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Should you stay together only for the kids? Staying together for the kids is only sometimes the best solution. Communicating a divorce to children with care and honesty is crucial. Navigating the post-divorce period requires effort and flexibility. Kids can thrive and become more resilient if at least one parent stays strong and loving. In my work with parents, I've found that three big questions about divorce recur frequently. 1. Should you stay together only for the kids? By its very nature, a family breakdown is expensive, stressful, and destabilizing. In the first two years, kids whose parents' divorce are more likely than others to experience distress, anger , anxiety , and academic problems and to participate in disruptive behaviors , substance use, and other forms of risk-taking. However, most children whose parents split up are resilient and, after a year or two, exhibit none of these problems. They adapt to the new routines and grow comfortable with the new living arrangements. So, if you're thinking long term, no, it isn't always best for your child if you stay with a partner, you're having problems with. Major long-term studies show that although many children experience short-term problems and setbacks, the vast majority rebound after a year or two. On balance, children of divorce become well-adjusted adults as long as they have at least one loving parent who remains committed to their welfare. Far from suffering inevitable damage from divorce, children can reap long-term benefits from seeing their parents decide in favor of happiness and fulfillment. Every case is unique, with a complex and individual set of conditions and constraints, so there isn't an easy answer that applies to every family —but in general, if you're wondering about staying together for the kids, don't. 2. How do you tell the kids? Let your child know what's happening as soon as the decision is final. Children are remarkably perceptive, and secrecy can cause more damage than knowledge. Secrecy leads to imagined worries, most of which are worse than the reality. Choose a good time to talk as a family. Once you've established a plan for moving forward, find a time when none of the family members are tired, hungry, or rushing away. Keep the message simple and practical. This is not a time for reasons why or for blame, but rather it should be an information session about as many as possible of the details of each person's life going forward. If you know where you'll be living, talk about that, and who'll take your child to school and pick them up. If you and your spouse can proceed amicably with co-parenting (ideal for your child's development), emphasize that your child will still have two parents who love them and will stay very involved in their life. For most kids, their biggest fear of divorce is that they'll lose one or both of their parents. As time goes by, be ready to reassure your child as often as necessary that you will continue to love them forever, no matter what, and that you will keep them safe. Don't burden your child with your anger, worries, or issues with their other parent. Instead, be calm, confident, and reassuring. If there's drama—and there usually is—save it for your friends and therapist. Do your best to be kind, caring, and respectful with and about the other parent. No matter your problems with them, your child will be happier, healthier, and stronger if they feel they can count on the two of you to work together on their behalf. Be on the lookout for signs that your child blames themself. Most kids do. Guilt shows itself in many ways, from unusually good behavior and compliance through sullen disengagement all the way to defiant antagonism and negativity. Reassure your child that you and their other parent are splitting up for your own adult reasons, not because of anything your child has done or said. Some kids have questions right away, and others take longer to process what's happening, so stay alert to the possibility your child might be wondering about something. Answer their questions as they come up and as honestly as possible. Be attentive, compassionate, patient, and as honest as you can. Avoid patronizing your child or dismissing their concerns. 3. After the separation, what's next? Change is stressful, but it doesn't have to be damaging. A child whose parents are confident, mature, loving, and trustworthy can make it through a separation with better coping skills and strengths. This is a critical time in your child's life, a time to rise to the responsibility of being a parent, no matter your stressors. Every situation and every child is unique, and divorce can affect any aspect of a child's life and development. With some kids, their grades plummet; others throw themselves into schoolwork to the exclusion of everything else. Some kids become depressed or angry; others become unusually helpful and cheery. Some kids become antisocial; others become excessively social. Some become mistrustful of close relationships; others become hypersexual. Some children experience eating disorders and sleep problems; others seem to sail through unaffected by their parents' divorce. As much as possible, maintain the old routines and schedules. Consistent care reassures your child that the world is safe and predictable. Meals, outdoor play, bathtime, and bedtime routines are more important than ever now. Be patient with your own emotions and your partner's. The more mature you and your ex-partner can be during the process of separation, the better for your child. But remember also that this is a challenging time for most parents, emotionally, physically, and financially. If you or your partner is angry or upset in your child's company, accept that and apologize to your child, explaining that change is always difficult, even for grownups. Emphasize your confidence you will get through it and that everyone will be OK, as well as your understanding that it won't be easy. Three good rules for parenting post-divorce: Affirm your own and your child's worries and negative feelings. For example, "Yes. I know this is really tough for you. It's terribly disruptive going back and forth between two homes." Reassure yourself and your child that with time things will settle down, and you'll find a happy new normal. Remind yourself and your child of all that you have to be grateful for. No matter how your child responds to the changes, remember that "traditional" families have problems, too, and that your parenting behaviors through the disruption and afterward can make a big difference to your child's long-term development. Children who feel loved and supported through the divorce process and whose parents negotiate custody amicably can become more competent than those who don't experience this kind of challenge, change, or disruption. Dona Matthews, Ph.D., - Website - Blog - References The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study, by Judith Wallerstein

Mental health care has undergone a significant transformation in recent years, largely due to the rise of remote therapy. This innovative approach to counseling and psychological support has opened new doors for individuals seeking help. Remote therapy offers convenience, accessibility, and flexibility that traditional in-person sessions often cannot match. As technology continues to evolve, so does the potential for mental health services to reach more people in need. The Rise of Remote Therapy: Changing the Landscape of Mental Health Care Remote therapy, also known as teletherapy or online counseling, uses digital platforms to connect therapists and clients. This method has become increasingly popular, especially in response to global events that limited face-to-face interactions. The convenience of attending sessions from home or any private space has made therapy more approachable for many. Some key benefits of remote therapy include: Accessibility : People living in rural or underserved areas can access qualified therapists without traveling long distances. Flexibility : Scheduling is easier, allowing clients to fit sessions into busy lives. Comfort : Being in a familiar environment can reduce anxiety and encourage openness. Privacy : Remote sessions can feel more discreet, which helps those concerned about stigma. For example, a working parent can attend therapy during a lunch break without needing to arrange childcare or commute. Similarly, someone with mobility challenges can receive support without physical barriers. Remote therapy session on a laptop screen How Remote Therapy Enhances Treatment Options Remote therapy is not just about convenience; it also expands the types of treatment available. Therapists can use video calls, phone sessions, and even text-based communication to tailor care to individual needs. This variety allows for more personalized approaches. Some therapeutic methods that work well remotely include: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - Structured sessions focusing on changing negative thought patterns. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques - Guided exercises to reduce stress and improve emotional regulation. Supportive Counseling - Providing emotional support and coping strategies for life challenges. Group Therapy - Virtual groups that connect people with similar experiences. Moreover, remote therapy platforms often include tools like mood tracking, homework assignments, and secure messaging, which enhance engagement and progress monitoring. Mental health app used alongside remote therapy Overcoming Challenges in Remote Therapy While remote therapy offers many advantages, it also presents unique challenges. Understanding these can help both therapists and clients make the most of the experience. Technical Issues Internet connectivity : Poor connections can disrupt sessions. Device compatibility : Not all clients have access to the latest technology. Privacy concerns : Ensuring secure platforms is essential to protect sensitive information. Therapeutic Relationship Building trust and rapport through a screen can be harder than in person. Therapists need to be especially attentive to non-verbal cues and create a warm, supportive atmosphere. Suitability Remote therapy may not be appropriate for everyone, especially those with severe mental health conditions requiring intensive care or crisis intervention. To address these challenges, therapists often: Provide technical support and clear instructions before sessions. Use encrypted, HIPAA-compliant platforms. Conduct initial assessments to determine if remote therapy is a good fit. Clients can improve their experience by: Choosing a quiet, private space for sessions. Testing technology beforehand. Communicating openly about any difficulties. Home office setup prepared for remote therapy The Role of Remote Therapy in Expanding Access to Care One of the most significant impacts of remote therapy is its ability to reach underserved populations. Many people face barriers to traditional mental health care, including: Geographic isolation Limited transportation options Stigma around seeking help Busy schedules or caregiving responsibilities Remote therapy helps break down these barriers by offering a more inclusive and flexible option. For example, veterans living in rural areas can connect with specialized therapists without traveling. College students juggling academics and part-time jobs can access support between classes. Additionally, remote therapy supports continuity of care during emergencies or public health crises when in-person visits are restricted. For those interested in exploring options, mental health remote therapy provides a valuable resource to find qualified virtual therapists. Looking Ahead: The Future of Remote Therapy in Mental Health Care As technology advances, remote therapy is poised to become an integral part of mental health care. Innovations such as virtual reality, AI-driven assessments, and enhanced digital tools will further improve treatment quality and accessibility. Therapists will continue to refine their skills in delivering effective care online, and clients will benefit from more personalized, convenient options. The integration of remote therapy with traditional services will create a hybrid model that maximizes the strengths of both approaches. To make the most of remote therapy, consider these tips: Be proactive : Schedule regular sessions and engage actively. Set boundaries : Create a dedicated space and time for therapy. Communicate clearly : Share feedback with your therapist to improve the experience. Use supplementary tools : Apps and online resources can support your progress. Remote therapy is not just a temporary solution but a lasting transformation in how mental health care is delivered. It empowers individuals to take control of their well-being in ways that were not possible before. By embracing remote therapy, mental health care becomes more accessible, flexible, and effective for a diverse range of people. Whether you are seeking support for anxiety, depression, or life challenges, remote therapy offers a promising path forward.

Personal Perspective: How I learned to use word games to fall asleep. There are numerous research-based methods to promote better sleep. One of the most unusual is "cognitive shuffling," a method of using a simple word game to get to sleep. Various word games may help neutralize overthinking or anxiety. In my last post, I revealed that I often suffer from insomnia and described various well-researched methods that contribute to better sleep—including new research on strength training and sleep. But I neglected to reveal the main reason why I have insomnia. My greatest sleeping challenge is my chattering brain. During the day, I can easily recognize irrational thoughts, negative thinking, or catastrophic fantasies as they occur. At these times, the mantra, “Don’t believe everything you think,” serves me well. I can dismiss those ideas or challenge them with relative ease. But deep in the middle of the night, I can get lost in destructive thinking before I even realize it. Hurtful scenarios, “what-ifs,” self-criticism—all play their villainous roles in my insomniac drama. That’s when I know it's time for my various insomniac tricks, especially mental word games. These games are calming and engaging, and they replace my negative thoughts with neutral and enjoyable ones. Since I had thought my insomniac word games were a personal quirk, I was surprised to read recently in The New York Times that other people use a similar technique to get back to sleep. There’s even a name for it: “cognitive shuffling.” “Cognitive shuffling” can be defined as “a mental exercise that involves focusing your mind on words that have no association with one another, as a way of signaling to your brain that it’s time to fall asleep.” As the theory goes, “The task is meant to be engaging enough to distract you from the thought that may be impeding sleep, but not so interesting that your brain perks up.” The cognitive scientist who developed the technique, Luc P. Beaudoin, conducted a small study in 2016 that found it was as effective as “constructive worry”—writing down one’s worries and possible solutions before bedtime. Engaging in constructive worry and cognitive shuffling together was also effective. A Cognitive Shuffling Exercise An example of a cognitive shuffling exercise consists of these steps: Pick a random word, like “random.” Think of as many words as you can that start with the first letter, R: reason, ramble, right, rabble, rubble. When you run out of R words, or get tired of them, go on to the next letter, A: apple, always, active, absolve, and any additional ones that come to mind. Keep going as long as you need to. The fact that the words don’t create or stimulate any kind of story “may help your brain to disengage with problem solving or worry loops,” according to Beaudoin. Sleep experts are cautious about recommending the “cognitive shuffling” method since it hasn’t been studied extensively. The current gold standard for sleep therapy is cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I; I’ve listed key recommendations from CBT-I here). However, there’s no harm in trying cognitive shuffling either. One psychologist has even suggested to her clients that they come up with their own variations. And to help you do just that, here are some of my favorite insomniac word games. Whether my games fall into the category of “words that have no association with one another,” I’m not sure, but they do calm my feverish insomniac brain most of the time. Insomniac Word Games Remember, “winning” these games means lulling yourself to sleep. Don’t worry about getting to the end of the task or about the best word choices. Let yourself get tired. 1. X-Letter Words Many years ago, my friend Beth introduced me to my first insomniac word game, “X-Letter Words.” Go through the alphabet, one letter at a time, starting with three-letter words—examples: art, bat, cat, dot. Next, it’s four-letter words: arch, bark, cart, deal. If you are still awake, go on to five-letter words. These days, I usually start with five-letter words. Thanks to my obsession with the game Wordle, I might add a little challenge by looking for words that end in a vowel or that have at least two vowels—adobe, beard, cameo. As the words get longer, say six or more letters, I find that I start to feel sleepy around “L.” If I remember where I left off, I might do the second part of the alphabet the next night. Or not. And frankly, I skip “X.” Why torture myself? 2. Double-Letter Words Go through the alphabet, finding words with double letters—examples: apply, barrier, calling, dribble. 3. Same First and Last Letter I think I got this one from Jeopardy, a great source of ideas for word games. Examples include anemia, barb, critic, and dad. 4. Compound Words This is my favorite game, possibly due to a pleasant memory of when my elementary-school teacher introduced the topic of combining two or more smaller words to create a new word with a different meaning. For example, "sun" and "flower" combine to form the compound word "sunflower." Examples of compound words in alpha order: afterglow, baseball, crowdsourcing, deadline. You have no doubt figured out that the possibilities for word games are endless. There are first names: Abe, Barbara, Carol. There are colors: amber, blue, coral. Just make sure your word games are calming rather than stimulating. Summary If you think these word games could be too stimulating for your brain, then they are probably not for you. But if you are a word nerd like me, you may find that insomniac word games are a pleasurable way to distract yourself from your troubles and quiet your babbling brain. And remember: "Winning” is falling asleep. (c) Meg Selig, 2025. All rights reserved. Thanks to my colleague and friend Beth Powell for introducing me to insomniac word games. Meg Selig - Website - Blog - References Selig, M. (2020). Silver Sparks: Thoughts on Growing Older, Wiser, and Happier. Jetlaunch. Caron, C. “Now I Lay Me Down to Play.” New York Times. March 25, 2025. Caron C. A Simple Technique to Help You Fall Asleep. New York Times. March 20, 2025.

Survey finds younger generations reflect more same sex attractions and behaviors. Surveys consistently show that younger people are more likely to identify as non-heterosexual. Sexual orientation involves self-identification, arousal/attractions and behaviors. Clearer Thinking found younger people report increased same sex attractions and behaviors, not just identity. Increased bisexual identification appears to reflect more than just a fad or social bandwagon. Recent years have seen a slew of polls showing a significant increase in people in the United States who identify as non-heterosexual, particularly amongst younger generations. Nearly one quarter of 18–27-year-olds (Gen Z) identify as LGBTQ , and half of those are self-identified bisexuals. What’s driving this increase, and is it “real”? This dramatic rise in bisexuality has led many to question whether this bisexual identity reflects true sexual interest in both sexes, or whether it might reflect social dynamics that have elevated the value of non-heterosexual identity. These questions aren’t new - in the 1970’s, Newsweek suggested rising bisexuality was popular because it was “Chic.” Bisexuality is often questioned by both heterosexuals and homosexuals, challenged as “just a phase,” as “performative,” or “confusion.” As a group, bisexuals tend to be the least “out,” compared to other sexual orientations, at least, in past generations. This is referred to as bi invisibility. But, in the younger generations, this trend appears to be changing significantly, with more and more young people identifying as bisexual. But, is identifying as bisexual enough? Researchers and clinicians view sexual orientation as a complex concept that involves one’s self-identity, but also involves behaviors as well as sexual arousal. There are individuals who identify as homosexual, but live heterosexual lives. There are men and women who identify as heterosexual, but engage in sexual behaviors with same sex partners, sometimes for money, sometimes for fun or excitement. There are people who live as heterosexuals, who have only ever had sex with opposite partners, but whose sexual arousal is primarily towards same sex persons. As a result, our view of sexual orientation must take these different aspects into consideration, encompassing identity, arousal, and behaviors. Clearer Thinking Survey A group of pollsters at Clearer Thinking undertook a survey to investigate what was behind these recent increases in bisexual identity in younger people - is it “just a fad,” or does it reflect actual changes in sexuality? Clearer Thinking is a not-for-profit project that offers free educational tools to the public on a wide variety of topics. Their mission is to improve society by helping people improve their decision-making, boost critical thinking, and make positive behavior changes. Spencer Greenberg is the founder and went into this investigation thinking that rising bisexual identities were caused by changes in just identity, not by changes in underlying sexual attraction. The results they found changed Spencer's mind. Clearer Thinking surveyed about six hundred people of various ages, pulling these individuals from their participant recruitment site, Positly as well as social media. It assessed respondents’ sexual identities, as well as how often they found same sex persons sexually attractive, how attracted they are to same sex body parts, whether they’ve ever had sex with a person of the same sex, and finally, the sex of their most recent sexual partner. Consistent with numerous other studies and polls, their survey found that younger people were increasingly likely to report bisexuality, compared to older generations. But these increases weren’t just in identity, but in attractions and behaviors. About 25% of Gen-Z respondents reported that almost a quarter of the people they were sexually attracted to were of the same sex, compared to only 6% of older generations who had such attraction patterns. Reporting that they were very often attracted to persons of the same sex showed the greatest overall increase across generations. Younger generations were increasingly likely to report being attracted to same-sex body parts, even when not identifying as gay. Younger generations were more likely to report ever having had sex with a same-sex partner, but not identifying as gay. Interestingly, in this measure, Gen Xers were more likely to report same sex experiences than Gen Z, but both generations reported far more same-sex sexual experiences than Baby Boomers. The authors suggest that the difference between Gen Z and Gen X may merely reflect that Gen Z is younger and hasn’t had as many sexual partners in their shorter lives. Women were more likely to identify as bisexual, compared to men (29% vs 12%). Liberal or progressive political views predicted a greater likelihood of bisexuality compared to right-wing or conservative political values. Across all respondents, consistently smaller percentages reported that their most recent sexual partner was of the same sex. Limitations and Conclusions Clearer Thinking’s survey wasn’t conducted as academic research, and Spencer Greenberg told me by email that they’re not likely to submit this work to peer review, as they deemed the extra time it would take to publish academically for this work to not be worth the tradeoff. So, we don’t know if these findings would hold up in more rigorous research methodology. It’s possible that respondents were not honest, or that the survey sample isn’t reflective of the general population. However, as these findings are generally consistent with numerous other published research studies, these results seem likely to replicate, at least in part. This survey is cross-sectional, and doesn’t provide insights into why these changes in sexuality are occurring. But, these results suggest strongly that increasing bisexual identities aren’t just a fad, but reflect real generational changes in both sexual behaviors and sexual arousal/attractions. It’s not just increased identification as bisexual, but that more younger people are having sex with same sex partners and are more likely to report that they are often sexually attracted to persons of the same sex. In fact, being same sex attracted appears to be increasing more than changes in sexual identification. David J. Ley, Ph.D., - Website - Blog -

The shift to virtual therapy has transformed how people access mental health support. Whether you are new to therapy or transitioning from in-person sessions, understanding what to expect can help you feel more comfortable and prepared. Virtual therapy offers flexibility and convenience, but it also comes with unique aspects that differ from traditional face-to-face meetings. This guide will walk you through the key elements of virtual therapy, practical tips for success, and what you can anticipate during your sessions. Understanding Virtual Therapy and Its Benefits Virtual therapy, also known as teletherapy or online counseling, involves meeting with a licensed therapist through video calls, phone calls, or messaging platforms. This approach has grown rapidly, especially as technology has become more accessible and the need for remote services has increased. Benefits of virtual therapy include: Convenience: Attend sessions from your home or any private space without commuting. Accessibility: Reach therapists who may not be available locally, including specialists. Comfort: Many find it easier to open up in a familiar environment. Flexibility: Scheduling can be more adaptable to your lifestyle. For example, someone living in a rural area with limited mental health resources can connect with a therapist in a nearby city or even another state. This expands options and reduces wait times. Virtual therapy session on a laptop screen Preparing for Your Virtual Therapy Session Preparation is key to making the most of your virtual therapy experience. Here are some practical steps to help you get ready: Choose a quiet, private space: Find a room where you won’t be interrupted or overheard. This helps maintain confidentiality and allows you to focus. Test your technology: Check your internet connection, camera, and microphone ahead of time. Familiarize yourself with the platform your therapist uses. Set the mood: Consider lighting and background to create a comfortable atmosphere. A well-lit, calm space can help you feel more relaxed. Have materials ready: Keep a notebook or journal nearby for notes or reflections during the session. Dress comfortably but appropriately: Wearing something you feel good in can boost your confidence, even if you’re at home. By taking these steps, you reduce distractions and create a professional environment that supports your therapy goals. Desk setup for virtual therapy session How much do virtual therapy sessions cost? The cost of virtual therapy sessions can vary widely depending on several factors: Therapist’s credentials and experience: Licensed professionals with specialized training may charge more. Location: Prices can differ based on regional market rates. Session length: Typical sessions last 45-60 minutes, but some therapists offer shorter or longer appointments. Insurance coverage: Some insurance plans cover virtual therapy, while others may not. On average, virtual therapy sessions range from $50 to $200 per session. It’s important to discuss fees upfront with your therapist and ask about payment options. If you are looking for affordable and accessible options, consider exploring resources like virtual therapy texas , which connects you with licensed professionals offering various pricing plans. What Happens During a Virtual Therapy Session? Virtual therapy sessions generally follow a similar structure to in-person therapy but with some adjustments for the online format. Check-in: The therapist will start by asking how you’ve been since your last session and any updates you want to share. Goal setting: You and your therapist will review your progress and set objectives for the session. Discussion and exercises: This is the core part where you talk through your thoughts, feelings, and challenges. Therapists may use techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness, or guided imagery. Homework or practice: Many therapists assign tasks or exercises to work on between sessions. Wrap-up: The session ends with a summary and scheduling the next appointment. Because you are not physically in the same room, therapists often pay extra attention to verbal cues and may ask more questions to ensure understanding. It’s normal to feel a bit different at first, but most people adjust quickly. Tips for a successful session: Speak clearly and look at the camera to maintain eye contact. Minimize background noise and distractions. Use headphones if possible for better sound quality and privacy. Be honest about how you’re feeling with the virtual format itself. Person attending virtual therapy session from home Building a Strong Therapeutic Relationship Online One common concern about virtual therapy is whether it can be as effective as in-person sessions. The good news is that many studies show online therapy can be just as beneficial when both client and therapist are engaged. Building trust and rapport is essential. Here are ways to foster a strong connection: Be open about your preferences: Share what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable during sessions. Communicate regularly: Keep your therapist informed about any changes in your mood or circumstances. Give feedback: If something isn’t working, discuss it so adjustments can be made. Practice patience: It may take a few sessions to feel fully at ease with the virtual format. Therapists trained in online counseling are skilled at creating a warm, supportive environment even through a screen. Remember, the quality of your relationship with your therapist is a key factor in your progress. Moving Forward with Virtual Therapy Adapting to virtual therapy is a process that involves learning new ways to connect and communicate. With the right preparation and mindset, it can be a powerful tool for personal growth and healing. If you are considering virtual therapy, start by researching licensed professionals who offer services in your area. For those in Texas, resources like virtual therapy texas provide access to experienced therapists who understand the unique needs of their clients. Remember, therapy is a journey. Whether online or in person, the most important step is reaching out and taking that first step toward support. By embracing virtual therapy, you open the door to flexible, accessible mental health care that fits your lifestyle and needs.

A study shows that combining two activities improves our motivation to exercise. Physical inactivity affects one-third of the global adult population and is linked to depression and anxiety. Increased physical activity improves mental health outcomes comparable to psychotherapy and medicine. Combining step tracking with mindfulness training delivered via a mobile app increased motivation to exercise. Understanding the psychological processes associated with the motivation for sustained physical activity is critically important. Physical inactivity is estimated to affect a third of the global adult population and is associated with the onset and exacerbation of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety . Increases in physical activity have been found to improve mental health outcomes comparable to “gold-standard” psychotherapeutic and pharmacological treatments. However, long-term effects are often hampered by a lack of motivation. In a new study published in the journal Mental Health and Physical Activity, researchers from the University of Bath reported that combining step tracking with mindfulness training delivered via a mobile app significantly improved the motivation to exercise among study participants. This research evaluated the first digital intervention combining mindfulness training and behavior change principles to promote engagement in and enjoyment of physical activity. The study included 109 English adults who were not meeting recommended activity levels. For 30 days, all participants were asked to aim for 8,000 steps per day using a basic step tracker. Half of the participants were also asked to follow a daily mindfulness program via a mobile app. The mindfulness program involved short practices focused on body awareness, movement, and exercise. At the end of the 30 days, both groups had increased their activity levels with no significant difference between the two groups. Those in the steps plus mindfulness group increased their activity by an average of 373 minutes of moderate exercise per week, while those in the steps-only group averaged 297 minutes per week. However, those in the steps plus mindfulness group also reported a significantly stronger intention to keep exercising. “Our findings show that even short-term mindfulness training combined with step-tracking can make people want to move more, which could have lasting benefits,” said Dr. Masha Remskar, lead researcher from the Department of Psychology at the University of Bath, in a press release. “Helping people build that internal drive towards behavior is essential—especially at a time when many people are struggling to stay active.” Co-author Dr. Max Western from the Department for Health at the University of Bath added, “This is an exciting first study that combines mindfulness training with strategies designed to help people move more and internalize their motivation for physical activity.” He continued, “There is a lot of potential here and we are keen to refine these tools to make them more engaging and effective—especially for people balancing competing demands.” Ed Ergenzinger, J.D., Ph.D., - Website - Blog - References Masha Remskar, Ben Ainsworth, Olivia M. Maynard, Olivia S. Malkowski, Adam Birch, Amber K. Burd, Teodor-Cristian Caretu, Lana El Assaad, Alexia Christodoulou-Tsiaoukkas, Aarya Menon, Max J. Western. Getting active through mindfulness: Randomised controlled trial of a digital mindfulness-based intervention promoting physical activity engagement and enjoyment. Mental Health and Physical Activity, 2025; 28: 100680

Mental health care has evolved significantly over the past decade. One of the most notable changes is the rise of online therapy. This modern approach to mental health support offers convenience, accessibility, and flexibility that traditional in-person therapy often cannot match. As more people seek help for anxiety, depression, stress, and other mental health challenges, online therapy has become a popular and effective option. Understanding Online Therapy and Its Benefits Online therapy, also known as teletherapy or virtual counseling, involves receiving mental health services through digital platforms. This can include video calls, phone sessions, messaging, or even app-based communication with licensed therapists. The convenience of accessing therapy from home or any private space is a major advantage. Some key benefits of online therapy include: Accessibility : People living in remote areas or with mobility issues can easily connect with therapists. Flexibility : Sessions can be scheduled outside of traditional office hours, fitting better into busy lifestyles. Comfort : Being in a familiar environment can help clients feel more relaxed and open during sessions. Privacy : Online therapy can reduce the stigma some feel when visiting a therapist’s office. For example, a working parent juggling childcare and a full-time job can schedule therapy sessions during lunch breaks or after the kids are asleep. This flexibility helps maintain consistent mental health care without disrupting daily responsibilities. Online therapy session on a laptop screen How Online Therapy Works and What to Expect Starting online therapy is straightforward. Most platforms require you to create an account, fill out a questionnaire about your mental health needs, and then match you with a suitable therapist. Some services allow you to choose your therapist based on their specialties, experience, and client reviews. During sessions, communication happens through secure video calls or messaging apps. Therapists use the same techniques as in-person therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and talk therapy. The only difference is the medium. Here are some tips to get the most out of online therapy: Choose a quiet, private space for your sessions to avoid distractions. Test your technology beforehand to ensure a smooth connection. Be honest and open with your therapist to build trust and get effective support. Set goals for your therapy to track progress and stay motivated. Many people find that online therapy sessions feel just as personal and impactful as face-to-face meetings. The convenience often encourages more consistent attendance, which is crucial for long-term mental health improvement. Therapy app interface on a smartphone Is Online Therapy or In-person Therapy better? Online therapy and in-person therapy both offer effective mental health support, but they differ in delivery and experience. Online therapy is conducted via video calls, phone, or messaging, offering convenience, flexibility, and access for individuals in remote areas or with mobility limitations. It often reduces wait times and can feel more private or less intimidating, especially for first-time clients. Online platforms may also be more affordable and allow for more frequent check-ins. In contrast, in-person therapy provides a structured, controlled environment where body language, tone, and non-verbal cues are more easily observed and interpreted. This can enhance therapeutic connection and allow therapists to respond more fully. It’s often preferred for more intensive treatments or complex mental health conditions, such as severe depression or trauma, where face-to-face interaction can be especially grounding. Each mode has its advantages: online therapy prioritizes accessibility and flexibility, while in-person therapy may offer deeper engagement and observational insight. The best option depends on the client’s needs, preferences, and the nature of the issues being addressed. Some individuals even choose a hybrid approach, combining both formats to benefit from the strengths of each. Ultimately, both are valid, effective forms of mental health care. In-person therapy in a relaxed setting. The Growing Demand for Online Therapy in Texas Texas has seen a significant increase in demand for mental health services, especially in urban and rural areas where access to in-person therapy can be limited. Online therapy bridges this gap by connecting Texans with licensed professionals regardless of location. For those seeking online therapy in Texas , many local providers now offer virtual sessions tailored to the unique cultural and social needs of the region. This ensures that clients receive personalized care that respects their background and lifestyle. Additionally, Texas laws have adapted to support telehealth services, making it easier for therapists to provide online care legally and ethically. Insurance companies are also expanding coverage for virtual therapy, reducing financial barriers. If you live in Texas and want to explore online therapy, consider: Checking credentials and licensing of therapists in Texas Verifying insurance coverage for teletherapy Looking for providers who understand local community issues Online therapy in Texas is becoming a trusted resource for many seeking mental health support without the hassle of travel or long wait times. Tips for Choosing the Right Online Therapist Finding the right therapist is crucial for successful therapy, whether online or in person. Here are some practical tips to help you choose: Identify your needs : Are you dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or trauma? Look for therapists specializing in those areas. Check credentials : Ensure the therapist is licensed and has good reviews or testimonials. Consider communication preferences : Some people prefer video calls, others like messaging or phone sessions. Trial sessions : Many platforms offer introductory sessions or money-back guarantees if you’re not satisfied. Comfort and rapport : Feeling comfortable with your therapist is essential. Don’t hesitate to switch if it doesn’t feel right. Remember, therapy is a personal journey. Taking time to find the right match can make a big difference in your healing process. At The Resilience Center, we tailor your needs through our proprietary intake process to align you with the best therapist. With over 60 therapists, we can match you with a therapist who treats your specific condition. Embracing the Future of Mental Health Care The rise of online therapy marks a significant shift in how mental health care is delivered. It offers a convenient, accessible, and effective way to heal and grow. As technology advances, virtual therapy will likely become even more integrated into mainstream health care. Whether you are new to therapy or looking for a more flexible option, online therapy provides a valuable alternative. It empowers individuals to take control of their mental health on their own terms. If you are considering therapy, explore the options available and take the first step toward a healthier, happier life. The convenience of online therapy means help is just a click away. This new era of mental health care is about breaking barriers and making support accessible to everyone. Embrace the change and discover how online therapy can transform your well-being.

Individuals with BPD have developed a set of strategies to work effectively. Before I became ill, I had started working as a secretary to an executive vice president at a mid-sized advertising agency in Manhattan. After 18 months he promoted me to an assistant to a woman they hired to run the Consumer Promotion Department (pre-Internet that was coupons in Sunday newspaper inserts). From that job I worked my way up to Consumer Promotion Development Manager at Lever Brothers, part of Unilever, one of the largest packaged goods companies in the world. When I became ill with anorexia for the second time and was hospitalized for an extended period, they let me go. (This was before the Americans with Disabilities Act.) I was bereft. I’d worked so hard to get to where I’d been. In 1990, I attempted suicide for the second time and was diagnosed with BPD . My old consumer promotion manager from the advertising agency called me at some point and offered me a job at Kraft, another huge, packaged goods company. Taking this job was a mistake. I was still in the throes of my BPD diagnosis, as well as the anorexia and depression . Consumer promotion was transitioning to using computers and I couldn’t keep up. I lasted a year, only because my manager urged me to hang in there, but I ended up quitting, feeling inadequate and ashamed. I earned my master’s degree in social work in 2000 and immediately landed a job at an outpatient clinic in Westchester. One didn’t have to be super organized to be a clinician. I followed the schedule that was laid out for me to see patients and when I had the time, I wrote session notes. It was at the job following my first at an outpatient clinic in Queens, NY, that I again needed to rely heavily on my organizational skills and attention to detail. Only it had been quite a while since my brain had needed to think in that way. After about two years there, the Executive Director tapped me to perform some administrative tasks, some more challenging than others. I had to work hard at completing tasks on time, getting reports ready to present to the Executive Director in meetings, reviewing my co-workers’ charts, and other responsibilities. At times I felt overwhelmed. My caseload of patients continued to shrink, and my load of admin tasks grew exponentially. I knew this meant that she (the Executive Director) liked my work, but this also activated my perfectionistic tendencies and my anxiety that my work would not be perfect: What if I ended up getting fired? A 2019 study on borderline personality disorder and employment states "much of the research examining employment in individuals with high levels of BPD pathology focuses on the extent to which occupational or vocational functioning is impaired in these individuals. Follow-up studies of BPD patients in general show poor employment outcomes." When I reflect on the jobs I’ve had and at which I’ve succeeded, organization and attention to detail has always been my foundation. I’m fortunate that these skills come naturally to me, however, they can be somewhat more elusive when I’m stressed or depressed. A new study focuses on the strategies people with borderline personality disorder use to maintain their well-being and performance at work and notes that “to maintain well-being and performance at work, participants reported using strategies that involved balancing work and daily life through stable routines and health-supporting lifestyle habits. Key strategies enabling work functioning focused on self-regulation, cultivating positive workplace relationships, as well as task and time management.” I wish I could say I use all the strategies listed above. Is my work life and daily life always balanced? No, I often write notes from 3 AM to 5 AM because I don’t have time to write them during the day and I’m too exhausted to write them in the evening. I know from experience that when I try to write notes after a certain hour, they literally don’t make sense. Have I cultivated positive workplace relationships? I work in our midtown office two days a week There are a couple of people I say hello to and chat with but I wouldn’t call them workplace relationships. We all have different lunch hours in our schedules and I know I take my lunch hour to write as many notes as I can so I won’t need to do them at 4 AM. Task and time management? It’s difficult to manage your time well when you only have five minutes between sessions, barely enough time to use the rest room. The strategies described above are ideal but perhaps not so realistic. I understand that for people diagnosed with BPD the strategies are not optional; they are a necessity. At my job as a clinical supervisor last year where I was responsible for three jobs (one of the reasons I left), these approaches were absolutely necessary. Today, I manage. Perhaps in not the most ideal way or the healthiest way. I wish could take the strategy from the playbook of the participants in this study, but it's difficult for me to think of varying from the routine that has worked for me at this new job for the last almost fourteen months. The question is: Is my current lifestyle sustainable? Andrea Rosenhaft, LCSW-R - Website - Blog -

Learn about one effective way to simultaneously treat PTSD and SUDs. “A lot of people think the problem for Philip Seymour Hoffman was drugs. It wasn’t – that was the solution to his problem.” – Seth Jaffe I remember reading that quote a long time ago and thought it was so profound because it speaks to the fact that addiction doesn’t occur in isolation. It’s often associated with other mental health concerns, and drugs and alcohol can be used to help cope with those concerns. Research suggests that approximately 72 percent of women and 57 percent of men experience another mental health problem in addition to their substance use disorder. Data shows that for women, major depression is often primary to the substance use disorder. Interestingly, this is the opposite finding compared to men, where depression is often a result of the primary substance use disorder diagnosis (Zilberman, Tavares, Blume, & el-Guebaly, 2003). Dual Diagnosis Treatment This data points to the necessity and importance of comprehensive, dual diagnosis treatment when searching for substance abuse treatment. It is not enough to treat the substance use disorder in isolation. When treating any mental health concern, but in particular dual diagnosis issues, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one person may not work for another. It’s important for you as the patient to find the right match who’s able to collaboratively work with you to figure out how depression, PTSD , or anxiety , etc. is related to substance use concerns. PTSD and Substance Abuse Treatment In particular, I want to highlight the comorbidity that exists between PTSD and substance use disorder. Many clinicians may think that treating PTSD while in substance abuse treatment is premature and dangerous for recovery. Although clinical judgment and discernment are definitely needed in these complicated situations, research has shown that working through PTSD and substance use disorders simultaneously is effective (Schumm & Gore, 2016). Furthermore, specific treatments have been developed to deal with this issue, including COPE. What is COPE? COPE is Concurrent Treatment of PTSD and Substance Use Disorders through Prolonged Exposure (COPE). It is simply a modified version of Prolonged Exposure (PE), a common and extremely effective, evidence-based treatment for PTSD. PE guides patients through imaginal and in vivo exposures. Imaginal exposures are when the individual recounts and imagines themselves in their traumatic event again, while in vivo exposures are when the individual gradually exposes themselves to feared situations that have resulted from the trauma . There is a great deal of nuance in creating these exposures, as well as what they look like in treatment, but the main point is that doing exposures (in a safe treatment environment) can help the individual learn new things about the traumatic event, see their role differently, habituate to the anxiety and feared stimuli, and, ultimately, recover from the present difficulties. Substance Abuse Treatment Options If you or a loved one are experiencing substance use disorders and co-occurring mental health concerns, find a local mental health provider who is familiar with PE or COPE. In particular, if you or a loved one are experiencing PTSD and substance use disorders, it’s important to find a provider who is equipped to handle both. Rubin Khoddam, Ph.D. - Website - Blog -

Strengthening your mental health takes work. But you are worth the effort. Caring for your mental health requires a commitment to doing the work it takes. To strengthen your mental health, develop coping skills, prioritize self-care, and practice gratitude. To strengthen your mental health, seek support when needed, build healthy relationships, and set boundaries. To strengthen your mental health, play and relax, practice mindfulness, and be kind to yourself. The theme of Mental Health Awareness Month this May is “Turn Awareness into Action.” Originally known as “Mental Health Month,” the month-long special media, local events, and film screenings were first observed in 1949. According to Mental Health America, the national nonprofit that created and continues to spearhead it, this year’s goal is to celebrate “the progress we’ve made in recognizing the importance of mental health—and challenging us to turn understanding into meaningful steps toward change.” What better time than now to turn your own understanding of mental health’s importance into meaningful steps to create positive change in your own life? This means caring enough about your mental health to put in the work it takes to support and build it. And that involves engaging in practices that promote your well-being—such as developing coping skills, practicing gratitude, and seeking support when you need it. It requires a consistent effort to improve your mental and emotional health, which also includes caring for your physical health . Don’t just “stop and smell the roses.” Consider them. Think about their beauty, their petals and thorns. Truly notice them. Don’t just “stop and smell the roses.” Consider them. Think about their beauty, their petals and thorns. Truly notice them. Here are nine specific ways to build and support your mental health during this Mental Health Awareness Month—and every month to come: Develop coping skills: This involves learning strategies to manage stress, negative emotions, and the challenges you face in a healthy way. These may include practicing relaxation techniques, choosing deliberately to focus on positive emotions and not letting negative emotions dominate you. It can also mean taking breaks from negative information, or reading the news rather than watching it on TV where graphic images can be very disturbing. Prioritize self-care: Activities that promote physical health—like taking a walk or focusing on a favorite hobby—also support your mental health. Getting enough sleep and eating a balanced nutritious diet are other ways to care for yourself. Practice gratitude: Focusing intentionally on the positive aspects of your life and being thankful for what you have is a great way to disrupt the negativity that can cloud your sight of the good things. Seek support: Committing yourself to care for your mental health might mean reaching out to friends, family, or mental health professionals when you need support beyond your own ability to remain steady and strong. Build healthy relationships: Connection is vital to our mental health and well-being. Building strong connections can have a powerful impact on your well-being, so nurturing healthy relationships is hugely important. Set boundaries: Learn to say “no” and protect your time and energy to maintain a healthy work-life balance and to enjoy healthy, balanced relationships with others. It’s also important to learn to distinguish “what is mine” and “what is not mine” in your relationships to take appropriate responsibility and prevent unnecessarily blaming yourself for something you didn’t cause or do. Play and relax: Make time for activities you enjoy, whether it’s reading, listening to music, hiking in the woods, engaging in a hobby, or something else that helps you feel relaxed and engaged—and isn’t about work. These activities help you stay connected to other parts of yourself you like. Practice mindfulness: Don’t just “stop and smell the roses.” Consider them. Think about their beauty, their petals and thorns. Truly notice them. Pay similar attention to the people around you, or the meal you are enjoying. Think about the love that went into preparing it, the work that went into growing or raising it. Be present and fully occupy your moments. Be kind to yourself: Maybe above all else, treat yourself with the compassion and understanding that you would show a dear friend—especially when you are going through a challenging time. The very last thing you want to do is berate yourself over mistakes (we all make them) or failures. “Lick your wounds” as needed, but don’t infect them by putting yourself down. The rewards for doing the work to stay mentally healthy include a sense of balance, calmness, and confidence. There is a lot of satisfaction to be had from knowing your work is paying off with robust mental health and well-being. John-Manuel Andriote - Website - Blog -

Sleep is more than just a nightly habit—it's the cornerstone of our physical, emotional, and mental health. Yet, in our fast-paced, hyper-connected world, insomnia and restless nights are becoming more common. While many focus on what to do  before bed to sleep better, it’s equally important to know what to avoid . Certain habits—though seemingly harmless—can sabotage our sleep cycle, leaving us groggy, irritable, and unwell. Let’s take a look at the top five activities to avoid before bedtime , and how cultivating a positive mental state  can be one of the most powerful tools in your sleep toolkit. 1. Using Screens and Electronic Devices We’ve all done it: checking emails one last time, scrolling TikTok or Instagram, or binge-watching a new series in bed. While screens may feel like a way to relax, they’re one of the biggest sleep disruptors. Why it's harmful: Electronic screens emit blue light , which suppresses melatonin—the hormone responsible for regulating sleep. Social media or the news can activate stress responses, increase heart rate, and elevate cortisol levels, making it harder to wind down. Better choice: Power down devices at least 30-60 minutes before bed . Try reading a book, journaling, or listening to calming music or a sleep podcast instead. 2. Consuming Caffeine or Stimulants Late in the Day Caffeine hides in more than just coffee—it’s also in soda, chocolate, energy drinks, and some medications. Why it's harmful: Caffeine can stay in your system for 6–8 hours , meaning that afternoon latte might still be interfering with your 10 PM bedtime. It stimulates the central nervous system, increasing alertness when your body is supposed to be winding down. Better choice: Limit caffeine intake to before 2 PM , and switch to herbal teas (like chamomile or peppermint) in the evening. These help relax your body and signal it's time to sleep. 3. Intense Exercise Late at Night Exercise is essential for sleep—but timing  matters. Hitting the gym or going for a long run right before bed can be counterproductive. Why it's harmful: Vigorous activity raises your core temperature, releases endorphins, and spikes adrenaline. These biological changes may delay your body’s natural sleep signals. Better choice: Move intense workouts to the morning or early afternoon . If you crave movement at night, opt for gentle yoga, stretching, or a walk  to calm your nervous system. 4. Eating Heavy Meals or Sugar-Laden Snacks Late-night snacking can be tempting, especially after a long day. But what you eat—and when you eat—can significantly affect sleep quality. Why it's harmful: Large meals or high-fat foods can lead to indigestion, acid reflux , and uncomfortable bloating. Sugary snacks can cause a spike in blood sugar, followed by a crash, which may wake you during the night. Better choice: Eat your last full meal 2–3 hours before bed . If you need a snack, go for sleep-friendly foods  like bananas, almonds, tart cherry juice, or a small bowl of oatmeal. 5. Engaging in Emotionally Charged Conversations or Tasks Bedtime isn’t the time to tackle deep relationship discussions, balance your budget, or review work problems. Why it's harmful: Emotional or mentally stimulating activities activate your fight-or-flight response , making your brain hyper-alert. Stress and anxiety right before bed can result in a racing mind , preventing your body from transitioning into restful sleep. Better choice: Create a wind-down routine  that includes calming activities: deep breathing, meditation, light reading, or a gratitude practice. Let nighttime be a sanctuary of peace. The Power of a Positive Mental State on Sleep While avoiding harmful habits is crucial, cultivating a positive mental state  can be equally transformative for your sleep health. How it helps: Reduces Anxiety  – Positive thoughts and self-talk calm the amygdala (the brain’s fear center), reducing nighttime anxiety and stress. Promotes Relaxation  – Gratitude, forgiveness, and mindfulness practices can shift your nervous system into a relaxed, parasympathetic state. Improves Sleep Quality  – Studies show people with higher emotional resilience and optimism sleep longer and deeper. Regulates Sleep Cycles  – A consistent, calming mindset supports your circadian rhythm, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep. Tools to promote positivity before bed: Gratitude Journaling:  Write down 3 good things from the day. Guided Meditation or Prayer:  Focus on peace, safety, and stillness. Positive Visualization:  Picture a place that makes you feel calm and joyful. Affirmations:  Repeat phrases like “I am safe,” “I release today,” or “I welcome rest.” Over time, these practices don’t just help with sleep—they contribute to greater overall well-being , emotional regulation, and resilience. When to Seek Help If you've tried improving your bedtime routine and mindset, but you're still tossing and turning, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to go through it alone either. Chronic insomnia or poor sleep can often be rooted in underlying emotional, psychological, or physical issues  such as anxiety, trauma, or depression. Working with a licensed therapist can help you uncover and address these deeper causes. Final Thoughts Getting restful sleep isn't just about what you do—it's also about what you don’t  do. Avoiding screens, caffeine, late-night workouts, heavy meals, and stressful conversations can significantly improve your chances of drifting off easily and staying asleep. Just as importantly, nurturing a positive, peaceful mindset  before bed can set the stage for deep, restorative sleep. Remember: sleep is not a luxury—it’s a form of self-care . Creating a bedtime routine that supports both your body and mind can lead to more energized mornings and a healthier, more joyful life. Are you struggling with insomnia, stress, or emotional overwhelm? Our compassionate therapists at The Resilience Center  are here to help. Whether you're seeking tools for better sleep, support through life transitions, or therapy for anxiety or depression, we offer in-person and online sessions that meet you where you are. FAQs: 1. How long before bed should I turn off screens? Ideally, aim for 30–60 minutes  before bed to give your brain time to produce melatonin. 2. Can drinking alcohol help me sleep? Alcohol may make you feel sleepy initially, but it actually disrupts REM sleep  and leads to poor-quality rest. 3. How much sleep do adults need? Most adults require 7–9 hours  per night for optimal health and functioning. 4. What if my racing thoughts keep me up? Try writing them down  in a journal to offload your mind or using a guided meditation app for sleep. 5. Is therapy effective for insomnia? Yes. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I)  is highly effective in treating chronic sleep difficulties and addressing the root causes of poor sleep.

How our expectations sustain our struggles with mental health Perfectionism often underlies depression and anxiety. Our expectations, as well as the world, can make us feel hopeless. Separating the search for justice from receiving it from specific others can help. Our expectations are intertwined with our imaginations and our innate tendencies to idealize our futures. The famed absurdist philosopher Albert Camus noted that life is absurd and that it’s up to us to find a way to overcome it; but, I wonder if we aren’t the absurd ones, with our romanticized expectations and unwillingness to accept ourselves, and life, for what it is. It’s become cliche to note that depression and anxiety aren’t just ailments; they’re also messengers indicating that something about our lives and even the world is off. Yet, what’s rarely noted is that both can, and often do, mean that something is off about us and the way we approach the world. For perfectionists, both indicate not only a flawed world but flawed expectations and perceptions, too. “What can we reasonably expect?” is an important question to ask ourselves. Many of our patients seek treatment because, unbeknownst to them, they remain stuck in abstract concepts, like justice, fairness, and order; all three are integral parts of obsessive-compulsive personalities. As you can imagine, it’s easy to feel defeated when the world fails to embody them, which it frequently does. Philosophically speaking, these conversations are difficult, whether in therapy or outside of it. Questions arise with full force: “Shouldn’t I expect my partner to treat me well?” The battle is then set: Reality vs. idealism. And, being on the side of reality can easily make one feel like a bad person, especially when having to inform someone in a difficult relationship that expecting change, with no steps taken by the other party, contributes to their happiness. The question of what we deserve is a difficult one. But it may be helpful to separate it into two parts. The first: What do I deserve from the world at large? And the second: What do I deserve from someone who’s seemingly incapable of change? Perfectionists lump the two together, demanding justice from the entire world, especially those closest to them. And, at least in part, it’s due to the fear of having to make difficult choices, to accept and sit with failure and loss, and to acknowledge mistakes. Because perfectionists are keen on thinking and doing, they often have exaggerated self-conceptions, believing that they’re smart enough to change minds in significant ways. Thus, they remain in unsustainable relationships, perfecting their arguments, believing that, eventually, others will note their own errors. They expect a mystical-like epiphany, which seldom arrives. And they suffer when parents, partners, friends, and bosses don’t budge. As their moods deteriorate, they cling to their ideals and plead for sympathy while shouting, “Don’t I deserve better?” As children , we need our parents to be good enough; we don’t have much of a choice in where we operate. Therefore, the belief that, through effort, we can influence our environments is strongly linked to hope and emotional well-being. With no progress, hope aids survival. However, this form of it, which can be considered extreme, becomes problematic as we age and becomes associated with rigidity and lower moods, seesawing between extreme optimism and hopelessness. For some, just as in childhood, to feel worthy, they depend on their ability to create a world wherein their dismissive partner, parent, friend, or boss sees the light. This implies that justice, fairness, order, and the lack thereof are all markers for self-value. “If I’m treated poorly, it must mean that I don’t deserve better, even though I know I do.” While all of us live with some degree of ambivalence, perfectionists deeply struggle with conflicting thoughts, preoccupied, again, with order. It’s either everything makes sense, or nothing does. If their partners, or whoever, aren’t just or fair, then maybe justice doesn’t exist. Or, even worse, maybe it doesn’t exist for them. We separate the above-noted questions because doing so aids in exploring a relationship’s potential without the interference of our ideals and our ideals without the interference of our all too human relations. In treatment, patients may learn that while they deserve justice, they may not receive it from specific others. And they may come to accept that understanding the reason isn’t all that important. They may discontinue to perceive poor treatment as a reflection of them, but think of it more as symbolic of the other’s unwillingness to subscribe to those concepts or even care about another’s well-being. One of the worst parts for many of these people seems to be feeling invalidated, as though asking for justice, truth, and order is a silly request. But if the first question is sufficiently answered, we can eat our cake and have it, too. We can resolve to align ourselves with those who at least attempt to embody our values while acknowledging that many won’t, even those whom we so desperately wanted to change. This is worth fighting for. If you were to ask me now whether Camus was right, I’d tell you no, at least not completely. Life is absurd, but so are we. And often, we’re the ones who stand in the way of our ourselves, at least to an extent, precluding any semblance of a happy life. Leon Garber - Website - Blog -