impact of pregnancy on body dysmorphic disorder symptoms and coping mechanisms. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth. Zimmer-Gembeck, M. J., & Skinner, E. A. (2016). The development of coping: Implications for psychopathology and resilience. Developmental Psychopathology, 3, 485–534. The Bump. (2022.). Body dysmorphia and pregnancy. The Bump. Retrieved from

Embarking on the journey of mental wellness through therapy can be both exciting and daunting. Therapy is an opportunity to delve into your inner self, understand your thoughts and emotions, and ultimately, pursue personal growth. One of the most critical components of therapy is the establishment of clear, achievable objectives. Setting these objectives enables individuals to take control of their therapeutic process, fostering accountability and motivation. A clear path for therapeutic growth. Understanding the Importance of Therapy Goals When engaging with a therapist, clarity of purpose can significantly shape the outcomes of your sessions. Goals in therapy serve as a roadmap, directing your progress and ensuring both you and your therapist are aligned in your journey. Therapy goals are not just a theoretical concept; they have real, tangible effects on your mental health. Studies show that individuals who set clear goals during therapy experience greater satisfaction and improved results. According to research published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, individuals who set specific goals during therapy were almost twice as likely to achieve desired outcomes compared to those who did not. Setting these objectives provides several advantages: Direction: Clear goals guide your sessions and help you stay focused. Measurement: Having goals allows you to track progress, making it easier to see development over time. Motivation: Achieving set goals can provide a sense of accomplishment and encouragement to keep pushing forward. Documenting thoughts is key to therapeutic goals. What Goals to Set for Therapy? Setting effective goals in therapy involves understanding what you want to achieve. Here are some types of goals that can enhance your therapeutic experience: Emotional Awareness Goals: Aim to identify and understand your emotions better. For example, you might set a goal to recognize when you are feeling anxious or sad and journal about those feelings. Behavior Modification Goals: Focus on changing specific behaviors that negatively impact your life. This could be reducing procrastination or learning to communicate more assertively. Relationship Goals: You might want to work on improving communication with loved ones or setting boundaries with toxic relationships. These objectives foster healthier connections. Self-Esteem Goals: Enhancing your self-worth is a common aim. You may set a goal to replace negative self-talk with affirmations or to celebrate small achievements regularly. Coping Skills Goals: Develop adaptive coping strategies for stress or anxiety. For instance, you might aim to implement mindfulness techniques when you feel overwhelmed. Each individual’s journey is unique, so it is essential to discuss your specific circumstances with your therapist. They can help you craft personalized goals that align with your desires and needs. Writing personal goals boosts clarity in therapy. SMART Goals in Therapy One effective method for goal setting in therapy is the SMART criteria, which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Here's how you can apply this method: Specific: Clearly define what you want to accomplish. Instead of saying, “I want to be happier,” specify, “I will practice gratitude by writing three things I am thankful for every day.” Measurable: Your goal should be quantifiable. For example, “I will attend therapy every week for the next three months” is easier to track than a vague goal like “I will go to therapy regularly.” Achievable: Ensure your goal is realistic. Could you genuinely commit to a goal? If you know you’ll struggle to keep up with daily journaling, consider starting with three times a week instead. Relevant: Your goals should align with your overall therapeutic needs. If your main issue is anxiety, a relevant goal might be, “I will practice deep breathing techniques when I feel stressed.” Time-bound: Set deadlines for your goals. Instead of an open-ended goal, having a time frame, like “I will learn three coping strategies in the next month,” provides urgency and structure. Utilizing this SMART framework will help you clarify your intentions while reinforcing your commitment and willingness to engage in the therapeutic process. Challenges in Goal Setting and How to Overcome Them While clear goal setting is vital, various challenges may arise. Here are some common obstacles and ways to address them: Fear of Change: Change can be intimidating, making it difficult to commit to goals. It can be helpful to discuss these fears with your therapist, who can provide support and encouragement. Unrealistic Expectations: Setting overly ambitious goals can lead to disappointment. Focus on incremental changes rather than massive overhauls. Accountability: Going it alone can be tough. Regular check-ins with your therapist about your progress can motivate you to stay on track. Clarity: Sometimes, individuals may struggle to articulate what they want. Reflecting on what brought you to therapy can shine a light on potential goal areas. Consistency: It is crucial to incorporate your goals into daily life. Establish routines that support your objectives, such as setting reminders on your phone for journaling or practicing coping strategies. If you encounter setbacks, remember that it’s a natural part of the process. Therapy is a journey, and growth often comes in steps, not leaps. Embracing Flexibility in Your Goals As you progress through therapy, it is important to remain open-minded. Your goals may evolve based on experiences, insights, or changes in circumstances. Being flexible allows for adaptability in your approach to therapy. For instance, if a method you have chosen for self-improvement is not yielding results, you might need to reevaluate and adjust your strategies. Regular conversations with your therapist regarding your evolving needs and objectives can lead to deeper insights and more effective strategies. Don't hesitate to break down your goals into smaller steps to manage overwhelm while still making forward progress. Take the time to review your goals periodically. Reflecting on what you have learned and how far you have come will encourage a positive mindset and promote ongoing personal growth. Your Path to Success in Therapy Overall, setting clear objectives for personal growth during therapy is an empowering process. It requires self-reflection and honesty, but embracing this journey can lead to profound changes in your mental and emotional well-being. As you establish your goals, keep in mind the importance of specificity, measurable outcomes, and relevance to your unique experiences. Lean on your therapist for collaboration, accountability, and insight. Focusing on these objectives will not only enhance your therapy sessions but also lay the groundwork for lasting changes in your life. Whether you’re tackling anxiety, navigating relationships, or enhancing self-esteem, the steps you take in therapy can lead you to a more fulfilling life. If you are looking to set effective goals for therapy sessions , consider reaching out to a professional therapist today. Embrace the journey towards self-discovery and growth – it could be your first step to a healthier, happier you.

A recent global study found that people with OCD show normal delay discounting. People with OCD compulsively perform rituals for immediate relief, despite negative long-term consequences. The research on whether people with OCD have an impairment in delaying gratification has been inconclusive. A recent global study found that people with OCD do not differ from healthy people in their delay discounting. Depression and anxiety symptoms were associated with higher delay discounting within the OCD group. People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) suffer from intrusive, obsessive thoughts. To ease their distress, they often feel compelled to engage in repetitive behaviors, or rituals, in response to these thoughts. For people diagnosed with OCD, performing these elaborate rituals gets in the way of daily functioning. The rituals provide relief in the short term, but they lead to negative consequences in the long term (e.g., lost productivity). Thus, people with OCD are often characterized as being impulsive or lacking in self-control. But how do they perform in a typical impulsivity task? One hallmark measure of impulsivity is delay discounting—the extent to which people prefer smaller, sooner rewards over larger, later rewards. Delay discounting is measured by having people make a series of choices between smaller amounts of money they could receive today (e.g., $10 now) and larger amounts they could receive after a delay (e.g., $20 in seven days). Delay discounting is elevated in people with conditions like substance use disorder and borderline personality disorder , where impulsivity is a key symptom. But most prior research on delay discounting in OCD has been inconclusive, with some studies finding that people with OCD have normal delay discounting and others showing that they have higher-than-average delay discounting. These previous studies had small sample sizes and often recruited people with OCD who were being treated with medication (e.g., selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), thus making it hard to know whether there is truly no effect of OCD on discounting or if the effect is just small and possibly being masked by medication effects. To address these limitations, I recently collaborated with a global team of OCD researchers from sites in Brazil, India, the Netherlands, South Africa, and the United States to examine whether people with OCD differ from healthy participants in their delay discounting. About 50 people with (unmedicated) OCD and about 50 healthy participants without OCD were recruited from each site, yielding a total sample size of 268 people with OCD and 256 healthy control participants. Great care was taken to harmonize the discounting task across sites. The results were definitive: People with OCD did not differ from healthy participants in their delay discounting. How do we reconcile this null finding with the reality that people with OCD are unable to resist the urge for immediate relief that their rituals provide them? Well, despite how findings from this task have often been interpreted, the delay discounting task might not actually be measuring the ability to resist immediate gratification. Instead, it might be measuring negative expectations about the future. Indeed, within the OCD group in our study, delay discounting was not associated with either impulsive (e.g., drug use) or compulsive (e.g., hand-washing) behaviors. Instead, it was the people with OCD who were more depressed and anxious who were less willing to wait for delayed rewards. People who are depressed and anxious tend to prefer immediate rewards over delayed ones, probably because they have a pessimistic view of future outcomes. Taken together, this recent study has two major implications. First, the tendency to prioritize immediate rewards can be more readily attributed to a negative view of the future than an inability to resist temptation. Second, people with OCD can be compulsive without necessarily being impulsive. They may have difficulty resisting the urge to perform rituals, but that doesn’t mean that they cannot find value in pursuing long-term rewards and planning for the future. (In fact, one study in people with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder found that they were more future-oriented than healthy participants.) The conclusions of this study are strengthened not just by the large, diverse sample, but also by the fact that we controlled for other factors that might influence delay discounting, like age, gender, education, socioeconomic status, and general intelligence. Large-scale collaborative studies like the Global OCD study are speeding up our ability to gain psychological insights, which will help us to better understand decision-making processes and develop more effective treatments for disorders like OCD. Karolina Lempert, Ph.D., - Blog -

Emotional strength is an essential component of our mental well-being. It helps us navigate life’s challenges, adapt to change, and recover from setbacks. While many of us possess some level of resilience, there are ways to enhance it through guided support. This blog post will explore resilience therapy, what it entails, and how it can empower you to build emotional strength. Understanding Resilience Therapy Resilience therapy focuses on enhancing a person's ability to recover from adversity. It offers individuals tools to manage stress, face life's difficulties, and ultimately bounce back stronger. By developing emotional strength, individuals can better cope with challenges and improve their overall mental health. Research shows that resilience is not merely a trait one possesses; it can be cultivated. According to a study published by the American Psychological Association, individuals who engage in therapeutic practices can significantly improve their resilience. For example, therapy sessions often include strategies such as cognitive-behavioral techniques, mindfulness practices, and developing a positive mindset. A serene space designed for personal reflection and therapy. The Role of Guided Support in Building Resilience Guided support is an integral aspect of resilience therapy. This support can come in various forms, including therapy sessions, group support meetings, and coaching. Professional therapists or counselors provide a safe space where individuals can discuss their feelings and experiences. This openness fosters personal growth and development. Consider the case of John, a 35-year-old who faced significant life changes. After losing his job during an economic downturn, he felt lost and overwhelmed. By engaging with a therapist, John started to explore his emotions and thoughts, learning effective coping strategies. With guided support, he gained insights into his situation, which helped him navigate his job search with renewed confidence. Statistically, a survey by the National Institute of Mental Health found that individuals who sought support from professionals showed a 60% improvement in their coping skills after six months of therapy. A welcoming environment conducive to group discussion and support. What is the Resilience Focused Approach? The resilience-focused approach is grounded in the belief that everyone has the capability to overcome difficulties and adapt positively to stress. This methodology emphasizes the strengths individuals possess rather than focusing solely on their problems. In practice, this approach encourages clients to identify personal strengths, set realistic goals, and engage in problem-solving strategies. For instance, during sessions, therapists often guide clients to reflect on past challenges they've overcome. This promotes a greater understanding of their capabilities and enhances their confidence in future hardships. One example of this approach in action is when a person may face a significant life challenge, like a divorce. A therapist might guide them to focus on resilience-building exercises, such as creating a support network, finding new hobbies, and practicing self-care. The outcome is a stronger emotional foundation during an unsettling time. A thoughtful setting for personal reflection and journaling. Practical Steps to Build Emotional Strength Building emotional strength does not happen overnight; it requires intentional effort and practice. Here are some practical steps to consider: Establish a Routine : Consistent routines provide structure, which can be comforting during turbulent times. Incorporate activities that encourage mental well-being, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or journaling. Seek Support : Don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Engaging with therapy or counseling can provide you with the tools needed to build resilience. Therapists can introduce you to methods like resilience focused therapy which provides tailored guidance. Develop Mindfulness : Practicing mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can help reduce stress and increase emotional awareness. Set Achievable Goals : Break down larger challenges into smaller, manageable goals. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, to build confidence. Reflect and Learn : Take time to reflect on past experiences. What have you learned from overcoming challenges? This reflection helps reinforce your ability to handle future difficulties. Engage in Healthy Activities : Activities like physical exercise, connecting with nature, or pursuing a hobby can enhance mood and build emotional strength. By incorporating these steps into your daily life, you can start to foster greater emotional resilience. Fostering Community Connection Another crucial element in building emotional strength is community. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network can significantly impact your resilience. Here are some ways to build a stronger connection with your community: Participate in Group Therapy : Group settings offer a sense of belonging and shared experiences. Engaging with others who face similar challenges can help reduce feelings of isolation. Volunteer or Help Others : Helping others can boost your emotional well-being. Volunteering allows you to connect and contribute positively, which can empower you. Join Local Clubs or Activities : Engaging in community activities or clubs fosters connections and can promote a sense of purpose. Whether it’s a book club or a sports team, working towards common goals with others can enhance emotional health. By fostering these connections, you create a support system that reinforces your emotional strength. Moving Forward with Emotional Strength Building emotional strength through guided support is a powerful journey. Remember, it is okay to ask for help along the way. Engaging in resilience therapy can provide you with the tools and insights necessary to face life's challenges head-on. As you navigate through life, practice self-compassion. Emotional resilience is a process, and it takes time to develop. With the right support and a commitment to growth, you can cultivate the emotional strength needed to thrive, whatever challenges come your way. Understanding that resilience can be actively developed and strengthened is essential. Whether it’s through guided support or community engagement, taking these steps can lead to profound personal growth. Embrace the journey and take charge of your emotional well-being today.

Try these five essential coping skills to navigate your chronic illness and thrive. Living with a chronic medical condition is a circumstance that is very close to my own heart. I have lived with a chronic illness my entire adult life, and I'm not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 129 million Americans currently live with some type of chronic condition, whether it's a physical or mental health condition. That's nearly half the current population of the United States. Therefore, many of us struggle regularly to manage a condition that cannot be cured. For this article, I will focus on chronic physical conditions and how to cope with them while doing your best to sustain your overall health and well-being. One of the most important things to remember when a chronic illness takes up residence in your body is that you are not imagining an illness. Whether you are diagnosed with a condition that medical doctors are confident they know how to manage, or one that seems to elude medical science in terms of our understanding of its nature and course, it is real. The fact that physicians and scientists have yet to fully understand its origin, symptoms, or impact on your life does not mean that you are exaggerating its impact on your everyday functioning. It is also important to remember that people who do not live with a chronic physical condition will not fully understand what has happened to you and what will continue to be your battle. They may mean well and sympathize with your pain to an extent. Some of them will give you a lot of advice, like “just reduce your stress” or “get more rest.” But they won't truly grasp how a chronic condition reshapes your life, impacts your decisions, and affects your relationships. Remember that you don't have to buy into what others tell you about your chronic physical illness. For example, proper diet and exercise won't be the cure for your condition, and just believing that you can isn’t enough to overcome the illness. It is true, however, that you don't have to be defined by your chronic condition. In most cases, you do not have to completely surrender to its consequences. You can still enjoy life. There are many ways to manage the symptoms and setbacks without missing out on your activities and interests. Of course, there are always exceptions, and some people are severely limited in their functioning as the illness progresses. But there are many ways to adapt to life with a chronic illness, and that's the focus of this post. Here are some things to consider as you navigate life with a chronic physical health condition that will help you maintain your mental health and overall well-being. Practice self-compassion. Most of us feel bad about ourselves when our chronic illness delays or changes our plans. We think that if we are just stronger and more resilient, we should be able to push through. However, often the best way to take care of ourselves is not to push ourselves too hard. We can still do many things, but maybe not at the same pace as others or even at the same pace that we used to. The end goal is longevity, but if we push ourselves hard, we end up feeling sicker. Remind yourself that you are still strong even on days that you feel weaker. Determine your daily activities according to your level of pain and symptoms. This may sound basic, but you'd be surprised how many people I talk to who try to do the same activities, regardless of their level of pain. When you wake up in the morning, rate your pain on a scale from one to five. A pain level of two means you may be able to go on about your daily plans. A pain level of four or five means you adjust your activities. For example, if you planned to go for a walk and you woke up feeling tired, achy, or nauseous, you can decide to go for a shorter walk instead, or perhaps skip the walk until later in the day if you feel better. When you live with an illness, you must acknowledge that sometimes plans change, and activities may need to be rescheduled or adjusted. Leave the house prepared. You may wake up feeling pretty good and go on about your day. But later you start feeling exhausted or having other symptoms and you don’t have medicine, water, or a snack. Think about how you may feel at the end of your day before it begins so that you're prepared to have what you need to take care of yourself and give yourself permission to come home early. Be prepared if you have a long day ahead of you to rearrange plans if necessary. Try to resist being set in your mind that the day has to go a certain way. Gather your best social support. The support system that we acquire over time is not always prepared to handle our circumstances. We make friends in high school or college who may continue to be our friends, but they might not be the best person to call if we are having a bad health day. Make sure you have friends in your circle who understand your health condition or at least make an effort to do so. While they may not be able to put themselves in your shoes, they should be able to provide compassion and give you a pass if you have to change plans. Assemble a medical team that understands you. Similar to your friend group, you want to surround yourself with healthcare providers who do not dismiss or minimize your health condition. Not all trained professionals are as adept at treating chronic conditions. Sometimes, even if they are trained, they don't have enough empathy to adequately support you. For example, you want a doctor who listens to your symptoms without interrupting and considers your unique experience, rather than one who dismisses the reality of your condition and gives you generic advice. We don't always get to choose our healthcare providers, but if you do have a say in the matter, select those who will walk beside you on your journey with chronic illness. The chronic illness that you live with is your reality. Don’t let other people minimize that. Be true to what you feel and listen to your own body. Get the resources that you need rather than doing what other people think you need to do. By listening to your own instincts, you’ll be able to better manage life with a chronic illness. Carla Shuman, Ph.D., - Website - Blog -

While you’re figuring out your new life with divorce, your child is adjusting, too. Children may blame themselves for the breakup. It's important to let them know they were not responsible. Don't try to "one-up" your ex. Your child doesn't need lavish gifts to know they're loved. Creating similar rules for each of your households helps develop a consistent environment for your child. When marriages end, it can create a lot of stress for everyone involved. There are often disagreements, resentments, and plenty of hurt feelings to go around. This can be especially difficult for children. When parents get divorced, children have their entire world turned around. All of a sudden, they have to deal with things that before the divorce seemed unthinkable. Children believe their parents are solid and unchangeable. Even when things are not great at home, it still seems like their parents will work it out. After all, their parents had been together for as long as they can remember. When they split, a child’s world is completely thrown into disarray. During this time of heightened tensions and often explosive emotional reactions, it’s important to take a look at what’s best for the child in helping them adjust to their new reality. Your child is not at fault . It’s important that children understand their parents’ divorce is not their fault. This may seem self-evident since they weren’t the ones initiating the problems. Children may be internalizing their hurt about the situation and start to blame themselves. Even though it may be illogical from an adult’s perspective, children often turn their fear and upset inward and start thinking of all the things they did that may have upset their parents. This in turn can cause them to believe they were the reason their parents are ending their marriage. That’s why it’s important for children to understand that the divorce was not about anything they did wrong. Occasionally, parents may lash out and blame the child because of their upset. This is something that never helps the situation and can have lasting consequences on the child’s emotional development. If you notice your child withdrawing or struggling with what is happening within the family, it’s important that this issue is addressed and the child knows they will still be loved and cared for and that they have done nothing wrong. Don’t overburden your child. Divorce is a tough time for all involved. Your 5-year-old, 10-year-old, or 16-year-old doesn’t need to hear all about your hurt, regret, feelings of betrayal, etc. This is between you and your ex. Your child is not your therapist or your best friend. Your child is still going to love their other parent, even if you do not. Many parents are so distraught over their impending divorce that they confide inappropriate details and other adult issues to their child. Your child is likely to not understand the issues involved, and the last thing they need is to be put in the middle of your marriage issues. Also, don’t introduce your child to every new person you date. This can be confusing, and if they develop a bond with the person too soon and your relationship doesn’t last, it can create additional feelings of loss. Remember you both love your child . If possible, having events together can show family unity even after a divorce. Whether it’s joint birthday parties, holidays, etc., these things can show your child that even though you are living separately, there is still a connection between the parents. This is important so the child doesn’t feel he is betraying one of you by staying close to the other. Include the child in decisions whenever possible. Getting divorced is a decision between adults. Your child didn’t get a say and may have been blindsided by this new reality. As you and your ex set up schedules for custody of your child, ask them their preference as well. Don’t try to make them feel guilty if they want to spend time with the other parent. Having a say in their schedule can help a child feel that not everything is beyond their control. Don’t overcompensate for the divorce. While your marriage ended, you still need to be responsible parents. It’s important not to let your guilt or your desire to one-up the other parent guide your decisions. Your child doesn’t need to have lavish gifts given to them or get away with things you know are not in their best interest because you feel badly about how the divorce has affected them. To best care for them, continue being the steady, caring parent you’ve always been. Have similar rules at each home. One of the most difficult things to do is to coordinate a consistent set of household rules with your ex. Even if you and your ex are not getting along, it’s still important that you have similar rules in each household. Having that consistency can help your child feel safer and more secure in each of your homes. Support your ex-spouse when disputes happen. While you and your ex may have significant differences, those differences are not with your child. As much as possible, try to be supportive of each other in your child’s eyes. When the child is angry at your ex-partner, as difficult as it may be, hold the line and support your ex. It’s important the child doesn’t align with either parent against the other. Siding with your child against your ex when difficulties arise can create a triangulation where the child feels they can get what they want by turning one parent against the other. At the same time, if you feel your ex is in the wrong, hopefully the two of you can talk it out. This type of parenting conference is healthy and helps the child know that both you and your ex are on the same page regarding your parenting. While divorce is unfortunate and can be extremely painful for all involved, making sure family boundaries are upheld can be a huge help. It’s important that children can adjust to their new life with parents who live separately. The faster that parents can establish new routines and understandings, the faster all involved can start to heal from the divorce and move forward with the least amount of emotional upheaval possible. David Schwartz, LMFT, - Website - Blog -