Search Results

The urgent need for improved care and research for treatment-resistant depression. Treatment-resistant depression (TRD) is a major but under-recognized public health concern. Many who live with TRD shift from one failed treatment to another, and some disengage from care altogether. Changes in care and coordination for TRD patients, new research shows, could improve their prognosis. Treatment-resistant depression (TRD) is a major public health concern that affects a substantial number of people, yet remains under-recognized in clinical care, policy, and research. It is associated with significant personal, social, and economic costs, as people with TRD often experience more severe symptoms, longer illness duration, and greater functional impairment compared to those with treatment-responsive depression . It also places considerable strain on healthcare systems due to frequent service use, hospital admissions, and complex care needs. Despite its prevalence and profound impact, TRD has not received the same level of attention as other mental health conditions. To help address this gap and further advance understanding in this area, we recently published a study examining the experiences, needs, and current treatment pathways of individuals with TRD. Our study drew on data from 2,461 people diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD) in secondary care in the UK, combining both quantitative analysis and qualitative interviews with patients and clinicians. The quantitative data provided insights into patterns of diagnosis, treatment use, and comorbidities. The interviews offered a more personal and grounded account of how TRD is experienced in real life. Characteristics of TRD TRD is typically defined as depression that has not responded to at least two different antidepressant treatments. In our sample, nearly half (47 percent) of individuals with MDD met this criterion. In addition to experiencing persistent symptoms of depression, many people with TRD were also managing other difficulties, such as comorbid anxiety , personality disorders , physical health problems like diabetes and cardiovascular diseases, and socioeconomic disadvantage. Approximately 37 percent of people with TRD had also tried four or more different antidepressants within their current depressive episode. This pattern suggests that repeated pharmacological interventions, in the absence of broader therapeutic changes, may be insufficient in addressing the complexity of TRD. Challenges Faced by Patients and Clinicians Hearing directly from people living with TRD helped deepen our understanding of these numbers. Many described the emotional toll of moving from one treatment to another without noticeable benefit. Over time, this repeated disappointment led some to disengage from care altogether. For one individual, their experience was summed up as “years lost to inactivity,” a reflection of how long-term depression can limit daily activity and connection. Clinicians voiced their own frustrations. Several described feeling that they had exhausted the available treatment options and lacked the resources or structured pathways to offer something different. Clinicians also noted that, compared to conditions like psychosis, services for TRD felt much less structured or supported. This left both clinicians and patients feeling unsupported and, at times, directionless. These observations point to broader systemic gaps in service planning and delivery, suggesting that current models may not be adequately equipped to respond to the complexity or persistence of TRD. These accounts speak to a wider problem. People with TRD were often less likely to be referred to community mental health teams and more likely to receive care in specialist or inpatient settings, typically at a point of crisis. This suggests a pattern of reactive care, where people receive more intensive support only after their condition has worsened, rather than earlier in the course of illness. Several people living with TRD described their care as a process of “trial and error” that lacked coordination and clarity. For some, this unpredictability made it harder to continue seeking help. Improving TRD Treatment Approaches These experiences suggest that we need to change how we approach and manage TRD in services. Both patients and clinicians identified key areas for improvement. Treatment plans need to be more tailored and holistic, combining medication with psychological therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy and compassion-focused therapy, depending on individual needs. TRD should be identified earlier so that people are not left cycling through medications without other forms of support. Care pathways also need to be clearer and more consistent, offering step-by-step guidance and continuity across time and services. Perhaps most importantly, people with TRD need to be supported in ways that go beyond symptom reduction, e.g., by focusing on improving everyday functioning, relationships, and overall well-being. If adopted, these changes have the potential to reshape care for a group that has too often been overlooked. Improving care for people with TRD calls for a more coordinated and considered approach. Isabel Morales-Munoz, Ph.D., - Website - Blog - References Read the full study: Gill K, Hett D, Carlish M, et al. Examining the needs, outcomes and current treatment pathways of 2461 people with treatment-resistant depression: mixed-methods study. The British Journal of Psychiatry. Published online 2025:1-8. doi:10.1192/bjp.2024.275

ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is often seen as something only children deal with. Yet, for many adults, the challenges of ADHD persist and manifest in various aspects of life. Navigating work, relationships, and personal growth can be overwhelming, but by embracing vulnerability and the strength found in community, those of us with ADHD can thrive. Let us explore five practical techniques that can help you manage ADHD as an adult, drawing on the wisdom of our experiences. Embrace Therapy with a Licensed Professional One of the most powerful tools in managing ADHD is therapy. Engaging with a licensed therapist can be transformative. Therapy provides a safe space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment. It’s more than just talking; it’s about gaining insight and learning strategies that fit your unique challenges. Imagine sitting in a warm, inviting office, discussing your daily struggles and triumphs. A compassionate therapist can offer tailored coping mechanisms that resonate with your personal journey. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in particular, is beneficial for adults with ADHD, helping you understand how your thoughts affect your behavior. If you're in Texas, consider exploring the therapy services at The Resilience Center of Houston , which offers a variety of options tailored to adults. ADHD brain waves Consider Medication as a Tool Medication can be an essential part of managing ADHD. The right medication can help improve focus, decrease impulsivity, and enhance emotional regulation. When it comes to finding the right fit, patience is key. Every individual's response to medication is different, and it often takes time to discover the most effective option. Consulting with a physician who understands ADHD can help you navigate this journey. They will work with you to monitor the effects and adjust dosages as needed. Remember, medication is not a cure but a tool to help you thrive. Adults diagnosed with ADHD often feel empowered when they find the right mix that allows them to harness their strengths. Through this medication journey, you might discover newfound confidence in your abilities. Collection of medication bottles representing tools for managing ADHD. Lifestyle Modifications for Lasting Change Change doesn't happen overnight. Implementing lifestyle changes can profoundly impact how you manage ADHD. Here are some actionable suggestions to start making positive modifications: Establish a Routine : Creating a daily schedule can provide the structure many with ADHD crave. Start small by designating specific times for tasks like work, exercise, and relaxation. Mindfulness and Meditation : Practicing mindfulness can enhance focus and reduce anxiety. Simple breathing exercises can ground you in the present moment. Apps and guided meditations can be helpful companions on this journey. Healthy Diet and Exercise : Nutrition and physical activity play a critical role in mental health. Eating balanced meals and incorporating exercise into your routine can increase energy levels and clarity. These modifications, while simple, create a ripple effect in your life, leading to better emotional stability and resilience. A serene park representing the importance of physical activity and nature for mental health. Cultivate Strong Support Systems The importance of having a strong support system cannot be overstated. A reliable circle of friends and family can provide you with encouragement and understanding as you navigate the ups and downs of living with ADHD. Building these connections takes time and vulnerability, but the rewards are truly worthwhile. Engage with those who understand and empathize with your experiences. Share your journey with them, discuss your challenges, and celebrate your successes. Having someone who listens without judgment can be profoundly healing. Small group of individuals sharing experiences and supporting each other. Stay Open to New Strategies and Adaptation Managing ADHD is not a one-size-fits-all approach. The techniques that work for one person may not resonate with another. It’s essential to remain open to experimentation. Stay curious and motivated to seek out what helps you thrive. Each strategy you adopt can contribute to a tapestry of care that is uniquely yours. Regular check-ins with yourself or your therapist can help evaluate what is working and what may need adjustment. Embrace flexibility in your approach and remind yourself that progress is not linear. As you navigate this path, remember that you are not alone. Many others share this journey and struggle, and there are resources available to assist you. Exploring tools online is a fantastic way to foster empowerment, but nothing beats personal connections. Before you know it, what once felt like an insurmountable hill can become a series of manageable steps. Each small victory deserves celebration. Finding Your Thriving Self In summary, managing ADHD as an adult requires a multi-faceted approach blending therapy, medication, healthy lifestyle choices, and community support. Each of these techniques empowers you to harness your full potential and leads to a more fulfilling life. The journey may not always be easy, but it is undoubtedly rewarding. Remember that you possess the strength of a resilient individual navigating through the complexities of life. To learn more about the resources available, visit the appointment page of The Resilience Center of Houston to get started on your path to thriving with ADHD. As you continue on this journey, know that you hold the key to your thriving self. Stay curious, stay engaged, and always reach out for support when needed. No matter the challenges you face, your story is worth sharing. Please note : The content provided here is for informational purposes only and does not substitute for professional advice from a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. Always consult with a professional for customized recommendations.

How boredom uniquely impacts ADHD—and what life looks like when it’s addressed. ADHD brains crave stimulation—boredom creates emotional distress, not just restlessness. Chronic boredom leads to impulsivity , avoidance, and a drop in motivation and self-worth. Responding to boredom with structure and curiosity rewires behavior and restores focus. For most people, boredom is mildly uncomfortable. For someone with ADHD , it can feel intolerable—like being trapped in a slow-motion moment you can’t escape. But this isn’t about being impatient or distracted. Boredom is a deeper struggle for those with ADHD, and it’s rooted in how their brains process stimulation, time, and emotional urgency. Why Boredom Feels So Intense with ADHD The ADHD brain craves stimulation. Not because of laziness or entitlement, but because of how it’s wired to regulate dopamine—the brain chemical responsible for motivation, reward, and attention. When stimulation is low—during routine tasks, waiting periods, or quiet moments—the brain can feel like it’s starving. This doesn’t just lead to restlessness. It causes distress. Tasks like filling out forms, sitting through meetings, or doing laundry don’t just feel “boring.” They feel painful. And because the ADHD brain has difficulty regulating emotion and time, that moment of boredom can quickly turn into frustration, agitation, or even hopelessness. Many adults with ADHD describe it as a kind of mental itch they can’t scratch—so they jump from task to task, reach for their phone, start multiple things at once, or give up completely. What Life Looks Like When Boredom Takes Over When boredom becomes a chronic issue, life starts to look scattered and emotionally draining. People may avoid important responsibilities—not because they’re incapable, but because the task doesn't generate enough stimulation to activate their brain. They might: Leave projects half-finished. Struggle with relationships that feel stagnant. Overeat, overspend, or scroll endlessly. Experience guilt for not “pushing through.” Feel constantly underwhelmed and overstimulated at the same time. Over time, this pattern doesn’t just impact productivity—it chips away at self-worth. Many adults with ADHD internalize the idea that they’re lazy, inconsistent, or broken. But the truth is: they’re wired differently. And once they learn to work with their brain, everything can begin to change. What Life Looks Like on the Other Side When someone with ADHD learns to respond to boredom skillfully, everything shifts. They begin to understand that boredom isn’t a sign of failure—it’s feedback. And they stop waiting for motivation to show up before getting started. With the right support, they build systems that provide just enough stimulation to stay engaged without burning out. They learn how to: Schedule stimulating breaks during low-interest tasks. Use curiosity to make boring work feel meaningful. Switch between tasks intentionally rather than impulsively. Create routines that reduce decision fatigue. Over time, they don’t just feel more productive—they feel more alive. Relationships deepen. Projects get finished. Life feels richer, more balanced, and more within reach. The Path Forward This transformation doesn’t happen overnight. For most, it takes 90 to 180 days of consistency to build new habits and internal systems that support focus, fulfillment, and emotional balance. And they don’t do it alone. With coaching, structure, and accountability, people with ADHD can rewire the way they relate to boredom—and in doing so, unlock their potential to live a calmer, more purposeful life. Ugochukwu Uche MS., LPC - Website - Blog - References Malkovsky E, Merrifield C, Goldberg Y, Danckert J. Exploring the relationship between boredom and sustained attention. Exp Brain Res. 2012 Aug;221(1):59-67. doi: 10.1007/s00221-012-3147-z. Epub 2012 Jun 23. PMID: 22729457.

Navigating the stormy seas of adolescence can be a daunting task. For many teens today, social media acts like both a compass and a windstorm, guiding their perceptions while simultaneously wreaking havoc on their mental health. With the rise of social media comes a consequential battle with depression that many young people face in silence. In this heartfelt journey, we will explore the intersection of teen therapy, social media, and depression, delving into why licensed mental health therapy is not just important, but essential for our teens. Understanding the Landscape of Social Media and Teen Mental Health In a world where likes and shares often dictate self-worth, it’s crucial to consider the impact of social media on our teens. Data shows that nearly 95% of teens have access to a smartphone, and 45% say they are online almost constantly. This connectivity provides incredible opportunities for connection and creativity; however, it can also lead to overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Social media apps provide constant connectivity for teens. Research indicates that excessive use of social media is linked to anxiety and depression in adolescents. Studies reveal that teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media may be at a greater risk for mental health issues. It’s easy to see why: the curated lives we see linked with likes and hearts can create unrealistic expectations, isolating many from the genuine connections they desperately need. The Silent Struggle: Understanding Teen Depression As a parent or educator, it can be heartbreaking to witness a teen struggling with depression. Often, they may seem withdrawn, irritable, or indifferent, and may even mask their internal battles with a brave face. Depression in teenagers can manifest as fatigue, changes in sleep patterns, and a lack of interest in activities they once enjoyed. Statistics show that teen depression is alarmingly common, with about 20% of adolescents experiencing depression before they turn 18. From mounting academic pressure to the heart-wrenching comparisons generated by social media, it’s easy to understand how these influences can contribute to ongoing emotional battles. Many teens might feel powerless, believing their feelings are something to be managed alone. However, this is where the importance of licensed mental health therapy comes into play. When teens have access to a supportive space, such as therapy, they can not only express their feelings but also begin to understand and manage them. Why Licensed Mental Health Therapy Matters for Teens Genuine support from a licensed mental health professional can make a world of difference in a teen’s life. Here are five compelling reasons why therapy is a vital resource: 1. Professional Insights and Techniques Licensed therapists are trained to understand the complex emotional landscape that teenagers face. They have the expertise to provide tailored strategies and insights, helping young people navigate their feelings and learn coping mechanisms. 2. Safe Space for Expression Therapy offers a judgment-free zone where teens can share their thoughts and feelings without fear. This safe space encourages authentic expression, enabling them to confront their challenges head-on. 3. Building Resilience Therapists can work with teens to foster resilience. Through exercises and discussions, kids learn how to bounce back from adversity and strengthen their emotional muscle, equipping them for future challenges. 4. Improved Social Skills Engaging with a therapist allows teens to develop better communication and interpersonal skills. These skills are vital not only in therapy but also in their day-to-day relationships, both online and offline. 5. Reducing Stigma around Mental Health When seeking help becomes a normalized topic, it paves the way for others in their circles to think about their mental well-being. This reduces stigma, encouraging emotional openness and creating an environment where seeking help is viewed as a strength, not a weakness. Therapy is not just a resource for those in crisis; it's a proactive approach for promoting mental wellness and overall happiness. As parents and educators, we must encourage our teens to embrace therapy as a positive step in their lives. Can Teens be Vulnerable Online? In our digitally-centric world, teens often find themselves trapped in a web of comparisons. Social media can lead them to portray perfect, filtered images of life, disconnecting from their true selves. It can amplify feelings of envy or inadequacy, leading to isolation and deeper emotional struggles. However, there is an empowering side to this vulnerability. Many teens have turned to online platforms to share their stories, connect with each other, and promote mental health awareness. These exchanges can be fueling a transformative movement, helping them discover they are not alone in their struggles. Parents and educators can support this movement by guiding teens in how to use social media thoughtfully, helping them recognize the difference between reality and the highlight reel portrayed online. Empowering Teens Towards a Healthier Mindset So, how can we as a community, parents, and educators foster a healthier mentality in our teens? Encourage Open Conversations : Create a warm environment where emotions can be shared freely. Ask teens how they feel about social media and their emotional well-being. Normalize Therapy : Discuss therapy openly. Share that just as we take care of our physical health, emotional health is vital too. Teach Mindfulness : Simple mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep-breathing exercises, can be beneficial. Apps like Headspace or Calm can offer teen-friendly resources. Limit Social Media Time : Encourage breaks from social media, particularly during emotionally taxing times. Establish 'tech-free' zones or hours in your home. PromoteHealthy Activities : Advocate for involvement in activities that nourish the soul, whether that’s sports, arts, or community service. These outlets can provide positive alternatives to screen time. At The Resilience Center, we understand the unique struggles teens face in today’s social media age. Our dedicated team offers various therapy services tailored specifically for adolescents. If you’re seeking support for a teen in your life, learn more about our teen therapy services and consider taking the first step towards helping them thrive. Embracing Hope and Recovery Despite the challenges social media can pose, there remains hope. Licensed mental health therapy can unlock a path to recovery and resilience for many teens. By addressing the issues at hand, encouraging dialogue, and providing support, we can create an environment that nurtures emotional health and well-being for our youth. Ultimately, recognizing the signs of distress and seeking intervention can empower our teens to navigate their unique challenges more effectively. Together, we can foster a supportive community dedicated to the mental well-being of the next generation. Therapy rooms provide a peaceful space for healing. If you’re ready to provide your teen with the support they deserve, it’s an excellent time to reach out. Contact us for an appointment request here and let’s work together to guide our teens toward a brighter and more resilient future. Remember, it’s okay to reach out for help; it’s a vital step towards wellness. By embracing understanding, creating open dialogues, and supporting our young people as they embark on their journeys through this complex world, we can help them discover their strengths, cultivate resilience, and find joy amidst the chaos of adolescence.

Move from arguments to productive conversations about raising your children. Parents may argue about parenting due to different childhood experiences, stress, and parenting philosophies. Parenting arguments get stuck because of the "Four Horsemen" communication patterns. Help everyone regulate first, validate feelings, and offer simple solutions that respect both parents. Do you and your partner have the same fights over and over about parenting? Maybe one of you wants a more intentional approach while the other trusts their intuition. Or perhaps you clash over discipline, screen time, or bedtime routines. These conflicts might sound familiar: You: "I wish you wouldn't yell at the kids." Partner: "I don't yell at them as much as you do!" or "Yeah, because you're such a perfect parent with all your reading and podcasts..." Maybe you don't even bring up these topics anymore because they're too triggering, leaving you in uneasy silence. If you're nodding, you're definitely not alone. In this post, we'll examine why parents argue, common disagreement areas, and strategies to work through these challenges together. The goal isn't to eliminate disagreements but to handle differences in ways that strengthen your relationship and model healthy conflict resolution for your children . Why do parents argue about parenting? Different childhood experiences shape expectations. How we were raised strongly influences our parenting beliefs. If you grew up in a strict household while your partner was raised to express opinions freely, you might disagree about children's roles in family decisions. These effects intensify when either parent has experienced childhood trauma , which can influence how they respond to their child's challenging behavior. Stress amplifies parenting tensions. When parents are exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed, small differences can quickly escalate. Sleep deprivation with a new baby or financial pressure can turn minor disagreements into major conflicts. Parenting philosophies often clash. Some parents value structure and clear rules, while others emphasize freedom and child autonomy. These fundamental differences in approach can create friction in everyday decisions. 6 common parenting disagreements Managing children's digital device use: Screen time has become a major source of parenting conflict. One parent might view technology as educational and necessary for the future, while the other worries about compulsive use and social development impacts. Both might want their child to transition from screens without meltdowns but disagree on methods. Bedtime boundaries: Parents frequently clash over bedtime enforcement, weekend exceptions, routine length, and handling resistance and night wakings. Food and nutrition concerns: Food choices often cause disagreements between parents. One parent might allow occasional treats while another maintains stricter nutritional standards. Food disagreements often feel intense because they touch on deep values around health, cultural traditions, and childhood memories. Parents may disagree about trying new foods, handling picky eating, using food as rewards, balancing nutrition at social events, and sugar consumption. Homework and academic expectations: Different definitions of success can lead to disagreements about homework help, academic pressure, and balancing achievement with enjoyment. These differences often reflect parents' cultural backgrounds and personal academic experiences. Discipline approaches: Discipline disagreements touch our deepest values and trigger strong emotions. Parents frequently argue about physical punishment, handling tantrums, when to enforce consequences versus show leniency, and whether to use rewards and incentives. When parents disagree on discipline, children quickly learn to play one against the other, undermining authority and creating confusion about boundaries. Conflicting parenting styles: Parenting styles reflect our core beliefs about raising children, and disagreements can turn everyday decisions into conflicts. According to Diana Baumrind, the four main parenting styles are authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved. When partners use different styles, conflict often follows, though these four categories aren't our only options, despite their popularity. Why do we get stuck in the same arguments? According to John and Julie Gottman, four communication patterns make resolution impossible. They call these the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": Criticism: Attacking character rather than addressing specific behaviors ("You always..." or "You never...") Defensiveness: Protecting yourself when criticized ("I let him have screen time because I needed to make dinner!") Contempt: Showing disrespect through sarcasm, name-calling, or eye-rolling Stonewalling: Withdrawing completely from the conversation Most arguments begin with criticism, triggering defensiveness, which may escalate to contempt or stonewalling, leaving everyone feeling discouraged and hopeless. How to resolve parenting arguments Strategy 1: Manage "in the moment" conflicts. When your partner disciplines in a way that concerns you, try: Help everyone regulate first: Move closer, perhaps placing a hand on your partner's shoulder to help de-escalate. Validate feelings all around: "It sounds like you're frustrated about the toys not being picked up" (to partner) and "It seems like you weren't ready to stop your game" (to child). Offer a simple solution: "What if we set a timer for five minutes to finish the game and then clean up together?" Strategy 2: Focus on feelings and needs, not judgments. Instead of "I feel like you're not taking parenting seriously," try "When we disagree about discipline, I feel worried because I need consistency in how we respond to challenging behaviors." Strategy 3: Use the validation ladder. Practice different levels of validation: Be present with full attention. Accurately reflect what you heard. Contextualize or equalize their experience. Make a proposal about their feelings. Express genuine empathy. Take action to support them next time. Strategy 4: Listen to understand, not to respond. Give full attention, reflect back what you heard, and validate their perspective, even when you disagree. Strategy 5: Take breaks when needed. If either of you becomes too emotionally activated, take a 20-minute break before continuing the conversation. Strategy 6: Create a culture of appreciation. Regularly express appreciation for what your partner does well in parenting and other areas. This builds goodwill and counters contempt. Strategy 7: Build a support system. Parenting books, classes, family therapy , or a community of trusted parents can provide valuable perspective when disagreements become entrenched. Strategy 8: Remember you're on the same team. Despite differences, remember that you both want what's best for your children. Approach disagreements as teammates with different perspectives, not opponents. Final thoughts The goal isn't to solve every parenting disagreement but to discuss differences without major conflict. Try different approaches, evaluate results, and adjust as needed. Even the most compatible parents disagree sometimes. The difference between struggling and thriving couples isn't the absence of conflict—it's how they navigate it together. What parenting disagreement would you like to approach differently with your partner? Jen Lumanlan, M.S., M.Ed., - Website - Blog - Book - References Lumanlan, J. Parenting Membership. Your Parenting Mojo. Greene, C. A., Haisley, L., Wallace, C., & Ford, J. D. (2020, July 23). Intergenerational effects of childhood maltreatment: A systematic review of the parenting practices of adult survivors of childhood abuse, neglect, and violence. Clinical Psychology Review. Durtschi, J. A., Soloski, K. L., & Kimmes, J. (2017). The Dyadic Effects of Supportive Coparenting and Parental Stress on Relationship Quality Across the Transition to Parenthood. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 43(2), 308–321. Gallagher-Squires, C., Isaacs, A., Reynolds, C., & Coleman, P. C. (2023). Snacking practices from infancy to adolescence: parental perspectives from longitudinal lived experience research in England. Proceedings of the Nutrition Society, 1–9. doi:10.1017/S0029665123003592 Lumanlan, J. (2025, April 20). Parent Conflict Over Discipline: How to Get on the Same Page. Your Parenting Mojo. Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior. Child Development, 37(4), 887–907. Gottman, J.M., Cole, C., Cole, D.L. (2019). Four Horsemen in Couple and Family Therapy. In: Lebow, J.L., Chambers, A.L., Breunlin, D.C. (eds) Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy. Springer, Cham. Lumanlan, J. (2024, April 14). How to get on the same page as your parenting partner. Your Parenting Mojo.

Depression can feel like an ever-present shadow, hovering above us, casting doubt and sorrow into our lives. You might be facing it yourself, or you may know someone who is. In a world that often emphasizes hustle and success, it's crucial to pause and acknowledge how our mental health impacts everything we do. Therapy with a licensed therapist is one of the most empowering steps you can take towards healing. Today, let’s explore the importance of mental health therapy and how it can nurture our well-being. Understanding Depression A strong understanding of depression is the first step toward treatment. This condition can manifest in numerous ways, and its effects can linger long after its onset. People often associate depression with feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or constant fatigue. However, it can also present as irritability, anxiety, withdrawal from social interactions, and physical symptoms like changes in sleep and appetite. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 19 million adults in the U.S. experience a major depressive episode each year. That's a staggering number! Yet, acknowledging that you're not alone is the first triumph on this journey. Depression can be debilitating. The Role of a Licensed Therapist Engaging with a licensed therapist can create a safe haven to express your thoughts and feelings without judgment. These professionals bring a wealth of knowledge, skills, and empathy to their practice. They guide you in exploring the roots of your depression and help you develop coping strategies tailored to your needs. Therapists often utilize different approaches—some might lean towards Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, while others might steer you into mindfulness practices. The beauty of therapy is that it is not one-size-fits-all; it’s an opportunity for you to find what resonates most and supports your healing journey. Five Compelling Reasons to Seek Therapy Personalized Care and Support No two experiences with depression are identical. A licensed therapist takes the time to understand your situation, emotions, and challenges. This tailored approach enables them to create a treatment plan that feels just right for you. You'll have a trustworthy ally who works with you, building a foundation for your recovery. Improved Coping Mechanisms One of the most invaluable gifts therapy offers is teaching you how to manage stress and anxiety effectively. Therapists provide practical tools that empower you, such as mindfulness exercises and deep breathing techniques. You’ll learn how to navigate the everyday challenges, turning potential triggers into opportunities for growth. Access to Professional Expertise Therapists are trained professionals who have a deep understanding of mental health issues. They stay updated with the latest research and techniques in the field. When you seek therapy, you’re not just gaining an ear to listen but expertise that contributes to your healing. This knowledge can make all the difference in your journey. Creating a Safe Space Therapy is a confidential space where you can discuss topics you may never share with family or friends. It’s a sanctuary for vulnerability. This sense of security allows you to express yourself freely, deepening your self-awareness and emotional resilience over time. Encouragement for Personal Growth Engaging in therapy means embarking on a journey of self-discovery and growth. You'll start to recognize patterns of thought and behavior keeping you stuck in despair. A therapist helps illuminate these areas, nurturing the courage to embrace change, fostering hope, and igniting the drive for a better tomorrow. Close-up view of a bookshelf packed with self-help books in a calming therapy environment. Finding the Right Therapist for You Finding a licensed therapist who aligns with your needs can be a transformative step. Consider factors like their experience, approach to treatment, and whether you feel a sense of connection during your initial meetings. In Houston, Texas, resources like The Resilience Center provide a wide range of services to support individuals coping with depression and other mental health challenges. Begin your journey by researching therapists in your area. Reading online reviews can offer insight, and don't hesitate to reach out for a conversation before committing. You deserve to find someone who feels right for you. Empowering Yourself and Others It’s essential to remember that seeking therapy does not denote weakness; on the contrary, it signifies strength and a desire to evolve. In a society that often stigmatizes mental health struggles, choosing to prioritize your well-being can inspire others to do the same. Share your story, break the silence. Together, we can create more open conversations around mental health, paving the way for collective healing. Eye-level view of a journal and pen placed on a wooden desk, suggesting personal reflection. Embracing the Journey As you embark on your path to healing, it’s important to acknowledge that recovery from depression is not linear. There are ups and downs; however, therapy with a licensed therapist provides you the necessary tools to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and courage. Whether you’re ready to seek help or supporting someone who is, understand that this journey begins with compassion—first for yourself and then for those around you who may also be struggling. Remember, every step taken towards understanding mental health contributes to a brighter future—not just for you, but for your community as well. If you're interested in exploring mental health services, visit The Resilience Center for more information about their comprehensive approach to therapy. You can also request an appointment here , taking that vital step toward nurturing your mental wellness. By fostering an open dialogue about mental health and dispelling the myths that surround it, we can begin to shift perspectives, ultimately building a more compassionate world. Let’s cherish and nurture our mental well-being together because, “We are the change we have been waiting for.” (B. Obama) Prioritize your mental health today—it might be the most beautiful gift you give yourself.

OCD's sneaky role in modern dating, from limerence to overanalyzing. Limerence can lead to obsessive thoughts, idealization, and missing red flags. OCD may cause overthinking about compatibility, leading to mental compulsions and disconnection. Fear of disclosing OCD can create anxiety around being misunderstood or judged while dating. When people talk about OCD and dating, we often hear about Relationship OCD (ROCD), which involves intrusive thoughts and compulsions centered around the relationship itself. However, what frequently goes unspoken is how OCD can show up before you’re even in a committed relationship. Dating in today’s technological world can feel overwhelming enough, but adding intrusive thoughts, difficulty with uncertainty, frequent feelings of doubt, and perfectionistic standards can make dating with OCD feel impossible. Let’s talk about a few ways OCD can impact dating before you even graduate from the “situationship” stage. Limerence: The Obsessive High Limerence, that intense, infatuated feeling early in dating, can be especially confusing for someone with OCD. This intense feeling can lead to obsessions and idealization. You may hyper fixate on the person and romanticize them, while ignoring red flags. Limerence can also lead to compulsive behaviors like constant texting, checking their social media or dating profile, or seeking reassurance from friends. However, like any emotional high, there is always a crash to follow. This may be intense feelings of disappointment if they are no longer interested, or your perception can shift to devaluation once they do something “wrong,” leading you to cut things off without thoughtful consideration. Compatibility Over analysis We know the OCD brain loves to overanalyze, so it makes sense that this would appear early in dating. If you're constantly scanning for flaws, comparing your connection to others, or ruminating on whether the person "checks all the boxes," you may be engaging in compulsive behavior. This mental checking loop can lead to feeling more disconnected from the person you’re dating, which will impact your ability to see if there is a genuine connection. Fear of Disclosing OCD A common theme among individuals with OCD is fear of being misunderstood or judged if they share their diagnosis and/or the content of their obsessions. I always validate this for my clients because it is true that OCD is hugely misunderstood, and there are harmful stereotypes associated with it. You might worry that you’ll seem like "too much," or fear the person will leave if they know this part of you. I always tell my clients it is their choice what, how, and when they share, and disclosure looks different for everyone. Perfectionism in Dating Many folks (not all) with OCD often also struggle with perfectionism, and this can show up in numerous ways in dating. Perfectionism leads us to have many “should” statements about others. For example, they “should have this kind of job” or “should look this way.” We are all allowed to have standards and preferences; however, with perfectionism, there tends to be less flexibility. This can lead to a smaller dating pool and a never-ending search for the “perfect” partner. On the other hand, there may also be a belief that you must show up as your perfect self on dates. This pressure can lead to self-judgment, shame, or even postponing or avoiding dating altogether. Intimacy and Vulnerability Fears Whether it's emotional or sexual intimacy, OCD can show up at inopportune times. When intrusive thoughts and obsessions are taboo in nature, this can also lead to feelings of anxiety and shame. Many individuals with OCD will avoid intimate moments due to the fear of intrusions popping up, which can get in the way of building an intimate connection with someone. Uncertainty About the Future "What if this doesn’t work out?" "What if I waste their time?" "What if I fall out of love?" These questions might start innocently, but they can quickly pull us into the OCD cycle. OCD lives in uncertainty, and dating inherently requires tolerating the unknown. For someone with OCD, this uncertainty can be difficult, triggering mental compulsions to predict, analyze, and prepare for every possible outcome. So, What Do You Do? Dating with OCD doesn’t mean you’re broken or unlovable—it just means you may need more self-awareness and compassion as you navigate it. It’s essential to speak to your mental health provider if you notice OCD getting in the way of dating. The goal isn’t to get rid of OCD so that you can date; it’s about understanding how your OCD can show up so you can respond skillfully, allowing you to develop that genuine and authentic connection you're looking for. Melissa Jermann, Ph.D., - Website - Blog -

Practical steps for finding core fears. Core fears drive OCD. Even when clients present with similar obsessions, underlying fears can be different. Effective ERP targets the core fear. Use tools like the CBT Downward Arrow technique to uncover core fears. You have a few new clients coming in today, all with OCD . The first client describes fears of contamination, sharing in detail their rituals and worries about contracting germs. You gather a lot of information during the intake and begin formulating a treatment plan in your head. Then, your second client arrives and describes the exact same concern. You pause for a second, thinking, what are the chances of the same symptom presentation back-to-back? Again, you gather information, validate the distress, and start building a plan in your mind. Finally, your third and last new client of the day comes in. And again, you hear the same obsessive fears. Same rituals. Same worries about germs. By now, you’re thinking, these symptoms are weirdly identical. It would make sense to assume you could apply the same treatment plan across the board, right? What if I told you I’d bet that all three of these clients are actually presenting with distinctly different cases of OCD? You might bet against me, thinking it would be an easy win. But here’s the catch: while each of these individuals are describing contamination fears on the surface, we haven’t yet uncovered what’s underneath. The rituals may look similar, or even identical, but the driving force behind them can be worlds apart. This driving force is what we refer to as the core fear. What Is a Core Fear in OCD? The core fear represents a client’s “worst-case-scenario,” the deeply held fear that drives all the ways their obsessions show up on the surface. Think of it like peeling back the layers of an onion. The outer layers are the obsessions: the “what if” questions, the intrusive thoughts, the doubts. But, as we peel those layers away, we eventually reach the center which houses the worst possible feared outcome the person imagines would happen if those thoughts were actually true. Let’s revisit the example from earlier in this post: three clients presenting with contamination concerns. On the surface, the outer layers of their “onions” look nearly identical. But as we start peeling back those layers, we begin to uncover what’s truly driving each of them. For the first client, the core fear is being responsible for spreading germs to loved ones and causing harm, or worse, death. For the second client, the deeper worry is that they might contract germs, become ill themselves and die, leading them to miss out on living a full and meaningful life. And, for the third client, the fear centers around experiencing intense feelings of disgust, a sensation so overwhelming and aversive that they feel compelled to do whatever it takes to avoid it. Core Fear Breakdown: Client A: I’ll be responsible for spreading germs to loved ones causing harm or death. Client B: I might become ill or die, meaning I’ll miss out on a living a full and meaningful life. Client C: Disgust. Why the Core Fear Matters in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy If we accept the symptoms at face value and only treat them as they appear without digging deeper to unmask OCD, we risk developing an ineffective hierarchy with exposures that miss the mark. ERP becomes more about checking boxes than helping clients face what truly matters to them. OCD is as clever as it is sinister. It relishes when its victims remain entangled in the web of obsessional content (a place where it would love for us clinicians to get stuck too). But if we follow its lead, we are often doing nothing more than tugging at strands of the web while the spider remains hidden at the center. The anxiety might shift or morph into a new obsession, but the underlying fear continues to drive the cycle. By identifying the core fear, we can ensure exposures are tailored to our clients’ unique fears, helping them to confront what truly feels most threatening. This allows the work to be more meaningful and more likely to lead to lasting progress and greater treatment outcomes. How to Identify the Core Fear One of the most effective ways to uncover the core fear is by using the CBT Downward Arrow technique. To stay consistent, let’s go back to our contamination examples. We might ask each client a series of questions like: “If it were true that you got contaminated and contracted germs, what would that mean to or about you?” or “What would be so bad about that?” The client responds, and we follow up with: “If that were true, what would it then mean?” We continue this process, peeling back layer after layer until we land on a worst-case scenario, a deeply personal belief or feared outcome that feels especially uncomfortable to confront. That’s when the real work begins. It can also be helpful to listen for themes. For example, does this person often feel afraid of being irresponsible? Of being rejected? Of causing harm? Or losing control? These patterns often guide us toward the core fear that is fueling the cycle. Conclusion Helping clients identify their core fears can be a transformative step in therapy. It opens the door for clients to gain deeper insight into their symptoms and the behaviors that follow. It also allows therapy to fulfill its true purpose: targeting the dominant fear that is interfering with the client’s quality of life and daily functioning. When we address these fears at their root, we empower clients to face their triggers, build resilience, and ultimately regain independence in the face of OCD.

Identifying bipolar disorder's "softer side" can be a challenge. It’s true. Bipolar disorder has a “softer side,” and that’s what makes the condition's diagnosis all the more challenging in people who have a wide array of what might be considered “finer symptoms.” Classic bipolar disorder is characterized by dramatic, extreme mood swings—from high “highs” (mania and hypomania, “I can do anything”) to low “lows” ( depression , suicidal thoughts, anxiety , paranoia). But what about people with symptoms considered more “common,” like periods of anxiousness, sense of uneasiness, irritability, boredom, poor decision-making, and feelings of meaninglessness intermingled with moments of energy and intensity, euphoria, a spurt of ideas, focus, brilliance, vision, and achievement? These are often missed in psychiatric examinations because they are not viewed as a connected whole. They fall beneath what might be called the “threshold of diagnosis,” failing to fit neatly within standard clinical tools like the Bipolar Spectrum Diagnostic Scale or the Mood Disorder Questionnaire. As a discernible condition, bipolar disorder is considered rare, affecting only about 1 percent to 2.8 percent of the population. However, if the softer forms of this mental condition are considered, its prevalence may be as high as 7 percent or 8 percent, some experts contend. Implications of Bipolar ‘Light’ Having “bipolar light” does not necessarily exempt one from both the negative and what some might call “positive” aspects of the disorder; as well as from the impact the condition can have on normal, day-to-day activities, including problems with intense anxiety; insomnia and wakefulness; substance abuse; and problems similar to those of autism spectrum disorder. As many as 50 percent of patients with bipolar disorder have abused drugs at some point in their lives. In more simple terms, bipolar disorder on any level, severe or moderate or mild, can be described as an energy imbalance; too much or too little during any given time period, that time period often lasting for several days in a row. With its elevated moods, the condition can spark tremendous productivity, speed of thinking and movement, obsessiveness, a flurry of new ideas, enhanced self-awareness, a drive for perfection, even over-excitement. Some of history’s greatest thinkers and artists—painter Vincent van Gogh, writer Virginia Woolf, composer Robert Schumann, actress Vivien Leigh, and author Edgar Allen Poe—are believed to have suffered from bipolar-related symptoms, accomplishing their greatest works during energy peaks. On the downside, the psychiatric disorder’s “highs” can lead to compulsive behaviors such as binge buying, poor judgment, irritability, and a general sense that people are moving much too slowly and, frankly, are in the way; this can result in a variety of life problems like aggressive driving and road rage. The patient is mentally moving at 100 miles per hour when everyone else is doing the speed limit of 55. Even more impactful is the condition’s “lows,” leading to feelings of hopelessness, disinterest in normally enjoyable activities, fear and paranoia and a gnawing, overall belief that what was achieved during the patient’s state of high energy was simply not good enough. A fear of falling short of perfection can stymie action, and activity. Patients with the disorder also may experience problems in personal and family relationships, exhibiting over-sensitivity to comments and situations and becoming estranged from loved ones. Treatment Approaches In its mildest forms, bipolar disorder can still leave people with an array of symptoms that no simple diagnosis will explain or standard therapy can address. Patients are left blaming their personality, childhood and family life, other medical conditions or even what some religions refer to as a “sinful nature” for their range of moods and reactions. To find peace, they oftentimes seek unconventional treatments such as ketogenic diets, ketamine infusion therapy for depression, LSD micro-dosing, cold showers, even spiritual retreats. When the condition causes difficulties in a person’s personal, professional, or work life, then medical assistance is needed. In analyzing these cases, physicians must go beyond what appears to be, at its surface, generalized anxiety or depression, because many of the medications for these more common psychiatric conditions actually can worsen the agitation in bipolar disorder. Psychotherapy also can prove helpful in managing mood swings, although the approach is much more effective with an accurate diagnosis. Meanwhile, tools that go beyond current diagnostic scales and questionnaires are needed to help practitioners recognize bipolar disorder’s less pathological, finer symptoms. That’s why we are developing a “Rockstar Bipolar Questionnaire,” which hopefully will prove clinically useful in illuminating the softer nuances of bipolar disorder. Greater awareness of “bipolar light” should give us increased understanding of what is normal, what is too little, what is too much, and what makes a person an incredible “Rock Star.” Alex Dimitriu M.D. - Website - Blog -

Setting achievable objectives in counseling is essential for both therapists and clients. Clear objectives provide a road map for the therapeutic journey, helping to track progress and maintain focus. In this post, we will explore the importance of setting therapy goals, how to create them, and the impact they can have on the counseling process. Understanding Therapy Goals Therapy goals are specific outcomes that a client hopes to achieve through their counseling sessions. They can range from improving emotional well-being to coping with specific life challenges. Establishing these goals helps guide the therapy process and determines the strategies that will be employed to facilitate change. When clients clearly define their therapy goals, they are more likely to stay engaged in the process. This alignment fosters a sense of ownership in their recovery journey and offers clarity about the direction of their sessions. Taking the next step for productive sessions. The Importance of Setting Achievable Therapy Goals Setting achievable therapy goals is crucial for various reasons: Motivation : Clear goals provide motivation for clients, encouraging them to take active steps toward their desired outcomes. Measurement of Progress : Goals help therapists evaluate progress effectively. They serve as benchmarks to determine if the client is moving in the right direction or if adjustments are needed. Focus : Goals keep both the therapist and client focused on specific outcomes, preventing sessions from drifting off-topic. Empowerment : When clients grasp what they aim for, they feel more empowered and engaged in their therapy, which can enhance the overall effectiveness of the counseling process. According to studies, clients who set clear and achievable goals in therapy often report higher satisfaction levels and improved outcomes. This demonstrates the significance of goal-setting as a foundational aspect of effective counseling. A person documenting their therapy goals in a journal for clarity and focus. Steps to Create Achievable Therapy Goals Creating achievable therapy goals involves several steps: 1. Identify the Issues The first step in goal-setting is to identify the primary issues the client wishes to address. This can involve discussions about their current challenges, feelings, and experiences. 2. Make Goals Specific Vague goals lead to vague results. Goals should be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, "I want to feel better," a more specific goal could be, "I want to manage my anxiety and reduce panic attacks over the next three months." 3. Use the SMART Framework One effective method for goal-setting is the SMART framework, which ensures goals are: Specific : Clear and well-defined. Measurable : The success can be quantified. Achievable : Realistic and attainable. Relevant : Connected to the client’s broader aspirations. Time-bound : Defined with a clear timeline. For example, a SMART goal could be, "I will reduce my feelings of anxiety by practicing breathing exercises for 10 minutes daily for the next month." 4. Involve the Client It's essential for therapists to involve the client in the goal-setting process. When clients feel they have a say in their objectives, they are more likely to commit to them. Encourage clients to reflect on their aspirations and express what they genuinely wish to achieve. 5. Revisit and Adjust Goals Goals should not be static. It's vital to periodically revisit these objectives and make adjustments as necessary. Life changes may impact a client’s aspirations, and flexibility in goal-setting ensures continued relevance. A close-up of a notepad outlining achievable therapy objectives for client sessions. Challenges in Setting Therapy Goals Although setting therapy goals is beneficial, several challenges can arise: Fear of Failure Clients may hesitate to set goals for fear of failing to achieve them. It is important for therapists to foster a supportive environment where clients feel safe exploring their objectives without fear of judgment. Overly Ambitious Goals Sometimes clients set goals that are too ambitious or unrealistic, which can lead to frustration and disappointment. Therapists should help clients to scale back and focus on incremental goals that lead to larger changes over time. Lack of Clarity Clients may struggle with articulating their desires or may not fully understand what they want to achieve. Facilitating discussions that probe deeper into their feelings and aspirations can help clarify these goals. The Impact of Achievable Goals on Therapy Success Achievable goals can significantly impact therapy effectiveness. Clients who engage in the goal-setting process often experience enhanced motivation and commitment to the therapeutic journey. Studies indicate that clients who have clear goals are more likely to attend sessions regularly and engage actively, leading to better outcomes. Therapists can utilize these goals as an opportunity to celebrate progress, no matter how small. Recognizing achievements reinforces positive behaviors and encourages clients to continue striving toward their objectives. Building a Collaborative Goal-Setting Environment Creating a collaborative atmosphere is vital for effective goal-setting. Here are ways therapists can foster this environment: Active Listening : Employing active listening techniques allows clients to feel heard and validated, which can enhance the goal-setting experience. Empathetic Responses : Demonstrating empathy can help clients express their concerns and aspirations more freely, leading to clearer goal articulation. Feedback : Providing constructive feedback on goals helps clients refine their objectives, ensuring that they remain relevant and achievable. By prioritizing collaboration, therapists create a partnership where clients feel empowered to work towards their own recovery. Moving Forward with Clear Objectives Setting achievable objectives in counseling is not just a therapeutic technique; it is a guiding principle that empowers clients to take control of their healing process. Clear, realistic goals serve as a beacon during the often tumultuous journey of therapy, providing both direction and motivation. Through proper goal-setting and a supportive therapeutic relationship, clients can work towards healing and self-discovery. For those looking to harness the benefits of structured therapy, consider discussing your goals for therapy sessions with a licensed professional who can guide you on this fruitful journey. As you embark on your counseling experience, remember that every small step forward is a victory worth celebrating.

There are ways to chart a meaningful life with chronic illness. Living according to one's values enhances well-being. Reflecting upon personal values and behaviors that are congruent with those values is a useful exercise. People living with illness can improve quality of life by defining their values and congruent behaviors. When most of us think about values, concepts like “justice,” “kindness,” and “courage” come to mind. While values indeed include overarching virtues by which we strive to live, they also encompass much more. Living a life of meaning, according to one’s values, can be a buffer against the negative impacts of depression , anxiety , and stress (Vyskocilova et al., 2015). In a 2019 study, researchers worked with people living with chronic illness to name their values and assess whether and how their behaviors aligned with these values (Lim et al., 2019). If you’d like to work through this study’s prompts at home, take out a pen and paper and follow along. Reflecting on values In this study, Lim et al. asked participants to think about what they considered most important to their well-being and health . Wanting to expand the idea of “values,” they offer six domains, inviting individuals to identify what is personally meaningful to them in each sphere. Using the domains below, write down your own personal values. The first domain is principles. This domain encompasses those big ideas that center us morally. For one person, authenticity might feel like an important principle. For another, forgiveness may be the preeminent guiding ideal by which they live. For still others, fairness or kindness may come to mind. The second domain is relationships. Which relationships give your life meaning? Which family members, friends, and acquaintances stand out as particularly life-enhancing? The third domain is emotions. What feelings or moods feel meaningful? Do you enjoy a feeling of peace and relaxation? Do you enjoy being excited and challenged? Which emotional states do you find yourself seeking? The fourth domain is activities. Which activities—in both work and leisure spheres—bring you the most joy? The fifth domain is abilities. Which of your abilities brings you meaning? Do you value your physical strength, your mental agility, your sense of humor? The sixth domain is possessions. Are there particular things (including spaces like your home or office) that feel meaningful to you? Note that these domains are likely to be intertwined. For example, you may value serenity (emotions domain) and recognize that you feel most serene when you are drawing (activity domain) in your garden (possessions domain). As you reflect on your values, be aware that what gives you meaning may not necessarily bring you happiness in the moment (Barney et al., 2019). For example, you may not particularly enjoy your exercise sessions, but you do enjoy (and value) the heightened energy, mobility, and fitness you gain as a result of these workouts. Make space for values that reflect both present happiness and an investment in future happiness. Finally, don’t get caught up in naming as values the things you think you should find meaningful (Vyskocilova et al., 2015). Be as truthful as possible. Identifying behaviors that support values Lim et al. next asked study participants to identify behaviors that supported their health and well-being and to ascertain which (if any) values are enhanced by these behaviors. If you’re following along with this exercise, you can use the six value domains and ask yourself, “What activities and practices in my life are congruent with the personal values I’ve identified?” You may be pleasantly surprised to find that many of your activities support your chosen values. For example, if you value certain relationships, it will be gratifying to see that you are making time to nurture those relationships. Notice where you don’t have a lot of activities supporting your chosen values. For example, if creativity is important to you and you only make art a couple of times a year, you might notice that discrepancy and make a plan to increase your art-making activities. When illness gets in the way People living with chronic illness may feel frustrated and sad that their illness limits their ability to live a more values-driven life. For example, if you are someone who highly values traveling to exotic places, it will be painful if illness forecloses this avenue of meaning. Perhaps, though, you can feel joy through reading travel literature, following Instagram accounts of adventurers, and writing about some of their memories of places you’ve seen. Is it the same? No. But there may be creative ways to feed the value of “adventure travel” in spite of illness-imposed limitations. Revisiting this exercise through time Vague dissatisfaction with life can often point to the need for more meaning (Vyskocilova et al., 2015). You can use this exercise throughout your life, anytime you feel dissatisfaction you can’t quite pinpoint. By reflecting on your values and considering where your behaviors do and do not support those values, you can point your inner compass toward a value-driven, meaning-laden life Katie Willard Virant, MSW, JD, LCSW, - Website - Blog -

Cheating can often be an expression of unspoken feelings. Infidelity, an ultimate betrayal, may sometimes be an effort at nonverbal communication. Cheating may be an expression of aggression or anger that cannot be put into words. Acting out instead of speaking up often backfires and leads to pain on all sides. Infidelity is one of the most painful breaches of trust in a relationship. Often dismissed as an act of lust or selfishness, there is usually a deeper emotional issue at play: cheating as a form of aggression and punishment. It is a way of acting out unexpressed anger , asserting control, or devaluing and diminishing their partner. This perspective helps us unpack the complex emotions and motivations underlying infidelity, especially where shame and dissociation play a significant role. The Aggressive Undertone of Cheating For some, infidelity is not about seeking connection outside of the relationship. It can be an immature, action-oriented form of communication—a way to say “I’m hurt” or “I’m angry” without using words. This passive-aggressive act bypasses direct confrontation and communication that may be challenging or inaccessible in favor of actions that seem like they speak louder than words, but unfortunately, wound far deeper. Many cheaters report feeling devalued, ignored, or lonely in their relationship, and in turn, they cheat as a way to take revenge on their partner. This devaluation may not always be a conscious choice, but it reflects an attempt to rebalance power or seek revenge for perceived slights. Infidelity may also be about punishing or dominating a partner—sending a message of dissatisfaction, resentment, or unmet needs. Unfortunately, this method of communication is inherently destructive, bypassing any opportunity for resolution and often creating a breach of trust that is difficult, if not impossible, to repair. The Role of Shame and Dissociation Shame often intermingles with the decision to cheat. A cheater may feel inadequate, unloved, or unseen in their relationship. Where there is shame, there is often dissociation. Dissociation, in psychological terms, involves a disconnection from one’s emotions, thoughts, or sense of self. When someone dissociates, they may act impulsively or in ways that feel disconnected from their usual values and behavior. During the act of cheating, dissociation can make it easier to rationalize or compartmentalize the betrayal. The cheater may convince themselves that their actions are justified or that they can maintain emotional distance from their infidelity. However, coping by disconnecting like this often crumbles when the betrayal is revealed, leaving both partners to confront a tangled web of emotions. A Point of No Return? One of the tragic realities of cheating on a partner is that it often marks a one-way turning point in a relationship. Cheaters may underestimate the gravity of their actions, losing sight of the fact that cheating can irrevocably damage trust. They may view their behavior as a temporary escape or a cry for help, failing to anticipate the profound consequences it will have on their partner and the relationship as a whole. For the betrayed partner, being cheated on can shatter their sense of security and self-worth. For the cheater, the act often leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. The pain and betrayal cut deep, making it difficult for both parties to envision a path forward. Yet, healing is possible, albeit difficult. The Path to Healing: Forgiveness and Atonement Repairing a relationship after infidelity requires immense effort and emotional labor from both partners. Healing begins with acknowledgment and accountability. The cheater must take full responsibility for their actions, not only apologizing but also examining why they chose to cheat instead of addressing their feelings earlier. This involves moving beyond shame and engaging in open, honest communication. The betrayed partner, if they choose to stay, must also embark on their own journey of healing. This includes processing their pain, rebuilding their sense of self-worth, and deciding whether forgiveness is possible. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the behavior; rather, it involves releasing the grip of anger and resentment to make space for potential repair. In some cases, the betrayed partner’s actions may have played a role in the dynamics that led to infidelity. The partner who committed the infidelity may have experienced some form of emotional neglect or feel they failed in their own attempts at resolving problems in the relationship. If this is relevant, it is crucial to approach these issues with compassion and a willingness to listen. This does not excuse the cheating but recognizes that relational wounds are often complicated and multilayered. In this way, the betrayed partner may have to play a role in seeking their own forgiveness. It can feel easy for the betrayed partner to feel like they have nothing to apologize for, but this attitude can serve to propagate the underlying relationship issues rather than resolve them. Moving Forward: Building a Stronger Foundation Couples who successfully rebuild after infidelity may find that their relationship becomes stronger than before. This requires both partners to commit to ongoing communication, vulnerability, and mutual support. Therapy can be an invaluable tool in this process, providing a safe space to explore underlying issues and develop healthier patterns of relating. While infidelity may feel like the ultimate betrayal, it is not always the end of the road. For those willing to confront their pain and do the hard work of healing, it can be an opportunity for growth, understanding, and transformation. Jason Shimiaie, M.D., - Website - Blog -