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Six tips for creating an environment where your child finds support and love. Long-term happiness can be affected by early childhood experiences. Accepting children’s differences in positive ways helps them feel happy. Parents should model being grateful and helpful. Happiness can be defined as a feeling that comes from achieving pleasure, including through short-term activities such as having fun with friends, and long-term achievements such as personal growth, developing meaningful relationships, and contributing to something bigger than oneself. A stable and safe environment is the most important key that can contribute to a child’s long-term happiness. In such an environment, which ideally includes family , teachers, mentors, and good friends, a child can learn to love and trust others. This serves as a foundation for being able to become productive, grateful, and happy. As Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, said Happiness is not a goal. It is a byproduct of a life well lived. Focusing on the good things in life allows people to feel better and therefore accomplish more and become more successful—which leads to happiness. Other keys include learning to become resilient, self-reliant, and developing the ability to self-regulate emotions. How is Long-Term Happiness Affected by Early Childhood Experiences? Children learn essential emotional abilities during early childhood that impact their happiness later in life. These abilities include learning how to self-regulate emotions, attach securely to other people, and social skills. Unfortunately, in today’s world, overuse of technology in early childhood may stunt our children’s emotional development. For instance, a young child might stay at home quietly in front of an electronic device, rather than throwing sand at another child in a sandbox. In the latter case, the child learns that controlling the urge to throw sand is better than causing another child to become upset, retaliate, or to refuse further interactions. Without such sandbox experiences our children’s emotional development is impeded. Genetic factors that can affect happiness include those underlying temperament, adaptability, and hormone levels (such as dopamine and serotonin). Infrequently, because of hormonal imbalances, children develop depression that necessitates evaluation by a medical professional for possible use of medications. However, it is essential to understand that in most cases the environment plays a much larger role in determining happiness than a genetic predisposition. Environmental factors can even affect how our genes express themselves. For instance, if one is genetically prone to the development of hypertension or obesity, healthy lifestyle choices can often prevent the occurrence of either condition. Environmental factors such as a stable and safe home that foster healthy emotional development, and positive life experiences promote the development of happiness. What Kind of Environment Can be Created to Promote Happiness? Parents often wish they could give their children happiness, but it’s an emotion that must come from within. What you can do is create an environment where your child can find refuge, support, and love. Each of these steps can help: Accept children as they are. Accepting their differences in positive ways helps children feel happy, so be careful not to compare your child to others—especially siblings, friends, or yourself. No parent wants to hear their child use the argument, “My friend’s parents let them do whatever they want.” Likewise, don’t tell your child, “Your friend does better at school than you do. You should keep up.” I meet far too many children who’ve learned they only get their caregivers’ attention when they make mistakes—a situation that can encourage more bad behavior. Instead of focusing on failures and shortcomings, acknowledge and offer respectful admiration for something good your child has done to gently encourage that behavior . Show support, respect, and affection. How you talk with your child is one of the most important ways you impact how they feel. When you speak with your child, give them your full attention. When you have concerns about their behavior, say, “I believe in you, and I know you can do better,” instead of, “I’m disappointed in you.” If your child has a passion you don’t find important, support them anyway, and encourage them to pursue their interests. Stay in the moment. Being present in both time and attention is essential to happiness. With this in mind, don’t dwell on the past or the future when you interact with your child. For example, once you have reviewed what your child can learn from a previous mistake, don’t keep reminding them what they could have done better. And avoid repeatedly discussing what might happen in the future if your child makes a wrong decision. Instead, help them focus on issues they can control now. Encourage your child to think about making good choices, and share your confidence that they’ll be able to handle what comes their way in the future. You can’t buy happiness. Giving your child lavish gifts in the hopes they’ll become happier (or more cooperative) is unlikely to have a benefit. Instead, you can help improve your child’s happiness by giving them some undivided attention, by becoming involved in their passions (such as athletic competitions, debates, reading, or creative arts), and by showing your love through positive words and supportive actions (like a high five, a hug, or your assistance in accomplishing an important task). Support requests for outside help. If your child asks to receive counseling to help improve their mood, be open to this possibility. It can be hard for children to talk to their parents about issues they consider deeply personal, or about topics that might upset their parents. However, to be happy, children must be able to deal with worries, fears, or other feelings that are weighing them down in a safe, supportive environment. Be a happiness role model. Model being grateful and helpful. Take care of yourself, starting with getting sufficient exercise and sleep, and eating a well-balanced diet. Challenge yourself and demonstrate that you’re always learning. Be kind to others. These are all things you can’t make your child do, but if you do them yourself, your child will notice and remember the healthy ways you pursue your own happiness. Takeaway A safe, stable and nurturing environment during childhood serves as an important foundation that helps children find happiness throughout their lives. Ran D. Anbar, M.D., FAAP, - Website - Blog -

Marriage, in its most honest form, is a journey. It’s not just two people coming together—it's two entire worlds. Each partner brings their stories, wounds, hopes, and deeply rooted beliefs. And when those worlds collide, even with the best intentions, things can get… complicated. In our work at The Resilience Center , we often sit with couples navigating the stormy seas of deeply complex issues—religion, parenting, finances, intimacy, extended family, and mental health. These aren’t just topics on a checklist; they’re matters of the heart, the soul, and the day-to-day rhythm of life. Let’s dive in. With empathy and the grounded wisdom, we’ll explore how to face these challenges—not by avoiding conflict—but by embracing courageous, connected conversations. 1. Religion: When Faith Walks Different Paths One of the most profound challenges in a marriage can stem from differing spiritual beliefs. Maybe you were both raised in strong religious traditions, or perhaps one of you has drifted from faith entirely. Religion isn’t just about beliefs—it’s identity, community, and purpose. When these paths diverge, couples often ask: “How do we raise our children?” or “How do we respect each other’s sacred practices?” The truth is:  You don’t have to believe the same to honor one another’s values. But you do have to talk. You have to sit in the discomfort of difference without rushing to change or fix. At The Resilience Center, we guide couples through these spiritual conversations—focusing not on agreement, but on mutual understanding and compassion. 2. Children and Parenting Styles: Unity in the Chaos If you want to uncover the invisible cracks in a marriage, parenting will do it. From discipline to screen time, education to emotional support—every decision is layered with personal history. One parent might be strict, longing for structure and safety. The other, nurturing and permissive, guided by freedom and creativity. These aren’t just different opinions; they reflect the inner child each partner is still carrying. What we ask couples to consider is this: What are you really afraid of when your partner wants to parent differently? In couples therapy, we often explore the deep roots of parenting conflict, helping you build a shared family vision—one that honors both your instincts and your shared values. You don’t have to parent identically to be a strong team. But you do have to parent intentionally . 3. Finances: When Dollars Become Divides Let’s talk money—not just the budgeting apps and spreadsheets—but the stories you carry about it. One of you may see money as security, saving every penny like it’s armor. The other might spend freely, believing joy is worth the cost. These money mindsets often reflect early experiences of abundance or scarcity, and without unpacking them, resentment can brew. At The Resilience Center, we help couples have honest, vulnerable conversations about money—removing shame and inviting transparency. It’s not about control. It’s about clarity. About saying, “Here’s what matters to me,” and truly listening when your partner does the same. 4. Sex and Intimacy: Beyond the Bedroom Intimacy is about so much more than physical touch. It’s presence. It’s safety. It’s being seen without performance. When couples face mismatched libidos, sexual trauma histories, or simply the drift that comes with years of routine, the silence can feel deafening. But here’s the truth: Intimacy is not something you lose—it’s something you have to keep choosing. This means talking about sex outside of sex. It means being brave enough to say, “I miss us,” without pointing fingers. Our trained therapists at The Resilience Center support couples in exploring the many layers of intimacy—physical, emotional, even spiritual. And through this work, many rediscover a connection they thought was lost. 5. Mental Health and Emotional Labor When one partner struggles with anxiety, depression, trauma, or burnout, the entire relationship can feel like it’s walking on eggshells. Emotional labor—checking in, planning, remembering—often falls unequally, and over time, that imbalance chips away at trust. Here’s what we know: mental health challenges aren’t a personal failure—they’re a human reality. But ignoring them? That’s where relationships suffer. Couples who thrive learn how to talk openly about needs and limits. They don’t assume. They ask . They offer help not from obligation, but from love. We encourage couples to see mental health therapy not as an emergency stop, but as a tune-up. It’s why we offer accessible individual and couples counseling at The Resilience Center. 6. In-Laws and Boundaries: Love, With Limits Navigating extended family dynamics is often a tightrope walk. Maybe it’s a mother-in-law who oversteps, or a sibling who creates division. Boundaries in marriage are essential—not because family is the enemy, but because your partnership needs space to breathe. Healthy couples learn how to say “no” together. Not to be cruel, but to protect peace. If setting boundaries brings guilt or conflict, you're not alone. We walk couples through boundary-setting tools and scripts—so you can stop people-pleasing and start peace-building. Leaning into the Hard Conversations Every couple has differences. The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict—it’s to learn how to navigate it together . At The Resilience Center , we believe healing doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from showing up, again and again, even when it’s hard. If You’re Feeling Stuck… We see you. We’ve sat with thousands of couples who thought they were too far gone, too broken, too different. And we’ve watched them transform—not by changing each other, but by listening deeply and daring to grow. 💬 Ready to start? Explore our Couples Therapy page . 📅 View Virtual Therapists  and schedule from the comfort of home. 💡 Need more clarity on insurance? Visit Fees & Insurance . 🧠 Explore Mental Health Resources  to gain insight before your first session. 👩‍💼 Meet our expert team of Therapists . You can do hard things.  And if you need help doing them— we’re here.

In the digital age, sex addiction has become a more pervasive phenomenon than ever before. With smartphones, high-speed internet, and user-friendly platforms, problematic sexual behaviors—such as compulsive pornography use, anonymous hookup apps, and secretive affairs—have become alarmingly accessible 24/7. As the World Health Organization notes, compulsive sexual behavior disorder (CSBD) affects individuals who struggle to control sexual impulses, often leading to self-harm, damaged relationships, and even financial or legal consequences. The Amplified Risk of Online Exposure While sexual curiosity and fantasy are natural, patterns that cross into addiction can surface when seemingly innocent behavior becomes compulsive. Signs to recognize include: Obsessive use of pornography or frequent masturbation despite negative consequences; Frequent emotional or sexual affairs via dating or hookup apps; Lying, hiding devices or browser history, or increasing risk-taking behaviors These behaviors can severely undermine trust and intimacy between partners, thrusting many couples into crises rooted in betrayal, resentment, and emotional disconnection. Marriages in Crisis: Emotional and Functional Erosion When sex addiction infiltrates a marriage, the impact is often swift and profound. The addicted partner may become preoccupied, distracted, or emotionally distant. The other partner may feel neglected, betrayed, or unsafe. Communication falters, intimacy shrinks, and a once vibrant connection begins to unravel. This ripple effect impacts both partners’ well-being: increased anxiety, depression, loss of self-esteem, and questions about the future of the relationship. Children in the family may also suffer indirectly through rising tension or parental distraction. Why Therapy Works—And Connection Heals Therapy is the bridge from isolation to reconnection. Self-awareness through reflection - Therapists guide clients in exploring underlying trauma, stress, or co-occurring issues like depression or anxiety—often root causes of compulsive behavior—and structuring a healing response. Evidence-based tools like CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps individuals identify triggers and challenge harmful thought patterns. Its effectiveness in treating sex addiction is well-documented. Couples therapy and relational rebuilding - Restoring intimacy is central; therapists facilitate honest communication, restore trust, and foster new habits of emotional connection. They can also guide secret-keeping and accountability towards transparency. Support systems and accountability - In addition to individual and couples therapy, groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) and S-Anon for partners can offer community support and shared wisdom. Virtual treatment options—making healing accessible - Online therapy removes geographical and logistical barriers, offering private, consistent support without travel or stigma-related concerns. Online Therapy in Texas: A Boon for Busy Lives For individuals and couples in Texas dealing with sex addiction, online therapy gives freedom and flexibility: Why online works : research shows online addiction therapy yields outcomes comparable to in-person sessions, with higher engagement and lower drop-out rates. Tech privacy matters : encrypted platforms mitigate stigma, making it easier to reach out for help without fear of being seen entering a therapy office. Convenience : Online appointments fit into busy schedules—perfect for parents, shift workers, and rural residents. Continuity of care : Many therapists now offer hybrid models, blending in-person and virtual sessions to suit both preference and therapeutic need. Spotlight: The Resilience Center In Texas, The Resilience Center has emerged as a leader in mental health care. With five in-person convenient locations (Midtown, Cypress, Pearland, The Woodlands, and Katy) and robust online therapy for all of Texas, they offer tailored support for individuals, couples, families—and yes, those in the throes of addiction recovery. What sets The Resilience Center apart: Rich insurance coverage : They accept over 35 insurance and EAP plans , reducing financial burdens and making therapy more accessible. Licensed, experienced clinicians : Therapists bring expertise in trauma, couples work, addiction, and sexual health, and offer both in-person and telehealth appointments. Evidence-based modalities : The practice uses CBT, EMDR, Gottman Method, and family systems approaches—highly effective for addiction and relational healing. Flexible delivery : Whether you prefer the therapist’s office or your living room, sessions are scheduled to accommodate your life. Real Stories: How Healing Begins (For confidentiality, names are changed.) “Mark and Allison”  discovered persistent lies around porn use. Through online sessions at The Resilience Center, they repaired trust step-by-step—creating accountability systems and rebuilding their emotional bond. “Carlos”  felt trapped in cycles of guilt and compulsion. Virtual CBT and EMDR helped him reclaim control, reconnect with his wife, and set realistic goals for transparency and intimacy. These are just two examples of how therapy—especially when accessible via telehealth or in-person—can transform crisis into connection. Starting the Journey: Guidance for Hopeful Couples Acknowledge the problem - Recognize that compulsivity is not just “weakness”—it’s often a coping mechanism tied to trauma, stress, or unresolved emotion. Seek a qualified therapist - Look for Texas-based clinicians trained in sex addiction or CSAT—many of whom offer online sessions. The Resilience Center  is a top-tier choice, with strong insurance support. Consider couples therapy from the start - While individual recovery is vital, couples sessions help heal the intimate rift and teach healthy communication. Use a hybrid model - Mix telehealth and in-person work depending on need and comfort. Join support communities - Explore groups like SAA or S-Anon to connect and share experiences in a confidential environment. Conclusion: Connection as Therapy's Heart Sex addiction thrives in shame, secrecy, and isolation. Therapy cuts through those barriers—providing insight, tools, forgiveness, and space for rebuilding. In Texas, especially through organizations like The Resilience Center , help is closer than ever—with strong insurance options (35+ providers), experienced clinicians, and versatile online care. If your marriage is unraveling , take heart: change is possible. Therapy doesn't just “treat” addiction—it revives connection. Step-by-step, session after session, alignment between partners returns—and the marriage becomes more resilient than before.

Tools for rebalancing our nervous systems and enhancing our erotic potential. Hormonal imbalances caused by elevated cortisol can disrupt sexual desire, arousal, and functioning. Shame around sexual struggles creates a vicious stress cycle further impairing sexual functioning. Regulating stress and prioritizing pleasure can help rebuild your capacity for joy and connection. Let’s talk about something that's been happening in bedrooms (or not happening, more accurately) around the world: People are having less sex. This isn’t just anecdotal. A growing body of research shows that sexual frequency is declining across age groups, even among people in long-term partnerships. I wrote about this in my book, and it’s only getting worse. Beyond the challenges posed by our growing attachments to our devices instead of each other, our busy schedules, or the distractions of modern life, the biggest, baddest, most toxic culprit is stress. As a neuroscientist, sex therapist, and someone who’s devoted her life to understanding the science of pleasure, I can tell you: Stress is a libido killer. It disrupts our hormonal balance, hijacks the brain’s pleasure circuits, and makes it hard—sometimes impossible—to connect with our sexual selves. It plays a big role in how many people are currently feeling sexually dissatisfied, if they even want sex at all. Let’s break it down. The Body’s Stress Response: A Double-Edged Sword When we face a perceived threat—a lion on the savannah or an overflowing inbox—our bodies activate the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. In the short term, this is a good thing. It helps us survive. But chronic stress? That’s a whole other story. When the stress response stays switched on, cortisol levels remain elevated, and that’s where the trouble starts, especially in the realm of sexual health . Cortisol vs. Sex Hormones: An Unfair Fight High cortisol levels interfere with the production and function of our key sex hormones: testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. For men and people with testes, cortisol competes with testosterone, leading to lower libido, erectile difficulties, and reduced sperm production. For women and people with ovaries, elevated cortisol can disrupt the menstrual cycle, dampen arousal, decrease sexual desire, and contribute to painful intercourse or vaginal dryness. Essentially, when your body thinks you’re in danger, it puts reproduction and pleasure on the back burner. The Brain in Love (and Lust) Needs Safety Sex isn’t just about hormones. It’s deeply rooted in the brain’s emotional and reward systems. One of the most important players here is the limbic system, especially the amygdala, which processes fear and safety cues, and the nucleus accumbens, which processes pleasure and reward. Under chronic stress, the amygdala becomes hyperactive, which makes the brain more vigilant and reactive. This state is antithetical to the conditions needed for sexual arousal. Remember: Pleasure requires presence. If you're stuck in fight-or-flight mode, your body isn’t going to prioritize getting turned on. Stress Disrupts the “Pleasure Circuitry” The mesolimbic dopamine pathway—the brain’s pleasure or reward circuit—gets disrupted under prolonged stress. This system (a.k.a. the seeking system) includes the ventral tegmental area and the nucleus accumbens, and is responsible for generating feelings of motivation, anticipation, and reward. If you want to learn more about our core wired-in emotional systems and the role they play in sex and pleasure, you can read about them here. When this system gets dysregulated, we don’t just lose interest in sex—we lose interest in everything. This blunted reward response is part of what we see in depression and anhedonia, and it’s no surprise that stress, sexual dysfunction, and mood disorders often go hand in hand. The Vicious Cycle: Stress, Sex, and Shame Here’s the kicker: Not being able to have sex (or enjoy it) can create more stress. I see this all the time in my clinical practice. People come in feeling broken or ashamed because their desire has flatlined or sex has become a source of anxiety rather than joy. And shame, my friends, is a huge driver of stress. When we internalize sexual struggles as personal failures rather than physiological responses to stress and trauma , we reinforce the very stress that’s driving the problem. It becomes a feedback loop: Stress leads to sexual difficulties, which lead to more stress and shame, which further impair sexual functioning. Everyday Trauma and the “Death by a Thousand Cuts” of Modern Life In our fast-paced, high-pressure society, we’re navigating what I call “everyday trauma.” It’s not always the big-T traumas that wreak havoc—it’s the chronic, low-grade stress of being constantly plugged in, overextended, and emotionally undernourished. These small stressors accumulate, overwork our HPA axis, and erode our capacity for pleasure and connection. Sex, especially partnered sex, requires attunement, trust, and vulnerability—all of which are hard to access when we're just trying to keep our heads above water What Can We Do? The good news is that our brains and bodies are plastic—they can change. We can restore our capacity for pleasure and intimacy, but it requires intention. Here are a few things I recommend (also see this link for recharging your sex life): Regulate your stress: Practices like mindfulness, breathwork, yoga, and time in nature help calm the HPA axis and create the conditions for sexual arousal. Even short daily practices can make a difference. Reconnect with the body: Mindful self-touch, sensual movement, and embodied meditation can help you bring attention back to your body and reawaken desire. You don’t have to jump into sex—start with feeling. Challenge the shame: Talk about it. Name it. Shame thrives in silence. Whether it's with a therapist, a partner, or a trusted friend, giving voice to your sexual struggles is the first step toward healing. Here are some tips for talking about sex with your partner. Get curious instead of judgmental: When things aren’t working sexually, approach it with curiosity, not criticism. Your body is trying to tell you something. What would it mean to listen? Build safety: Whether through therapy, relational healing, or nervous system work, building a felt sense of safety in your body and relationships is key to restoring your sexual vitality. Prioritizing Pleasure Is Not a Luxury I want to leave you with this: There is nothing wrong with you if stress is impacting your sex life. You’re not broken. You’re human. In a world that’s often hostile to rest, connection, and pleasure, reclaiming your right to sexual joy is a radical act of self-love. This is an opportunity to focus on enhancing your erotic potential. So take a breath. Get curious. And remember: Your pleasure matters—not just as a luxury, but as a vital part of your emotional, physical, and relational well-being. Nan Wise, Ph.D., - Website - Blog - References Wise, N. (2020). Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life. Harvest. Twenge, J. M., Sherman, R. A., & Wells, B. E. (2017). Declines in sexual frequency among American adults, 1989–2014. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(8), 2389–2401. McEwen, B. S. (2007). Physiology and neurobiology of stress and adaptation: central role of the brain. Physiological Reviews, 87(3), 873–904

Breaking apart a family—especially a blended one—can be as emotionally complex as it is legally challenging. Living in Texas, you might know that blended families require 2 to 5 years  to truly adapt, during which period emotional strain is high. That’s where divorce therapy becomes essential—not just to heal, but to rebuild connection. 1. Healing Emotional Wounds Through Connection In a blended family, divorce doesn’t just affect the parents—it ripples through step‑siblings, co‑parents, and extended relatives. Children often feel confused and displaced; adults may struggle with guilt or resentment. Without a focused space to process, pain can fester. Therapy helps families: Speak openly about what hurts —naming resentment, fear, loyalty conflicts. Learn healthy communication patterns , shifting from silence or shouting to empathetic listening. Practice structured exercises —like family systems therapy—to rebuild bonds intentionally around shared values and rituals  Best Therapists Near You . This isn’t about “fixing” quickly—it’s about connecting deeply  to ensure each family member feels seen, heard, and valued. 2. Divorce & Blended‑Family Therapists: Your Local Resources The Resilience Center offers clients several therapists specializing in divorce and blended families. Licensed professionals, whether working individually or in groups, use family systems therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and even collaborative‑law approaches. These proven therapeutic strategies help families manage: Co‑parenting agreements Sibling rivalry Loyalty conflict Restructuring rituals and roles And most importantly—they vehicle connection  under pressure. 3. The Rise of Online Therapy in Texas For Texas families, online therapy has opened new doors: Access : From rural areas to busy Metroplex schedules, therapists are reachable via video. Flexibility : Sessions can fit around varied work schedules, after‑school routines, or travel. Consistency : You can keep working with the same therapist even if you move, switch jobs, or have unpredictable weeks. In Texas, state-level licensing encourages cross-region online care, enabling Texas‑based clients to consult experts from across the state (e.g., in Houston, Austin, or San Antonio) without waiting lists or long commutes. When blended dynamics need specialized expertise—such as dealing with step‑sibling conflict or complex custody transitions—online access can be a game‑changer. 4. Virtual Therapy + Insurance Coverage = Fewer Barriers One of the major hurdles families face is cost . This is why insurance-backed services, particularly online, are so valuable. Enter The Resilience Center . About The Resilience Center Renowned for offering individual, couples, and family therapy , with specialty areas including trauma, child/teen services, and family systems. They provide online sessions across Texas , meaning Texas families can benefit too. Impressively, they accept more than 35 insurance companies , including Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield, United Healthcare, Cigna/Evernorth, Oscar, Oxford, Tricare, and many more. Why It Matters Affordability : Therapy becomes financially feasible for more families. Choice : You get to choose licensed, evidence-­based therapists without worrying about out‑of‑pocket costs. Continuity of care : With in‑network therapy, families can focus on healing—not billing. 5. How Therapy Promotes Connection in Blended Families To reiterate, therapy helps families: Decode emotional patterns , such as a new step‑parent being perceived as an intruder. Establish new rituals , like shared meals or traditions that bridge two households. Teach co‑parents healthy collaboration , reducing conflict and modeling unity in front of children. Allow kids individual space , a safe place to express grief and fear without burdening a new spouse or sibling. The result? Families navigate transitions not only intact—but growing stronger together. 6. Tips for Texas Families Seeking Therapy Prioritize Early Intervention - Even mild tension during or after divorce can escalate. Starting with a few sessions early—before patterns become entrenched—makes a big impact. Seek Certified Experience - Look for LMFT or LPC therapists experienced in blended families or high‑conflict divorce—these clinicians deeply understand challenges unique to your situation. Leverage Online Flexibility - Busy schedules? Kids in different schools? Virtual allows more consistent attendance and reduces stress. Confirm Insurance Participation - With The Resilience Center of Houston accepting 35+ providers, it’s smart to verify if you’re in‑network. Many therapists now offer online benefit-check tools. Commit Together - Successful therapy involves attendance from all key family members—parents, kids, and stepparents. This shared investment fosters real connection. Final Thoughts Blended‑family divorce isn’t just a legal or logistical shift—it disrupts emotional ecosystems that took years to build. Whether its Therapy in Dallas, Therapy in Austin, Therapy in San Antonio, or Therapy in Houston, we help families repair , reconnect , and reconstruct  those ecosystems with intention. Online therapy in Texas , especially through providers like The Resilience Center , breaks down geographic and financial barriers. With in‑network coverage and expert clinicians guiding you via video. By choosing therapy, families say  “We’re worth the effort—not just individually, but as a whole.”  And that’s the foundation for futures not defined by divorce, but by resilience, shared purpose, and genuine connection. If your blended family is facing crossroads—especially during or after divorce—don’t wait. Reach out to a qualified therapist today, try a session online, and start forging a more connected tomorrow.

Listening to rage—not fearing it—can turn a wildfire into a guiding flame. Rage signals broken boundaries, unmet needs, or silenced truths—not personal failure. Moving anger through your body releases it safely and prevents emotional overload. Writing unsent letters gives voice to rage and restores your self-trust. When respected, rage fuels healing; when unchecked, it can harm and needs mindful support. We’re taught to suppress anger , especially rage. But what if that fire is your most powerful ally? It is possible to stop fearing your anger and start learning from it. Your fury might just be your clearest guide to inner freedom. Research shows that anger, when processed constructively, can boost resilience, clarify values, and motivate change (Kassinove & Tafrate, 2002). Here are ways to transform your relationship with rage and use it as a mental health tool—without letting it burn you or the people around you. See Rage as a Signal, not a Flaw Perhaps you've been taught that anger is bad. What if it isn't? What if it's an internal alarm system alerting you that something needs attention? Whether it’s a boundary violation, injustice, or internal misalignment, rage is a signal—not a character flaw. Rage is often treated like a dangerous defect, but it’s actually a messenger. According to McLaren (2010), emotions like anger carry vital information about boundaries and needs that have been crossed or ignored. Rage points to pain we’ve buried and truths we’ve silenced. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” ask “What is this anger trying to protect?” When you feel anger rising, pause and ask: “What truth is this fire pointing me toward?” Feel It in Your Body First Rage is physical—tight chest, clenched jaw, racing heart. Before trying to explain or justify your anger, notice how it lives in your body. Let yourself feel it in a safe, contained way. Moving it through the body helps keep it from spiraling in your mind. Take a brisk walk. Pound a pillow or towel. Shake your hands, stomp your feet. Do primal screaming in a parked car. This isn’t about losing control—it’s about releasing the pressure valve safely (Menakem, 2017). When your body can release the energy, your mind can process the message with more clarity. Journal the “Unsaid” Rage often builds from all the things we didn’t say. The swallowed “no.” The fake smile. The times we stayed small to keep the peace. Journaling is a powerful way to process these silences. Try this prompt: “If my rage could speak, what would it say?” “What boundary was crossed?” “What part of me feels betrayed?” Write it out. Let it be raw. You don’t have to send it. But reading it aloud to yourself relieves pressure. I began journaling by writing angry letters I wouldn't send. I’d reflect on times someone made me feel small or times I had to smile through someone treating me unfairly. Writing those letters helped me find my voice. Soon, that voice came through in appropriate ways in real time. Know When Rage Goes Too Far Notice if you're using your rage as a weapon instead of a tool to find the source of distress. If you're using anger to intimidate, control, or punish, it’s no longer helpful—it’s harmful. Healthy rage seeks clarity and justice. Unhealthy rage seeks domination or revenge (Lerner, 1985). If your anger leaves you ashamed or repeatedly damages relationships, it's best to seek support from a therapist. Let It Lead You to Rebellion—Not Ruin Learn the difference between reaction and response. There’s a difference between rebellion and destruction. Rage, when listened to, can lead to powerful, aligned action. You can rebel for your needs, not just against someone else’s. Remember, rage asks for movement, but not always action. Sometimes the best way to honor your anger is with a measured response—after the heat cools. Wait 24 hours before responding to a triggering situation. Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want?” Let your anger fuel clarity, not chaos. Use Rage to Rebuild, Not Just Burn Bridges My mom always cautioned me to never burn bridges. It's good advice. Rebellion isn’t always about burning it all down. Sometimes it’s about rebuilding in a way that works for you. Rage, when respected, can guide you to what you value most: justice, dignity, freedom. Let your rage lead you toward healthy boundaries, new habits, or long-overdue decisions. When chaos calms, make two lists: “I no longer tolerate…” “I now choose…” These statements can become guideposts for new boundaries, conversations, or self-honoring choices. There’s a quote I have on my desk: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” For a long time, I tried to control the weather inside me—stuffing it down, hoping it would go away. But rage, like a storm, doesn’t disappear just because you and I pretend it’s sunny. It wasn’t until I let myself feel it—really feel it—that I found power. I stopped bracing against it and started moving with it. I like to think of that movement as dancing. When you listen to your anger—not act from it reactively—you may find that it’s not there to burn your life down. It’s there to light your way. Michelle Tennant Nicholson, M.A., - Website - Blog - References Kassinove, H., & Tafrate, R. C. (2002). Anger management: The complete treatment guidebook for practitioners. Impact Publishers. Lerner, H. (1985). The dance of anger: A woman's guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships. Harper & Row. McLaren, K. (2010). The language of emotions: What your feelings are trying to tell you. Sounds True. Menakem, R. (2017). My grandmother's hands: Racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. Central Recovery Press. Wolf, K. (n.d.). The Way of the Magdalene. Retrieved April 29, 2025,

Anger with an expiration date. Emotional dysregulation can have profound consequences at home and at work. Anger is often a natural response to circumstances and should be acknowledged when it occurs. Managing anger by giving it a metaphorical expiration date can help to minimize the effects of anger. We can rewire our brains to dwell on anger in ever shorter segments of time. Anger is a common human response to perceived threats, injustice, or harm. While the emotion itself is valid and often necessary, the way we manage, and process anger has a significant impact on our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. After all, emotional dysregulation, particularly in the form of acute anger, can have profound consequences for interpersonal relationships, a work environment, even our ability to think and perform. Recently, while driving southbound on Interstate 95 in Miami, I encountered a situation that nearly caused a traffic accident. A car full of teenagers suddenly swerved in front of me, having clearly ignored more than a mile of signage indicating that drivers needed to merge left as the lane was ending. In doing so, they cut into the narrow space between my vehicle and the one in front, which had slowed down. I was forced to slam on my brakes to avoid a collision and came within inches of hitting them. After cutting me off, the teenagers proceeded to give me an obscene gesture. This aggressive behavior, paired with the danger they posed to the passengers in my vehicle, and spilled coffee, caused an immediate surge of anger. My reaction was visceral and instinctive: tightened muscles, elevated heart rate, and a rush of frustration and indignation. I felt entirely justified in my emotional response. They had endangered my life and the lives of others. In the past, particularly in my twenties, such an incident would have fueled extended irritation, replaying in my mind long after the moment had passed. However, what happened instead surprised me. I began to laugh—not out of humor, but from the realization of how differently I had come to respond to such provocations. My passengers laughed with me, not knowing why I was laughing, and we continued on our journey, emotionally intact, though we did express a few chosen words I won’t repeat here. I laughed because I reminded myself of a little trick I had begun to use years ago to deal with situations like this. I learned to manage anger by consciously assigning it a limited time to exist. This had come to me by happenstance in my thirties while looking at how many things in my house had an expiration date: milk, yogurt, aspirin, eggs, eye drops, even canned soup. And then it hit me, silly as it may seem, do the same with anger. Give it a metaphorical expiration date, a short shelf life, and after that, toss it out. This strategy evolved from the realization that prolonged anger served no productive purpose and often left me feeling drained and unpleasant for far too long. Rather than suppressing the emotion or pretending it doesn’t exist, I allow myself to feel it fully—but only for a specific, self-imposed amount of time. The process begins with acknowledging the validity of my anger: “I have a right to be angry. That driver almost caused an accident.” This validation is crucial, as it prevents the internal conflict that often arises from judging oneself for having strong emotions. After acknowledging the feeling, I take a deep breath and ask a simple but what turns out to be a transformative question: How long do I want to stay angry? Whether the answer is an hour, ten minutes, or forty seconds, the point is to introduce a cognitive framework that contains the emotional response. At first, it may seem odd, but have that conversation. What is it that I am upset about? Is it worth allowing it to dominate me? Because that is all anger does. You will find that having that conversation begins to reshape your response and to realize that some things just aren’t worth spending more than a minute on. Do it enough times and you will find, as I did, that it begins to rewire your brain and your responses. By turning anger into a timed event (temporal reframing), I shift from an emotional to a logical mindset. This cognitive reframing allows me to regain control over how I react and how much energy I expend. Over time, I found that the duration I needed to process these feelings shortened significantly. What once took 20 minutes might now take ten seconds. When the emotions occasionally resurface, I briefly revisit the event, reflect on what happened, and again set a firm boundary: one minute or 30 seconds maximum, whatever I deem, and no more. I have things to do, I move on emotionally and cognitively—time has expired. I have shared this method with others, who report that it has helped them manage a variety of frustrating situations—from everyday irritations like flat tires or broken appliances to more emotionally charged experiences such as disappointment or interpersonal conflict. This method does not deny or suppress emotion; instead, it honors the emotional experience while preventing it from becoming overwhelming or prolonged. It’s a simple, accessible approach to emotional regulation that anyone can use. Conclusion Anger is a natural and often justified emotional response, but when left unchecked, it can dominate our thoughts and negatively affect our interactions. Through conscious validation and the application of a time limit, it is possible to experience anger without becoming consumed by it. Giving anger an “expiration date” has allowed me to preserve my emotional energy, improve my relationships, and maintain perspective. It is a practice that continues to benefit me and, I believe, could benefit others seeking a practical tool for emotional self-regulation. Perhaps one day you too will find yourself laughing after an emotional event, wondering as I did recently, how much time those reckless teenagers deserved of my valuable time—mere seconds, as it turned out—they weren’t worth further aggravation or thought. Joe Navarro - Website - Blog - References Navarro, Joe. 2021. Be Exceptional: Master The Five Traits That Set Extraordinary People Apart. New York: Harper Collins. Navarro, Joe. 2014. Dangerous Personalities. New York: Rodale.

Mental health care is a crucial part of overall health, yet many individuals overlook it. Comprehensive mental health care involves various services aimed at improving mental wellness through prevention, early intervention, therapy, and support systems. Understanding these benefits can significantly impact a person's quality of life. The Importance of Comprehensive Mental Health Care Mental health care is essential because it not only addresses mental illness but also promotes mental wellness. A comprehensive approach includes a range of services—from therapy and counseling to medication management. According to the World Health Organization, mental health disorders affect approximately 1 in 4 people globally. Yet, many individuals do not seek help due to stigma or lack of resources. Comprehensive mental health care ensures that individuals receive tailored interventions suited to their specific needs. It effectively contributes to better outcomes, reducing relapse rates, and increasing overall well-being. This preventive approach can save individuals time and energy while creating a more resilient and healthier community. Holistic Approach to Mental Health Care Comprehensive mental health care focuses on holistic care, addressing each aspect of well-being—physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. Traditional methods often prioritize medication or therapy alone. However, a complete approach incorporates various treatments, including: Physical Health : Physical health is closely linked to mental health. Regular exercise and proper nutrition can improve mood and cognitive function. Social Support : Building healthy relationships enhances emotional well-being. Having supportive friends and family can provide a safety net for individuals struggling with their mental health. Mindfulness and Stress Reduction : Techniques like mindfulness and meditation can help individuals manage stress and develop coping mechanisms. Studies have shown that those who engage in holistic mental health services report improved life satisfaction and lower levels of anxiety and depression. Where can I go if I'm struggling with mental health? Finding help for mental health issues is essential, and there are various resources available. If you are struggling, a good start would be to seek professional help. Many facilities, including private practices, clinics, and hospitals, offer mental health services. Here are some sources to consider: Community Mental Health Centers : These centers provide affordable care, often on a sliding scale based on income. Online Therapy Platforms : If in-person visits feel daunting, online platforms offer therapy sessions via video chat or messaging. This can often be more convenient and less intimidating. Support Groups : Connecting with others facing similar challenges can be incredibly supportive. Groups can provide a sense of belonging and shared understanding. Local Resources : If you live in Texas, consider visiting the Resilience Center . They offer various services that can cater to individual needs. Finding the right support can make a significant difference in your mental health journey. Benefits of Early Intervention One of the most significant benefits of comprehensive mental health care is early intervention. Recognizing the signs of mental distress early can lead to more effective treatment and management. Here are some key points to consider: Reduced Severity : Early intervention can decrease the severity of mental health disorders. For example, identifying symptoms of anxiety or depression early on can prevent a downward spiral. Faster Recovery Times : Individuals who seek help promptly are often able to recover faster. This leads to a quicker return to work, school, or daily activities. Cost-Effectiveness : Addressing mental health issues early can save money in the long run. The costs associated with untreated mental illness, such as lost productivity and high medical bills, often outweigh the expenses related to early treatment. Programs aimed at early intervention can empower individuals to take charge of their mental health. Through education and awareness, communities can work towards decreasing stigma and encouraging individuals to seek help. Practical Recommendations for Seeking Mental Health Care If you are considering mental health care, it helps to approach the process with a plan. Here are some practical steps to ensure you receive the best care possible: Research Providers : Take the time to look up various mental health professionals in your area or online. Read reviews and gather recommendations. Assess Your Needs : Understanding your challenges can help guide your choice in professionals. Do you need therapy, medication, or both? Are you looking for support for a specific condition? Check Availability : Make sure the service you choose has availability to fit your schedule. Long wait times can deter individuals from getting help. Follow-Up on Initial Visits : The first visit can often determine the client-therapist relationship. Don’t hesitate to seek a different professional if the fit doesn’t feel right. Utilize Technology : Consider virtual therapy options if in-person visits are challenging. Many platforms offer flexible scheduling and comfortable environments. The journey to mental wellness is personal and unique. Taking actionable steps is the first move toward a healthy future. Final Thoughts on Comprehensive Mental Health Care Comprehensive mental health care presents numerous benefits, including a holistic approach to treatment, early intervention, and tailored support systems. Understanding the importance of mental wellness can significantly alter how individuals perceive their mental health journey. With the right resources and support, individuals can thrive and recover in a nurturing environment. Whether through community programs, professional therapy, or social support, the key lies in taking proactive steps. Prioritizing mental health care can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life. By acknowledging its importance, we can collectively work towards creating a society where seeking help is viewed as strength rather than weakness. Together, we can foster resilience, understanding, and support for everyone struggling with mental health issues.

More rest isn’t always the answer to your exhaustion. Fatigue is not just depletion, it’s intelligent communication. There are at least six distinct types of fatigue, each with different causes and needs. Cultural overemphasis on productivity drives people to override fatigue signals, often worsening the problem. Decoding fatigue leads to more than rest, it leads to alignment. Fatigue is often framed as a simple energy deficit, a message from the body that the battery is running low. The interpretation being: a problem to solve with more sleep, better nutrition, or a new supplement. But what if persistent fatigue is not just a mechanical malfunction, but an intelligent signal from the body and mind? Emerging research suggests that chronic fatigue, in all its forms and guises, often reflects deeper misalignments in how we live, think, and respond to our body and environments. Rather than seeing exhaustion as a flailing or faulty battery, we might begin to view it as a message, one that invites curiosity, not just correction. Fatigue as Communication, Not Just Depletion Our bodies are built to continually work towards equilibrium through complex feedback systems. When those systems are taxed—by physical demands, environmental strain, emotional suppression, chronic stress, or existential misalignment—fatigue often surfaces as an early warning signal. The concept of allostatic load (McEwen and Stellar, 1993) describes how cumulative stress responses wear down the body's adaptive capacity. Meanwhile, neuroscience shows that persistent activation of the stress response system, particularly the sympathetic nervous system, can exhaust both physical and psychological resources (Porges, 2007). Recognizing fatigue as feedback, rather than failure, allows for a more compassionate and effective approach. Instead of simply pushing through or assuming we need rest, we can begin decoding the type of fatigue we are experiencing and adjusting accordingly. The Six Distinct Forms of Fatigue We often talk about being ‘tired’ as if it’s one thing. But fatigue comes in many forms, each offering distinct information about what’s going on beneath the surface. Here are six common presentations: 1. Physical Fatigue Physical fatigue arises naturally after exertion, signaling the need for recovery. For many, this type of tiredness is familiar and even welcome. But clients I work with who live with conditions such as chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia often describe something altogether different: a fatigue that feels dense, leaden, and unrelieved by rest. Persistent fatigue that doesn’t shift with rest may be pointing to a more systemic imbalance, not just a need for sleep. One client put it succinctly: “I can wake up in the morning and feel like I've run a marathon in my sleep.” 2. Mental Fatigue This is the foggy, drained state that follows intense cognitive effort. It often appears in people navigating a high volume of decision-making, multitasking, or prolonged screen time. One client, a teacher, described it as “my brain stalls mid-sentence, I just can’t think.” Mental fatigue can also hint at deeper misalignment when the mind is engaged in tasks that don’t connect with personal meaning or values (Boksem and Tops, 2008). 3. Wired and Tired This paradoxical state combines exhaustion with hyperarousal. It’s a body that won’t stop, even when rest is desperately needed. People often describe being “tired but unable to sleep,” or “exhausted and jittery at the same time.” This often stems from prolonged activation of the stress response system (Porges, 2007), and doesn’t resolve with typical rest strategies. One client likened it to “running on fumes with the engine still revving.” 4. Groggy Boredom Fatigue This type of fatigue often presents as heaviness and apathy, particularly in environments that feel unstimulating or emotionally disengaged. It’s common in people stuck in repetitive routines or unfulfilling relationships. Most of us are familiar with the idea that yawning in company often elicits the joking retort, “Sorry, am I boring you?” Stephen Vodanovich, at the University of West Florida (2003), suggests boredom itself can generate a kind of mental and physical fatigue, particularly when there’s an absence of emotional engagement or meaningful stimulation. 5. Shutdown Sometimes fatigue reflects a nervous system collapse rather than exertion. This freeze response can follow prolonged overwhelm or trauma, and is marked by a deep sense of exhaustion regardless of activity levels, apathy, numbness, disconnection, and in some instances, even depersonalisation. Clients in shutdown often describe it as: “Feeling like I’m not really here.” “My body is offline.” While gentle activity may help, interpretation matters—mistaking this state for laziness or over-exertion can lead to inappropriate pressure and further distress. 6. Sickness-Induced Fatigue This is the heavy, foggy exhaustion that accompanies illness or inflammation. The body redirects energy toward healing, driven by cytokines and immune system activity (Dantzer and colleagues, 2008). Importantly, it is purposeful and requires rest, designed to support repair. Attempting to override it too early can delay recovery. Listening Instead of Overriding Modern culture often rewards ignoring fatigue in favour of productivity. Yet true restoration rarely comes from suppression or resistance. The challenge lies in interpretation. For those navigating anxiety , depression , CFS, or fibromyalgia, the signals can feel muddy. Rest may seem like the obvious answer, but if the root cause is emotional suppression, chronic stress, or internal misalignment, more rest won’t always help. By recognizing which form of fatigue is present, we can shift from symptom management to deeper realignment. Sometimes the antidote to fatigue is not more effort, but more truth, living in a way that aligns with the body’s authentic needs. Practices that build interoceptive awareness, such as mindfulness and somatic tracking, support this shift. They encourage a stance of curiosity rather than control, and have been linked to improved emotional regulation and well-being (Förderreuther and colleagues, 2020). Conclusion Fatigue is not the enemy. It is a messenger carrying vital information about the state of our inner and outer lives. By learning to decode its signals—physical, mental, emotional, and energetic—we open pathways not only to greater energy but to a more honest, embodied way of living. Kyle Davies BSc MPhil CPsychol - Website - Blog - References Boksem, M. A. S., & Tops, M. (2008). Mental fatigue: Costs and benefits. Brain Research Reviews, 59(1), 125-139. Dantzer, R., O'Connor, J. C., Freund, G. G., Johnson, R. W., & Kelley, K. W. (2008). From inflammation to sickness and depression: when the immune system subjugates the brain. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 9(1), 46-56. McEwen, B. S., & Stellar, E. (1993). Stress and the individual: Mechanisms leading to disease. Archives of Internal Medicine, 153(18), 2093-2101. Porges, S. W. (2007). The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology, 74(2), 116-143. Vodanovich, S. J. (2003). Psychometric measures of boredom: A review of the literature. The Journal of Psychology, 137(6), 569-595. Förderreuther, S., Schecklmann, M., & Göbel, C. H. (2020). Interoception and chronic pain: Implications for psychological interventions. Current Pain and Headache Reports, 24(10), 1–9.

Panic creates a sense of danger. A simple acronym can help restore a sense of safety. Simple and easily implementable strategies can stop panic in its tracks. Panic can convince us that we are in danger; restoring a sense of safety is essential for coping. The acronym SAFE can help us develop accessible skills for slowing down the nervous system during panic. When panic strikes, it can cause us to feel in danger. Although there is no actual physical harm than can be brought on by a panic attack, the body’s response can feel as though we are in the throes of a catastrophic and dire moment. Commonly experienced physical symptoms during panic attacks include shortness of breath; lightheadedness; blurred vision; shaking or trembling; sweating; racing heartbeat; tightness in the chest, back, or neck; and a need to urinate or defecate. When these undeniably frightening symptoms occur, we naturally feel that we are in danger, and our nervous system responds by overproducing its stress hormone, resulting in the types of sensations described above. Since danger is an accurate way to describe the feeling of a panic attack, we will use the short, simple acronym "SAFE" to illustrate what we can do to keep panic from taking over. SAFE represents the following steps that can be taken during a panic attack: stop, acknowledge, feel, and engage. Each one is simple, easy to implement, and always available to you, no matter when feelings of panic arise: Stop: First, we need to recognize that panic and its resultant physical sensations cause everything to feel like it is moving at lightning speed—hence, the often-reported feelings of dizziness and a racing heartbeat. So, the first step to take when we feel the onset of panic is to stop. This can be as simple as ceasing the task we are engaged in momentarily to create a sense of stillness. This “stop” then allows an opportunity to take a deep breath. Typically, we recommend what is known as a “Buddha breath,” which can be done by drawing a breath in deeply through the nose, allowing it to fill the belly, and releasing it slowly through the mouth, all the while paying attention to the breath itself. This breath can be repeated as many times as needed. This simple exercise will slow the nervous system down and the racing physical sensations will become less rapid in response. If you are in a situation such as driving a car when you feel a panic attack, you can pull over if it is safe to do so. The idea is to find an opportunity to stop the rush of panic and the physical feelings that accompany it. From stillness comes a chance to regroup and slow the physical sensations down. Acknowledge: Panic tends to convince us that we are in a situation from which we cannot escape and that we are in imminent danger. Essentially, panic lies to us and the body follows its (incorrect) cues by over-responding, producing myriad uncomfortable physical sensations. By acknowledging that we are, in fact, experiencing panic and not a more catastrophic physical issue, we can challenge the narrative the panic has untruthfully told us. Once you have stopped and taken your Buddha breaths, you might reassure yourself, “I am feeling panic right now. But I am safe.” This type of simple self-talk can soothe the racing mind and offer you a sense of safety that contradicts panic’s narrative. When the body hears a different, less-threatening message, it stops responding in such an urgent, sped-up fashion. Feel: In this step, we are essentially working to “come back into our body.” Panic can feel like an out-of-body experience, with many people reporting feelings of depersonalization or derealization (as if we are watching ourselves from outside of our bodies) during panic attacks. So, it is important then that we “re-enter” our bodies and, therefore, the actual moment, which is safe despite what the panic attack has led us to believe. Coming back into the body may be done as easily as placing both hands gently over the chest and heart area and tangibly feeling our physical being and body. This exercise can pull us out of panic and back into the safety of our own physical presence. Engage: When we are frightened, we have a human urge to run from the threatening situation (the psychological concept of “flight”). But, during a panic attack, we are better served by resisting the urge to flee, as running from it can lead to increased anxiety and feelings of isolation. A more effective response is to engage, either with trusted individuals in our lives or with a task or activity. This can restore a sense of normalcy and safety. This may require a bit of vulnerability, as it can be difficult to share when we are experiencing panic, but trusted people in our lives will likely meet us with support and comfort rather than with judgment. When we begin to feel soothed, panic and related sensations begin to fade. If you are experiencing panic attacks, remember that you are indeed SAFE and that there are some simple and easy-to-implement skills that you can use to stop panic in its tracks. Phil Lane, MSW, LCSW, - Website - Blog - References Kim Maertz. Panic/Anxiety Attacks: Identification and Self-Help Strategies. Mental Health Centre, University of Alberta.

Why leaders should structure productive conflict and how to do it well. Leadership is about encouraging strategic debate between team members. Encourage team members to discuss their ideas using an ordinal framework. Encourage team members to focus on “how” rather than “why.” On March 4, 1861, Abraham Lincoln became the 16th president of the United States. Lincoln could have appointed partisans to lead the nation during a looming crisis. Instead, he created a cabinet composed of highly opinionated, stubborn, and influential leaders. Lincoln selected former Republican Party rivals for three of the most important cabinet positions. He appointed Democrats to build bipartisan support: All six secretaries were more educated, better known, and had more government experience than Lincoln (Chervinsky, 2020; Goodwin, 2006). In other words, President Lincoln structured his leadership team to produce conflict. In this post, we will discuss we discuss why leaders should structure productive conflict and how to do it well. Boat Rockers Versus Bootlickers Adam Grant is an organizational psychologist at the Wharton School and the author of Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know (2021). He writes, “I’ve watched too many leaders shield themselves from task conflict. They tune out boat-rockers and listen to bootlickers. Research reveals that when firms perform poorly, CEOs who indulge flattery and conformity become overconfident. They stick to their existing strategic plans, which set them on a collision course with failure." Many people are uncomfortable around emotional conflict. They often call themselves “people pleasers.” They dislike being around critical, skeptical, and challenging colleagues. Grant suggests that leaders set the tone for productive conflict by differentiating between intellectual and emotional disagreements. One can be a “people pleaser” who wants to avoid negative emotions while welcoming vigorous intellectual debate over ideas that benefit stakeholders. Focus on the "North Star" When managing people in conflict at work, remind participants to focus their arguments on what we are calling the "North Star." In the case of a nonprofit, the North Star is the organization's mission. In a for-profit company, the North Star is the strategy approved by the board of directors. For example, B suggests a new way of dealing with customer complaints. A runs the call center and objects to the idea by saying, "Why fix something if it isn't broken?" Amid conflict, it is natural for team members to focus on how ideas impact their jobs or their teams. A leader's role is to move the discussion around the North Star. For example, "The Board has made customer retention a strategic priority. Please focus on how B's idea will or will not increase customer retention." Insist That Participants Frame Arguments in Ordinal Terms Conflicting perspectives are often framed in binary language. A binary framework is black/white. For example, “Why try to fix something that isn’t broken?” Something either is or is not broken. Framing a response in binary terms tends to polarize discussions. Leaders can reduce polarization by requiring participants to rate their level of agreement on a scale of 0-10. “A, you are saying that B's idea would fix a problem that, in your opinion, does not exist. Our North Star is increasing customer satisfaction. A, please assign a number for how critical B's proposal is in helping us achieve this goal, from 0 (zero impact) to 10 (guaranteed). "B, would you assign a number for how helpful this idea is for increasing customer satisfaction on the same scale?” How Versus Why Grant observes that one way of reducing emotional conflict during discussions is for the leader to ask participants to focus on “how” responses: “When social scientists ask people why they favor particular policies on taxes, health care, or nuclear sanctions, [people] often doubled down on their convictions. Asking people to explain how these policies would work in practice sometimes activated a rethinking cycle.” For example, in the conflict between B and A, one side focuses on why the new idea is important, while the other side focuses on why the new idea is irrelevant. Instead of focusing on “why,” the leader can ask A, “If you believe our level of customer satisfaction is 7 and we wish to make it an 8, how would B's idea achieve this goal or fail to achieve it?” Another option: “A, you say customer retention is 7. How do you propose we obtain the information to present to our Board of Directors? What other companies can we use as reference points to measure customer retention? How would we get that information?" Summary and Conclusions During a crisis, Lincoln structured his cabinet for conflict rather than consensus. This is an important lesson for leaders as they build teams and boards of directors. Teams are forums to debate ideas that advance the North Star. Leaders should encourage participants to frame opinions in ordinal terms rather than binary. “Why” responses should be discouraged, and “how” responses should be encouraged. Laurence J. Stybel, Ed.D., and Maryanne Peabody, RN, MBA, - Website - Blog - References L.M. Chervinsky. Abraham Lincoln’s Cabinet. 2020. White House History. D.K. Goodwin. Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln. NY: Simon & Schuster, 2006. A Grant. Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know. New York: Penguin Random House, 2021.

Why play therapy may be more beneficial than talk therapy for kids. Child therapists and parents are eager to utilize mental health services for children who are struggling with anxiety , depression , social and interpersonal skills, self-esteem, trauma , and major life stressors. Many turn to behavioral and cognitive-behavioral treatment modalities for children , as they are familiar models that are typically recommended and utilized by many therapists and school counselors. However, we know that young children, developmentally, often struggle with sitting on a couch to verbally identify their feelings, share, and understand higher levels of cognitive interventions. In interviewing Isabel Palmer, AMFT, at Aspiring Families, a Center for Mental Health and Wellness, about the efficacy of play therapy instead of traditional talk therapy, she immediately quoted: “Toys are children’s words and play is their language” (Landreth, G. L., 2002). What Is Play Therapy? In exploring play therapy further, Ms. Palmer shared that play therapy is a developmentally appropriate approach that allows children to express emotions, process life experiences, and build psychological resilience. Play is a child’s natural medium of expression, communication, and learning. It becomes a therapeutic tool to help children resolve challenges symbolically. In essence, by using puppets, storybooks, pictures, figurines, animals, and other play therapy tools, the therapist joins the child through play and imagination to understand and process their emotions. Hence, play therapy can be an effective therapeutic tool to help young children with emotional and cognitive processing during periods of stress, changes, or loss. It is important for us as therapists, parents, and counselors to remember that even though children are resilient and adaptive, they often lack the cognitive maturity needed to process the complex emotions they go through during periods of stress. Children aren’t always able to cognitively grasp the emotional and structural changes that accompany stress. Why Use Play in Therapy? Ms. Palmer emphasizes that this is where play therapy helps. It is an effective tool to help young children with emotional and cognitive processing. Play therapy aids children in resolving challenges through symbolic, developmentally appropriate play and fosters growth. Ms. Palmer highlights that, unlike regular play, play therapy is guided by a professional with specific therapeutic goals. It supports emotional regulation, confidence, and healing from trauma, anxiety, or behavioral struggles. Play allows children to make sense of their world and express what they can’t say verbally. In a therapeutic setting, it helps a child: Release and regulate emotions Rehearse real-life situations in a symbolic way Practice decision-making, problem-solving, and self-expression Strengthen social understanding and adaptability How Is Play Therapy Different From Play at Home? Home play is important for connection and creativity, but play therapy is quietly goal-directed and guided by a trained professional. As outlined by Ms. Palmer, the therapist uses clinical insight and techniques to help the child: Express and process emotional pain Build emotional regulation and resilience Improve behavior, confidence, and relationships What Is the Goal of Play Therapy? Play therapy allows children to learn new coping mechanisms so they can deal with their problems and unresolved trauma in healthy ways. The goal of play therapy is to work with children on complicated issues without overwhelming them in the process. The outcome of play therapy is to indirectly process their emotions and thoughts utilizing symbolic play and fantasy. Ms. Palmer explains how therapy goals are customized for each child to achieve common outcomes, including: Improved emotional regulation Higher self-esteem and confidence Processing grief, trauma, or major changes Better communication and social skills Coping strategies for anxiety and frustration Is Play Therapy Right for Your Child? Play therapy is effective for a wide range of challenges, including: Anxiety Sadness or depression Divorce, grief/loss, or life transitions Peer and other social challenges ADHD Autism Sensory processing issues Anger, emotional outbursts, and poor emotional regulation Self-esteem Why Play Works Play is the most natural way for children to process complex thoughts and feelings. It: Encourages emotional release without pressure Builds self-awareness and confidence Allows reworking of stressful experiences in symbolic form According to Ms. Palmer, research shows that therapeutic play engages brain systems responsible for emotional regulation, problem-solving, and social connection, making it a powerful method for emotional development (Siviy, 2016). Your Role as a Parent Parents are a vital part of the process, says Ms. Palmer. As a caregiver, you will: Participate in regular progress check-ins Support therapeutic goals at home Learn strategies that reinforce growth Learn to observe and play with your child This collaboration ensures therapy is effective both in and out of the session. Benefits of Play Therapy Ms. Palmer outlines how play therapy offers numerous benefits that support a child’s emotional and social development: By engaging in therapeutic play, children learn essential skills and strategies that promote coping, well-being, and healthier relationships. Processing emotions: Play therapy provides children with a safe space to articulate and understand their emotions, even when they can’t yet put them into words. Better self-esteem: Through positive reinforcement and successful problem-solving during play, children build confidence in their abilities and sense of self-worth. Anxiety management: Play therapy equips children with calming techniques and coping strategies and reduces feelings of fear, worry, and stress in challenging situations. Social skills: By engaging in role-playing and collaborative activities, children learn how to communicate effectively, share, and navigate social interactions. Empathy: Children develop a greater understanding of others’ perspectives and feelings through imaginative and interactive play scenarios. Conclusion Play therapy is a gentle, developmentally appropriate way for children to explore their feelings, work through challenges, and build resilience. If you have young children who are struggling with transitions, loss, grief , trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges, it might be beneficial to explore seeking guidance and support from a play therapist. Azmaira Maker, Ph.D., - Website - Blog - References Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship. 2nd ed. Brunner-Routledge. Siviy, S. M. (2016). A Brain Motivated to Play: Insights into the Neurobiology of Playfulness. Behaviour, 153(6-7), 819–844.