What happens when we procrastinate and how we can stop. Procrastination, often a habitual choice, provides temporary relief by lowering anxiety in the moment. Procrastination negatively impacts our performance and leaves us physically and mentally exhausted. Through awareness and practical strategies, we can break harmful patterns of procrastination. Most of us have done it at some point. For many of us, it’s an ongoing, persistent, and highly problematic habit we would love to break. We put off a dreaded task until the time comes when we can no longer ignore it. Procrastination is a choice—and a bad one that can become an entrenched habitual way of approaching work that we find challenging, overwhelming, or uninteresting. Temporary benefits As any habitual procrastinator will tell you, procrastination is a major problem that causes them nothing but grief and harm. Rather than ride out these uncomfortable emotions—which subside as we get down to the task at hand—we procrastinate, and temporarily relieve and avoid uncomfortable symptoms of anxiety. When we struggle with mood, anxiety, and high-stress symptoms, procrastination can feel like a healthy choice in the moment. But since it is a choice that inevitably leads to even greater states of anxiety, a far better choice is to focus on managing symptoms to make healthier choices. Longer-term problems Eventually, delaying a task is no longer an option. Here, procrastinators find themselves working long, unreasonable hours to complete assignments or tasks, while experiencing overwhelming symptoms of anxiety. With symptoms of anxiety and dread raging and little time to complete a project, we are forced to push through and complete the task at hand. We are trapped and forced to push ourselves beyond the point of exhaustion to complete a task on time. Procrastination negatively impacts our performance, leads to burnout , and leaves us emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. It compromises our immune systems and makes us susceptible to illness. The stories we tell ourselves Procrastination is an avoidance behavior. We tell ourselves a lot of stories to justify such behaviors, but such stories do us more harm than good. Some of the most common false narratives about procrastination include the following: I don’t want to start a task when I’m tired . Putting off tasks while feigning self-care concerns is a slippery slope, considering the lost sleep, skipped meals, and other unhealthy choices we make to complete a project at the last minute, I work best under pressure . Even if you do pretty well when rushing to complete your work, when you procrastinate, you sell yourself short. When you allow yourself sufficient time and energy to complete a task in the allotted time, you have time to review and rework areas where you see room for improvement, to reflect, contemplate, revise, and polish your work. Imagine how well I would have done with more time . If we have managed to complete a task fairly well—even though it falls short of what are capable of—we tell ourselves how brilliant we must be and feel good about how capable we must be and how well we would do if we had the luxury of the time allowed to complete the task. This final narrative, a false sense of accomplishment, leads to repeating patterns of procrastination. And each time we procrastinate, the habit and choice of procrastination sets in and grows stronger and less manageable. 6 steps to breaking the bad habit of procrastination Here’s the good news. Through awareness and practical strategies, you can break harmful patterns of procrastination. Realize that procrastination is an unhealthy choice that does not serve you. Accept the fact that procrastination is never a good choice. Reflect on how procrastination has affected your performance, your health, your relationships, and your life. Remember the many times you’ve promised to change your ways but find yourself trapped in habits of procrastination. Challenge the stories you tell yourself about procrastination. Identify practical strategies to help eliminate procrastination. Seek the help Monica Vermani, C. Psych., - Website - Book - References Charlotte Lieberman. Why You Procrastinate (It Has Nothing to Do With Self-Control). March 25, 2019. New York Times.

Toxic masculinity may hinge on devaluing femininity. There have been many attempts to define or describe toxic masculinity. Many of these attempts are too complicated or insufficient. One condition common to all definitions of toxic masculinity is the devaluing of femininity. The concept of toxic masculinity has received considerable attention in the past few years following the #Me-Too movement and various exposés of bro cultures, notably in the tech industry. But what exactly is toxic masculinity? The concept seems challenging to define, but much like the Supreme Court definition of hard-core pornography, you probably know it when you see it. There are many attempts at definitions, but they are typically overcomplicated or fall short of grasping the essence of toxic masculinity. When identifying the existence of a concept such as toxic masculinity, there are both necessary and sufficient conditions for its occurrence. A necessary condition, such as the expression of masculinity, must be present in all instances of toxic masculinity. However, masculinity is not sufficient by itself to be considered toxic. Masculinity can be positive when it is expressed by either men or women in the form of strength, ambition, courage, leadership, and self-reliance. There needs to be something more to the mix to make it toxic. A sufficient condition of toxic masculinity, such as hazing or sexual harassment, is enough to classify masculinity as toxic. However, these conditions are not necessary. A culture can have toxic masculinity without hazing or sexual harassment, such as a workplace that expects you to put your job above everything else in your life. It still leaves open the question of what puts the toxic in toxic masculinity. Others have offered more complicated definitions that really just enumerate its symptoms. For example, social scientists have characterized toxic masculinity cultures in the workplace – which they call “masculinity contest cultures” – as having four qualities. Employees are expected to (1) show no weakness or vulnerability, (2) display strength and stamina, (3) prioritize work over personal interests and family obligations, and (4) accept a “dog eat dog” competitive environment of winners and losers. Another article in the New York Times identifies toxic masculinity through “suppressing emotions or masking distress,” “maintaining an appearance of hardness,” and “violence as an indicator of power.” These descriptions are helpful, but the definition of toxic masculinity can be much simpler. My definition identifies a necessary and sufficient condition for a culture of toxic masculinity, and that is simply any context that devalues the positive aspects of femininity. Toxic masculinity and bro cultures exist where people – mostly men, but not exclusively so – dismiss or punish feminine qualities of care, warmth, empathy, diplomacy, sensitivity, mutual respect, etc. I challenge anyone to find a culture of toxic masculinity that embraces these feminine characteristics. Further, I challenge anyone to find a group of men or women who reject positive aspects of femininity who would not also be considered toxic by most. Nailing down a clear and simple definition of toxic masculinity is important for making sure we’re all talking about the same thing when addressing the problem, but it also helps identify ways to address toxic masculinity where it occurs. For example, interventions can include injecting reminders of the importance of care, inclusion, and empathy. A workplace can still be competitive and avoid toxicity by cultivating more feminine qualities such as a sense of teamwork and the promotion of mental health. The great challenge then will be encouraging men who are sources of toxic masculinity to embrace those positive aspects of femininity described above. It’s resistance to this femininity, and not masculinity by itself, that should be the focus of concern in changing cultures of toxic masculinity. PJ Henry, Ph.D., - Website -

Creating a path to a less lonely world. Loneliness is a global health issue that can profoundly impair mental and physical health. Combating loneliness requires solutions at all levels, from individual to international. Just as our culture has embraced mental health, we should have honest conversations about loneliness. On Kill Bill, SZA sang that she’d “rather be in jail than alone.” As an emotional alarm signal motivating us to focus on connection , loneliness is core to our human psychology and biology. In small doses, loneliness is a valuable reminder that our relationships are our greatest sources of joy, support, and meaning. But when it becomes severe and chronic, loneliness can feel all-consuming. Beyond a personal struggle, loneliness is now recognized as a global health issue capable of profoundly impairing mental and physical health across the lifespan . With leaders in science and politics calling for a society-wide fight against loneliness, efforts to support connection are gaining traction amid growing scientific evidence. U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy recently released an advisory on loneliness in the United States, advocating for a comprehensive restructuring of American life to prioritize connection and belonging. In the New York Times, Murthy said, "If we truly want to be healthy, happy and fulfilled as a society, we have to restructure our lives around people. Right now, our lives are centered around work." Combating loneliness will require solutions from the individual level to the international. As awareness of loneliness’ societal costs grows, government policymakers are beginning to reconsider how social policies across the realms of housing, employment, welfare benefits, and infrastructure could support social relationships and community-building. More and more workplaces are looking to foster company cultures that prize kindness, generosity, and sharing among employees. And popular media creators are exploring their role in shifting cultural conversations about loneliness. Moving Past Stigma The first step in addressing loneliness is challenging its pervasive stigma—the idea that loneliness is not only a feeling but an immutable mark of communal rejection. When lonely people come to believe their loneliness reflects a personal inadequacy, they may give up on working to overcome it. Likewise, when others believe that lonely people could be social burdens whose ostracism is deserved and even contagious, they might hesitate to lend a helping hand. Just as our culture has grown more accepting of mental health struggles in recent decades, we can shift our preconceptions about loneliness for the better. The first step is to break down the taboo of talking about loneliness. By rejecting stigmatizing narratives, we gain breathing room to explore more productive solutions. Speaking up about personal struggles with loneliness takes bravery, but saying nothing only reinforces its stigma. When SZA expressed her feelings in Kill Bill, she risked judgment to open up an honest discussion. Our cultural silence about loneliness belies the fact that we can do so much about it. What can we do to help ourselves and those around us deal with loneliness? The current movement to address global loneliness has exciting potential to improve lives, yet these systemic changes are just one part of overcoming loneliness. Loneliness is still in many ways a highly personal challenge, so overcoming it often requires individual effort. Fortunately, as I discuss in part 2 of this piece, a wide range of effective approaches exist, each with distinct benefits. Benji Kaveladze, Ph.D., References Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness matters: A theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Annals of behavioral medicine , 40 (2), 218-227. Hickin, N., Käll, A., Shafran, R., Sutcliffe, S., Manzotti, G., & Langan, D. (2021). The effectiveness of psychological interventions for loneliness: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review , 88 , 102066. Murthy, & The Office of the Surgeon General. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The US Surgeon General’s advisory on the healing effects of social connection and community.

New evidence shows reward and punishment learning differs across adolescence. Adolescence is typically linked to greater risk-taking and sensitivity to rewards. Learning from punishment increases from childhood to adolescence whereas learning from reward remains stable. These findings could be important for understanding antisocial behavior and improving learning. Adolescence, the transitional phase from childhood dependency to adulthood, is a complex period marked by significant changes in behavior. Many of these are positive, developing adolescents’ independence, but young people are also more likely to take risks and seek rewarding experiences even if they are dangerous, such as substance use. Theoretical frameworks propose that this heightened risk-taking, impulsivity, and reward-seeking are linked to changes in the brain. Moreover, adolescence is identified as a high-risk period for mental disorders, particularly disruptive behavior disorders associated with impulsivity. New research suggests that there are also important differences in learning from reward and punishment as we transition from childhood to adolescence, and these may be crucial for understanding this critical life stage. Challenges in Understanding Adolescent Behavior The complexity of adolescent behavior poses challenges for researchers. Traditional analysis techniques used in psychology often fall short of capturing underlying psychological processes. In addition, while taking risks, being impulsive, and seeking positive experiences are related behaviors, there is evidence linking them to different brain systems and distinct psychological processes. Previous research also often relied on questionnaires. In other areas of psychology, researchers have begun to use data science techniques that look at adolescents’ choices in simple games. Researchers can use these choices to decode how much adolescents learn from receiving rewards, such as small amounts of money or seeing smiling faces on the screen, and how much they learn from punishments or bad outcomes, like losing small amounts of money or seeing unhappy faces. Another challenge is that there is already some evidence that adolescents have a preference to act rather than resist making an action. For example, in an arcade game, it might be that pressing buttons gives you points, but at other times in the game, you score more points if you do nothing. In experiments, if children press buttons more than older adolescents, it can be hard to disentangle whether they just prefer doing something over waiting passively or whether they are actually more motivated to get the points or rewards. We wanted to design an experiment that could distinguish between these two possibilities. Computational Modeling: A New Frontier To try to overcome these challenges, we turned to a data science method, computational modeling, and, specifically, reinforcement learning models. These models assume that actions and outcomes become linked through experience, and this experience influences future behavior. For example, if you try a new tactic in a game and you unexpectedly win lots more points, you are much more likely to make the same action again. At the start, you learn a lot of new information about the consequences of what you did, but then if you keep repeating it, it becomes more predictable and less surprising each time. Now imagine you try a new tactic in a game and lose all of your points; you are very unlikely to try that again next time. The difference between these winning and losing examples shows the difference between learning from rewards compared to punishments. While previous studies have hinted at differences from childhood to adolescence in how people learn from rewards and punishments, there were still inconsistencies. Some of these inconsistencies might be explained by the tendency to test relatively small groups of adolescents from similar backgrounds. Often in psychology studies, the sample might only be from one university in one country, and it might be quite small, with fewer than 50 people. This is often necessary, but it might help us to draw stronger conclusions if we see the same thing over many young people. We also wanted to be able to compare lots of adolescents across multiple countries so that our research findings might be more representative of all adolescents. Separating Learning From Reward, Punishment, and Action Initiation Bias To try to overcome some of these challenges, we tested a sample of 742 young people aged 9 to 18 years from multiple countries in Europe. The young people played a trial-and-error task involving abstract 3-D objects, in which they had to learn when to act (press a button) to win points and when to withhold responding (do nothing) to avoid losing points. We used data science models of reinforcement learning models to measure how participants learned from reward compared to punishment. We also calculated each person’s tendency to always act known as their “action initiation bias.” Our findings challenged previous assumptions about adolescent reward and punishment learning. We found that adolescents, compared to children, did not learn better from rewards. From childhood to adolescence (ages 9-18 years), the ability to learn from reward remained the same. However, there were also important differences. The ability to learn from punishment (losing points) increased from childhood to late adolescence. At the same time, the tendency to perform actions regardless of whether they won points or not decreased. If we had not also measured this tendency to perform actions "impulsively" (i.e., regardless of winning points), we might have concluded that adolescents also got better at learning from rewards, but adolescents just became better at withholding actions when it helped their performance. Implications for Adolescent Learning We know that the transition from childhood to adolescence is one of the most common times for the start of mental health problems and, particularly, disruptive behaviors. In our next study, we will compare reward, punishment, and action learning in young people who struggle with disruptive behavior. Our findings also underscore the complexity of adolescent behavior, and the challenges researchers face in understanding it. The use of data science offers a promising avenue for unraveling the intricacies of reward learning, punishment learning, and action initiation biases during adolescence. As we continue to navigate the complexities of adolescence, these findings help contribute to more nuanced approaches to studying and supporting young individuals during this crucial developmental phase. Patricia Lockwood, Ph.D., and Jo Cutler, Ph.D. References Blakemore, S. J. (2018). Avoiding social risk in adolescence. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 27(2), 116–122. Hartley, C. A., & Somerville, L. H. (2015). The neuroscience of adolescent decision-making. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, 5, 108–115. Konovalov, A., & Krajbich, I. (2019). Over a decade of neuroeconomics: What have we learned?. Organizational Research Methods, 22(1), 148–173. Nussenbaum, K., & Hartley, C. A. (2019). Reinforcement learning across development: What insights can we draw from a decade of research? Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience, 40, 100733. Pauli, R., Brazil, I. A., Kohls, G., Klein-Flügge, M. C., Rogers, J. C., Dikeos, D., ... & Lockwood, P. L. (2023). Action initiation and punishment learning differ from childhood to adolescence while reward learning remains stable. Nature Communications, 14(1), 5689.

Is it better to end a relationship than risk rejection? Low self-esteem may be related to certain perceptions people hold about themselves. People may protect themselves from rejection by sabotaging their relationships. Certain unhealthy perceptions lead people to end relationships before they think others will. Is there anything more central to our psychological and emotional health and well-being than the quality of our relationships? And is there any other topic in the “self-help industrial complex” that receives so much attention? In both cases, the answer is sadly no. What these two questions suggest is that so many of us struggle to build and maintain relationships (family, friends, intimates) that are meaningful, satisfying, and joyful. What I have seen in both my professional and personal lives is the capacity of people to not only be attracted to others who aren’t healthy for them but also, even more painfully, to see people sabotage what could otherwise be a truly wonderful relationship. The reasons are myriad, but I have found that low self-esteem lies at the heart of this self-destructive behavior. Self-esteem has become a part of our psychological zeitgeist as an all-purpose explanation for many of the obstacles that so many people face in their lives. As such, its significance in our lives can be trivialized as a label that people attach to themselves. Yet, self-esteem is far more than a label; rather, it is a descriptor that encompasses a powerful set of perceptions that people hold about themselves that lead to their actively (though not consciously) sabotaging their relationships. Simply put, self-esteem can be characterized as how you value yourself. Are you competent? Do you consider yourself worthy of love and respect? Do you have healthy values and morals? Are you a good person? How you answer these questions has immense implications for how you come to think about yourself, the goals you set, the emotions you experience, how you behave, with whom you interact, and how you interact with them. The challenge is that self-esteem doesn’t develop consciously or by choice. Rather, it emerges from early life experiences with family, peers, institutions (e.g., school, religion, sports) and our broader popular culture (which has grown in influence due to its promulgation through the internet and, specifically, social media). Receiving early love, support, encouragement, and validation can produce healthy levels of self-esteem. In contrast, early traumas, including abuse, neglect, bullying, and rejection, can all contribute to the development of perceptions that lead to low self-esteem. As self-esteem relates to relationships, I have found a descending progression of perceptions related to oneself and others that lead to sabotage in relationships. The purpose of the sabotage is to protect yourself from the pain of rejection. The unfortunate result of the self-destructive perceptions is that you create a self-fulfilling prophecy that prevents you from nurturing healthy relationships and affirms the low regard you hold for yourself. Perception 1: “I am not worthy of love.” This simple perception grounded in low self-esteem sets the stage for failure in relationships because you don’t believe that you are a good person who is deserving of respect, appreciation, and love. From this starting perception, every subsequent perception leads to complete destruction of whatever relationship you are in. Perception 2: “They will reject me.” There are few more painful experiences in life than rejection because, as many of us believe, it is a direct reflection of our value as people. The rejection would simply affirm Perception 1. Perception 3: “I will feel excruciating emotional pain when I’m rejected.” Because the rejection is personalized, you expect to experience emotional pain (e.g., hurt, sadness, humiliation, shame) so powerful that it will be debilitating. It is this emotional pain that ultimately triggers the need to sabotage your relationship. Perception 4 : “I will experience intense anxiety.” In response to your perceived threat of emotional pain, your primitive brain (specifically, your amygdala) kicks into high gear to protect you from the threat. Your survival instinct is triggered, and your fight-or-flight reaction switches on. In other words, you experience potentially devastating anxiety. Perception 5: “I must protect myself against that emotional pain.” The intense emotional and physiological experiences based on the previous perceptions lead you to an inevitable conclusion: You must protect yourself at all costs against the perceived threat and the emotional pain. Perception 6: “If I don’t protect myself, I will experience lifelong trauma.” Further girding the perception that you will feel excruciating emotional pain is the assumption that it will lead to a life of trauma that will be unavoidable and incapacitating, and that will encompass every aspect of your life. Perception 7 : “To prevent this from happening, I must take control of the relationship.” This leads you to take action to protect yourself from the above perceptions. Paradoxically, by taking “evasive action” in your most dearly held relationships, you are actually intentionally (though, again, not consciously) causing to happen the very thing that you fear the most, namely, ending the relationship when there might be a good chance that the relationship will work out, which, for another part of you, is the thing that you want the most. Perception 8: “It’s better for me to end the relationship than for the other person to end it.” By sabotaging the relationship, you believe that it will make the end less painful because you have a sense of control over the break-up by your making the decision to end it before “the other shoe drops.” In doing so, you avoid the chance that the other person will reject you (Perception 2) and the pain of the rejection that you believe will be unbearably painful and long-lasting (Perceptions 3 and 6). Perception 9: “I evade confirmation that I am truly unworthy of love.” Through this proactive, though largely unconscious, process of self-sabotage, you will protect yourself from receiving confirmation of your greatest fear—that you are, in fact, unworthy of love. Perception 10: “My anxiety diminishes, and I feel better.” When you end the relationship, you find that your fear abates and your anxiety diminishes. You don’t feel happier, but, perhaps more importantly, you feel less unhappy because you aren’t experiencing the tsunami of negative thoughts, emotions, physiology, and interactions that comes with making yourself vulnerable to something else. Perception 11: “I remain alone and unhappy.” The first 10 perceptions result in a life of loneliness and discontent, which, though neither desired nor pleasant, is the lesser of the two “evils” you believe you must choose from—the other being rejection and confirmation of your unworthiness. Hint: This perception is not true. Jim Taylor, Ph.D., - Website -

Embrace new beginnings and master change. Change is more successful with small, consistent steps rather than drastic measures. Involving others in goal setting can enhance commitment and increase the chances of success. The strategic problem-solving model offers a structured approach for achieving New Year's "Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose." —French Proverb (The more things change, the more they remain the same.) As the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, a wave of anticipation and hope will probably sweep across the globe. It's not just the allure of a new year, but the promise of a fresh start, a blank slate, the hope of a new start for our aspirations and our yet-to-be-achieved change. New Year's resolutions embody this spirit of renewal, offering a time-honored tradition where we pause, reflect, and set our goals for the year ahead. Whether it's adopting healthier habits, pursuing personal growth, or tackling long-standing dreams, these resolutions represent our innate desire for positive change and self-improvement. However, despite our best intentions, many of us find ourselves entangled in the familiar cycle of setting ambitious goals only to see them dissipate as the year progresses. At the heart of New Year's resolutions is the ability to decide and maintain change, learning how to break the cycle of unfulfilled promises and make this year's resolutions stick. Change Is Hard This oft-repeated mantra resonates, especially when it comes to New Year's resolutions and change. But does it always ring true? Statistics reveal a grim reality: The average American struggles with the same resolution for a decade without success. In life and business, we often see that change is viewed as daunting and frequently approached with quick-fix solutions. However, the philosophy of small steps towards significant achievements challenges this view. Our brains are pattern-making machines and have a preference for the gradual transformation of these patterns, which renders change more manageable. For example, simply standing regularly or pacing can easily improve health by significantly increasing our metabolic rate, contradicting the belief that only major efforts yield meaningful results. Small, consistent steps can affect substantial changes, from breaking harmful habits to cultivating positive ones, both in personal life and at work. Change, while inherently challenging due to our brain's evolutionary makeup, can be navigated successfully with the right strategies. Understanding the interplay of different parts of our brain in response to change and adopting a methodical approach such as the one I will explore in this post, can transform the intimidating process of change into a manageable and rewarding journey and we must begin by breaking the larger picture into smaller, achievable pieces and so aligning with our natural neurobiological inclination towards change. This perspective on change not only makes it less daunting but also more achievable, opening up a world of possibilities for those willing to take that first small step. Professional Experience I've long been captivated by personal change such as individuals overcoming unhealthy habits to lead better lives, shy people transforming into confident communicators, and lifelong learners mastering new skills. These stories of transformation beg the question: How do individuals achieve and sustain personal success? I've seen clients adopt a simple yet profound method for lasting personal change, from overcoming anxiety to cultivating fulfilling relationships and maintaining emotional well-being and most change seems to occur indirectly through direct methods. That is they create a context or an environment that stimulates change to occur it's rarely forced, except in circumstances where all possible outcomes and resources are known at the outset. Change, a natural part of life, often evokes fear, whether it's a minor event or a major life change. This fear stems from how our brains evolved, making change daunting and sometimes stifling creativity. The Biology of Fear and the Consequences for Change Our brain has developed into three parts, each with unique functions. The reptilian brain controls basic life functions, while the mammalian brain is responsible for emotions and the fight-or-flight response, which is critical in dangerous situations. The cortex, the newest development, is the center of rational thought and creativity. These brain parts sometimes conflict, affecting our reactions to change. The amygdala in the midbrain, which manages the fight-or-flight response, can interpret new experiences as threats, triggering fear and hindering clear thinking. Overcoming this response is essential for embracing change. Small, incremental steps can disarm the fear response, fostering rational thinking and creativity. By adopting a gradual approach to change, we align with our brain's evolutionary design, navigating changes more effectively and reducing the impact of our survival instincts. This strategy aids in overcoming change-related fear. Strategies for Achieving Your Resolutions This New Year Being strategic in our problem-solving means using a deliberate and structured approach to achieving lasting change by stimulating an environment in which our goals become more likely. I have applied this approach to multiple contexts, and it has proven itself indispensable. Here are the seven steps to achieving change. Define Your Problem in Concrete Terms: You should at the outset clearly define your resolution and understand the current state and barriers to achieving it. Adopt different perspectives for additional insights, thinking how other people you know might think about or perceive the problem you see will also help you see possible options. The lack of a clearly defined problem means we don’t know what steps to take next, so it’s very important. Agreeing On Your Goal: Set measurable, achievable targets, and involve others in your goal-setting process. Involving others triggers the social pressure effect, where if you commit to something to others, you will be more likely to do it, such as joining the gym with a friend. Identify Dysfunctional Solutions: Reflect on past attempts to solve the problem and how your solutions may be worsening your problem. Learn from failures and successes. It’s not uncommon that problems dissolve as soon as we realise that our solutions are often at the heart of creating them. For instance, if we believe that abstinence and avoiding food will assist in losing weight, the likelihood is that the more we abstain from eating the more we lose control of our appetite, so the solution in that situation usually perpetuates weight gain. The Technique of How to Worsen: Use reverse psychology to identify unhelpful habits and create an aversion to negative behaviors. By using this uncommon strategy of asking yourself to list all the ways you could choose to worsen your current problem or listing the things you know you could do to ensure you never achieve your goal, you will most likely and paradoxically discover ways to avoid worsening your problem and see ways to achieve your goal. The Scenario Beyond the Problem: Visualize the success you want and consider any potentially unwanted side effects once you reach your desired goal. This will assist you in overcoming obstacles and foreseeing potential pitfalls in advance. It will also assist in deciding if the route you are on is the right one. The Mountain Climber Technique: Just as those intrepid mountain climbers trace and plan a route from the top to the bottom of Everest in reverse order breaking it into different stages, try to break down your resolution into smaller, achievable steps and plan backwards from your ultimate goal, seeing that as step at the top of the 'ladder' all the way back to step one. Adjust your approach based on progress. Whether it's enhancing fitness, acquiring a new skill, or altering dietary habits, this approach should provide a clear pathway from a goal to actualizing it, dissecting the problem, setting clear goals, assessing past strategies, and planning the journey in manageable steps, thereby significantly enhancing the chances of maintaining and achieving resolutions. At each stage, ensure that you adjust your strategy as you achieve positive outcomes in each of the steps or as you discover anything that works better or becomes a problem. This approach aligns with the principles of behavioral psychology, which underscore the importance of clear goals, self-monitoring, and gradual progression in habit formation and behavioral change. If you can follow these steps effectively, your New Year's resolutions can move from failed fantasy to tangible reality. Padraic Gibson, D.Psych, References Gibson, P. (2022). Bending in Order to Straighten. A Step By Step Guide to Strategic Problem Solving. Strategic Science Books. Nardone, G. (2009). Problem solving strategico. L'arte di trovare soluzioni a problemi irrisolvibili. Ponte alle Grazie Liker, J. K. (2004). The Toyota way: 14 management principles from the world's greatest manufacturer. McGraw-Hill Education. Tzu, L. (circa 4th century BCE). Tao Te Ching. (S. Mitchell, Trans.). Norcross, J. C., Mrykalo, M. S., & Blagys, M. D. (2002). Auld lang syne: Success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(4), 397-405. Kotter, J. P. (1996). Leading Change. Harvard Business School Press. Duhigg, C. (2012). The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. Random House.

How can we be motivated to learn something new? Human motivation is complex, and people can be driven by intrinsic and extrinsic motivators. Recent research demonstrates that autonomy significantly improves learning performance. Monetary rewards also improve learning performance, but only when autonomy is restricted. Last week, my not-so-little brother celebrated his thirtieth birthday, and he proudly showed the gift he got from his girlfriend that morning — a shiny new guitar. Despite his reputation for enthusiastic singing performances, particularly in the shower, I was still very surprised. I had never once heard him express any interest in learning to play the guitar. I couldn’t help but wonder: Is he genuinely passionate about being a guitarist and creating his own melodies? Or is he driven by the idea of impressing his girlfriend with his newfound guitar skills, craving the external praise and admiration that may follow? In general, people can be motivated to learn something new for a variety of reasons. Motivation is important for our everyday behavior, because it drives us to explore, to learn, and to achieve our goals. In the motivation literature, a clear distinction is often made between intrinsic motivation (as exemplified by my brother potentially having a true passion for playing the guitar) and extrinsic motivation (as exemplified by my brother being motivated by external praise). In real life, however, it is often not that simple : our behavior is extremely complex and we are rarely driven by a single source of motivation. That's why we conducted an experiment to understand how intrinsic and extrinsic motivations work together during learning. Specifically, we explored how autonomy, an important component known to foster intrinsic motivation, and monetary reward, a classic example of an extrinsic motivator, impact learning and memory. Unraveling the Impact of Autonomy and Rewards on Learning To this end, we let our participants take part in a learning experiment. In the experiment, object images were displayed on a computer screen, but not all of them were immediately visible. To reveal the hidden objects, a movable "searchlight" was introduced that could be controlled with a joystick. Later, participants were presented with many object images again, and had to indicate whether they had seen an object during the learning part of the experiment, or not. In the experiment, we independently manipulated autonomy and extrinsic rewards. Autonomy is the feeling of control and volitional decision-making over one's actions. It's a fundamental aspect of intrinsic motivation, often associated with a genuine desire to engage in an activity. We manipulated autonomy by letting our participants move around the searchlight themselves (granting them autonomy) or by letting them follow the searchlight of the previous participants (restricting autonomy). The results were very clear: Participants recognized more items studied under autonomous conditions compared to those studied under conditions of restricted autonomy. Extrinsic rewards can also be powerful motivators, since they drive individuals to perform a certain task for the sake of obtaining a reward. In our study, participants could earn monetary incentives by accurately recognizing specific rewarded object images at a later stage. We indeed found that these rewards had a positive impact on recognition memory, but there was a twist… When participants could explore autonomously, rewards had no additional effect on their memory performance. However, when autonomy was removed, and participants were not in control of their exploration, rewards significantly improved their recognition memory. In other words, monetary rewards only contributed to learning when participants had no autonomy. Implications for Education and Beyond One of the most important implications of this study lies in the field of education. In educational settings, both autonomy and extrinsic rewards are commonly used to motivate students. Teachers often assign grades as a form of extrinsic reward to encourage learning. Simultaneously, educators aim to foster autonomy by providing students with choices and opportunities for self-directed learning. But is it always effective to grade our students and use rewards? Our study suggests that this is not that straightforward. The impact of this study goes beyond just school settings. It's relevant in workplaces and even when promoting healthy behavior. Knowing how to use autonomy and rewards effectively can make a big difference in changing people’s mindsets and behavior. In the end, understanding the power of these motivators can lead to a more motivated, productive, and fulfilled society. As for my brother, I hope he'll have the freedom to choose which musical pieces he wants to master during his guitar lessons. This autonomy is likely to improve his guitar learning experience. Yet, there will also be times when he must work through less exciting pieces to refine his skills. In those moments, I'm sure that his girlfriend will be there with her encouraging words of praise, providing that external motivation he might need. I sincerely hope that she just gave him the very best birthday gift he has received in the past thirty years. Lieke van Lieshout, Ph.D., References van Lieshout, L.L.F., Colizoli, O., Holman, T.L.L., Kühnert, F. & Bekkering, H. (2023). Rewards can be costly: Extrinsic rewards are not beneficial during autonomous learning. PsyArXiv.

Learn a powerful way to explore, question, and change worries and fears. Challenging distorted thinking is hard when dealing with the emotional whirlwind of worry, fear, or panic. Help your reacting brain and thinking brain talk to each other before getting caught up in anxiety. A fear vs. facts dialogue table helps you effectively challenge worries and fears. We know that challenging distorted or “irrational” thinking reduces anxiety. But how exactly do you do that? It is hard to believe logical thoughts when your body and emotions are screaming at you. Intellectually recognizing that a fear is based on something that isn't true, that you don’t need to panic, or that you worry too much, can make no difference when your body and your emotions say you are in danger. If it feels like your mind is fighting with itself, that’s because it is! Your Two Brains Your amygdala, or as I like to call it your reacting brain, reacts instantly and automatically when it thinks you are threatened. This is terrific and life-saving in the right circumstances. The trouble is it overreacts, triggering unnecessary worry, fear, or panic. The more developed upper part of your brain, the cerebral cortex or thinking brain, is smarter. Unfortunately, it is slower than your primitive, bodyguard brain. Because the reacting brain is faster, you get flooded with adrenaline. Your body reacts as if you may need to fight or flee. Your mind gets a primitive message of “DANGER!!!” You feel worried or panicky. Your mind starts looking for possible threats. If it sees no threat from outside, it may decide your physical sensations, your thoughts, or the intensity of your emotions are dangerous. Successfully navigating this emotional whirlwind is hard. Your activated reacting brain needs to be heard, but also be willing to listen. Your thinking brain needs to look at the whole picture, not just search for danger. The parts of your brain need to talk to each other, and they are far more able to do this when you are anxious if they have practiced ahead of time when you are calm. This post and the next take you step-by-step through how to successfully listen, explore, and re-evaluate fears and worries. Help Your Two Brains Talk to Each Other Create a written fears vs. facts dialogue table. This skill was introduced in my post “Listening to Worries Can Actually Make You Less Anxious”. Make a table with two columns and several rows. Label the left column “Worries, Fears, Distressing Thoughts”. Label the right column “Facts, Evidence, Logic, Perspective”. Creating your dialogue table on a computer lets you easily add more thoughts as you go along. Uncovering your reacting brain’s fears and questioning them in a way that is credible and convincing to you is harder than it looks. Here are the first three tips. Tip 1: Listen Before Reassuring Fill out the left side first. This is important. If you jump to the right side and start refuting your worries , the reacting brain feels unheard. Instead of a dialogue, you have a “he said,” “she said” argument. Reacting brain: “This is dangerous!” Thinking brain: “No, it’s not.” “Is too!” “Is not!” “Is too.” “Is not.” This type of discussion goes nowhere. Reflect on your own experience. When you are anxious or afraid and people say, “Don’t worry. Don’t be scared.” Do you feel convinced or not heard? Even if one part of your brain knows there’s no threat, the other part believes there is. Listen attentively to everything that scares or worries your bodyguard brain. Tip 2: Get the Details What exactly does your fear predict will happen if you don’t do what it says? What if you don’t act based on fear or worry? What might happen if you don’t leave or avoid the frightening situation? What might happen if you do not stay alert or fight your reaction? What if you do not do something special to stay safe? Put into words everything the fear or worry says. State these explicitly. Tip 3: Look Below the Surface What would actually justify being afraid? What underlying beliefs make anxiety feel like an appropriate response? What unhelpful lessons from the past contribute to present worries? Drag these unspoken assumptions and beliefs into the light and write them down. Write what the fear assumes about you, other people, the situation, or the world. You may remember Jonathan from “3 Ways to Tell if Worry Is Helpful.” He worried constantly about his car and the risk of car accidents, so together we created a dialogue table. After writing the worries that came easiest to mind, he reflected on lessons he learned growing up with an abusive alcoholic father. He realized old assumptions fed his anxieties. Notice how those general beliefs easily lead to specific worries. Jonathan’s Dialogue Table In the first column, "Worries, Fears, Distressing Thoughts," he wrote: There is something seriously wrong with the car. Every sound means there’s a problem and I will have an accident. I can’t trust the mechanic; he missed something. You can’t trust anyone. Bad things happen all the time without warning. You must stay on the alert for possible dangers at all times. Your Personal Dialogue Table Start writing your own fears vs. facts dialogue table. Fill out the left column. Read my next post for tips on completing the right column. Summary Thinking logically when you are scared is hard. You need to practice ahead of time. Creating a fears vs. facts dialogue table helps the two parts of the brain listen and talk to each other. Start by listening. Get details and look below the surface. The next post gives tips on how to convincingly evaluate and change anxious thinking. Elizabeth McMahon, Ph.D., - Website - References McMahon, E. (2019). Overcoming Anxiety and Panic interactive guide. San Francisco, CA: Hands-on-Guide.

Your body is short-circuiting. Is this the end? Nope, it's a panic attack. Panic is no picnic: You get hit with a tidal wave of fear. Your body short-circuits. You’re convinced that this is the end—you’re either dying or going crazy. In short, panic is an awful feeling, and the 1 in 4 Americans who have experienced it often go for months or even years without knowing what panic is or what to do about it. Fortunately, panic is straightforward to treat. Working with a trained cognitive-behavioral therapist is your most surefire way to get personalized treatment, but here are six methods you can try on your own: Strategy #1: Practice the symptoms you’re afraid of. I know, I know—inducing the physical sensations you experience during a panic attack on purpose is the last thing folks with panic want to try but hear me out. Interpreting the symptoms (a pounding heart, feeling lightheaded) as dangerous (“I’m dying!” “Something’s horribly wrong with me!”) throws fuel on the fire. Symptoms snowball and over a matter of moments, you find yourself in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. Therefore, by intentionally bringing on the very symptoms you’re afraid of, you can practice having them outside the context of an attack. Eventually, you’ll stop seeing them as threatening. You’ll learn your body can handle a racing heart or a tight throat. When you practice having your own symptoms, you’re always in the driver’s seat and you’ll get the chance to habituate, or as I like to say, your brain will get bored. if you’re worried about a pounding heart, set a timer for one minute and knock out some high knees or burpees. Terrified of feeling dizzy? Set that timer, sit in an office chair, and spin around and around until the time is up. Shortness of breath feels awful? Breathe through a coffee stirrer for one minute. Lightheadedness? Lie on the floor for a minute and then stand up quickly to induce a head rush. Do you get a sense of unreality when you panic, like the world is a dream or nothing is truly real? Get really close to your hand or a wall and stare at it for a minute. It gets a little freaky, which is exactly the point. The trick? Stop when the timer says stop, not when your body wants to bail. It’s important to hang in there so you learn you’ve got this. Repeat every day until it’s totally boring. Strategy #2: Bring it on. This sounds weird, but in panic disorder, which is fear of having a panic attack, a little reverse psychology works wonders. When you start to worry about panic or feel that first twinge, tell yourself, “All right body, I want more. Let’s do this! Hit me with your best shot!” Ironically, being willing to feel panic symptoms will stop the cycle of escalation. After all, panic is the fight-or-flight response gone haywire, so when you try to fight panic itself, it all amplifies exponentially. By contrast, when you welcome in the sensations of fear, your body has no reason to fight or flee. Think of when you were a little kid and you would make yourself dizzy on purpose or pump higher and higher on the swings to feel your stomach drop. Back then you weren’t just willing to feel the sensations, it was downright fun. Tap into those memories and lean in. Strategy #3: Remember it’s just anxiety. Panic is all in the interpretation. Think of it this way: It’s 3 a.m. and the phone rings. What happened? Well, it could mean your sister is dead, your brother needs to be bailed out, or your teenager is in the emergency room. But it could also mean a wrong number, a prank call, or someone who got their time zones seriously mixed up. Until you pick up the phone, the reason for the call is a product of your interpretation. it is with anxiety. Instead of interpreting it as “I’m dying,” think, “This is just my overly sensitive burglar alarm. I’ve felt this before. I wasn’t dying then, and I’m not dying now.” Interpret the anxiety not as something dangerous, but as something annoying you’ve handled before and can handle again. It’s just anxiety. Strategy #4: Come up with a new thought. The thoughts that go through our head— the cognitive symptoms of panic—are scary: I’m dying, I’m going crazy, I’m going to pass out, I’m going to throw up and humiliate myself. The list goes on. So when you feel panic starting to rise, talk back to your thoughts in a new way. One patient made her new thought, “I got this.” Another pictured the wave of panic as an ocean wave to surf—what went up would inevitably come down. And a third decided on none other than “F--- you, anxiety!” Choose what works for you. Strategy #5: Slowly inch into panic situations. One client of mine had a panic attack in a spin class and not only didn’t go back, but also stopped exercising entirely. She wouldn’t even take the stairs. She was worried that getting her heart rate up would induce another panic attack, something she never, ever wanted to experience again. So, to fight her panic, in addition to challenging the thought that her heart couldn’t handle exertion, she also started slowly inching back into exercise and getting her heart rate up a little at a time. First, she jogged a few steps, then a block, then around the block, and slowly, she got herself back to the gym. If it’s a place you fear, like being worried you’ll have a panic attack in the middle of the grocery store, start by going in to buy one item close to the checkout lane. Next time, grab a basket and browse, deliberately taking a little longer. When that’s boring, grab a cart and do a week’s worth of shopping. Don’t try to rush through it and get out. Take your time. Don’t move on to the next level until the current one is easy. Remember: Your brain has to get bored. Strategy #6: Avoidance feeds panic. Think of a situation that makes you panicky—I’ll bet you white-knuckle it until you can’t stand it anymore, and then quit, which makes you feel better. But consider this: While quitting does make you feel better in the short-term, it also reinforces the idea that what you’re doing was truly dangerous, and getting out is what saved you. This makes sense if you’re feeling panicky about swimming with sharks while you have a nosebleed, but it doesn’t make sense if you’re feeling panicky about crossing a parking lot, sitting in a restaurant, or riding the subway. You must be willing to endure a little anxiety—emphasis on little; never more than you’re ready for—so your brain can round the corner and start getting bored. But you don’t have to jump in with both feet. Aim for inducing about a 3 on a 1-10 scale. You need to start with some anxiety, in order to give you something to work with. Experience the 3, and then wait it out. Your anxiety might escalate to a 4 or 5 at first, but if you stick with it rather than quitting, it will go back to a 3, then a 2, and then a 1. Try it out. Do the thing you’re scared of, a little at a time. Your brain will get bored, but you have to let it get over the hump. Then you can move on to the next step. As you master more and more situations, even the things you thought would be 9s or 10s will start to look easier. Before you know it, you’ll be driving across bridges on windy days and sitting smack in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Which is infinitely more fun than sitting in the emergency room with doctors telling you nothing’s wrong. Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. - Website -

The boom of sexual wellness devices. A recent report found the sex toy market is estimated to be a 19-billion-dollar industry. Sales spiked during the pandemic as people sought new ways to explore intimacy amid restrictions. The liberalization of sexual attitudes driven by changing cultural norms has been a major contributing factor. According to a fascinating report by Price Waterhouse Cooper (PWC), the global sexual wellness devices market is estimated to be an astonishing 19-billion-dollar industry, with significant growth projected in the future. This report offers valuable insights into both the business and psychology of sexual pleasure. Sex toys are nothing new. They have been around for millennia. The oldest known dildo is estimated to be 28,000 years old. The word dildo, by the way, is believed to have been coined around 1,400 AD. It comes from the Latin word “dilatare,” which means “open wide,” and the Italian word “diletto,” which means “delight.” Phallic artifacts have been found around the world and dated through just about every historic period. And yet, thanks to the puritanical beliefs that eventually shaped modern Western culture, most people felt the need to hide behind a ballcap and sunglasses when perusing a sex shop. Until recently. We've long known the benefits that sex toys offer. Couples who use them tend to have stronger communication skills, higher rates of sexual satisfaction, and better body awareness. So why have sales only suddenly skyrocketed? It's Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It The PWC report mostly refers to sex toys as “sexual wellness devices.” This change in vernacular is part of the reason for the boom. The report highlights the fact that many companies have moved away from overly explicit marketing to adopt a more subtle, wellness-oriented approach. By reframing these devices as tools for enhancing pleasure and self-care, rather than solely for adult entertainment, they have broadened their appeal to a wider audience. Research Supports the Link between Sex and Wellness Multiple studies show a link between sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, and we’ve known for a long time that healthy relationships promote overall health and well-being. The rebranding of sexual wellness products has contributed to the industry’s widespread acceptance. This shift has contributed to the normalization of discussions surrounding intimacy and sexual pleasure. The stigmas that once surrounded adult toys and sexual exploration are gradually being dismantled, paving the way for a more open society. What Are People Into, and Why the Boom? The industry saw the most significant growth during the COVID-19 pandemic, as people sought new ways to explore intimacy amid restrictions. Many singles were left with limited opportunities to meet new partners, while couples faced increased time together. The pandemic inadvertently became a catalyst for the industry’s growth. This led to a surge in sales as individuals and couples sought innovative ways to explore and nurture their relationships. The industry saw the most significant growth in vibrator sales, which accounted for 27% of the global sexual wellness devices market. Male masturbators accounted for 11% and bondage accessories accounted for 10%. The popularity of vibrators can be attributed to their versatility, catering to individuals and couples of all orientations. Modern vibrators have evolved beyond the traditional perceptions of adult toys, transforming into high-tech gadgets that offer personalized experiences for users. Accessibility has also contributed to the surge in sales, as many toys are now widely available online and at general retailers. Furthermore, there has finally been an increase in attention to female sexual pleasure, particularly on narrowing the orgasm gap and female anatomy. Both men and women are eager to find ways to enhance female sexual pleasure, and heterosexual couples at last recognize that equal pleasure is mutually beneficial. The Liberalization of Sexual Attitudes Sexual liberalization has been driven by several factors, including evolving cultural norms, increased education, and a growing emphasis on personal empowerment. As individuals have gained a better understanding of the importance of self-care and overall well-being, the significance of sexual health has come to the forefront. Recognizing that sexual wellness is an essential aspect of one’s physical and emotional health has allowed people to view the exploration of pleasure and intimacy as a form of self-empowerment. The ongoing fight for gender equality has also played a role. The acknowledgment of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities has fostered an environment of inclusivity, encouraging people to embrace their own desires and preferences without fear of judgment. The growing emphasis on the importance of consent and communication in intimate relationships has also been a contributing factor. Consent culture promotes the idea that all forms of sexual activity should be based on clear communication and respect for boundaries. Feeling safe and secure promotes pleasure perhaps more than anything else. Art and entertainment have always been powerful drivers of culture change. As more films, TV shows, and literature explore themes of sexual diversity and liberation, audiences become more accepting and understanding of different expressions of sexuality. Conclusion With these enlightening statistics, it is evident that the sexual wellness industry is a thriving and integral part of modern society. By discussing and acknowledging the importance of sexual well-being, we can contribute to breaking down the barriers and stigma surrounding the topic. Embracing adult toys (aka sexual wellness devices) and incorporating them into one’s sexual repertoire can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying intimate life. Emily Jamea, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC - Website

How to identify the sources of our self-limiting beliefs. Our thoughts about who we are and what we can accomplish shape our lives. When thoughts hold us back from achieving our goals, it's important to build awareness about their origins. We need to examine our core beliefs, blueprints, and schemas. We need to begin to move beyond our negative thoughts and emotional debris to create the life we want. Our thoughts about who we are, what we can accomplish, how we behave and interact with others, who we should be, and what we deserve — both positive and negative — shape our lives . When our identity, sense of self-esteem and self-worth, competencies and capabilities support us and compel us to strive for what we want in life, everything is great. But when our thoughts leave us full of fear, self-doubt, and hopelessness, limit our choices, and hold us back from achieving our goals and living the life we want, it is another story. In order to address the thoughts that hold us back, it is important to understand where our negative thoughts come from. Blueprints, Modeled Behaviors, and Core Beliefs We are born alone and die alone, but we are born into families where, from early childhood, we absorb modeled behaviors of our parents, siblings, and caretakers. We watch, listen, interact, and absorb it all. This is where and when our core beliefs and blueprints come from—early childhood experiences, often before the age of 10. The core beliefs are the deep-seated thoughts about ourselves that we take on during this phase of development. The reality is that our core beliefs are not necessarily accurate or true. If, for example, we grew up in a household filled with conflict and violence (emotional or physical), or if we were raised with beliefs about the way the world works or the ways women or men should behave that do not align with who we are today, we often struggle in our relationships and choices and grapple with inaccurate fears and prejudices. When our core beliefs include that we are not smart enough, worthy of, or capable of achieving what we want in life, these beliefs or thoughts can lead to settling for less in life. In this case, it is important that we have compassion for ourselves and what we have experienced and take positive steps to address the thoughts that are holding us back. Schemas From an early age, each time we’re exposed to a new environment, learn something new, or take on a new task or experience, we create a schema of it. Pioneering child psychologist Jean Piaget introduced the term schema, which describes two things: the act of organizing massive amounts of information, and the maps we create from this act that enables us to make sense of and navigate the world. Without consciously doing so, we are constantly organizing, storing, and operating from the schemas or maps we create in our minds. These maps are extremely useful in helping us navigate the world and sort massive amounts of information. The Good and Bad News About Schemas While our schemas help us adapt quickly to new environments, and move through them with relative ease, they also have a downside. When we experience trauma, difficulties, or abuse, these negative experiences can influence and cast a shadow on virtually every aspect of our life. Such experiences can be a source of early negative schemas about anger, assertiveness, prejudices, perfectionism, abuse, or how relationships and the world works. Negative Experiences and Emotional Debris The reality is that life is a series of experiences that we label as positive or negative. As a result of an unpleasant or negative experience we can end up with emotional debris, which can influence our schemas (maps of the world), and lead to taking precautions — also known as safety behaviors — often unnecessary and usually self-limiting fear-based steps to prevent unpleasant situations or interactions from recurring. Incorporating safety behaviors can come with additional downsides. When we take on such behaviors, we are giving into fears that we will not be able to handle what comes along without them, and that the world is an unsafe place. When we take as a matter of fact that the world is an unsafe, perilous place, we begin to doubt ourselves and others, catastrophize, and imagine worst-case scenarios playing out. Moving Beyond our Blueprints, Core Beliefs, Schemas, and Negative Experiences Think about it. When it comes to our thoughts, we need to build awareness about where our self-doubts, fears, and feelings of hopelessness come from. Our thoughts about who we are, how the world works, how people should treat one another, and what we deserve out of life matter. They determine our inner dialogue and impact our self-esteem. The reality is that when we understand the source of our negative thoughts, we can begin to examine, challenge, and replace them with more accurate and healthy ways of thinking that align with who we are and what we want to achieve in the world. We can then move forward and live an authentic life, as our strongest and best selves. Monica Vermani, C. Psych., - Website - Book -

No matter how long you have been afraid, these strategies can help. Fear of needles can last for years, harm your health, and limit your life. Needle fear can be overcome. Identify specific fears and get the facts. Correct any misinformation. Plan for realistic, likely problems. Prepare in advance. Act on the facts, not your fear, then praise and reward yourself for following your plan. Fear of needles is very common. Studies suggest that most children, up to 50 percent of teenagers, and at least 20 to 30 percent of adults have some fear of needles. It is a serious problem. Fear of needles can limit your life and harm your health. It can prevent you from getting necessary medical and dental care or becoming pregnant through in vitro fertilization (IVF). You may refuse needed injections, lab tests, or IVs. If needles scare you, try to follow these six steps. No matter how long you have been afraid, this fear can be overcome. Step 1: Identify the Fears Ask yourself what exactly you fear. Put your fears into words. For example, do you fear that: You will be anxious or have a panic attack? You will faint? You will experience intense pain? You will bleed too much or be damaged by the needle in some way? The healthcare worker will be incompetent or uncaring? Explore your fears in detail. Only when you know precisely what you think will happen, can you explore whether the feared outcome is realistic. When fear or worry are justified, anxiety alerts you to this and motivates you to take appropriate actions. Step 2: Get the Facts After putting your fears into words, check them against the facts. Do this in writing. Take your time. Make a table with two columns and several rows: In the lefthand column, write one worry or feared outcome per row. Be as clear and specific as possible about what you fear may happen. In the righthand column, be unemotionally objective. Evaluate the fear, starting with facts that support the fear. Then add everything that questions or disproves the fear. Correct misinformation about the procedure or the body. Answer questions like: Is what the fear says true? Does what you worry about actually happen? If it does happen, how long does it last? How bad is it really in the larger scheme of things? Is it truly “the worst” that could happen? Are healthcare professionals really sadists who enjoy torturing patients? How can you cope with fear instead of giving in to it? Why is it important for you to get this medical procedure? Step 3: Plan for Likely Problems You may get anxious. Injections are sometimes painful. Some people do faint. Think about how you will cope with problems that are likely to occur. If you fear being anxious, get the facts about anxiety and panic. Learn coping techniques like belly breathing with a slow exhale. Understand that you must show your brain you will no longer be bullied by fear. If you fear pain, ask your healthcare provider for numbing cream to use in advance. If you pass out, meet with a therapist to learn “applied tension”. This technique prevents fainting and usually takes only one or two sessions to learn. Step 4: Prepare Change what you tell yourself. Repeatedly read the information you wrote in Step 2. Practice shifting from fearful thoughts to facts until you remember the facts even when you’re scared. Accept that anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous. Write about and imagine coping successfully and getting the procedure despite anxiety. Visualize being compassionate, realistic, and firm with your fear. If you have a therapist who offers virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET), practice getting virtual blood draws or injections. Think about all the reasons to overcome your fear. Consider the benefits and the relief that overcoming the fear of needles will bring. Remember why it is worth the work. Step 5: Act on the facts, not the fear As explained in Overcoming Anxiety and Panic interactive guide, you are more likely to stay scared if you: Avoid or run from what scares you. Fight your anxiety response because you fear it. Do things to feel “safe” from a fear that the facts don’t support. Do what scares you but stay on high alert and “white-knuckle” through, hating it the whole time. Your job is to act on what the facts say—not what your fears say—even when you are scared. This strengthens you, weakens fear, and improves your life and your health. Step 6: Praise and Reward Yourself Reward yourself with something nice. You showed courage and perseverance. Be proud of yourself and your progress. Focus on the positives Getting Help for Needle Fears Carrying out the six steps can be easier with support and guidance from a therapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for phobias. If your therapist offers virtual reality exposure therapy (VRET), you can practice getting virtual blood draws or injections until your fear subsides. Needle phobia can respond quickly to treatment. No matter how long this fear has troubled you, there is hope. Elizabeth McMahon, Ph.D., - Website -