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Embrace new beginnings and master change. Change is more successful with small, consistent steps rather than drastic measures. Involving others in goal setting can enhance commitment and increase the chances of success. The strategic problem-solving model offers a structured approach for achieving New Year's "Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose." —French Proverb (The more things change, the more they remain the same.) As the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, a wave of anticipation and hope will probably sweep across the globe. It's not just the allure of a new year, but the promise of a fresh start, a blank slate, the hope of a new start for our aspirations and our yet-to-be-achieved change. New Year's resolutions embody this spirit of renewal, offering a time-honored tradition where we pause, reflect, and set our goals for the year ahead. Whether it's adopting healthier habits, pursuing personal growth, or tackling long-standing dreams, these resolutions represent our innate desire for positive change and self-improvement. However, despite our best intentions, many of us find ourselves entangled in the familiar cycle of setting ambitious goals only to see them dissipate as the year progresses. At the heart of New Year's resolutions is the ability to decide and maintain change, learning how to break the cycle of unfulfilled promises and make this year's resolutions stick. Change Is Hard This oft-repeated mantra resonates, especially when it comes to New Year's resolutions and change. But does it always ring true? Statistics reveal a grim reality: The average American struggles with the same resolution for a decade without success. In life and business, we often see that change is viewed as daunting and frequently approached with quick-fix solutions. However, the philosophy of small steps towards significant achievements challenges this view. Our brains are pattern-making machines and have a preference for the gradual transformation of these patterns, which renders change more manageable. For example, simply standing regularly or pacing can easily improve health by significantly increasing our metabolic rate, contradicting the belief that only major efforts yield meaningful results. Small, consistent steps can affect substantial changes, from breaking harmful habits to cultivating positive ones, both in personal life and at work. Change, while inherently challenging due to our brain's evolutionary makeup, can be navigated successfully with the right strategies. Understanding the interplay of different parts of our brain in response to change and adopting a methodical approach such as the one I will explore in this post, can transform the intimidating process of change into a manageable and rewarding journey and we must begin by breaking the larger picture into smaller, achievable pieces and so aligning with our natural neurobiological inclination towards change. This perspective on change not only makes it less daunting but also more achievable, opening up a world of possibilities for those willing to take that first small step. Professional Experience I've long been captivated by personal change such as individuals overcoming unhealthy habits to lead better lives, shy people transforming into confident communicators, and lifelong learners mastering new skills. These stories of transformation beg the question: How do individuals achieve and sustain personal success? I've seen clients adopt a simple yet profound method for lasting personal change, from overcoming anxiety to cultivating fulfilling relationships and maintaining emotional well-being and most change seems to occur indirectly through direct methods. That is they create a context or an environment that stimulates change to occur it's rarely forced, except in circumstances where all possible outcomes and resources are known at the outset. Change, a natural part of life, often evokes fear, whether it's a minor event or a major life change. This fear stems from how our brains evolved, making change daunting and sometimes stifling creativity. The Biology of Fear and the Consequences for Change Our brain has developed into three parts, each with unique functions. The reptilian brain controls basic life functions, while the mammalian brain is responsible for emotions and the fight-or-flight response, which is critical in dangerous situations. The cortex, the newest development, is the center of rational thought and creativity. These brain parts sometimes conflict, affecting our reactions to change. The amygdala in the midbrain, which manages the fight-or-flight response, can interpret new experiences as threats, triggering fear and hindering clear thinking. Overcoming this response is essential for embracing change. Small, incremental steps can disarm the fear response, fostering rational thinking and creativity. By adopting a gradual approach to change, we align with our brain's evolutionary design, navigating changes more effectively and reducing the impact of our survival instincts. This strategy aids in overcoming change-related fear. Strategies for Achieving Your Resolutions This New Year Being strategic in our problem-solving means using a deliberate and structured approach to achieving lasting change by stimulating an environment in which our goals become more likely. I have applied this approach to multiple contexts, and it has proven itself indispensable. Here are the seven steps to achieving change. Define Your Problem in Concrete Terms: You should at the outset clearly define your resolution and understand the current state and barriers to achieving it. Adopt different perspectives for additional insights, thinking how other people you know might think about or perceive the problem you see will also help you see possible options. The lack of a clearly defined problem means we don’t know what steps to take next, so it’s very important. Agreeing On Your Goal: Set measurable, achievable targets, and involve others in your goal-setting process. Involving others triggers the social pressure effect, where if you commit to something to others, you will be more likely to do it, such as joining the gym with a friend. Identify Dysfunctional Solutions: Reflect on past attempts to solve the problem and how your solutions may be worsening your problem. Learn from failures and successes. It’s not uncommon that problems dissolve as soon as we realise that our solutions are often at the heart of creating them. For instance, if we believe that abstinence and avoiding food will assist in losing weight, the likelihood is that the more we abstain from eating the more we lose control of our appetite, so the solution in that situation usually perpetuates weight gain. The Technique of How to Worsen: Use reverse psychology to identify unhelpful habits and create an aversion to negative behaviors. By using this uncommon strategy of asking yourself to list all the ways you could choose to worsen your current problem or listing the things you know you could do to ensure you never achieve your goal, you will most likely and paradoxically discover ways to avoid worsening your problem and see ways to achieve your goal. The Scenario Beyond the Problem: Visualize the success you want and consider any potentially unwanted side effects once you reach your desired goal. This will assist you in overcoming obstacles and foreseeing potential pitfalls in advance. It will also assist in deciding if the route you are on is the right one. The Mountain Climber Technique: Just as those intrepid mountain climbers trace and plan a route from the top to the bottom of Everest in reverse order breaking it into different stages, try to break down your resolution into smaller, achievable steps and plan backwards from your ultimate goal, seeing that as step at the top of the 'ladder' all the way back to step one. Adjust your approach based on progress. Whether it's enhancing fitness, acquiring a new skill, or altering dietary habits, this approach should provide a clear pathway from a goal to actualizing it, dissecting the problem, setting clear goals, assessing past strategies, and planning the journey in manageable steps, thereby significantly enhancing the chances of maintaining and achieving resolutions. At each stage, ensure that you adjust your strategy as you achieve positive outcomes in each of the steps or as you discover anything that works better or becomes a problem. This approach aligns with the principles of behavioral psychology, which underscore the importance of clear goals, self-monitoring, and gradual progression in habit formation and behavioral change. If you can follow these steps effectively, your New Year's resolutions can move from failed fantasy to tangible reality. Padraic Gibson, D.Psych, References Gibson, P. (2022). Bending in Order to Straighten. A Step By Step Guide to Strategic Problem Solving. Strategic Science Books. Nardone, G. (2009). Problem solving strategico. L'arte di trovare soluzioni a problemi irrisolvibili. Ponte alle Grazie Liker, J. K. (2004). The Toyota way: 14 management principles from the world's greatest manufacturer. McGraw-Hill Education. Tzu, L. (circa 4th century BCE). Tao Te Ching. (S. Mitchell, Trans.). Norcross, J. C., Mrykalo, M. S., & Blagys, M. D. (2002). Auld lang syne: Success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(4), 397-405. Kotter, J. P. (1996). Leading Change. Harvard Business School Press. Duhigg, C. (2012). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. Random House.

How can we be motivated to learn something new? Human motivation is complex, and people can be driven by intrinsic and extrinsic motivators. Recent research demonstrates that autonomy significantly improves learning performance. Monetary rewards also improve learning performance, but only when autonomy is restricted. Last week, my not-so-little brother celebrated his thirtieth birthday, and he proudly showed the gift he got from his girlfriend that morning — a shiny new guitar. Despite his reputation for enthusiastic singing performances, particularly in the shower, I was still very surprised. I had never once heard him express any interest in learning to play the guitar. I couldn’t help but wonder: Is he genuinely passionate about being a guitarist and creating his own melodies? Or is he driven by the idea of impressing his girlfriend with his newfound guitar skills, craving the external praise and admiration that may follow? In general, people can be motivated to learn something new for a variety of reasons. Motivation is important for our everyday behavior, because it drives us to explore, to learn, and to achieve our goals. In the motivation literature, a clear distinction is often made between intrinsic motivation (as exemplified by my brother potentially having a true passion for playing the guitar) and extrinsic motivation (as exemplified by my brother being motivated by external praise). In real life, however, it is often not that simple : our behavior is extremely complex and we are rarely driven by a single source of motivation. That's why we conducted an experiment to understand how intrinsic and extrinsic motivations work together during learning. Specifically, we explored how autonomy, an important component known to foster intrinsic motivation, and monetary reward, a classic example of an extrinsic motivator, impact learning and memory. Unraveling the Impact of Autonomy and Rewards on Learning To this end, we let our participants take part in a learning experiment. In the experiment, object images were displayed on a computer screen, but not all of them were immediately visible. To reveal the hidden objects, a movable "searchlight" was introduced that could be controlled with a joystick. Later, participants were presented with many object images again, and had to indicate whether they had seen an object during the learning part of the experiment, or not. In the experiment, we independently manipulated autonomy and extrinsic rewards. Autonomy is the feeling of control and volitional decision-making over one's actions. It's a fundamental aspect of intrinsic motivation, often associated with a genuine desire to engage in an activity. We manipulated autonomy by letting our participants move around the searchlight themselves (granting them autonomy) or by letting them follow the searchlight of the previous participants (restricting autonomy). The results were very clear: Participants recognized more items studied under autonomous conditions compared to those studied under conditions of restricted autonomy. Extrinsic rewards can also be powerful motivators, since they drive individuals to perform a certain task for the sake of obtaining a reward. In our study, participants could earn monetary incentives by accurately recognizing specific rewarded object images at a later stage. We indeed found that these rewards had a positive impact on recognition memory, but there was a twist… When participants could explore autonomously, rewards had no additional effect on their memory performance. However, when autonomy was removed, and participants were not in control of their exploration, rewards significantly improved their recognition memory. In other words, monetary rewards only contributed to learning when participants had no autonomy. Implications for Education and Beyond One of the most important implications of this study lies in the field of education. In educational settings, both autonomy and extrinsic rewards are commonly used to motivate students. Teachers often assign grades as a form of extrinsic reward to encourage learning. Simultaneously, educators aim to foster autonomy by providing students with choices and opportunities for self-directed learning. But is it always effective to grade our students and use rewards? Our study suggests that this is not that straightforward. The impact of this study goes beyond just school settings. It's relevant in workplaces and even when promoting healthy behavior. Knowing how to use autonomy and rewards effectively can make a big difference in changing people’s mindsets and behavior. In the end, understanding the power of these motivators can lead to a more motivated, productive, and fulfilled society. As for my brother, I hope he'll have the freedom to choose which musical pieces he wants to master during his guitar lessons. This autonomy is likely to improve his guitar learning experience. Yet, there will also be times when he must work through less exciting pieces to refine his skills. In those moments, I'm sure that his girlfriend will be there with her encouraging words of praise, providing that external motivation he might need. I sincerely hope that she just gave him the very best birthday gift he has received in the past thirty years. Lieke van Lieshout, Ph.D., References van Lieshout, L.L.F., Colizoli, O., Holman, T.L.L., Kühnert, F. & Bekkering, H. (2023). Rewards can be costly: Extrinsic rewards are not beneficial during autonomous learning. PsyArXiv.

Learn a powerful way to explore, question, and change worries and fears. Challenging distorted thinking is hard when dealing with the emotional whirlwind of worry, fear, or panic. Help your reacting brain and thinking brain talk to each other before getting caught up in anxiety. A fear vs. facts dialogue table helps you effectively challenge worries and fears. We know that challenging distorted or “irrational” thinking reduces anxiety. But how exactly do you do that? It is hard to believe logical thoughts when your body and emotions are screaming at you. Intellectually recognizing that a fear is based on something that isn't true, that you don’t need to panic, or that you worry too much, can make no difference when your body and your emotions say you are in danger. If it feels like your mind is fighting with itself, that’s because it is! Your Two Brains Your amygdala, or as I like to call it your reacting brain, reacts instantly and automatically when it thinks you are threatened. This is terrific and life-saving in the right circumstances. The trouble is it overreacts, triggering unnecessary worry, fear, or panic. The more developed upper part of your brain, the cerebral cortex or thinking brain, is smarter. Unfortunately, it is slower than your primitive, bodyguard brain. Because the reacting brain is faster, you get flooded with adrenaline. Your body reacts as if you may need to fight or flee. Your mind gets a primitive message of “DANGER!!!” You feel worried or panicky. Your mind starts looking for possible threats. If it sees no threat from outside, it may decide your physical sensations, your thoughts, or the intensity of your emotions are dangerous. Successfully navigating this emotional whirlwind is hard. Your activated reacting brain needs to be heard, but also be willing to listen. Your thinking brain needs to look at the whole picture, not just search for danger. The parts of your brain need to talk to each other, and they are far more able to do this when you are anxious if they have practiced ahead of time when you are calm. This post and the next take you step-by-step through how to successfully listen, explore, and re-evaluate fears and worries. Help Your Two Brains Talk to Each Other Create a written fears vs. facts dialogue table. This skill was introduced in my post “Listening to Worries Can Actually Make You Less Anxious”. Make a table with two columns and several rows. Label the left column “Worries, Fears, Distressing Thoughts”. Label the right column “Facts, Evidence, Logic, Perspective”. Creating your dialogue table on a computer lets you easily add more thoughts as you go along. Uncovering your reacting brain’s fears and questioning them in a way that is credible and convincing to you is harder than it looks. Here are the first three tips. Tip 1: Listen Before Reassuring Fill out the left side first. This is important. If you jump to the right side and start refuting your worries , the reacting brain feels unheard. Instead of a dialogue, you have a “he said,” “she said” argument. Reacting brain: “This is dangerous!” Thinking brain: “No, it’s not.” “Is too!” “Is not!” “Is too.” “Is not.” This type of discussion goes nowhere. Reflect on your own experience. When you are anxious or afraid and people say, “Don’t worry. Don’t be scared.” Do you feel convinced or not heard? Even if one part of your brain knows there’s no threat, the other part believes there is. Listen attentively to everything that scares or worries your bodyguard brain. Tip 2: Get the Details What exactly does your fear predict will happen if you don’t do what it says? What if you don’t act based on fear or worry? What might happen if you don’t leave or avoid the frightening situation? What might happen if you do not stay alert or fight your reaction? What if you do not do something special to stay safe? Put into words everything the fear or worry says. State these explicitly. Tip 3: Look Below the Surface What would actually justify being afraid? What underlying beliefs make anxiety feel like an appropriate response? What unhelpful lessons from the past contribute to present worries? Drag these unspoken assumptions and beliefs into the light and write them down. Write what the fear assumes about you, other people, the situation, or the world. You may remember Jonathan from “3 Ways to Tell if Worry Is Helpful.” He worried constantly about his car and the risk of car accidents, so together we created a dialogue table. After writing the worries that came easiest to mind, he reflected on lessons he learned growing up with an abusive alcoholic father. He realized old assumptions fed his anxieties. Notice how those general beliefs easily lead to specific worries. Jonathan’s Dialogue Table In the first column, "Worries, Fears, Distressing Thoughts," he wrote: There is something seriously wrong with the car. Every sound means there’s a problem and I will have an accident. I can’t trust the mechanic; he missed something. You can’t trust anyone. Bad things happen all the time without warning. You must stay on the alert for possible dangers at all times. Your Personal Dialogue Table Start writing your own fears vs. facts dialogue table. Fill out the left column. Read my next post for tips on completing the right column. Summary Thinking logically when you are scared is hard. You need to practice ahead of time. Creating a fears vs. facts dialogue table helps the two parts of the brain listen and talk to each other. Start by listening. Get details and look below the surface. The next post gives tips on how to convincingly evaluate and change anxious thinking. Elizabeth McMahon, Ph.D., - Website - References McMahon, E. (2019). Overcoming Anxiety and Panic interactive guide. San Francisco, CA: Hands-on-Guide.

Your body is short-circuiting. Is this the end? Nope, it's a panic attack. Panic is no picnic: You get hit with a tidal wave of fear. Your body short-circuits. You’re convinced that this is the end—you’re either dying or going crazy. In short, panic is an awful feeling, and the 1 in 4 Americans who have experienced it often go for months or even years without knowing what panic is or what to do about it. Fortunately, panic is straightforward to treat. Working with a trained cognitive-behavioral therapist is your most surefire way to get personalized treatment, but here are six methods you can try on your own: Strategy #1: Practice the symptoms you’re afraid of. I know, I know—inducing the physical sensations you experience during a panic attack on purpose is the last thing folks with panic want to try but hear me out. Interpreting the symptoms (a pounding heart, feeling lightheaded) as dangerous (“I’m dying!” “Something’s horribly wrong with me!”) throws fuel on the fire. Symptoms snowball and over a matter of moments, you find yourself in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. Therefore, by intentionally bringing on the very symptoms you’re afraid of, you can practice having them outside the context of an attack. Eventually, you’ll stop seeing them as threatening. You’ll learn your body can handle a racing heart or a tight throat. When you practice having your own symptoms, you’re always in the driver’s seat and you’ll get the chance to habituate, or as I like to say, your brain will get bored. if you’re worried about a pounding heart, set a timer for one minute and knock out some high knees or burpees. Terrified of feeling dizzy? Set that timer, sit in an office chair, and spin around and around until the time is up. Shortness of breath feels awful? Breathe through a coffee stirrer for one minute. Lightheadedness? Lie on the floor for a minute and then stand up quickly to induce a head rush. Do you get a sense of unreality when you panic, like the world is a dream or nothing is truly real? Get really close to your hand or a wall and stare at it for a minute. It gets a little freaky, which is exactly the point. The trick? Stop when the timer says stop, not when your body wants to bail. It’s important to hang in there so you learn you’ve got this. Repeat every day until it’s totally boring. Strategy #2: Bring it on. This sounds weird, but in panic disorder, which is fear of having a panic attack, a little reverse psychology works wonders. When you start to worry about panic or feel that first twinge, tell yourself, “All right body, I want more. Let’s do this! Hit me with your best shot!” Ironically, being willing to feel panic symptoms will stop the cycle of escalation. After all, panic is the fight-or-flight response gone haywire, so when you try to fight panic itself, it all amplifies exponentially. By contrast, when you welcome in the sensations of fear, your body has no reason to fight or flee. Think of when you were a little kid and you would make yourself dizzy on purpose or pump higher and higher on the swings to feel your stomach drop. Back then you weren’t just willing to feel the sensations, it was downright fun. Tap into those memories and lean in. Strategy #3: Remember it’s just anxiety. Panic is all in the interpretation. Think of it this way: It’s 3 a.m. and the phone rings. What happened? Well, it could mean your sister is dead, your brother needs to be bailed out, or your teenager is in the emergency room. But it could also mean a wrong number, a prank call, or someone who got their time zones seriously mixed up. Until you pick up the phone, the reason for the call is a product of your interpretation. it is with anxiety. Instead of interpreting it as “I’m dying,” think, “This is just my overly sensitive burglar alarm. I’ve felt this before. I wasn’t dying then, and I’m not dying now.” Interpret the anxiety not as something dangerous, but as something annoying you’ve handled before and can handle again. It’s just anxiety. Strategy #4: Come up with a new thought. The thoughts that go through our head— the cognitive symptoms of panic—are scary: I’m dying, I’m going crazy, I’m going to pass out, I’m going to throw up and humiliate myself. The list goes on. So when you feel panic starting to rise, talk back to your thoughts in a new way. One patient made her new thought, “I got this.” Another pictured the wave of panic as an ocean wave to surf—what went up would inevitably come down. And a third decided on none other than “F--- you, anxiety!” Choose what works for you. Strategy #5: Slowly inch into panic situations. One client of mine had a panic attack in a spin class and not only didn’t go back, but also stopped exercising entirely. She wouldn’t even take the stairs. She was worried that getting her heart rate up would induce another panic attack, something she never, ever wanted to experience again. So, to fight her panic, in addition to challenging the thought that her heart couldn’t handle exertion, she also started slowly inching back into exercise and getting her heart rate up a little at a time. First, she jogged a few steps, then a block, then around the block, and slowly, she got herself back to the gym. If it’s a place you fear, like being worried you’ll have a panic attack in the middle of the grocery store, start by going in to buy one item close to the checkout lane. Next time, grab a basket and browse, deliberately taking a little longer. When that’s boring, grab a cart and do a week’s worth of shopping. Don’t try to rush through it and get out. Take your time. Don’t move on to the next level until the current one is easy. Remember: Your brain has to get bored. Strategy #6: Avoidance feeds panic. Think of a situation that makes you panicky—I’ll bet you white-knuckle it until you can’t stand it anymore, and then quit, which makes you feel better. But consider this: While quitting does make you feel better in the short-term, it also reinforces the idea that what you’re doing was truly dangerous, and getting out is what saved you. This makes sense if you’re feeling panicky about swimming with sharks while you have a nosebleed, but it doesn’t make sense if you’re feeling panicky about crossing a parking lot, sitting in a restaurant, or riding the subway. You must be willing to endure a little anxiety—emphasis on little; never more than you’re ready for—so your brain can round the corner and start getting bored. But you don’t have to jump in with both feet. Aim for inducing about a 3 on a 1-10 scale. You need to start with some anxiety, in order to give you something to work with. Experience the 3, and then wait it out. Your anxiety might escalate to a 4 or 5 at first, but if you stick with it rather than quitting, it will go back to a 3, then a 2, and then a 1. Try it out. Do the thing you’re scared of, a little at a time. Your brain will get bored, but you have to let it get over the hump. Then you can move on to the next step. As you master more and more situations, even the things you thought would be 9s or 10s will start to look easier. Before you know it, you’ll be driving across bridges on windy days and sitting smack in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Which is infinitely more fun than sitting in the emergency room with doctors telling you nothing’s wrong. Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. - Website -

The boom of sexual wellness devices. A recent report found the sex toy market is estimated to be a 19-billion-dollar industry. Sales spiked during the pandemic as people sought new ways to explore intimacy amid restrictions. The liberalization of sexual attitudes driven by changing cultural norms has been a major contributing factor. According to a fascinating report by Price Waterhouse Cooper (PWC), the global sexual wellness devices market is estimated to be an astonishing 19-billion-dollar industry, with significant growth projected in the future. This report offers valuable insights into both the business and psychology of sexual pleasure. Sex toys are nothing new. They have been around for millennia. The oldest known dildo is estimated to be 28,000 years old. The word dildo, by the way, is believed to have been coined around 1,400 AD. It comes from the Latin word “dilatare,” which means “open wide,” and the Italian word “diletto,” which means “delight.” Phallic artifacts have been found around the world and dated through just about every historic period. And yet, thanks to the puritanical beliefs that eventually shaped modern Western culture, most people felt the need to hide behind a ballcap and sunglasses when perusing a sex shop. Until recently. We've long known the benefits that sex toys offer. Couples who use them tend to have stronger communication skills, higher rates of sexual satisfaction, and better body awareness. So why have sales only suddenly skyrocketed? It's Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It The PWC report mostly refers to sex toys as “sexual wellness devices.” This change in vernacular is part of the reason for the boom. The report highlights the fact that many companies have moved away from overly explicit marketing to adopt a more subtle, wellness-oriented approach. By reframing these devices as tools for enhancing pleasure and self-care, rather than solely for adult entertainment, they have broadened their appeal to a wider audience. Research Supports the Link between Sex and Wellness Multiple studies show a link between sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, and we’ve known for a long time that healthy relationships promote overall health and well-being. The rebranding of sexual wellness products has contributed to the industry’s widespread acceptance. This shift has contributed to the normalization of discussions surrounding intimacy and sexual pleasure. The stigmas that once surrounded adult toys and sexual exploration are gradually being dismantled, paving the way for a more open society. What Are People Into, and Why the Boom? The industry saw the most significant growth during the COVID-19 pandemic, as people sought new ways to explore intimacy amid restrictions. Many singles were left with limited opportunities to meet new partners, while couples faced increased time together. The pandemic inadvertently became a catalyst for the industry’s growth. This led to a surge in sales as individuals and couples sought innovative ways to explore and nurture their relationships. The industry saw the most significant growth in vibrator sales, which accounted for 27% of the global sexual wellness devices market. Male masturbators accounted for 11% and bondage accessories accounted for 10%. The popularity of vibrators can be attributed to their versatility, catering to individuals and couples of all orientations. Modern vibrators have evolved beyond the traditional perceptions of adult toys, transforming into high-tech gadgets that offer personalized experiences for users. Accessibility has also contributed to the surge in sales, as many toys are now widely available online and at general retailers. Furthermore, there has finally been an increase in attention to female sexual pleasure, particularly on narrowing the orgasm gap and female anatomy. Both men and women are eager to find ways to enhance female sexual pleasure, and heterosexual couples at last recognize that equal pleasure is mutually beneficial. The Liberalization of Sexual Attitudes Sexual liberalization has been driven by several factors, including evolving cultural norms, increased education, and a growing emphasis on personal empowerment. As individuals have gained a better understanding of the importance of self-care and overall well-being, the significance of sexual health has come to the forefront. Recognizing that sexual wellness is an essential aspect of one’s physical and emotional health has allowed people to view the exploration of pleasure and intimacy as a form of self-empowerment. The ongoing fight for gender equality has also played a role. The acknowledgment of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities has fostered an environment of inclusivity, encouraging people to embrace their own desires and preferences without fear of judgment. The growing emphasis on the importance of consent and communication in intimate relationships has also been a contributing factor. Consent culture promotes the idea that all forms of sexual activity should be based on clear communication and respect for boundaries. Feeling safe and secure promotes pleasure perhaps more than anything else. Art and entertainment have always been powerful drivers of culture change. As more films, TV shows, and literature explore themes of sexual diversity and liberation, audiences become more accepting and understanding of different expressions of sexuality. Conclusion With these enlightening statistics, it is evident that the sexual wellness industry is a thriving and integral part of modern society. By discussing and acknowledging the importance of sexual well-being, we can contribute to breaking down the barriers and stigma surrounding the topic. Embracing adult toys (aka sexual wellness devices) and incorporating them into one’s sexual repertoire can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying intimate life. Emily Jamea, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC - Website

How to identify the sources of our self-limiting beliefs. Our thoughts about who we are and what we can accomplish shape our lives. When thoughts hold us back from achieving our goals, it's important to build awareness about their origins. We need to examine our core beliefs, blueprints, and schemas. We need to begin to move beyond our negative thoughts and emotional debris to create the life we want. Our thoughts about who we are, what we can accomplish, how we behave and interact with others, who we should be, and what we deserve — both positive and negative — shape our lives . When our identity, sense of self-esteem and self-worth, competencies and capabilities support us and compel us to strive for what we want in life, everything is great. But when our thoughts leave us full of fear, self-doubt, and hopelessness, limit our choices, and hold us back from achieving our goals and living the life we want, it is another story. In order to address the thoughts that hold us back, it is important to understand where our negative thoughts come from. Blueprints, Modeled Behaviors, and Core Beliefs We are born alone and die alone, but we are born into families where, from early childhood, we absorb modeled behaviors of our parents, siblings, and caretakers. We watch, listen, interact, and absorb it all. This is where and when our core beliefs and blueprints come from—early childhood experiences, often before the age of 10. The core beliefs are the deep-seated thoughts about ourselves that we take on during this phase of development. The reality is that our core beliefs are not necessarily accurate or true. If, for example, we grew up in a household filled with conflict and violence (emotional or physical), or if we were raised with beliefs about the way the world works or the ways women or men should behave that do not align with who we are today, we often struggle in our relationships and choices and grapple with inaccurate fears and prejudices. When our core beliefs include that we are not smart enough, worthy of, or capable of achieving what we want in life, these beliefs or thoughts can lead to settling for less in life. In this case, it is important that we have compassion for ourselves and what we have experienced and take positive steps to address the thoughts that are holding us back. Schemas From an early age, each time we’re exposed to a new environment, learn something new, or take on a new task or experience, we create a schema of it. Pioneering child psychologist Jean Piaget introduced the term schema, which describes two things: the act of organizing massive amounts of information, and the maps we create from this act that enables us to make sense of and navigate the world. Without consciously doing so, we are constantly organizing, storing, and operating from the schemas or maps we create in our minds. These maps are extremely useful in helping us navigate the world and sort massive amounts of information. The Good and Bad News About Schemas While our schemas help us adapt quickly to new environments, and move through them with relative ease, they also have a downside. When we experience trauma, difficulties, or abuse, these negative experiences can influence and cast a shadow on virtually every aspect of our life. Such experiences can be a source of early negative schemas about anger, assertiveness, prejudices, perfectionism, abuse, or how relationships and the world works. Negative Experiences and Emotional Debris The reality is that life is a series of experiences that we label as positive or negative. As a result of an unpleasant or negative experience we can end up with emotional debris, which can influence our schemas (maps of the world), and lead to taking precautions — also known as safety behaviors — often unnecessary and usually self-limiting fear-based steps to prevent unpleasant situations or interactions from recurring. Incorporating safety behaviors can come with additional downsides. When we take on such behaviors, we are giving into fears that we will not be able to handle what comes along without them, and that the world is an unsafe place. When we take as a matter of fact that the world is an unsafe, perilous place, we begin to doubt ourselves and others, catastrophize, and imagine worst-case scenarios playing out. Moving Beyond our Blueprints, Core Beliefs, Schemas, and Negative Experiences Think about it. When it comes to our thoughts, we need to build awareness about where our self-doubts, fears, and feelings of hopelessness come from. Our thoughts about who we are, how the world works, how people should treat one another, and what we deserve out of life matter. They determine our inner dialogue and impact our self-esteem. The reality is that when we understand the source of our negative thoughts, we can begin to examine, challenge, and replace them with more accurate and healthy ways of thinking that align with who we are and what we want to achieve in the world. We can then move forward and live an authentic life, as our strongest and best selves. Monica Vermani, C. Psych., - Website - Book -

No matter how long you have been afraid, these strategies can help. Fear of needles can last for years, harm your health, and limit your life. Needle fear can be overcome. Identify specific fears and get the facts. Correct any misinformation. Plan for realistic, likely problems. Prepare in advance. Act on the facts, not your fear, then praise and reward yourself for following your plan. Fear of needles is very common. Studies suggest that most children, up to 50 percent of teenagers, and at least 20 to 30 percent of adults have some fear of needles. It is a serious problem. Fear of needles can limit your life and harm your health. It can prevent you from getting necessary medical and dental care or becoming pregnant through in vitro fertilization (IVF). You may refuse needed injections, lab tests, or IVs. If needles scare you, try to follow these six steps. No matter how long you have been afraid, this fear can be overcome. Step 1: Identify the Fears Ask yourself what exactly you fear. Put your fears into words. For example, do you fear that: You will be anxious or have a panic attack? You will faint? You will experience intense pain? You will bleed too much or be damaged by the needle in some way? The healthcare worker will be incompetent or uncaring? Explore your fears in detail. Only when you know precisely what you think will happen, can you explore whether the feared outcome is realistic. When fear or worry are justified, anxiety alerts you to this and motivates you to take appropriate actions. Step 2: Get the Facts After putting your fears into words, check them against the facts. Do this in writing. Take your time. Make a table with two columns and several rows: In the lefthand column, write one worry or feared outcome per row. Be as clear and specific as possible about what you fear may happen. In the righthand column, be unemotionally objective. Evaluate the fear, starting with facts that support the fear. Then add everything that questions or disproves the fear. Correct misinformation about the procedure or the body. Answer questions like: Is what the fear says true? Does what you worry about actually happen? If it does happen, how long does it last? How bad is it really in the larger scheme of things? Is it truly “the worst” that could happen? Are healthcare professionals really sadists who enjoy torturing patients? How can you cope with fear instead of giving in to it? Why is it important for you to get this medical procedure? Step 3: Plan for Likely Problems You may get anxious. Injections are sometimes painful. Some people do faint. Think about how you will cope with problems that are likely to occur. If you fear being anxious, get the facts about anxiety and panic. Learn coping techniques like belly breathing with a slow exhale. Understand that you must show your brain you will no longer be bullied by fear. If you fear pain, ask your healthcare provider for numbing cream to use in advance. If you pass out, meet with a therapist to learn “applied tension”. This technique prevents fainting and usually takes only one or two sessions to learn. Step 4: Prepare Change what you tell yourself. Repeatedly read the information you wrote in Step 2. Practice shifting from fearful thoughts to facts until you remember the facts even when you’re scared. Accept that anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous. Write about and imagine coping successfully and getting the procedure despite anxiety. Visualize being compassionate, realistic, and firm with your fear. If you have a therapist who offers virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET), practice getting virtual blood draws or injections. Think about all the reasons to overcome your fear. Consider the benefits and the relief that overcoming the fear of needles will bring. Remember why it is worth the work. Step 5: Act on the facts, not the fear As explained in Overcoming Anxiety and Panic interactive guide, you are more likely to stay scared if you: Avoid or run from what scares you. Fight your anxiety response because you fear it. Do things to feel “safe” from a fear that the facts don’t support. Do what scares you but stay on high alert and “white-knuckle” through, hating it the whole time. Your job is to act on what the facts say—not what your fears say—even when you are scared. This strengthens you, weakens fear, and improves your life and your health. Step 6: Praise and Reward Yourself Reward yourself with something nice. You showed courage and perseverance. Be proud of yourself and your progress. Focus on the positives Getting Help for Needle Fears Carrying out the six steps can be easier with support and guidance from a therapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for phobias. If your therapist offers virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET), you can practice getting virtual blood draws or injections until your fear subsides. Needle phobia can respond quickly to treatment. No matter how long this fear has troubled you, there is hope. Elizabeth McMahon, Ph.D., - Website -

What to do when your family does not believe that your child has a disability. You are not foolish for recognizing the symptoms that may be due to a disability in your child. Family may reject your concerns about special education, but you are your child's best advocate. This is a dilemma many parents face. It is difficult because parents want the support of family, and it would feel good to receive it. Instead, a parent's concerns are invalidated and the parent is made to believe that what they experience every day with their child is "typical behavior for their age," or not concerning. Daily, I encounter parents who are initially significantly distressed and tearful, then relieved when I diagnose their child with a disability. The emotional catharsis is sometimes because they felt “stupid” or “crazy” for pursuing a diagnosis for their child. Numerous parents have stated this to me, “No one believed me, not even my family, and I tried to tell them.” A lack of support from family is frustrating for parents . Some parents choose to delay psychological and educational testing, especially in early childhood, because they doubt their own observations of their child's behavior. Other family members have told them to let it go. Some of the statements to parents include: "Give it more time," "They're too young for testing," and "You did not speak either so it's fine," all as justification for rejecting parental concerns. First, rest assured that you are not "stupid" or "crazy" for believing that your child has a disability. I dislike when parents feel that way after discussing their thoughts and concerns with their family. You are the expert on your child because you are the parent. Feel empowered parents because your instincts are usually correct about your child, and you need to discuss them with your family with confidence. Yes, it can be challenging and emotionally taxing to deal with family as they reject your observations of your child’s behavior; however, it is your experiences with your child that led you to consider whether or not your child has a disability. If you suspect that your child may have a disability and you want to get your family on board with your concerns , here are some steps you can take: Gather Information: Before talking to your family, gather as much information as possible about your child's behavior, development, and any concerns you have. Document specific instances or behaviors that have raised your suspicions. Educate Yourself: Understand the specific disability in question by learning about it through empirically researched sources. Use this information to help you explain your concerns to your family more effectively. Share Your Feelings: After arming yourself with information, let your family members know how you feel about the situation. Express your worries, fears, and hopes for your child's future. Help your family to understand the depth of your concern(s). Ask for Support: Let your family members know that you value their support and involvement in your child's journey. Encourage your family members to ask questions and seek clarification. Seek Professional Guidance: If necessary, consider involving a family therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics and discussions related to disabilities. What if My Family Does Not Accept My Child with a Disability? Your family may not accept your child's disability. Although this type of outcome is sad, be aware that this can happen. However, regardless of your family's views, other options for support are as follows: Self-Care: Take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. It can be emotionally draining to deal with family rejection. Build a Support Network: Seek out support from friends, other family members, support groups, or community organizations that specialize in your child's disability. Empower Yourself: Advocate for your child's rights within the legal and educational systems if necessary. Set Boundaries: If your family's refusal to accept your child's disability leads to harmful behaviors or comments, set clear boundaries. Maintain Open Communication: Try to remain in communication about your child's progress, achievements, and challenges with your family. Help your family members embrace and celebrate the differences in your child. Teach them that diversity should be valued and respected. If you have tried the recommendations in this blog and your family still dismisses your concerns or your child's special education diagnosis and needs, then surround yourself with individuals and professionals who share your commitment to your child's well-being and development. If the attitude of family members is affecting your child's emotional well-being, consider therapy for your child to help them cope with the situation. It can be incredibly difficult and hurtful when loved ones do not provide the support and understanding that your child needs, but your child has you to love and support them, which is most important to their growth and development. You are your child's best advocate and while it's painful to experience rejection from family members, your child can still thrive with the right support systems in place. Lisa Liggins-Chambers, PhD., - Website -

7 steps to create a more positive work culture. Persistent workplace negativity impacts morale, innovation, and team culture. Recognizing the psychological underpinnings of negativity helps to address the causes of it. Managers can counter negativity through specific interventions and open dialogue. Have you ever run across someone who is perpetually negative? They might consistently say things like “You can’t do that,” “That won’t work,” and other de-motivating statements. They might use body language and facial expressions that zap energy from their team. Their very presence in a meeting makes others feel on edge. The presence of a consistently negative employee can undermine the performance of a team and lead to decreased morale, lower productivity, and potential long-term damage to team culture. So how do you support this type of employee while also ensuring their behavior doesn’t negatively impact your team and organization? The Psychology of Negativity Consistent negativity in the workplace often finds its roots in a complex interplay of psychological factors. Burnout can lead people to express frustrations through negativity when they feel overwhelmed, unappreciated, or excessively burdened. External stressors from personal life, such as financial difficulties or family discord, can impact an individual's mood and behavior at work, potentially driving them to adopt a consistently negative outlook as a coping mechanism. Unresolved conflicts and misunderstandings between employees can also play a role in creating patterns of negativity. Instead of addressing problems directly, people may become passive-aggressive, which takes the form of negativity. For some, personality traits like cynicism or a natural predisposition toward pessimism can lead to consistent negativity. Managers can address negativity in their teams and in meetings through a psychological lens, helping individuals address the root cause of their negativity and, as a result, fostering a more positive, supportive, and innovative work environment. The Impact of Negativity Negativity in meetings can manifest in various forms, from constant criticism and cynicism to dismissive remarks and resistance to new ideas. While a healthy dose of "creative tension" or "healthy conflict" can stimulate innovative thinking and better decision-making, unchecked negativity can erode team cohesion and harm relationships. The psychological toll of negativity on a team can take various forms including these: Cultural contagion : Negativity tends to spread like wildfire. When one team member consistently expresses pessimism, others may follow suit, creating a culture of cynicism. Emotional drain: Constant negativity can emotionally drain both the individual and those around them, affecting overall team morale and well-being. Lack of psychological safety: Negative comments can discourage others from sharing their ideas and being vulnerable, which hinders innovation and limits problem-solving potential. Disengagement: Negative environments are less productive, as they often involve disputes and distractions, which leads to general disengagement. 7 Ways to Address Negativity and Create a Positive Work Culture Managers of negative employees can be empathetic and supportive while also working to reduce the negativity. Practical strategies include the following: Have private discussions . Start by having a private conversation with the negative employee. Use active listening and empathy to understand their concerns and motivations. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves. Provide constructive feedback . Share the specific negative behaviors like statements and body language that you have seen recently. Offer concrete examples of how their negativity has impacted team dynamics and outcomes. Discuss alternative ways to express their concerns constructively. Set clear expectations. Clearly define the behavior you expect in meetings and group settings. Emphasize the importance of respectful communication and open-mindedness in achieving team goals. Empower self-reflection. Encourage the employee to self-reflect on their negativity's impact on their own well-being and career growth. Discuss the importance of emotional intelligence in professional development. Intervene with facilitation. During meetings, intervene when negative comments arise. Acknowledge the employee's perspective while steering the conversation toward constructive solutions. Use positive reinforcement when they contribute positively. Cultivate a supportive culture. Promote a culture of appreciation and recognition within the team. Encourage team members to express gratitude for each other's contributions. Highlight examples of positive behavior in meetings. Follow up. Regularly check in with the employee to assess their progress. Recognize and celebrate their efforts to contribute positively. Address any setbacks constructively. Addressing negativity in meetings offers more than just interpersonal benefits; it also translates into concrete advantages for any organization. In a positive atmosphere, team members work together more cohesively, engaging in more productive discussions that lead to better outcomes. An open and affirming environment nurtures creative thinking and inventive problem-solving, fostering a culture of continuous innovation. With meetings that are more focused and efficient, valuable time and resources are saved, contributing to improved overall productivity. Moreover, employees are more inclined to remain loyal to organizations that prioritize their well-being and cultivate a positive culture. Addressing negativity is a strategic step toward driving tangible business results. Managers who approach this issue from a psychological standpoint can create a nurturing culture that fuels innovation, productivity, and sustainable success. Soren Kaplan, Ph.D., - Website - Book - References Duhigg, C. (2016). Smarter Faster Better: The Transformative Power of Real Productivity. Random House. Edmondson, A. C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books. Grant, A. M. (2013). Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success. Viking. Kaplan, S. (2023). Experiential Intelligence: Harness the Power of Experience for Personal and Business Breakthroughs. Matt Holt Books. Sinek, S. (2019). The Infinite Game. Portfolio.

Wisdom traditions teach the value of solitude for clarity and peace. Philosophers reframe solitude as an opportunity for reflection, deep work, relaxation, and growth. Science shows that each mood has its wisdom. Even when it is painful, loneliness can teach us about ourselves. Virtually everyone in human history has experienced loneliness, and the diverse traditions that reflect their collective wisdom can offer excellent guidance for facing loneliness and living well. While approaches from psychological science challenge loneliness by targeting its psychological and behavioral mechanisms, philosophers negate loneliness by embracing its positives. Reframing isolation as an opportunity for reflection, deep work, relaxation, and growth, philosophers aim to transform loneliness into meaningful solitude. Wisdom in Solitude The idea that time alone is valuable has a long history in wisdom traditions. In Petrarch’s view from 1356, solitude is a source of freedom and virtue that “rehabilitates the soul, corrects morals, renews affections, erases blemishes, purges faults, (and) reconciles God and man.” Or, as musical artist Drake echoed 666 years later, “I’ve been losing friends and finding peace. Honestly, that sounds like a fair trade to me.” Other thinkers have embraced loneliness even with its sharp edges. The Buddhist meditation master Chögyam Trungpa claimed the lonely state of having “nothing around you that you can hang onto” is a window through which to “meet one’s real ego without clothing.” Nietzsche elevated solitude to political significance as a protector from oppression, writing “Wherever there has been tyranny, there the solitary philosopher has been hated, for philosophy offers an asylum to a man into which no tyranny can force its way.” Hannah Arendt observed that a lonely population is ripe for totalitarian domination. For this reason, dictatorial regimes use ideology to enforce a desperate kind of isolation without solitude. "The self-compulsion of ideological thinking," Arendt wrote, "ruins all relationship with reality." Importantly, these philosophers are not advocating constant solitude or praising chronic loneliness. They appreciate its value as one element of a good life that also includes family and rich friendships. No matter how philosophically valuable one’s solitude is, too much time without meaningful contact with others will inevitably mutate into a more toxic loneliness. Arendt, again, wrote, "What makes loneliness so unbearable is the loss of one’s own self which can be realized in solitude." It is also worth mentioning that philosophers may be a class of people who particularly appreciate solitude. It is certainly true that some of us are more prone to loneliness than others; some feel lonely when surrounded by friends, while others feel satisfied despite being objectively isolated. Science and Philosophy Align The optimistic philosophies on solitude’s clarifying power are broadly supported by evidence from scientific work. Work examining narratives of solitude showed that many people of all ages feel that being alone can be invaluable as a way to improve one’s competencies and as a reminder of the the value of one’s social connections. In addition, normalizing loneliness can help to find greater joy even amid loneliness. Moreover, emotion researchers have argued that seeing one’s problems through the bluish tint of loneliness offers a fresh and useful perspective that one might miss in a satisfied emotional state—each mood has its wisdom . Solitude might also be a time to reflect on one’s more and less valued relationships, as a strained relationship causes as much stress as a supportive one brings joy. Finally, meditation has been shown to reduce feelings of loneliness, which may be consistent with the philosophical idea that a calm appreciation of the present moment (rather than desperately reaching for any available interaction) is a wise way to face loneliness. While psychological science focuses on effective strategies for facing loneliness head-on, philosophy shows us that solitude itself can be a valuable teacher. Together, science and philosophy offer robust guidance for living well in a complex world. Final Thoughts Loneliness can be a profoundly heavy burden, but a wealth of scientifically supported and time-tested guidance is available to help confront it effectively. In overcoming loneliness, we can begin to contribute to a less lonely world for others as well. Benji Kaveladze, Ph.D.,

New research shows the wisdom of using your “me-time” to its best advantage. tend to choose easier activities rather than ones that test their abilities when given the choice. New research suggests that this so-called happiness paradox can erode our long-term sense of meaning in life. Breaking tough tasks down into manageable units can allow us to fulfill our true inner potential. Suppose you’re looking ahead to your evenings as a chance to catch up on the latest streaming series or televised sport. Nothing looks more attractive to you than your couch. In the back of your mind, though, runs the possibility of using that time to work on a crossword puzzle or devote the time to figuring out how to complete the home craft project that is languishing somewhere in the back of a closet. That project so far has become so complicated that it will take you at least an hour of watching instructional videos to complete it. You know that you’d feel proud of yourself if you got it done. However, the couch’s allure becomes too hard to resist, and so the project will have to languish some more. The Happiness Paradox, and Where It Comes From According to California State University’s Max Alberhasky and University of Texas Austin’s Raj Raghunathan (2023), your plight is a prime example of what’s called the “happiness paradox.” Simply stated, this is the tendency for people to choose a leisure activity that requires very little effort even though they know that a true mood boost would come from honing and applying their skills. A large amount of prior evidence supports the first piece of the paradox, which is that, when given a choice, people would rather engage in passive rather than active pursuits during their leisure time. This “aversion” to expending effort is due to a combination of “time-inconsistency” and “impulsivity.” Put somewhat differently, when you’re looking at how to spend your leisure time right in the moment, you’re less likely to consider the long-term consequences of your decision. It’s an irrational choice because, as the authors note from previous research, what will really make you happier is being busy in an activity that allows you to expand and strengthen your skills. Why would becoming involved in a more demanding leisure activity benefit your happiness? The answer to this question comes from the idea of “flow,” introduced in the early days of positive psychology by the late Claremont Graduate University's Mikhail Csikszentmihalyi. When you’re using your abilities to their optimum levels, you’ll feel an inner surge of happiness that propels you through a challenging task. You won’t feel that way if you just veg out or do the minimum required to get a particular job done. Putting the Happiness Paradox Under the Microscope The two parts of the happiness paradox are that (1) people choose low-skill activities for their leisure pursuits, but (2) if they applied themselves harder, they’d be happier. To test these components, the Cal State–U. Texas researchers conducted a series of five experiments, both online and in the lab, in which participants (both undergrad and adult online) either chose a type of task (hard or easy) or had their happiness measured after completing a task varying in difficulty. Rather than assume that flow would automatically occur when participants engaged in those more demanding tasks, the authors took into account the role of expertise. Theoretically, a high-skill activity could be frustrating for someone who is completely inept or is at a very beginning level. Think about how much you would enjoy having to put together an unassembled kit of furniture if you couldn’t even use a screwdriver. In contrast, someone with pretty decent carpentry skills would find the challenge both fun and rewarding (the authors refer to this as the IKEA effect). In one experiment conducted in the lab, undergraduates participated in the high-skill activity of playing the online game “2048” (where you build chains of sums) versus the low-skill activity of playing “Plinko” (a game based solely on luck). Participants playing the 2048 game reported being happier and finding more meaning in the activity than did the Plinko players. Another experiment used a writing task to elicit the feelings that participants had about high-skill activities in which they self-rated themselves as experts versus novices prior to entering into a hard versus easy task. The findings from this experiment suggested a possible explanation for the low-skill activity choices that people tend to make. In the words of the authors, “unless one is an expert, high-skill activities provide no immediate hedonic benefit (although they may provide more meaningful long-term benefits) while requiring significantly greater effort for successful participation” (p. 2097). This creates a Catch-22. To get the most enjoyment out of an activity, you have to invest some up-front time to reach a certain level of expertise. The only way to mobilize the energy you’ll need to get that mood boost is to consider that, in the long run, you will derive more meaning from it. Using the Happiness Paradox to Your Advantage You now know why the couch looks so inviting compared to the halfway-done home project that just seems like it will be too hard and, hence, not very hedonic. You can only pull yourself away from what will ultimately be a less beneficial choice if you project into the future and think about how good you’ll feel when it’s done, and you can stand back and admire your work. If this is too much pie-in-the-sky thinking, there are other options you can explore. One is to pair up what seems like it will be an unpleasant way to spend your time with little rewards for yourself as you gain each new level of mastery. Second, toward this end, you can also break the activity down into what can be more manageable chunks. Maybe you stopped working on that project because you expected success to come too soon or because you made what seemed like a fatal mistake. Looking more realistically at your abilities, and then seeking guidance (online or from an expert), you can now feel better about the whole enterprise. Ideally, you can peel back to where you were before making the mistake, or just face the fact that you'll have to restart from scratch. The Alberhasky and Raghunathan findings don’t mean that you have to abandon your couch all the time when you’ve got a choice about how to use your leisure time. Instead, the authors recommend that you put some variety into your choices. If you had a particularly tough week, either with managing your family or responsibilities at work, it’s fine to take a break and unwind. You don’t even need to feel guilty about that occasional use of “me-time.” To sum up even if at first you don’t really feel you have the energy or expertise, putting some effort into the way you choose to spend your time is what ultimately will give you the greatest benefit. Not only will you feel happier, but you’ll also have allowed yourself to fulfill your greatest inner potential. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., References Alberhasky, M., & Raghunathan, R. (2023). Skills make you happy: Why high (vs low) skill activities make consumers happier, yet they don’t choose them. Psychology & Marketing.

How our expectations influence the experience of pain. Both physical and psychological pain are mediated via the same neural circuitry. One study found that a person's expectations influenced their experience of pain and the neural activity mediating that experience. Implications of the study include that managing a patient's expectations of pain may help mitigate its severity. According to the CDC (Aug 11, 2022), the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on our daily lives has been significantly reduced. Researchers have been assessing the impact that the virus has had on our lives, revealing some expected results along with unexpected ones. In a recent poll (Ipsos, Sept. 13, 2022), the majority of the people surveyed said that while the impact of the virus had changed their lives forever, they now saw themselves in a better place than they were only one year ago and that they were optimistic about their lives going forward. Studies of the effects of the nationwide lockdown (generally from March to June of 2020) have shown that COVID has had mixed effects on anxiety , depression , and pain perception. Generally, anxiety and depression increased during the lockdown, but the experience of pain in sufferers of chronic pain was mixed. Some studies found that pain intensity increased during the lockdown, while others found that it decreased. It may be that this mixed bag of results when it comes to pain is related to the nature of the experience of pain itself and the various factors that affect that experience. Pain is most often thought of as sensory or physical, caused by damage to tissue. But pain is also, simultaneously, psychological. Pain has cognitive, emotional, and motivational components . It can come about because of damage to the body, or it can result from damage to a social relationship, our self-image, or even our hopes for the future. Interestingly, neuroscientists have found that both psychological pain and physical pain are mediated by the same circuitry in the brain. That circuitry is affected by incoming sensory information as well as by our expectations and the ways that we interpret what happens to us. This circuit involves the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (dlPFC), the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), and the amygdala in the midbrain. Experimental Pain In an fMRI study, Henderson, et al. (2020) examined the influence of expectations about a painful stimulus on activity in the pain circuitry in the brain in a sample of 24 healthy college students (students without chronic pain). The caveat that the sample was of non-chronic pain sufferers is important because, unfortunately, to study pain perception in people who don’t suffer it every day, the experimenter needs to create pain. That can be accomplished in a number of ways. The painful stimulus used was created by a thermal electrode that could raise or lower skin temperature between baseline (32C or 89.6F) and a maximum between 44 and 49C (111 to 120F) in intervals of 0.5C. Participants rated the intensity of pain evoked using a 10-point scale where a score of 0 indicated no pain at all and 10 indicated the most extreme pain imaginable. Average pain intensity ratings were approximately 5 on the rating scale for all conditions tested in the experiment. The experimenters then established three different expectations about the pain via manipulations of the instructions provided to the participants. Participants were first told that they were going to receive a series of “noxious stimuli” and that they should rate the intensity of the pain of each. This was the no-expectation condition. Then, the same participants were told that the same stimuli would be repeated and that they should again rate the pain of each. However, unbeknownst to the participants, the temperature of the stimuli was either increased or decreased so the experience of the pain did not match the expectations that had been set up by the first condition of the experiment. In the last condition, the participants were told that they would again experience a series of noxious stimuli that might or might not vary in intensity from the original series. In this condition, participants expected the stimuli to vary, and, in fact, they did, so that the expectation matched the experiences the participants were having. Results The expectations the participants had about the pain they were experiencing significantly influenced that experience as well as the neural activity mediating that experience. When the expectation of what they were going to experience did not match the actual experience (condition two) the ratings of pain were significantly lower than they were when the expectations matched the experience (condition three). In addition, expectations also had a significant effect on neural activity. The patterns of activity in cortex regions of the circuit (the ACC and dlPFC) and the amygdala were significantly different when the experience matched expectations and when it did not. The authors concluded that these differences in neural activation might represent the participants’ attempts to resolve the conflicting information they were receiving about what was going on in the world. They also speculated that there might be clinical applications. Perhaps managing expectations about the pain that could be experienced during a particular procedure might mitigate the severity of that pain. Clinicians might also be able to help sufferers of psychological pain manage their expectations, and their pain, as well. Barbara Blatchley, Ph.D., References Centers for Disease Control. Colloca, L., Thomas, S.,Yin, M., Haycock, N.R., and Wang, Y. (2021) Pain experience and mood disorders during the lockdown of the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States: an opportunistic study, 6, e958 Henderson, L.A., Di Pietro, F., Youssef, A.M., Lee, S., Tam, S., Akhter, R., Mills, E.P., Murray, G.M., Peck, C.C., and Macey, P.M., (2020) Effect of expectation on pain processing: A psychophysics and functional MRI analysis. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 14(6). doi: 10.3389/fnins.2020.00006 Ipsos. Axios-Ipsos Coronavirus Index. Ann Arbor, MI: Inter-university Consortium for Political and Social Research [distributor], 202-12-17.