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Focusing on your audience and message helps reduce speaking anxiety. Over 70 percent of people are afraid of speaking in public. Shifting your focus to the audience and your message can help allay your fears. Studies have found a "liking gap," which means people aren't thinking as negatively about you as you believe. If you’re afraid of public speaking, you’re in good company. Over 70 percent of people fear speaking in front of others. An oft-quoted study from the '70s claimed people are more afraid of public speaking than death . In reality, however, people report being afraid of public speaking more often than being afraid of death, but when asked to list their top fears, death is the scarier foe. But that’s neither here nor there. Most of us are afraid to get up and talk in front of a crowd. That’s why Vice President Kamala Harris’s advice stood out to me. In 2019, Harris told a group of teenagers that she gets over her speaking fears by imagining she’s on the Titanic and is the only one who knows it’s about to sink. She imagines her message will save lives. How she looks or what people think about her has to take a back seat when the message and its importance take center stage. She explains: Are you going to worry about how you look and how you sound? No, because the most important thing is that everyone knows what you know because they need to know what you know. She also says, “It’s not about you,” which beautifully summarizes this approach to public speaking. How can you overcome your public speaking fears? 1. Focus on your audience. It may seem counterintuitive to focus on the audience when looking into their faces gives you a sense of dread, despair, and doom, but that’s exactly what you should be doing to overcome your public speaking fear. You don’t have to look directly into their eyes, but you should shift your focus beyond yourself. Make it all about your audience and then talk directly to them. Imagine that you’re talking to a friend or, like Harris recommends, to the endangered guests of the Titanic. The more you focus on the audience, the less brain space you’ll have left to worry about how you sound or whether or not you look like an idiot up there. 2. Check to see if your message is getting through. Good public speakers adjust to their audience to ensure their message is coming through loud and clear. Take time to pause and look for head nods or listen for laughs. If all you see are frowns and yawns, that’s good intel for you. Try to pick up your energy level or liven things up with a joke. Pretending that the audience doesn’t exist is a surefire way to keep your speech stilted and prevent your message from landing. Remember that it’s a conversation, a two-way street. Don’t just stand up there and yap. 3. Reframe negative thoughts. If you’re in your head about giving a speech and can’t stop thinking about yourself, I want you to try something. Instead of thinking that everyone is thinking about you and criticizing you, remind yourself that people are probably rooting for you more than you think. There’s something called the “liking gap” that shows that people underestimate how much others like them. In other words, people probably like you more than you believe they do. That’s great news if you tend to stare into the audience imagining how much people hate you. Turns out, it’s just not true. We’re way harder on ourselves than others are. So stop focusing on how you’re being perceived and get back to focusing on the task at hand—your message and its importance to the people you’re talking to. 4. Keep it in perspective. My last-ditch effort to ease your public speaking fears is for you to remind yourself how inconsequential you are. Wait, I know this sounds like a bummer, but it’s actually liberating. Ultimately, your speech isn’t as important as you’re making it. Tell yourself that none of this really matters all that much and try to throw caution to the wind and have some fun. Lower the temperature. Focusing on your message and the audience, not on you and your ego, can make public speaking feel way less like going down with the ship. Clay Drinko, Ph.D., - Website - Book - Blog - References Boothby, E. (2024, February 14). People probably like you more than you think. Harvard Business Review. Dwyer, K. K., & Davidson, M. M. (2012). Is public speaking really more feared than death? Communication Research Reports, 29(2), 99–107. Ermey, R. (2024, August 24). Want to be a better public speaker? Imagine yourself on the Titanic, says Vice President Kamala Harris. CNBC.

Finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming. With so many options available, how do you know which one is right for you? Therapy is a personal journey, and the right fit can make all the difference. In this guide, we will break down the key factors to consider when choosing a therapist, and provide practical tips to help you make an informed decision. Choosing a Therapist: Understanding Your Needs Before you begin your search, it’s essential to evaluate your needs. Reflect on your goals for therapy. Are you dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or something else? Understanding what you want to achieve will help you find a therapist who specializes in those areas. For example, if you're struggling with anxiety, look for therapists who have experience and training in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which is effective for anxiety disorders. On the other hand, if you're facing relationship challenges, a therapist specializing in couples therapy might be more suitable. Types of Therapy Therapists use various approaches, and understanding these can help you choose one that suits your needs. Here are some common types of therapy: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) : Focuses on changing negative thought patterns. Psychodynamic Therapy : Explores unconscious patterns from past experiences. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) : Combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness. Humanistic Therapy : Focuses on self-growth and self-actualization. Family Therapy : Addresses family dynamics and communication issues. Consider which approach resonates with you. You can always ask potential therapists about their methods during your initial consultation. A collection of books covering various therapy methods. What is the 2-Year Rule for Therapists? The 2-year rule refers to a common recommendation in the therapy community suggesting that individuals should seek therapy for a minimum of two years. This guideline is rooted in research indicating that lasting change often requires sustained effort over time. However, this doesn't mean you need to stay with a therapist for two years if you feel it's not the right fit for you. What’s essential is to give therapy a fair chance. You may experience early discomfort or resistance, but working through these feelings can lead to breakthroughs. If after a reasonable period, you still don’t feel comfortable or are not progressing, it might be time to reassess your choice. Checking Credentials and Experience Once you have some potential therapists in mind, it's important to check their credentials. Make sure they are licensed and have adequate training. You can verify their credentials via their professional websites or by contacting their state licensing board. Inquire about their experience in handling issues similar to yours. For instance, if you are seeking help for trauma, find out how many clients they’ve helped with trauma-related issues. A therapist's experience can often translate into more effective treatment. Initial Consultation: What to Expect Most therapists offer an initial consultation, either free or for a fee. Use this opportunity to gauge whether you feel comfortable talking to them. During this session, you can discuss your needs and goals, and evaluate how the therapist responds. Key questions to ask include: What is your approach to treatment? How do you measure progress? Can you provide an example of how you've helped others with similar issues? This initial meeting will provide insights into their therapeutic style and whether you align with it. A welcoming space for an initial therapy consultation. Trust and Comfort: The Key Factors Trust and comfort are vital in any therapeutic relationship. The effectiveness of therapy often hinges on the bond between you and your therapist. Pay attention to how you feel during sessions. A good therapist should make you feel safe, heard, and respected. If at any point you feel judged or uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to seek another professional. It’s essential to find someone with whom you can truly open up. Making the Decision After conducting thorough research, checking credentials, and attending consultations, it’s time to make your decision. Trust your instincts. If a particular therapist resonates with you, even if you can’t articulate why, that might be your best choice. Additionally, consider practical aspects such as location, availability, and fees before committing. A therapist located near you, or therapy near me , can alleviate concerns about travel and scheduling. Continuously Assessing Your Experience Once you begin therapy, regularly assess how you are feeling about the experience. Are you progressing towards your goals? Are you comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings? If you find that after a few sessions you still don't feel a connection, it’s acceptable to seek a new therapist. Therapy is a personal journey, and it’s crucial that you prioritize your needs and comfort. Remember that it’s normal for individuals to go through several therapists before finding the right one. Therapy Is Not One-Size-Fits-All It's important to understand that therapy is not one-size-fits-all. Different therapists may employ different styles and techniques. What works for one person may not work for another. Be open-minded and patient with the process. Finding the right therapist can take time, and that’s perfectly okay. Furthermore, it’s important to acknowledge that you might go through different therapists at various points in your life based on your changing needs and experiences. Finding Support Beyond Therapy While therapy is a critical component of mental health, it’s also beneficial to seek support outside of professional treatment. Engage with supportive friends, family, or support groups. Building a solid support system can enhance your therapeutic experience and provide you with additional resources. Remember, you are not alone in your journey. Many people seek therapy at various points, and sharing your experiences can inspire others to seek help as well. Your Journey Towards Healing Choosing the right therapist for your needs is a critical step towards improved mental health and well-being. While the process may be overwhelming at times, remember that it’s an act of self-care. By taking the time to assess your needs, researching potential therapists, and prioritizing comfort and trust, you can find a professional who aligns with your unique journey. As you embark on this path, stay committed to your mental health and be patient with yourself throughout the process. The right therapist can become an invaluable ally in your journey towards healing. In summary, remember these important steps: identify your needs, explore therapy types, verify credentials, assess fit, and remain open to change. Your mental wellness is worth the effort, so take the time to choose wisely.

In today's fast-paced world, mental health has become an essential part of our overall well-being. With rising levels of stress, anxiety, and depression, especially in the wake of the pandemic, the demand for accessible mental health therapy is more crucial than ever. Yet, many individuals still struggle to access the care they need due to high costs or lack of insurance coverage. Fortunately, a growing number of mental health providers are partnering with health insurance companies, making therapy more affordable and accessible. In states like Texas, where large and diverse populations face a variety of mental health challenges, these partnerships are a lifeline for communities. Navigating the stress of affordable therapy Why Mental Health Therapy Matters Mental health therapy can be transformative. Whether someone is dealing with clinical depression, PTSD, anxiety, substance abuse, or just the day-to-day stressors of life, therapy provides tools for coping, healing, and personal growth. Research consistently shows that early intervention through therapy can reduce the long-term impact of mental illness, improve relationships, boost productivity, and enhance overall quality of life. Yet, despite its proven benefits, many people avoid therapy due to the cost. Out-of-pocket sessions can range from $125 to $350, and for someone in crisis or without a high income, that can be an insurmountable barrier. The Role of Health Insurance in Mental Health Access This is where health insurance plays a critical role. Insurance coverage for mental health services allows individuals to seek help without bearing the full financial burden. Under the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act (MHPAEA), insurance companies are required to offer mental health benefits that are comparable to physical health benefits. In addition, the Affordable Care Act (ACA) mandates that mental health services are essential benefits under most insurance plans. Still, the real-world application depends heavily on providers who accept  insurance and work within these systems to bring care to those who need it. Mental Health Companies That Accept Insurance: A Community Lifeline Several mental health organizations have committed to accepting insurance, helping remove the financial barrier to care. These companies offer therapy, psychiatry, support groups, and digital tools to help individuals manage their mental health. Some notable organizations that accept insurance include: The Resilience Center (see our list of over 35 insurers we accept) Talkspace Mindpath Health By partnering with insurers, these organizations reduce or even eliminate out-of-pocket costs for clients. They also offer a variety of therapy options including in-person, video, and phone-based sessions—making mental health care more flexible and accessible than ever. Health Insurance Providers in Texas That Cover Mental Health Services In Texas, several major insurance providers cover mental health therapy, often including counseling, psychiatric services, and substance abuse treatment. Here are some of the key players: Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Texas (BCBSTX) - Offers extensive mental health coverage through its PPO and HMO plans. Aetna - Covers a range of therapy services, including virtual therapy and psychiatric consultations. UnitedHealthcare - Provides behavioral health benefits, telehealth therapy, and access to mental wellness apps. Cigna - Includes mental health and substance abuse coverage, with many in-network therapists statewide. Ambetter from Superior HealthPlan - A marketplace plan that covers therapy, counseling, and psychiatric services. Molina Healthcare - Offers behavioral health services through Medicaid and ACA marketplace plans. Oscar Health - A newer player in the market, Oscar partners with providers and offers a user-friendly platform for mental health access. Baylor Scott and White - Provides both HMO and PPO plans that cover therapy along with Medicare advantage plans. The Impact on Texas Communities Texas ranks in the lower half of U.S. states for mental health access, yet has one of the highest needs. With over 29 million residents and vast rural areas, accessibility remains a concern. Mental health providers that accept insurance help bridge the gap—especially for marginalized communities, low-income families, and individuals in underserved areas. By removing cost barriers and working with local therapists, these organizations help Texans get the care they need to live healthier, more balanced lives. Final Thoughts Mental health therapy isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. When insurance companies and mental health providers collaborate, they build a bridge between need and care. For the people of Texas, this partnership isn’t just beneficial—it’s life-changing. If you or someone you know is struggling, check with your insurance provider to find a therapist in your network. The help you need might be just a call away—and thanks to these partnerships, it’s more accessible than ever.

Here's what to know about safely managing medication during pregnancy. Untreated depression during pregnancy can harm both mother and baby. Antidepressants may be necessary for moderate to severe antenatal depression. Non-pharmacological treatments like therapy and exercise should be maximized. Stigma and myths often prevent women from seeking help for antenatal depression. Pregnancy can feel like a magical experience filled with joy and anticipation. However, for many women , it becomes a dark and lonely time overshadowed by stress, fear, and sadness . Rapid hormonal changes occur, which contribute to mood swings , and estrogen levels rise to their highest peak of any time in a woman’s lifecycle. Depression During Pregnancy Depression is a serious illness that can devastate people’s lives. It can steal the ability to experience joy and lead people to feel worthless and hopeless. It can lead to insomnia, poor appetite, inability to concentrate, lethargy, and, in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts. Women especially are afflicted by depression, affecting about one in five within the course of their lifetimes. When depression intersects with pregnancy, which occurs in about 7 percent of women, the effects can be crushing. Pregnant women suffering from depression are at risk for poor compliance with prenatal care, inadequate nutrition, and lack of self-care. They are more likely to turn to alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs in an attempt to cope with these negative emotions (Guo et al., 2018; Alwa et al., 2007). Consequences of Antenatal Depression on the Developing Baby The consequences of depression during pregnancy, or antenatal depression, can wreak havoc on a woman and her family . These women may be plagued by incessant worrying and feel overwhelmed. Untreated depression raises the risks of premature delivery and low birth weight of the newborn. Dr. Catherine Birndorf, a reproductive psychiatrist and co-founder and medical director of The Motherhood Center, explains that antenatal depression is one of the leading risk factors for the development of postpartum depression. Contrary to common perceptions, pregnancy does not protect against depression, and antenatal depression is likely to worsen after birth if untreated (C. Birndorf, personal communication, October 30, 2024). This is consistent with studies that have shown that almost 40 percent of women with antenatal depression go on to develop postpartum depression (Underwood et al., 2016). How to Treat Antenatal Depression Many reproductive psychiatry specialists now believe that the best option for treating moderate to severe depression during pregnancy includes the use of antidepressant medications along with non-pharmacological approaches, such as therapy and exercise. Dr. Birndorf—co-author of What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood—specializes in the treatment of pregnant and postpartum women and empowers them to make informed choices regarding the use of antidepressants. She emphasizes that the best thing for a pregnant woman and her growing baby is maternal wellness and that some women require medication to be well. Untreated depression poses significant risks, including becoming unable to work, function, or care for one's children (C. Birndorf, personal communication, October 30, 2024). My Experience Treating Women During Pregnancy As a specialist in psychopharmacology and reproductive psychiatry, I have treated many women taking antidepressant medications during their pregnancies. We often engage in multiple discussions about the risks and benefits of medication use when they are planning to conceive. For patients with a significant history of depression—those who have experienced severe or multiple episodes—many choose to continue their antidepressant medication at least until pregnancy is confirmed. At that point, we may consider tapering the medication under close supervision. If signs of relapse appear, we generally restart the medication promptly. I encourage my patients to proactively engage in non-pharmacological approaches, such as therapy and regular exercise, to support their mental health. Some patients decide to remain on their antidepressant throughout pregnancy, recognizing that the risks of discontinuing medication could be catastrophic for them. Others have had positive experiences with antidepressant use during previous pregnancies and opt to stay on their medication. In my experience, I have never encountered a woman who regretted taking an antidepressant during pregnancy. However, I have treated women who suffered from antenatal depression and felt severely traumatized by the experience. Medication Use During Pregnancy Is Common About 80 percent of pregnant women report taking at least one medication during pregnancy (U.S. Food & Drug Administration, 2023). Some have underlying medical conditions such as diabetes, Crohn’s disease, or lupus and require maintenance medications. Antibiotics for an infection or steroids for asthma may be necessary. New illnesses may develop, such as gestational diabetes, hypothyroidism, or high blood pressure, that require treatment. In addition to medication exposure during pregnancy, many women use alcohol or other substances in the early weeks of pregnancy before realizing they are pregnant. Research on Antidepressants During Pregnancy Randomized controlled studies are not possible during pregnancy for ethical reasons. However, data is collected through Pregnancy Exposure Registries and outcome measures have been overall encouraging. Most studies found that early pregnancy exposure to selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as Prozac and Zoloft, was not associated with a significant increase in risks of congenital heart defects or of most other categories of congenital disabilities (Alwan et al., 2007; Huybrechts et al., 2014). Some conflicting data exists regarding whether there is a slight increase in congenital disabilities with SSRI use; however, when adverse effects have occurred, it is unclear whether they are attributable to SSRI use, underlying depression, or other variables (Alwan et al., 2007; Anderson et al., 2020). For example, patients with depression are more likely to use alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs, which are potential risk factors for adverse birth outcomes (Huybrechts et al., 2014). A recent study from Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School evaluated over 145,000 pregnancies with antidepressant exposure and assessed neurodevelopmental outcomes in children (Suarez et al., 2022). Their findings suggested that antidepressant exposure during pregnancy was not associated with autism spectrum disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, specific learning disorders, intellectual disabilities, or behavioral disorders (Suarez et al., 2022). Barriers to Antenatal Depression Treatment Dr. Birndorf explains that one of the most significant barriers to antenatal depression treatment relates to myths around what pregnancy should be, such as the notion that everybody else is glowing and that the woman is somehow defective or weak or broken because she has this problem (C. Birndorf, personal communication, October 30, 2024). Feelings of shame or guilt may prevent women from disclosing their suffering and lead to avoidance of treatment. Other barriers include a lack of awareness that antidepressants can be taken during pregnancy, as well as poor access to specialized treatment. Removing the Stigma The wall of silence around antenatal depression is starting to crumble. Celebrities such as Britany Spears, in her memoir The Woman In Me, wrote about her experience of depression during pregnancy, including loss of pleasure and feeling angry. Actress Shay Mitchell described her experience of crippling depression, anxiety, and isolation during her pregnancy (Good Morning America, 2019). Actress and author Jenny Mollen wrote about the darkness and fear she experienced during pregnancy (Global News, 2017). These brave women help to remove stigma and encourage those suffering from antenatal depression to seek support and make informed decisions about taking antidepressants during pregnancy. Non-pharmacological Treatment of Antenatal Depression Non-pharmacological management strategies such as therapy, exercise, and meditation should be maximized to treat depression during pregnancy. However, for moderate to severe depression, antidepressants may become necessary for adequate symptom relief. Proper medical treatment is critical for the health and well-being of the expectant mom and the developing child. Lori Plutchik, M.D., - Blog - References Guo, N., Robakis, T., Miller, C., Butwick, A. (2018). Prevalence of Depression Among Women of Reproductive Age in the United States. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 131(4). Alwan, S., Reefhuis, J., Rasmussen, S., Olney, R., Friedman, J. (2007). Use of Selective Serotonin-Reuptake Inhibitors in Pregnancy and Risk of Birth Defects. The New England Journal of Medicine, 356 (26). Anderson, K., Lind, J., Simeone, R., Bobo, W., Mitchell, A., Riehle-Colarusso, T., Polen, K., Reefhuis, J. (2020). Maternal Use of Specific Antidepressant Medications During Early Pregnancy and the Risk of Selected Birth Defects. JAMA Psychiatry, 77 (12). Huybrechts, K., Palmstein, K., Avorn, J., Cohen, L., Holmes, L, Franklin, J., Mogun, H., Levin, R., Kowloon, M., Setoguchi, S, Hernandez-Diaz, S. (2014). Antidepressant Use in Pregnancy and the Risk of Cardiac Defects. The New England Journal of Medicine, 370 (25). Suarez, E., Bateman, B., Hernandez-Diaz, S., Strauss, L., Wisner, K., Gray, K., Pernell, P., Lester, B., McDougle, C., Zhu, Y., Mogun, H., Huybrechts, K. (2022). Association of Antidepressant Use During Pregnancy With Risk of Neurodevelopmental Disorders in Children. JAMA Internal Medicine, 182 (11) Underwood, L., Waldie, K., D’Souza, S., Peterson, E. Morton, S., (2016).). A review of longitudinal studies on antenatal and postnatal depression. Archives of Women's Mental Health, 19 (5).

Mental well-being is crucial for living a fulfilling life. It affects how we think, feel, and act, shaping our interactions with the world. In recent years, the conversation around mental health has gained traction, moving from taboo subjects to essential discussions about lifestyle and community. Understanding the importance of mental well-being can lead to better overall health, more productivity, and improved relationships. A serene lake surrounded by lush greenery promotes mental well-being. What is Mental Well-Being? Mental well-being refers to the state of our mental health, encompassing emotional, psychological, and social aspects. It affects our ability to handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. High levels of mental well-being often lead to contentment and resilience. Research indicates that mental well-being is not merely the absence of mental illness but includes positive attributes like emotional stability, goal achievement, and a strong sense of purpose. It is influential in our day-to-day life, impacting everything from our productivity at work to the quality of our relationships. Studies have shown that around 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health issue in their lifetime, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing mental well-being. Meditation spaces can greatly enhance mental health and well-being. How to Improve Your Mental Well-Being Improving mental well-being doesn't require radical changes. Small, consistent actions can make a significant difference. Here are some practical and actionable tips: Practice Mindfulness : Mindfulness is a powerful tool to enhance mental well-being. It involves being present in the moment and fully engaging with your surroundings. Simple practices include deep-breathing exercises, meditation, or even mindful eating. Stay Physically Active : Exercise isn’t just for physical health; it boosts endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Aim for at least 30 minutes of physical activity most days of the week. Connect with Others : Relationships play a significant role in mental health. Make time for friends and family, even if it's just a phone call or a text message. Set Achievable Goals : Having a sense of direction can enhance motivation and foster feelings of success. Set small, achievable goals in various areas of your life, from professional objectives to personal growth. Seek Help When Needed : Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we may need support. Access to appropriate mental health services can be invaluable. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when necessary. Implementing these strategies can pave the way for a more balanced and fulfilling life. What are the Four Types of Mental Health Services? Mental health services can be categorized into four main types, each addressing different needs and conditions: Counseling Services : These are often short-term and focus on specific issues. Counselors provide guidance in areas like stress management, relationship problems, and life transitions. Psychotherapy : This in-depth therapeutic approach involves trained professionals working with individuals on emotional challenges and trauma. It's typically longer-term and can address complex mental disorders. Medication Management : For some individuals, medication may be necessary to manage symptoms of mental health conditions. Psychiatrists prescribe and monitor medications to help alleviate issues such as anxiety and depression. Community Support Services : These services are usually provided by community organizations and include group therapy, workshops, and education programs. They aim to enhance social connections and provide a supportive environment. These diverse mental health services allow individuals to find the right fit for their needs. Counseling offices provide calm environments to promote mental health discussions. The Role of Mental Well-Being in Daily Life Mental well-being plays a critical role in various aspects of daily life. Someone with good mental health is more likely to cope with stress effectively, maintain healthy relationships, and contribute to society. Work and Productivity : Individuals with higher mental well-being tend to perform better at work. They are more engaged, creative, and motivated. Organizations are increasingly recognizing that employee well-being directly correlates with productivity and job satisfaction. Relationships : Healthy mental well-being promotes fulfilling relationships. It helps individuals communicate better, empathize, and resolve conflicts more efficiently. Physical Health : The mind and body are interconnected. Poor mental health can lead to various physical health issues, including heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. Conversely, good mental health supports better physical health outcomes. Quality of Life : Ultimately, mental well-being contributes to an overall sense of happiness. Individuals who prioritize mental health are likely to experience higher life satisfaction, improved social connections, and a more vibrant existence. Investing in mental well-being can reduce the risk of mental health issues and foster a supportive community environment. The Future of Mental Well-Being As we look toward the future, the importance of mental well-being and mental health services cannot be overstated. More awareness is being created, leading to better prevention, treatment, and resources for those in need. Emerging trends include increased therapy options, apps aimed at promoting mental health, and greater emphasis on mental well-being in schools and workplaces. The destigmatization of mental health issues encourages more individuals to seek help and talk about their experiences. Educational initiatives are also critical, promoting understanding and awareness around mental health. Schools are beginning to integrate mental health education into their curricula, preparing future generations to be more attuned to their emotional states and the well-being of others. It's crucial to remember that mental well-being is a continuous journey. Engaging with appropriate mental health services, practicing self-care, and fostering connections can significantly enhance both individual and community mental health. Managing mental well-being is achievable for anyone willing to make an effort. By taking small steps towards a healthier mindset, we can create a resilient and supportive society. Prioritizing mental health is not just beneficial; it is essential for leading a fulfilling life. Let’s collectively commit to understanding and enhancing our mental well-being for a brighter future for all.

The misunderstood difference between one's personality and their trauma coping. Trauma-coping and survival strategies develop in response to traumatic events. These strategies may be maladaptive in their present-day context. Personality traits are not inherently tied to specific events, developmental milestones, or circumstances. The difference between someone’s personality and their trauma coping and survival strategies is often misunderstood, leading to increasingly pernicious misjudgments about individuals’ character, intentions, or behavior . While personality refers to enduring, largely context-independent traits, trauma -coping and survival strategies and behaviors developed in response to (mostly unhealed) traumatic events. For the most part, trauma -coping and survival strategies and behaviors were previously adaptive during one's trauma, but are currently maladaptive in their present-day context. A basic example is a child whose natural personality is calm, relaxed, and patient. But, if he grew up in an environment of neglect and abandonment, he may learn to tantrum often to get his physical and emotional needs met. Thus, many may mistake his tantruming as part of his personality, but alas, it is only what he learned to get his basic needs met: trauma-survival coping. Understanding this distinction is critical for fostering healing, healthy self-worth, empathy, connection, boundaries, improving relationships, supporting mental health, and eventually world peace. Personality Personality encompasses one's consistent, long-term patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior. It is shaped by a complex interplay of genetics, biology, and environment. Psychologists often describe personality using frameworks such as the Big Five personality traits (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism). These traits influence how people approach relationships, work, and personal challenges. Unlike trauma responses, personality traits are not inherently tied to specific events, developmental milestones, or circumstances. For example, a naturally introverted person might prefer solitude due to their innate temperament, not because of past trauma, unhealthy family dynamics, or other relevant contextual variables. Trauma Coping Strategies Trauma-coping strategies are behaviors and cognitive, emotional, and physiological patterns individuals develop to manage the impact of traumatic experiences. Trauma, whether from abuse , neglect, loss, or violence, can overwhelm a person's ability to process emotions healthily. Coping strategies emerge as survival mechanisms, often operating subconsciously. Common examples include (but aren't limited to): Hypervigilance: Constantly scanning the environment for threats to avoid potential harm. People-pleasing: Over-accommodating others to reduce conflict and ensure safety. Emotional numbing: Suppressing feelings to avoid overwhelming pain. Avoidance: Steering clear of reminders of trauma , whether through physical actions or emotional disengagement While these strategies likely helped individuals endure traumatic situations, they can persist long after the threat or trauma(s) have passed (as their bodies had likely learned they were necessary for survival), and thus risk becoming misinterpreted as "personality traits." This also my issue with diagnosing clients with Personality Disorders : it defines humans by their trauma coping. Where the Confusion Arises The Venn-diagram-like overlap between trauma responses and personality traits often engenders confusion, mislabeling, and mischaracterization. For instance, someone who is reserved and avoids confrontation might be equivocally labeled as introverted. However, their introversion could stem from trauma-induced people-pleasing (how did they have to be in the world to get their survival need met of their parents' love and attention?) rather than innate, personality-based introversion. Similarly, a person exhibiting emotional detachment might be assumed to lack empathy on a personality level, when in fact, their emotional detachment was a survival and trauma coping strategy to grapple with unresolved emotional pain, overwhelm, shame, and/or feelings of defectiveness. Trauma can also distort and obscure natural personality traits. A naturally gregarious individual might withdraw socially after facing trauma, not because their personality has changed but as a protective, trauma-coping measure. Conversely, someone who thrives on independence may become overly reliant on others due to feelings of helplessness. Those with neurodivergence and varying sexual orientations too may similarly learn to mask their true self and "appear normal" merely to fit in and to cope with the trauma of living in an heteronormative, homophobic, and/or neurotypical world. Clearly those outside adjustments wouldn't part of their personalities. Likewise, a child may become increasingly mischievous from feeling chronically ignored/forgotten and thus earning since infancy that they're more likely to get their emotional and physical needs met when being disruptive (think of the movie Home Alone). In this case, tantrums (as mentioned above as well) can be a hallmark of resilience. These shifts can lead to misjudgments, as outsiders might perceive these behaviors as intrinsic rather than circumstantial and contextually-survival-based. The Danger of Misinterpretation Misunderstanding the difference between personality and trauma coping strategies has had serious consequences, including (but not limited to) stigmatization: labeling someone as “cold” or “difficult” without recognizing the underlying trauma can perpetuate feelings of isolation, shame, and strained relationships. We can help resolve the confusion by curiously examining how the supposedly upsetting behavior(s) actually had positive function and intention during the trauma they had faced (Winfrey & Perry, 2021). The tragedy I've periodically witnessed in my practice is when a child's trauma and survival coping become continuously mislabeled as their personality over the years, it can actually reinforce these coping strategies to the point where the person starts mistaking them as part of their personality when they never were, as they had only arisen adaptively in response to a traumatic context. I believe this is where a lot of the violence, aggression, and trauma-perpetuating behaviors in the world come from. A child comes to believe they are bad because they become labeled as "bad" by adults, when in fact, they were merely doing their best to cope with traumatizing circumstances. Another key example arises from my work with veterans. How much combat exposure do you think you would tolerate until you gradually start to automatically reach for your weapon every time you hear a abrupt noises, even if it's now been four years since that exposure? Once the brain and body learn that a certain behavior promotes survival, it can increasingly struggle to unlearn it even in an entirely different context. Conclusion Traumatized people often develop seemingly maladaptive or "bad" behaviors that were actually adaptive during the trauma, but aren't anymore, and then they become repeatedly labeled as part of their personality, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy of trauma that can spans intergenerationally over centuries and spread beyond neighborhoods, communities, cities, states, countries, and the world. Accurately distinguishing one's personality from their trauma-coping, especially when they're behavior seems "bad," can help curb this intergenerational trauma and become a potent force for good and healing in the world. Jason N. Linder, Psy.D., LMFT, - Website - Blog - References Winfrey, O., & Perry, B. D. (2021). What happened to you? Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing. Flatiron books, New York.

The importance of recognizing early-stage relationship red flags. Strong relationships and social connections are key to our long-term health and happiness. It is important to build awareness around the early warning signs of potential controlling behaviours. Recognizing red flags in the early stages of a relationship is key to protecting ourselves from hurt and harm. We are social animals. Our relationships matter. Research shows that healthy relationships and strong social connections are the cornerstone of longevity, physical health , and psychological well-being. When we enjoy close, healthy relationships, we are less likely to suffer from depression . What’s more, isolation negatively impacts our physical and mental health and well-being in many ways. Building healthy relationships We invest a great deal of time, care, and attention in building healthy romantic relationships, friendships, and relationships with work colleagues and family members . We open our hearts. We give new people in our lives the benefit of the doubt, and we take time to get to know a new person and, over time, let them into our lives. Many factors contribute to healthy relationships. In a 2023 post, "5 Essential Ingredients of Lasting and Healthy Relationships," author Stephen J. Betchen, D.S.W, listed trust, knowing what we want, and a willingness to take responsibility for our behavior among the ingredients of building healthy and lasting relationships. What healthy relationships share While not all healthy relationships look or feel alike, they share certain attributes in common, including companionship, support, opportunities to learn and grow, and a safe space where we can be our authentic selves and share our thoughts, feelings, challenges, and victories. In our healthy relationships, we feel safe to be ourselves. We feel respected, heard, seen, and understood. Our friends, partners, colleagues, and family members respect our boundaries, as we respect theirs. Early warning signs of trouble Because our relationships matter, it is important that we build our awareness of the warning signs that a new friend, colleague, or romantic partner may be seeking to control us, rather than build a healthy and mutually respectful relationship over time. Not all manipulators are the same. Some people seek to attain a moderate degree of control in their relationships. Others aim to dominate or—in extreme cases—engage in coercive control (often referred to as gaslighting) over an extended period of time. People who seek to control rather than engage in healthy relationship dynamics often suffer from low self-esteem. They feel incapable of engaging in a mutually respectful friendship and seek to attain a sense of control of the world around them through manipulation. Often these tactics are the result of their blueprints and role models from early childhood. They seem to seek out and exploit the good nature and vulnerabilities of others … often without awareness. Recognizing the signs of someone who seeks to exert control over us in the early stages of a relationship is key to protecting ourselves from the prolonged and worsening emotional, social, physical, and psychological hurt and harm of a controlling person. We’re not meant to live in doubt and fear. We’re here to live our lives authentically and to engage in relationships that help keep us healthy, happy, and whole. Get to know the early signs of control in a relationship Watch for tactics and behaviors at the start of a relationship. Question situations that make you uncomfortable. Talk about your feelings. Communicate and reinforce healthy boundaries to help stop controlling behaviors. Major red flags include the following: Moving too fast: Acknowledge when a new friendship feels overly familiar too soon or a new romantic partner engages in love-bombing behaviors that seem forced and inauthentic, and leave you feeling smothered or "swept off your feet." Manipulative behaviors include over-attentiveness, lavish gift-giving or spending, showering with praise, over-engaging in communication, and other aggressive behaviors that seem like too much too soon and make you uncomfortable. Attempting to monopolize your time: When a friend or romantic partner isolates you or places unrealistic demands on your time, it can be a sign of trouble. Rather than assume the worst, try to have an honest conversation about your boundaries and time. By communicating and enforcing healthy boundaries early on, you are modeling healthy behaviors and signaling that you are unwilling to be manipulated. Manipulating through compliments: Receiving compliments and flattery can feel great. The downside of praise and compliments—especially when they feel disingenuous and undeserved—is that we can come to rely on them to feel attractive, desirable, interesting, or worthy. A controlling person knows when to give compliments and when to withhold them to get what they want. Shaming and blaming: When a new friend or romantic partner blames you for making them feel unappreciated, ignored, or judged, or when they shame you for spending time apart, pursuing other interests, or defending your boundaries, it’s a sign that there are control issues in play. This new person in your life may be struggling with feelings of low self-worth and an over-reliance on others to meet their emotional needs. Placing responsibility for their feelings on you: Often, a manipulative person with low self-esteem attempts to gain a sense of control by blaming you for their feelings of low self-worth and self-love. Monica Vermani, C. Psych., - Website - Blog - References M. Schulz, R. Waldinger. An 85-year Harvard study found the No. 1 thing that makes us happy in life: It helps us ‘live longer.’ CNBC. February 10, 2023.

Therapy has become an indispensable resource for those aiming to enhance their personal growth. Often stigmatized in the past, therapy is increasingly recognized as a worthwhile investment for mental health, self-awareness, and emotional resilience. This blog post explores how therapy can empower individuals to grow, transform, and evolve in various aspects of their lives. Therapy Support: A Path to Self-Discovery Therapy provides a structured and safe environment for self-exploration. It encourages individuals to delve into their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, leading to greater self-discovery. Through conversations with a trained professional, clients can uncover patterns that might be holding them back from their potential. For instance, a person struggling with relationships may realize through therapy that their fear of vulnerability stems from childhood experiences. Additionally, therapy often introduces individuals to therapeutic tools and techniques that facilitate self-exploration. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help individuals identify negative thought patterns and replace them with positive affirmations. This shift in perspective is crucial for personal growth and helps individuals foster healthier relationships with themselves and others. Therapy Support: Building Emotional Resilience One of the primary benefits of therapy is its ability to enhance emotional resilience. Emotional resilience refers to the capacity to adapt to stressful situations and bounce back from adversity. Therapy equips individuals with coping strategies that help them navigate life's challenges with greater ease. For example, a study from the American Psychological Association found that clients who engaged in therapy reported improved coping mechanisms when faced with stressful events. These coping strategies range from mindfulness practices to emotional regulation techniques, helping individuals to manage anxiety, depression, and stress more effectively. Moreover, developing emotional resilience through therapy can lead to improved problem-solving skills. When individuals learn to view challenges as opportunities for growth, they are more likely to tackle issues head-on, making them better equipped for future obstacles. Reflecting on emotions and experiences is essential for personal growth. Is Therapy Expensive? The cost of therapy can vary significantly depending on location, therapist experience, and session length. According to a survey by the National Alliance on Mental Illness, individuals who invest in therapy often experience significant improvements in their overall well-being, productivity, and relationships. Many people find that the skills they gain in therapy far outweigh the cost. Additionally, various insurance plans cover some or all of therapy costs, making it more accessible for those who might be on the fence about seeking help. Ultimately, the determination of whether therapy is expensive depends on personal circumstances and the perceived value of mental health services. When one considers the potential for life-changing growth, it’s not just an expense, but rather an investment in oneself. Finding peace and clarity through therapeutic practices. Therapy as a Catalyst for Change Therapy acts as a catalyst for change, propelling individuals toward their goals. Many enter therapy with specific objectives, such as improving relationships, coping with grief, or managing stress more effectively. Through guidance and support, therapists can help clients identify root causes of their issues, facilitating the development of actionable plans to achieve their desired outcomes. For example, someone disappointed with their career path might use therapy to explore their passions and identify steps toward a more fulfilling professional life. By outlining clear, achievable goals during sessions, the individual is not only guided toward growth, but they also gain accountability—the therapist helps keep them on track as they navigate challenges. Additionally, engaging in group therapy can provide valuable perspective. Learning from others' experiences often offers insights that can resonate on a personal level, reinforcing the idea that growth is a communal process. The Role of Self-Compassion in Therapy Another vital element of therapy is fostering self-compassion. This concept involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, particularly in moments of suffering or personal failure. Many individuals struggle with harsh self-criticism, which negatively impacts personal growth. Therapists often teach clients how to practice self-compassion through guided exercises. For instance, when faced with failures or setbacks, clients can learn to speak to themselves as they would to a friend, discouraging negative self-talk. This shift can lead to improved emotional well-being and a greater sense of acceptance of oneself, paving the way for exploration and growth. Building self-compassion can take time, but it is essential for fostering resilience and enhancing self-esteem. A study published in the journal Self and Identity indicated that individuals who practice self-compassion typically experience higher levels of motivation and engagement, reinforcing the importance of this practice within the therapeutic process. Embracing Change Through Therapy Engaging in therapy means embracing change, albeit sometimes reluctantly. Change can be challenging and overwhelming, but therapy helps individuals navigate this terrain with support and guidance. By facing fears and uncertainties, individuals are empowered to take control of their life stories. One common therapeutic exercise involves setting small, achievable goals. This approach allows clients to experience success in manageable doses, building confidence as they progress. With each accomplishment, individuals grow increasingly motivated to tackle bigger challenges, creating a positive feedback loop that fosters sustained personal growth. Moreover, embracing change can mean reframing setbacks. A therapist might help a client view a job loss not as a failure, but as a chance to explore new opportunities. This perspective shift often leads to groundbreaking personal revelations and significant growth. The journey of personal growth is continuous and transformative. The Journey Doesn’t End Here Therapy is more than just a means to address mental health issues; it is a journey toward self-improvement and personal growth. By supporting individuals in self-discovery, building emotional resilience, and embracing change, therapy can create lasting transformations. For anyone considering this transformative journey, exploring local options, such as asking for "therapy near me," can be the first step toward making a long-lasting change. Keep in mind that the investment in therapy holds the potential for monumental personal growth, equipping individuals with the tools they need to thrive in their lives. As you contemplate whether therapy is right for you, remember that the path to personal growth is often best navigated with support. Accepting help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and may very well be the catalyst for the change you've been seeking.

Mental health is a crucial part of our overall well-being. Just as we take care of our physical health with regular exercise and nutritious meals, our mental health requires attention and care too. The importance of mental health care is often overlooked, but it plays a fundamental role in leading a balanced and fulfilling life. This blog post delves into various aspects of mental health care and why it matters for everyone. The Role of Mental Health in Our Lives Mental health encompasses our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. Mental health also influences how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. According to the World Health Organization, mental disorders are among the leading causes of disability worldwide. In fact, nearly 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experiences mental illness in a given year. Importance of Mental Health Care Taking care of mental health is just as important as physical health. Effective mental health care can lead to: Improved Quality of Life : People who receive adequate mental health care often report better relationships and overall satisfaction with life. Enhanced Productivity : Mental health issues can hinder performance at work or school. Addressing these issues can lead to increased focus and productivity. Better Physical Health : Mental health directly affects physical health. Stress and anxiety can contribute to various physical health problems, including heart disease and obesity. Understanding Different Mental Health Disorders Understanding mental health disorders is essential for effective care. Some common disorders include: Anxiety Disorders : This includes generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and phobias. About 31% of adults will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. Depressive Disorders : Major depressive disorder is one of the most common mental health conditions. Approximately 7% of adults experience a major depressive episode each year. Bipolar Disorder : This disorder involves extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression). It affects about 2.8% of the U.S. population. Understanding these disorders can help individuals recognize symptoms in themselves or others and seek appropriate help. Treatment Options for Mental Health Issues There are numerous treatment options available for individuals experiencing mental health problems. These may include: Therapy : Types of therapy, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy, can be effective for various mental health conditions. Medication : Antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, and antipsychotics can assist in managing symptoms. It's essential to consult a healthcare provider about the best options. Support Groups : Engaging with others who are facing similar challenges can be immensely beneficial. Lifestyle Changes : Incorporating healthy habits, such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and mindfulness practices, can also significantly support mental health. Books can be a source of support and knowledge about mental health. The Stigma Surrounding Mental Health Care One of the significant barriers to mental health care is stigma. Many people feel ashamed or embarrassed to seek help for their mental health. This stigma can arise from misunderstandings about mental illnesses or cultural perceptions. Combatting stigma requires education and open conversations about mental health. When individuals share their experiences and normalization of mental health struggles, it becomes easier for others to reach out for help. How to Support Mental Health in our Communities Supporting mental health in our communities can have a widespread influence. Here are some ways to contribute: Raise Awareness : Educate others about the importance of mental health care. Share articles, organize community events, or use social media platforms to spread the word. Encourage Open Dialogue : Create a safe environment where people feel comfortable discussing their mental health. Listen without judgment and provide support when needed. Advocate for Resources : Reach out to local government and advocacy groups to ensure access to mental health services remains a priority. Be Supportive : If you know someone struggling with their mental health, simply being present can make a significant difference. Offer to talk or assist them in finding resources. Taking Your First Step If you recognize that you or someone close to you might be struggling with mental health issues, taking that first step can feel daunting. Here are some actionable recommendations for getting started: Self-Assessment : Reflect on your feelings and behaviors. Consider whether your mental health is affecting various areas of your life. Seek Professional Help : Look into mental health services suitable for your needs. Whether through a local clinic, community organization, or private practitioner, reaching out for help is vital. Develop a Support System : Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you feel less isolated. Stay Informed : Read articles, books, and attend workshops to educate yourself about mental health. Knowledge is a powerful tool in managing mental well-being. Practice Self-Care : Integrate self-care practices into daily routines, such as mindfulness, exercise, or hobbies that bring joy. Awareness and understanding of mental health care can lead to better individual and community health. The importance of mental health cannot be overstated; integrating care into our lives fosters resilience and enhances societal well-being. Together, we can change perceptions, reduce stigma, and support one another towards improved mental health. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and taking that step can lead to a healthier, happier life.

Supporting someone who is grieving: These 11 ground rules are essential. Few things bring comfort in the early days after meaningful loss. Words intended to help often only annoy. Yet research shows that love and connectedness are essential for healing in the wake of challenge or loss. No approach is perfect, but these 11 ground rules are essential for helping loved ones through grief and loss . You've been there—the awkward moment when someone you care for is in despair. Maybe their eyes are red and wet, or their shoulders are slumped and shaking. Maybe their chest heaves through shallow breaths. Maybe a preternatural silence has settled in, leaving them empty and mute. And there you are, between stimulus and response. You wonder what to say. You worry about having nothing to say or saying the wrong thing. You might even convince yourself that your loved one needs “time alone to cope,” when really, it’s your own discomfort that you’re trying to avoid. Research (Moore et al., 2022) shows that love and connectedness are essential for healing in the wake of loss, so, show you care by being there. While no approach is perfect, here are some essential ground rules. What Not to Say… 1. “Don’t worry. It will all work out.” While you may hope it’s the case, you don’t know it will. Grievers don’t need wishful thinking; they need love and support. What’s more, they cling to reliable information. If you can offer that, great. If you can’t, that’s OK; find another way to be helpful, like offering encouragement, rather than guarantees. Try saying, "You can find a way through this. I’m here for you." And follow through. Also, be a resource: offer to help the person put together an action plan or help with daily tasks. Be available if more emotionally difficult chores need to be done such as cleaning out a departed loved one’s home or planning a memorial service. Play point person for sharing “approved” information with extended communities, so your loved one won’t have to. Your presence is so much more helpful than false promises of certainty. 2. “Everything happens for a reason” or “We’re only given what we can handle.” While you may believe this, others may not. And even if they did believe it previously, grief has a way of calling deeply held beliefs and principles into question. It's best not to project your own onto theirs. This is especially true for people facing betrayal or injustice. Be present or a steward, by helping your loved one accept the situation with “benevolent honesty”—a gentleness with themselves as they absorb painful realities. Also, try helping them find something meaningful about the situation that they can hold onto. Don’t try to play God. 3. “Someone always has it worse.” Maintaining perspective is an essential part of overcoming grief, but it doesn’t always come easily. Grievers typically don’t want to hear about others’ pain—at least just then. Reminders of others’ suffering especially more than they are, only grate on a person’s patience. Instead, allow loved ones to be sad , mad , outraged, or cry—to express their emotions freely. Research (NIH, 2017) shows that you got to feel to heal. This said, if you see that a loved one is down more than up, then gently suggest they talk to a professional. 4. “I know what you’re going through.” Do you really? Have you been through the same set of circumstances, with all the same dynamics that this person has? Or are you unwittingly projecting your own experiences onto theirs? It’s important to be present with your loved one’s experience and emotional challenges first. Allowing a person to be heard is one of the best supports you can offer. Only then is it helpful to share snippets of your own experience, to show empathy and solidarity. 5. “Don’t be negative. Think happy thoughts.” While wallowing isn’t particularly effective for healing, don’t forget that grief isn’t a positive experience. Trying to shield a person’s suffering behind forced feelings of happiness isn’t going to make the pain go away. It’s just going to lodge it somewhere else. “Just be positive” and other happy-based platitudes are often just ways to fill an awkward silence. Instead of touting “just be positive,” try just being honest, like, “I wish I knew what to say to you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Please, let me know how I can help.” If you do want to focus on something positive, remind the person of their strengths, and encourage them to leverage those when the pain becomes especially heavy. 6. “If I were you, I’d…” or “What you should do is…” It’s natural to want to help someone who’s suffering, but grief is no time for a know-it-all. Loss is a highly individualized experience and affects each of us differently. How one responds depends on many factors, including personality , coping and attachment styles , biology, life experiences, faith/belief systems , and context. Just because you might prefer one approach, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily right for someone else. Let them ask for your opinion before you impose it. If you feel strongly that you have something worthy to contribute, consider saying, “Can I make a suggestion?” Or “Maybe you would find this helpful…” 7. “I told you so.” Big no-no. Sometimes life throws us into challenging situations that we didn’t ask for. Other times we contribute to our own suffering, even if it’s unintentional. While it is hard to stand on the sidelines and watch a loved one act in ways you wouldn’t, saying “I told you so,” after a distressing outcome, is unhelpful: it’s also condescending. You get no points for being right, but you do for being present. Rather than reminding the person of your good judgment, try helping them avoid making decisions that might cause further suffering. Also, brainstorm positive actions that could move them forward in a healthy way. What To Do… 8. Be patient and take your cue from your loved one. The healing process can’t be forced, hurried, or demanded, as much as you (or they) may desire it. If your loved one feels like talking, let them. If they need quiet, give them this too, including sitting in silence when you’re together. If they’re up for a laugh, great. Research (Cacioppo, 2003) shows that both positive and negative emotions are part of the grieving mix, sometimes even coming at the same time.) If they need a cry, that’s OK too. What’s important is to let the person lead, welcome, and attend to all emotions, and remember there is no “normal” timetable for healing. 9. Check in regularly, even if you don’t hear back right away. Most grievers have limited bandwidth because grief takes a toll on our body, mind, and spirit. If you reach out and your loved one doesn’t respond, it doesn’t mean they are rejecting you. More likely it’s that they haven’t had the energy to reply. Don’t give up; it’s good for them to know that others who at the ready. Check in regularly, depending on how close you are to them. But don’t demand a call back. Just let the person know you’re thinking of them and that you’ll continue checking in if that’s okay. 10. Give a person leeway. Try not to take things personally. Grief can push us to the limits of “us,” which is why grievers often say and do things that they might not otherwise. While it may hurt to hear a harsh remark or dismissal from a loved one, consider whether it’s just because of their current situation. And if the person did mean it, remember, all relationships have dynamics. If the issue is important, it can always be addressed in the future—after things have calmed down. This said, setting boundaries is also an important part of the healing process—for grievers and supporters. 11. Give yourself leeway, too. Being present to a griever isn’t easy. You may not always get it right. You may unintentionally stick your foot in your mouth; it happens. You will also have to manage your own emotions, including unpleasant ones, especially if it feels like the relationship is out of balance, with you giving more than you are getting. Learning to stay within your “window of tolerance” (DeMarco, 2024) can be helpful. Grounding and breathing exercises (DeMarco, 2020) can work to this end. It’s also helpful to accept that the relationship may be skewed for a while. Leveraging other friends and community can go a long way to ensure that you’re supported when you are supporting another. Michele DeMarco, Ph.D., Rev, - Website - Blog - References Moore, M., Palmer, J. K., Cerel, J., & Ruocco, K. (2022). Growth and Hope after loss: How TAPS facilitates posttraumatic growth in those grieving military deaths. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 996041. NIH News in Health (2017). Coping With Grief: Life After Loss, National Institutes of Health. Cacioppo, J. (2003). Turning adversity to advantage: On the virtues of the coactivation of positive and negative emotions. In L. Aspinwall & U. Staudinger (Eds.), A psychology of human strengths: Perspectives on an emerging field (pp. 211-226). American Psychological Association. DeMarco, M. (2024). What happens when your stress exceeds your Window of Tolerance: 5 ways to decrease arousal. Psychology Today. DeMarco, M. (2022). 7 Surprising breathing exercises to instantly reduce stress: Conscious breathing, cellular breathing, and other easy techniques to feel calmer, Medium.

You have the power to create the life you want to lead. Being who you want to be and living the life you want to lead takes active steps. You can't move forward in your life if you are clinging to your past. Living without fear, making deliberate choices, and embracing your humanity will get you to "I'm good."   To what do you aspire? Who do you want to be, and what kind of life do you want to lead? To be happy, successful, impactful, rich, famous, loved? We all want to find and experience that elusive “Holy Grail” that we believe will fulfill our aspirations. However, as is commonly expressed in both ancient philosophical thought and modern-day self-help dogma, “once you get there, there is no there.” Instead, it is the journey that provides us with our so-sought-after sense of what I call “I’m good.” Though this brief phrase sounds simple, it carries with it profound meaning that includes feeling good about yourself, being in a good place in your life, feeling safe and secure, experiencing contentment, and having deep and nurturing relationships, just to name a few. You now may be asking, “If having aspirations like those described above are not the way to go, what steps should I take to find meaning, satisfaction, and joy in my life?” I have identified five that, if you strive for and achieve, you will, as the saying goes, “live a life worth leading.” 1. Let Go of Your Past An unfortunate, though inevitable, aspect of the human condition is that we all carry baggage with us from childhood into adulthood. What I mean by baggage are ways of thinking, experiencing emotions, behaving, interacting with others, and generally acting and reacting to our world in a way that was once functional (i.e., it protected us from some perceived threat) but is now nonfunctional (it no longer serves our best interests and interferes with our pursuing our most closely held aspirations). Without letting go of this baggage from our past, finding meaning, satisfaction, joy, and connection in our present lives is nearly impossible. Of course, freeing yourself from your baggage is no small feat because these burdens that we may have been carrying around with us for years not only produce deeply ingrained habits but also are wired into our brains. The result is that our baggage is highly resistant to change. Yet, there is considerable empirical evidence and first-hand experience that we all see that unpacking our baggage is possible. As the saying goes, though, there is no one road to Rome; rather, there are many ways to identify and let go of your baggage including seeing a trained mental health counselor  (my recommendation), reading, encounter groups, online courses, meditation, and support groups. 2. Know Your Values You can’t live a life worth living if you don’t know what that life entails. The simplest way to live such a life is to know your values. Values are a fundamental part of aspiring to be your best and do your best in your life. You may be wondering, “What do you mean by values?” Values are what we deem most important and how we establish priorities in our lives. They are the road signs on our journey because we go in a certain direction based on what we value in our lives. Perhaps the most common way people try to figure out what they value is to sit down and make a list of everything they believe in and then pick the ones that they believe are most important to them. At the same time, I’ve found this approach tends to make us choose values that we think  we should have rather than what values we actually do have. I have found the best way to know your values is to see what you devote your time, energy, and money to. Once you know your values, you can then make choices to live the life you want to lead based on those values. 3. Live Without Fear Most people are unable to be who they want to be or live the life they want to lead because of one elemental emotion: fear. What is everyone afraid of? Quite simply, they’re afraid of failure in many guises including rejection, school and career setbacks, unachieved goals, being judged negatively by others, judging themselves negatively, and, at its core, fear of confirming who they really  are—that is, total losers unworthy of respect and love. Because of this fear, most people are unwilling to take their shot—whether in careers, relationships , or anything of consequence—for fear of missing. The problem is that without being willing to take the shot, we can never score. As the hockey G.O.A.T. Wayne Gretzky once stated so profoundly, “I missed 100% of the shots I didn’t take.” At a deeper level, people live with the fear that the emotions they would experience if they fail would be indescribably excruciating (e.g., pain, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, shame, loneliness, devastation). No doubt, if you fail, you will certainly feel bad, and it might last a while. At the same time, we humans are resilient creatures, and, in time, the pain would subside, and you would be OK. Imagine what life would be like without fear of failure and pain. Every opportunity that arose, you would embrace. Every shot you would take. Every reasonable risk you would go for. Everything you ever wanted, you would pour your heart into achieving it. You would be liberated to pursue your dreams with confidence, courage, commitment, and gusto, and without doubt, worry, or anxiety. 4. Make Deliberate Choices Many years ago, a long-time friend visited me. Over dinner, as we talked about our lives, he said, “Jim, you designed your destiny.” His statement always struck me as important and as reflective of the life I was (and am still) trying to lead. I always had a clear vision of the life I wanted to live including being guided by my values and passions, having freedom in my career, living in a place that aligned with my interests, and having people in my life that brought out the best in me. Some years later, I realized that designing one’s destiny came down to simply making deliberate choices. Particularly these days in the age of the internet, it is easy to be influenced by the dominant messages of our popular culture (e.g., wealth, celebrity, status, and power are all that matter). With this influence, we often abdicate the choices we make to others. Even worse, many of these “choices” that are imposed on us are not only unhealthy but they also are downright toxic. Additionally, though we like to think of ourselves as evolved beings with a cerebral cortex and, more specifically, a pre-frontal cortex that separates us from animals, the reality is that we still frequently react to the world the same way our ancient ancestors did eons ago. In other words, we are guided far more often than we like to admit by primitive instincts, emotions, and reactions (e.g., fight or flight) that worked well for our forbearers but aren’t the least bit effective in life in 2024. Our pre-frontal cortex endows us with what is commonly referred to as “executive functioning,” which gives us the capacity to weigh immediate and future risks and rewards, delay gratification, organize and plan, control our impulses, and make deliberate choices. It also gives us the ability to resist our primitive urges, decide what is in our best interests, and then choose to take the latter road. You can think of your life as a series of forks in the road—bad road, good road. Your ability to engage your pre-frontal cortex and allow yourself to decide what the best road is for you and then take it is essential to fulfilling your life’s aspirations. 5. Embrace Your Humanity One of the biggest sources of unhappiness and dissatisfaction in people’s lives these days seems to stem from unhealthy messages they receive from our media-driven culture—most notably, the need to be perfect. Research has shown, for example, that users of social media curate their online persona to appear “perfectly” happy, when, in fact, they aren’t. Anyone who suffers from perfectionism knows (and I’m a perfectionist in recovery) that there can be no happiness or satisfaction in striving to be perfect because, as human beings, we are incapable of achieving perfection. As such, its pursuit is fraught with failure, insecurity, doubt, worry, stress, anxiety , exhaustion, and the list goes on, all entirely antithetical to any semblance of contentment or peace. Moreover, what most people don’t realize is that perfection is, at best, uninteresting and, at worst, downright boring, like that bright, shiny thing that loses its luster quickly. The antidote to this malady is to embrace your humanity. What this means is to not only to accept your idiosyncrasies and flaws but also to revel in them. Why would you want to celebrate your imperfections? Because it is those very “defects” that make us interesting, relatable, and, well, human. Jim Taylor, PhD - Blog - Book

Stanford Study Reveals Ketogenic Diet’s Impact on Mental Health Nearly half of bipolar disorder patients do not effectively respond to current drug treatments. Metabolic psychiatry uses diet to boost mental health, with ketogenic diet showing promise in clinical trials. A Stanford pilot study found that ketogenic diet led to remission in half of the bipolar patients treated This post is co-authored by Kirk Nylen, PhD and Burcin Ikiz, PhD. Forty-six million people worldwide are living with bipolar disorder , typically treated with medications such as antipsychotics, anti-seizure medications, antidepressants, and lithium, most often in combination. These drugs were discovered decades ago (lithium was introduced in 1949) and are generally thought to confer symptom-modifying effects in 50-60% of those treated. This means 40-50% of those living with bipolar do not respond in a meaningful way to existing medications, leaving millions with medically refractory illness. Critically, even patients who do respond often report adverse side effects, ranging from weight gain and metabolic dysregulation to sedation and cognitive impairment, which significantly impact quality of life. These side effects can lead to high levels of medication non-compliance. Psychiatrists have now begun to prescribe Ozempic to address the metabolic side effects of psychiatric medications like severe weight gain. But data are emerging from a new subspecialty of psychiatry that uses a dietary intervention—one that has one hundred years of evidence of efficacy in epilepsy and is known to improve obesity and diabetes—that could do that and more. The emerging field of metabolic psychiatry focuses on improving metabolic function to improve mental health. The field’s principal intervention is something patients can control: diet. Stanford Medicine’s Metabolic Psychiatry Clinic announced the peer-reviewed results of the first U.S.-based clinical pilot trial of a ketogenic diet for serious mental illness last month since a promising 1965 trial in schizophrenia. The four-month dietary intervention improved psychiatric symptoms in 21 patients diagnosed with either bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Roughly half of the participants with bipolar disorder achieved remission. The study from Stanford University reports ketogenic diet shows promise for serious mental Led by Dr. Shebani Sethi, trained in obesity medicine and psychiatry, the trial employed a low carbohydrate, high-fat, moderate protein ketogenic diet. Side effects were minimal and generally resolved by the third week. In addition to their psychiatric diagnoses, participants were also either overweight, obese or had other metabolic abnormalities like insulin resistance or impaired glucose tolerance. Along with psychiatric symptom improvement, they showed dramatic metabolic improvements including weight loss, reductions in visceral fat, and elimination of insulin resistance. All those diagnosed with metabolic syndrome saw their condition go into remission during the four-month trial. The study saw an overall reduction in cardiovascular risk in spite of a small average increase in LDL cholesterol. The field of metabolic psychiatry has roots in a century of research and clinical care using a ketogenic diet to treat epilepsy. The dietary intervention stops seizures in about one-third of people with drug-resistant epilepsy, confers a meaningful improvement in seizures in another third, and has no effect in a third. These improvements are seen in people who have not responded to any drug therapies—those who would otherwise live with uncontrolled seizures. A ketogenic diet has been found to work through several mechanisms—perhaps the secret to its success. Metabolism of fat shifts the brain’s primary fuel source from glucose to ketones, inducing a state called nutritional ketosis, which improves brain function in those with impaired glucose metabolism. It also helps to heal metabolic disease, balance neurotransmitters, optimize mitochondrial function, reduce inflammation, and stabilize brain networks. The Stanford study builds on preliminary evidence already accumulating in the scientific literature. A small retrospective analysis of inpatients in France by Dr. Albert Danan and colleagues demonstrated that a ketogenic diet was well tolerated and yielded unprecedented improvements in mental and physical health in patients with serious mental illnesses, including bipolar. Dr. Iain Campbell at the University of Edinburgh, who himself put his bipolar II disorder into remission seven years ago, undertook a controlled analytic study of online reports, revealing significant and enduring mood stabilization or remission of symptoms in more than half of people on a ketogenic diet. The analytic study was followed by a pilot trial in bipolar disorder completed by Dr. Daniel Smith and Campbell at the University of Edinburgh that also showed both metabolic and psychiatric improvements. Building on the promising results from Stanford and Edinburgh, there are now at least twelve additional clinical trials, including several randomized controlled trials, around the world studying the effects of a ketogenic diet on metabolic and psychiatric symptoms in those diagnosed with serious mental illness. There is also a growing community of experts like Dr. Sethi employing metabolic psychiatry in clinical practice. Notably, Harvard’s Dr. Chris Palmer, author of Brain Energy, announced a $3M philanthropic investment to launch a Metabolic and Mental Health Center at McLean Hospital, one of the world’s leading psychiatric hospitals. Harvard-trained Dr. Georgia Ede, author of Change Your Diet, Change Your Mind, has treated thousands of people diagnosed with bipolar disorder and other forms of severe mental illness over the last decade. Ede runs a training course in metabolic psychiatry for other clinicians and maintains a directory of clinicians trained in ketogenic diet for mental health. Another Harvard-trained psychiatrist, Dr. Matthew Bernstein, Medical Director at Ellenhorn, has spearheaded the psychiatric treatment center to launch a new metabolic psychiatry program called Accord. Bernstein hopes insurers will one day reimburse for lifestyle programs that integrate evidence-based dietary interventions. The results of randomized controlled trials, currently underway, will be needed to persuade some psychiatrists to prescribe a ketogenic diet. But if those same psychiatrists begin to use Ozempic to counteract weight gain from psychiatric medications, maybe it’s time a dietary intervention proven to improve both mental and metabolic health in at least some patients also be put on the menu. Kirk Nylen is managing director of neuroscience at Baszucki Group, a philanthropy focused on transforming mental health outcomes, beginning with bipolar disorder, and supporting initiatives at the intersection of metabolism, psychiatry, and neuroscience. Kirk holds an MSc and Ph.D. from the University of Toronto and a BA in psychology from the University of Saskatchewan. Burcin Ikiz, Ph.D., - Website -